单亲
Single Parents
第一季
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单亲
Single Parents S01E03
Part 3
Nov. 27, 2019, 11:45 a.m.
不 你不能休息 拉杰
No, you're not gonna go on break, Raj.
在我们找到小瓜合适的替代之前都不行
Not until we find a perfect replacement for Pickle!
就算要待一整晚我也不介意
I don't care if we have to stay all night.
只有七只备选
We only have seven to choose from.
那就从这开始
Then we'll start there.
马上就要打开啦
It's about to be lit!
你还是不会用开瓶器 对吧
You still can't use a corkscrew, can you?
她们能听见你讲话
They'll hear you, okay?
我不知道该怎么办
Look, I don't know what to do.
所有能分散注意力的方法我都用过了
I already used up all my best methods of distraction.
那 第一个女人的安排我懂了
So, I understood the first women's march,
但是 第二个人的是什么呢
but what was the second one about?
组织者并没有资源
The organizers didn't have the resources!
-你不用这么问 -我不知道
- You don't get to ask that. - I don't know,
但是第三个要直奔你家而去了
but the third one is coming straight to your house.
我要再看一下油管上的开瓶器傻瓜教程
I'm gonna watch this "Corkscrews for Dummies" video on YouTube
祈祷有奇迹发生吧
one more time and just pray for a miracle.
你看吧 我打算用
You do that, and I'm gonna go use
我最好的分散注意力大♥法♥
my best method of distraction.
我想在万圣节扮成公主 有什么提议吗
I'm thinking of being a princess for Halloween. Thoughts?
你想住在小盒子里吗
Do you want to live in a box?
你想在世界上做出改变吗
Do you want to make change in the world?
你想住在盒子里吗 宝贝儿 坐吧
Do you want to live in a box? Oh, honey, sit.
这个算是美国的吗
Is this one even American?
好了 你后面还有别的吗
All right, do you have any others in the back?
没有 先生 我们不会把多的豚鼠
No, sir, we don't keep secret extra guinea pigs
藏在店后面
in the back of the store.
想要来看看这些皮带吗
Have you had a chance to check out our leash selection?
好耶 皮带
Oh, goodie! A leash!
要不然我挑一条回家然后叫它小瓜
Maybe I'll take one home and call it "Pickle,"
还喂它宝石生菜
and I'll feed it little gem lettuce.
你这有豚鼠吃小宝石生菜吗
Do any of your guinea pigs even eat little gems?!
爸 我们不用非要今天就买♥♥新豚鼠
Dad, we don't have to get a new guinea pig today.
对 我们找到一条很棒的皮带
Yeah, we found a cool leash
上面有莱茵石 可以买♥♥这个
with rhinestones to buy instead.
但是皮带又不是豚鼠
But a leash is not a guinea pig!
-请注意 -道格拉斯
- Attention! - Douglas.
-大伙请注意 -道格拉斯
- Attention, everybody! - Douglas.
这点对你们来说很重要
It's important you know this.
这些动物在任何时候
It is possible that any one of these animals
都可能死去
can die at any moment,
但是这个见鬼的鼠舍
and this God-forsaken rat farm
都不能保证你能再买♥♥到一只合适的
will not guarantee a replacement!
对 你得 放在
Yeah. You have to -- put it --
我知道我在干什么
I know what I'm doing.
你只要
Just got to --
-这条皮带我买♥♥了 -好吧
- I'm taking the leash! - Okay.
但是得用你的薪水付钱了 拉杰
And I hope it comes out of your paycheck, Raj!
检查可能造成直肠壁撕裂
"Procedure may cause tear in rectum wall"?
照片可能被用于教学
"Photos may be used for teaching purposes"?!
只是来看一下
Just checking in.
等待室里有个男的
Also, there's a guy in the waiting room
一直在跟我和格雷厄姆说他的胃食管反流病
who keeps telling me and Graham about his GERD.
是吗 我正在看结肠镜检查的风险
Oh, yeah? Well, I'm just reading about colonoscopy risks,
其中之一是死亡
and one is death.
-所以 多谢 -怎么了
- So, yeah, thanks a lot. - What?
我又没逼着你大中午急吼吼地来做肠镜检查
I didn't force you to get an emergency midday colonoscopy.
其实就是因为你
You basically did.
作为格雷厄姆的妈妈 我要捍卫我的荣誉
I am defending my honor as Graham's mother.
好了 就这样吧
All right, that's it.
很多事情都可以怪我
I'll accept the blame for a lot of things --
苏菲的扁平足 没有报道飓风内特
Sophie's flat feet, the lack of coverage of Hurricane Nate...
