单亲

Single Parents S01E09

Part 2 Nov. 27, 2019, 11:46 a.m.

是《哥谭》的编剧
writes for "Gotham."
全五季吗
All five seasons? ‭
请不要逼我跟她们说话
Please, don't make me talk to them.
安吉这就是提示卡的作用
Angie, that's what the note card is for, okay?
你会发现我非常擅长聆听
I think you will find I have a pretty great ear for dialogue.
上面有数不清的舞台指导
There are a shocking number of stage directions,
不过我会尽力的
but I'll try.
"这会让孩子们有后颈部
"...which puts kids at risk for a permanent hump
永久凸起的风险
on the back of their necks.
也就是颈椎病"
It's called tech neck."
运动员归我
I got the jocks.
你真走运
Ugh. Lucky.
他们去哪了
Where'd they go?!
你可来了
There she is!
我的特邀发言人
Oh. My guest speaker!
我的演讲八点才开始
Okay, now, my speech isn't till 8:00,
所以我们有一个半小时
so that gives us an hour and a half
跟父母们寒暄
to mingle with the parents.
父母
Parents?
你不是说这是场知名度很高的盛会吗
You said this was a high-profile event.
没错所有单亲父母都来了
Uh, it is. Every single parent is here.
连杰西卡的妈妈都来了
Even Jessica's mom.
她从不参加这种活动
She never comes to these things.
不我不能和他们聊
Yeah, no, I can't go in there.
他们会生吞了我那些父母很崇拜我
They will eat me alive. Those parents worship me.
总是"德万医生你能治好我的孩子吗"
It's always, "Dr. Dewan, can you cure my kid?"
"德万医生你真性感"
"Dr. Dewan, you're so hot."
真的很烦
It's a real hassle.
莫妮卡
Monica?
他们只是普通人
These are just normal people
想好好享受不用带孩子的夜晚
trying to enjoy an evening without kids.
好吧
Okay.
又来了他们看见我了
It's happening. They saw me.
大事不妙
This is not good.
他们眼睛都不眨一下
None of them are blinking.
他们会在某时开始向我走来
They're gonna start to move towards me at some point.
有个妈妈刚刚舔了下嘴唇
One of the moms just licked her lips.
陷阱已经设好
All right, the traps are set.
我现在只用静♥坐♥
All I got to do is sit back
等待老鼠上钩
and wait for the rat to smell the cheese.
马克就是那只鼠
Mark's the rat.
陷阱真的吗道格拉斯
Traps? Really, Douglas?
我的电视与所有监控摄像头相联
My TV's connected to all the security cameras.
这栋房♥子中每个房♥间都在监视中
Every room in the house is being watched
就像《陆军野战医院》大结局那样
like the "M.A.S.H." Finale,
尤其是我的书房♥ 我把最值钱
especially my study, where I've laid out
最轻便的财产都放在那了
all of my most valuable, most portable possessions.
当目标开始偷窃大家都会看到
And when that Judas steals, everyone's gonna be watching.
为了保险起见我在一楼安排了一个人
As an extra precaution, I got a guy on the ground.
就是我我在一楼
It's me. I'm on the ground.
-放轻松 -开启放松模式
- Relax. - ‭Chill mode. Okay.
我是个"酒保"
I'm a "Bartender,"
但我的真实身份是来盯着马克
but I'm really just here to keep an eye on Mark.
只要有人告诉我他是谁
Once someone tells me who he is.
我觉得这个计划太烂了
Okay, I think this is a terrible plan,
比我那次带所有孩子去海滩还要烂
and I once took all the kids to the beach.
就当是他偷走了钢笔
Let's say he did steal the pen.
那又怎么样呢应该再给他一次机会
So what? He deserves a second chance.
这句话留到地球日再说吧
Save it for Earth Day.
他不是人他是个背后捅刀的混♥蛋♥
He's not a person. He's a backstabbing turd.
一定要抓到他
He must be taken off the streets.
这就像《超♥市♥特工》一样知道吗
This is like "Spy Games," You know? Yeah.
米基我不想给你泼冷水
Okay, Miggy. I hate to break it to you.
