单亲

Single Parents S01E10

Part 2 Nov. 27, 2019, 11:46 a.m.

没错很棒吧
Yeah. Isn't it great?
好了这两杯我都要
Okay, I'm gonna need both of these.
别走太远
And, hey, stay close.
真是个白色的圣诞
Talk about a white Christmas.
安吉
Angie!
一切还好吗
Everything all right?
你看上去压力很大
You're looking especially jacked.
欧文没打招呼就突然出现了
Owen just showed up unannounced
还给我带了礼物
with a gift for me!
我现在得包上一些你的东西
So now I have to wrap up some of your stuff
这样我看上去才不会像个毫不在意的混♥蛋♥
so I don't look like a total jerk who doesn't care!
这外套多少钱
How much for this jacket?
首先这是我的队服
Well, first of all, that's my team jacket
我还在当苏菲的足球教练的时候穿的
from when I coached Sophie in soccer,
一百万
so $1 million.
其次能等等吗
And, second, can this wait?
今天是平安夜
It's Christmas Eve.
-我得给苏菲包好多礼物 -等不了
- I got a ton of stuff to wrap for Sophie -- - No, it can't wait.
外面的每家店看上去都被抢了一样
Every store out there is a total mob scene.
你威尔·库珀
You, Will Cooper,
是我创造圣诞奇迹的唯一机会
are my only chance at a Christmas miracle.
所以你这是要求我帮你创造一个奇迹
So, you're asking me for a miracle?
没错
Yes! I am!
我需要把你的私人物品都装走
I need to Tasmanian Devil through your personal belongings
直到我找到一件合适的衬衫或是小饰品
until I find the right shirt, gadget, or tchotchke
能够挽救我的感情
that will save my relationship.
唯一不准拿的是打印机墨水
Only thing that's off limits is printer ink.
那很贵
It's very expensive.
-没关系 -把我家翻个底朝天吧
- That's fine. - Let's ransack my house.
你是我认识的唯一一个
You're the only person I know
在厨房♥里包礼物的人
who does their wrapping in the kitchen.
我喜欢用冷冻过的丝带来包礼物
I like working with a chilled ribbon.
我没时间去解开它了
You know, I don't have time to unpack that,
继续找
but just keep looking.
除了这一堆其他都能用
Well, you're welcome to anything except this pile.
这些是我给苏菲的礼物
Those are my gifts to Sophie.
等等
Wait.
洞洞鞋
Crocs?
洗手液
Hand sanitizer, a --
-一顶好莱坞帽 -没错
- A Hollywood hat? - Yeah.
老天苏菲说的对你真不会选礼物
God, Sophie's right, you do stink at this.
你怎么会是个在圣诞节敷衍了事的人呢
How are you someone who phones it in at Christmas?
你从来没敷衍过
You never phone it in.
我经常敷衍了事
I phone stuff in all the time.
有时我甚至懒到缩写单词
Sometimes I'll even lazily abbreviate words,
比如"没D[大]事"
like it's no big D.
看着我的眼睛
Will, look me in the eye...
好的
Yeah.
-看着我的眼睛 -看着呢
- In my eyes. - ‭I am.
告诉我
And tell me
这袋没牌子的牛肉干
that off-brand beef jerky
就是你能为你的宝贝女儿苏菲
is the best you can do...
找到的最好的礼物
...for your precious daughter, Sophie,
在圣诞节的早晨她只收到
on her one Christmas morning, comes but once --
当然不是好吗
Of course it's not, okay?!
我很擅长给礼物
I am an excellent gift giver!
找到完美的礼物
Finding someone the perfect gift
是最好的也是唯一的方式来表达
is the best and only way to say
"我懂你
"I get you, man.
我很珍惜你"
You are cherished."
所以
So --
我说谎了好吗
I lied! All right?
魔法箱不是米娅送的
The Magic Box is not from Mia.
是我送的
It's from me!
度过假期的诀窍
The trick to surviving holidays
只不过是分散你对自己情绪的注意力
is just distract yourself from your own emotions.
有些人喜欢在炉火前闷闷不乐
Some people like to mope in front of a fire.
我更喜欢在北极碗上不惜代价地去赢