只有一级 我们另有要事要做
There was a category-one. We had bigger fish to fry.
一级危害最低
我不明白 你是天气预报员吗
Okay, I don't understand. Are you a weatherman?
到底要我说几遍 很简单
How many times do I have to say it? It's very simple.
我是个待在家的天气研究员
I'm a stay-at-home weather researcher.
但我绝对不接受你怪罪我
But I will not accept the blame
害你坐在这穿着一件非常透的袍子
for you sitting here in a very see-through robe --
对不起
I apologize --
等着做肠镜检查
waiting to get a colonoscopy!
我要带格雷厄姆去做检查很奇怪吗
Is it weird that I was gonna get one for Graham?
对
Yes.
但是你竟然觉得受到了威胁不会太奇怪吗
But isn't it weirder that you were threatened by that?
我当然觉得有威胁了
Of course I was threatened!
就像是你要成为我孩子眼里的父亲
It feels like you're trying to be a father figure to my son,
他只需要我一个人
and I-I'm the only person he needs.
我是他的父亲 也是母亲
I'm his father and his mother.
上个父亲节 我自己出去
Last Father's Day, I took myself out
吃了一顿超好的早午餐
to a dope-ass brunch
还买♥♥了纸质的军事小说
and bought military fiction in hardcopy!
我
I --
我想让他有我就足够了
I want to be enough for him.
你做到了
You are.
父亲角色这方面 你做得很好
You're doing a great job as the dad.
说真的
Honestly.
你总是一副凶爸爸的样子
You give off angry-dad vibes all the time.
我看着你的脸
Like, I'm looking at your face right now,
就会想 "这个爸爸气坏了"
and I'm like, "That dad is pissed."
抱歉 我今天反应过度了
Sorry I overreacted today.
不 你才没有反应过度
No, you didn't overreact.
我只是从没见过格雷厄姆
I've just never seen Graham
和一个男人建立感情
legitimately bond with a man before.
我吓坏了
It's freaking me out.
他从没见过他爸爸
He's never met his father.
安吉 你就是格雷厄姆的全部
Angie, you have to know that you're Graham's whole world.
我和他之间无可否认的化学反应
The undeniable chemistry that he and I have
根本比不上他对你的爱
is no match for the love he has for you.
能不能别叫它"无可否认的化学反应"
Can you please stop calling it "Undeniable chemistry"?
本来就是这样
I have to call it what it is.
我不需要肠镜检查
I don't need a colonoscopy.
这一招太疯狂了
This was a crazy move.
我感觉好点了 甚至很冷静
I feel better. Weirdly calm.
镇静剂应该起效了 动手吧
Well, the sedative should've fully kicked in. It's showtime!
天呐 我要做肠镜检查了
Oh, my God, I'm getting a colonoscopy!
没错 奇怪的是很令人振奋
You totally are! It's oddly inspiring!
你是个称职的爸爸 安吉
You're a great dad, Angie!
今年万圣节我要扮成平阳
Okay, this year for Halloween, I will be Pingyang,
唐高祖之女
生于公元598年的中国武士公主
Chinese warrior princess born in 598 AD.
要借我的剑就说一声
And you let me know if you need to borrow my sword.
我们的任务完成了 敬平阳
I think our work here is done. To Pingyang.
敬平阳
To Pingyang.
-不 -酒呢
- No. - All right, where's our wine.
-他根本没给我们倒 -我要喝酒
- He never filled our glass! - I want wine!
-米基 视频管用吗 -不行 看
- Miggy, did the video work? - No. Look.
-你出血了 -怎么回事
- You're bleeding! - What's going on?
你在等别人来请我们喝酒吗
Are you waiting for a man to come buy us drinks?
你觉得我们不性感 所以忽视我们吗
Are you ignoring us because you don't see us as sexual beings?
不 你们很性感
No, you're very sexual.
我怎么会觉得你们不性感呢
How can I see you as anything but?
那你在等什么 怎么了
Well, what are you waiting on, then? What's going on?
要我跳过吧台自己倒酒吗
Do I need to jump over this counter and get my own wine?
别打我
Please don't hurt me!
他不会用开瓶器
He can't use a corkscrew, okay?!
我的天啊
Oh, my goodness.
让小孩替你说话 拜托 谁会那么蠢
Making a child defend you? Please! No one is that stupid.
我 我就是那么蠢
I am! I am that stupid.
垃圾桶里价值一千美金的
There's $1,000 of broken wine bottles
破酒瓶可以证明
in the trash to prove it.
太遗憾了 我真的想做好这份工作
And it sucks 'cause I really want to crush this job.
单亲
Single Parents
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