单亲

Single Parents S01E05

Part 4 Nov. 27, 2019, 11:46 a.m.

我们都没来得及去吓唬别人
We didn't even get to do a big scare.
没关系
It's okay.
我去睡觉好了
I'll just go to bed.
或者
Or...
你帮我把万圣节等级调回11
you help me dial this Halloween back up to eleven
让卡罗尔见识下谁才是真幼稚
and we show Carol who the real baby is.
不如你和我一起
What do you say you and I
把那家伙吓得哭爹喊娘吧
go scare the living crap out of that kid?
你觉得我们能吓哭他吗
Think we could make him cry?
他不哭我可不开心哦
I'll be disappointed if we don't.
玛丽怎么样玩得开心吗
Hey, how's it going, Mary? You having fun?
不贝尔很早就跳槽去私人事务所了
Nah, Baer left for private practice a long time ago.
我们还没换牌子而已
We just haven't changed the signs yet.
很意外啊
That's quite surprising.
你在干什么
What are you doing?
你不是在飞机上吗
Shouldn't you be on a flight?
为什么装扮成猫过来了
But you're here dressed as a cat?
有吗
Am I?
真奇怪
That's weird.
其实吧
Actually, you know what?
我今天没赶飞机
There is no flight.
我装扮成猫是因为今天是万圣节
And I'm dressed like a cat because it's Halloween.
虽然不怎么提起但是
And I don't talk about him much, but...
我有个七岁的儿子
I have a seven-year-old.
他什么都怕
And he's scared of everything --
仿真植物大号♥鞋子
fake plants, large shoes,
空购物车戴牙套的大人
empty shopping carts, adults with braces.
有时候他需要我
Sometimes he needs me.
有时候你以为我在复印室
Sometimes, when you think I'm in the copy room,
其实我是躲在厕所隔间和他视频通话
I'm actually FaceTiming him from a bathroom stall.
多数时候我都能平安度过
Most of the time, I get by just fine.
但有时我也分身乏术
Other times, I need to be in two places at once,
我朋友威尔被杀的事是假的
and I lie about my friend Will getting murdered.
如果你要炒我
Look, if you need to fire me...
就炒吧
go ahead.
但我的儿子在等着我
But my son's waiting for me.
我把他一个人留在了厕所还穿着垃圾袋斗篷
And I left him in a bathroom wearing a garbage poncho.
等等所以垃圾桶什么也没有吗
Wait, so there was nothing in the dumpster?
好他就在里面
Okay, that's his window.
去年
You know, last year,
你还太小不能做这些事
you would've been too young to do something like this,
我猜长大也不完全是坏事
so I guess getting older's not all bad.
我们去吓唬他吧
Let's light him up!
大伙都准备好了吗
Okay, guys. Everyone set?
准备就绪
Good to go.
准备开火
Locked and loaded.
等等你们往水枪里灌假血吗
Hold on. Are you filling those squirt guns with fake blood?
是吧假的
Sure. Fake.
烟雾小队就绪
Smoke team, check.
出发吧
Let's roll out.
你感觉如何蜘蛛格雷厄姆
How you feeling, Spider-Graham?
我感觉不到我的腿
I can't feel my legs.
其中四条是假的
Well, four of them are fake.
谢天谢地
Oh, thank God.
格雷厄姆
Listen, Graham.
我知道你现在很害怕
I know you're scared right now.
但有时直面心中的恐惧
But, you know, sometimes when we face our fears,
会发现其实并没有那么吓人
turns out they're not really that scary.
就像我直面自己要27岁时的恐惧
Like when I confronted my fear of turning 27.
然后28岁
Then 28.
然后29岁
Then 29.
等等
And...so on.
还有今晚我跟老板说我必须得来
And how tonight, I told my boss that I had to be here
因为你是我的全世界
because you are my whole world.
如果你没有准备好我们可以回家