I prefer to step on throats at the North Pole Bowl.
我本来还期待有平·克劳斯贝的歌♥
I was expecting more of a Bing Crosby vibe...
-分开 -可能还有一杯马蒂尼
- Break it up. - Maybe a decent martini?
别喝太多马蒂尼好吗
Hey, you know what? Ease up on the martinis, okay?
我和女孩们
Because the twins and I,
我们需要你神智清醒
we need you to be sharp
这样才有机会赢大奖
so I have a chance of winning the grand prize --
去高尔夫会所
access to the club's 19th hole.
求你了波比
Please, Poppy.
我只在画上见过
I've only seen it in paintings.
你邀请我只是因为你需要四个人凑数
So, you only invited me here because you needed a fourth?
严格来说是的
Technically, yes,
不过你想知道什么
but you want to know what's better
比一个人在家里痛苦更好吗
than being miserable at home?
帮我认识丹·马里诺
Helping me meet Dan Marino,
屈指可数能去高尔夫会所的人之一
one of the select few granted access to the 19th hole.
-我不知道那是谁 -我知道
- I have no idea who that is. - ‭I know.
那不重要
And it doesn't matter.
但你知道我认为什么很重要吗
But do you know what I think does matter?
你现在身边都是人
That you're around people right now.
这很好
That's good,
因为你之前在的地方不怎么好
because where you were headed earlier, that was bad.
不是什么好地方
It was not a good place.
好了上吧
Okay, step right up,
你是下一个
because you're next!
道格拉斯你给我报名参加成人套袋跳
Douglas, you signed me up for an adult sack race,
却没有提前问我
and you didn't ask me first?
-快点波比 -别搞砸了
- Move it, Poppy! - Don't blow this for us!
跳起来
Hop!
-天哪跳起来 -你耍我
- My God, woman, hop! - You tricked me.
-我不会忘的 -很好
- I'm not gonna forget this. - That's good.
利用你的愤怒碾压其他的家庭
Use that anger to crush the other families.
你刚刚是用屁♥股♥撞我吗
Oh, did you just hip check me?!
你想在医院过圣诞吗
You wanna spend Christmas in the hospital, huh?!
等等我不明白
Wait, so I don't get it.
为什么魔法箱成了米娅一个人的功劳
Why does Mia get all the credit for the Magic Box
但这和她一点关系都没有
when she has nothing to do with it?
米娅很努力的
Mia tries, okay?
但是苏菲长得太快了
It's just Sophie is growing so fast,
等到礼物从苏丹寄到这里
and by the time the stuff gets here from the Sudan,
她的兴趣又变了
she's moved on to something else.
我懂了
I guess I get that.
格雷厄姆迷上了《蝙蝠侠》乐高
Graham will be heavy into Batman Legos,
然后突然之间
and then wham!
变成超爱《星球大战》乐高
The next minute it's all about Star Wars Legos,
而我还拿着乐高罗宾坐在那里
and I'm sitting there with a Lego Robin in my hand
像个傻子一样
like a freakin' idiot.
确实很难受
It's the worst.
所以我建立了一套简单的方法
So I came up with a simple system
来拯救他们的圣诞节
that'll save Christmas for them.
听上去并不简单
It doesn't sound simple.
和《西部世界》一样难懂
It sounds like "Westworld" level confusing.
不难
It's not, okay?
米娅不知道我会重新包装她的礼物
Mia doesn't know this, but I re-wrap her gifts.
在上面贴了个标签 "来自爸爸"
I slap a tag on it that says, "From Dad."
然后把我准备的超棒礼物放进魔法箱
Then I take my awesome gifts, I put them in the Magic Box.
完美圣诞节就这么简单
And boom, perfect Christmas.
也许完美的圣诞节应该是属于你的
Maybe you deserve a perfect Christmas.
谢谢你真好
Thank you, that's very nice.
但是我家都是这么过圣诞的
But this is how we do Christmas in my family.
米娅是耀眼的人道主义者
Mia is the glitzy humanitarian,
而我只是个凡人
and I'm the guy on the ground.
做午餐
Making lunches.