你抓不到马克的
Huh? ‭You're not gonna catch Mark.
那可说不好
You don't know that.
我就是知道
Yes, I do!
钢笔是我偷的米基
I stole the pen, Miggy.
米基纠结了
Ooh, Miggy conflicted.
"你知道依赖智能手♥机♥
"Did you know smartphone dependence
对大脑的影响
produces the same brain response
跟嗜赌成瘾一样吗
as a hard-core gambling addiction?
不要抱侥幸心理"
Don't love those odds."
你是认真的吗直接照着手卡念
Are you literally reading off an index card right now?
是的这是完整流程威尔给了我手稿
Yeah, it's a whole thing. Will gave me a script.
他什么都要写稿子
Ugh. He scripts everything.
他以为他是谁阿伦·索尔金吗[剧作家]
Who does he think he is, Aaron Sorkin?
不好意思我老公可是《哥谭》的编剧
Sorry. My husband writes for "Gotham."
威尔控制欲真强
Will is obsessed with control.
我来猜猜他带了一个木偶
Let me guess. He brought a puppet.
或是一个小型烟雾机
Or a tiny smoke machine.
威尔自己就是个烟雾机我说得没错吧
Will is a smoke machine. Am I right?
至少你的衣品
Well, at least you have better taste
比交朋友的品味要高
in clothes than you do in friends.
我很喜欢你这件无尾燕尾服套装
I am loving that tuxedo ensemble.
真的吗
Oh. Really?
当然了
Totally. ‭Yeah.
我不管我的心理医生怎么说
I don't care what my therapist says.
你们知道威尔带了一套手♥机♥服装
You do know that Will brought a cellphone costume
今晚穿吧
to wear tonight, right?
等下不知道
Wait, no!
-真性感 -我要死了
- Hot. - ‭I'm dying.
天呐还有什么八卦
Oh, my God. Tell us more.
他有一件山顶小学飞行员夹克
Oh, he has a Hilltop Elementary bomber jacket.
学校没有卖♥♥的也就是说这是他自己做的
The school doesn't sell those. That means he made it.
等下安吉
Wait. Angie.
你很幽默吗
Are you hilarious?
我觉得是的
I think I am.
我们之前从没有跟你聊过天
We've never really talked to you before.
其实有的好多次了
You actually have, like a hundred times,
不过没关系啦
but it's okay.
七点十五集♥合♥ 时间刚好
7:15 huddle, right on time.
签名搞得怎么样了
Okay, so, where are we with signatures?
直觉告诉我有十个了
My gut tells me 10?
-零个 -一个也没
- Zero. - ‭Nothing.
什么签名
What signatures?
真的假的一个新签名都没有
Really? No new signatures?
我这边成绩不错
Well, I'm doing great in my zone.
我和我们三姐妹相处得很愉快
I'm in with the We'vers.
什么真的吗
What? Really?
真没想到你不喜欢那些讨厌鬼的
That's surprising. You hate those mean ladies.
但是后来我发现她们懂我
Well, that was until I realized that they get me.
她们觉得我很幽默
They think I'm funny.
你才不幽默
You're not funny.
我嘲讽威尔的时候可逗了
I am when I'm dunking on Will.
有点伤人
Stings a little,
但是能让她们签字也值了
but hey, if it gets them to sign on the line.
可以让她们戴上徽章吗
Could you get them to wear the buttons?
不行不可能
No. No chance.
但是我们聊天的时候发现
But we've been talking, and we've noticed
你女朋友喝得很猛
that your girlfriend's hitting the sauce pretty hard.
你刚刚说"我们"吗
Did you just "We've" Him?
是啊
Yeah. I did.
我女朋友确实醉得站不稳了
Yes, my lady is on a bullet train to Wobble Town,
但是情有可原
but for good reason.
安你家孩子没有多动症
Anne, your kid doesn't have ADHD.
是你给她吃糖太多了
That's the sugar you pour down her throat.
我说过糖是毒品下一个
There. I said it. Sugar's a drug. Next!
都怪你酒别停
You did this. Keep 'em coming.
我家小孩还会尿床
My kid still wets the bed.
扎克你儿子25了带他看泌尿科
Zach, your son is 25 years old. Take them to a urologist.