So, if you're not ready, we can go home.
我们哪也不去
We're not going anywhere.
威尔把我吊起来
Will? Hoist me.
但猎豹最快时速高达75英里
But topping out at 75 miles per hour,
无疑是最快的陆地生物
the cheetah is far and away the fastest land mammal.
天呐你真是太迷人了
My goodness, you're fascinating.
学富五车还知道丹尼斯·弗兰茨
All that knowledge and you know Dennis Franz.
我给他的耳朵做过激光
I lasered his ears.
你真优雅
You are exquisite.
周五跟我一起用餐吧
Dine with me. Friday.
不好意思
I'm sorry.
你很帅很有魅力
You're handsome, charming.
通常来说正是我的菜
Ordinarily, so my type.
但在从"圈圈叉叉"那方面来说
But in terms of "Honk-honk, hubba-hubba,"
就是提不起我的兴趣
I'm just not there.
有什么困扰到我了我说不上来
Something's throwing me, I can't put my finger on it.
能恕我斗胆猜测一下吗
May I hazard a guess?
你眼中我还是花栗鼠的形象
You still see me as a chipmunk.
对就是这样
Yes, that's it.
现在这形象在我脑中挥之不去了
Now I can't get it out of my head.
如果我要选一种动物约会
I mean, if I were to date an animal,
我会选鹿或什么
it'd be like a deer or something.
理解
I understand.
这怪我女儿
I blame my children.
失陪片刻
Excuse me one sec.
等下就因为他为自己的孩子打扮成花栗鼠
Hold up. You're gonna walk away from this man
你就要考虑这个男人了
because he dressed like a chipmunk for his kids?
我不是什么好人
I'm not a great person.
好吧
Oh, well.
你犯大错了大错特错
Big mistake! Big! Huge!
我知道电影里基特没这么说
And I know, Kit doesn't say that in the movie,
但今晚她说了
but she does tonight!
怎么了跟你没关系这是原则问题
What? It's not about you. It's the principle.
我是个超大的吓人的蜘蛛
I'm a big, scary spider!
大海里有个得州垃圾岛
And there's a Texas trash island in the ocean!
-漂亮格雷厄姆 -太棒了
- Way to go, Graham! - Yes!
妈妈爸爸救命
Mom! Dad! Help!
我们该溜了
We should go.
好吧
Oh. Okay.
你们什么毛病
What's wrong with you?!
溜进我的院子吓唬一个八岁的男孩
You're sneaking into my yard to scare an eight-year-old boy?
讲道理是他挑起来的
To be fair, he started it.
你们是成年人了
You're adults!
还来这搞白♥痴♥恶作剧
You came here for some stupid prank,
把一群孩子用绳子吊起来
roping in a bunch of children,
其中一个还打扮得跟爱德华·路易斯一样
one of whom you've dressed up as Edward Lewis.
她看出来了
She got it.
总算有人看出来了
Someone got it.
女士
Look, ma'am...
为什么从孩子那偷来的糖特别甜
Why is candy so much sweeter when it's stolen from children?
我老板发来一条短♥信♥
Ooh, a text from my boss.
我得回去写完简报
I have to get back and finish the briefs.
好消息是我没被炒鱿鱼
Good news, I'm not fired.
特大新闻
Stupendous news!
我得回巴黎去了
I have to go back to Paris, where I'll become
去当首名美国驻法国大使
the first United States ambassador to France.
我知道万圣节已经结束了
I know Halloween's done,
但说实话这个人什么都经历过了
but honestly, this guy did everything.
红发佳人啊
So big. So red.
她简直有病
And so outta her damn mind.
如果不能
If she can't recognize
慧眼识英雄那是她的损失
something great when she sees it, her loss.
怎么你现在觉得我不错了有意思
Oh, so now you think I'm great? Interesting.
我说的是万圣节装扮
I was talking about the costume.
再说了那绝逼不是天然红发
And FYI, that was so not a natural red.
-别别别这样 -就不是
- No, no, don't -- don't do that. - It wasn't.