单亲

Single Parents S01E14

Part 3 Nov. 27, 2019, 11:46 a.m.

你知道和你一起玩有点压力山大
You know that hanging out with you can be...a lot.
我明白是怎么回事了
Okay, well, I see how it is.
告诉我你的真实感受
Tell me how you really feel.
有时候我们掏心掏肺
Sometimes we go deep, you know,
聊我的恐惧
and it can be exhausting
欲望还有童年让我非常心累
talking about my fears and desires and my childhood,
有时候我不想去思考
and sometimes ‭I don't want to think about
我父母是否彼此相爱
if my parents loved each other.
我只想放松放松
I just want to chill.
我希望你享受放松的时光
Well, I hope you have fun being chill
以及跟那个小屁孩
and cleaning out your inbox
和他的怪咖老妈重新建立友谊
with that toddler and his rando mom.
那条裙子是蓝黑的
And the dress is blue.
好消息
Good news.
你下单的解决矛盾员已到达
The conflict resolution you ordered has arrived.
我希望你能搞定
I hope you're right,
因为艾米刚刚把艾玛
because Amy has just put Emma
放到了分类网站上出♥售♥
up for sale on Craigslist.
算你走运我参加了朗达医生关于手足之争的
Lucky for you, I attended Dr. Rhonda's three-day seminar
三天研讨班
on sibling rivalry,
去听那样的讲座可不会
and you don't go to a convention like that
不记笔记
and not take notes.
我说得对吗
Am I right?
你参加了手足之争的讲座
You went to ‭a sibling rivalry convention?
你只有一个小孩
You only got one kid.
我们正在考虑养一只狗
Well, we're thinking about getting a dog.
我爸爸读完了所有的育儿书籍
My dad's read, like, every parenting book there is.
寻找你孩子的声音
学会接受失望
还写了几本
Wrote a few, too.
仍未出版
Still unpublished.
我们不用把这个广而告之
We don't...need to advertise that.
我只是很高兴终于可以用上
I'm just happy I finally get to use all that info
一直萦绕在我脑中的那些知识了
that's been rattling around in my brain.
等我为艾米洒几滴朗达之水
And then Amy will be all better
她就会没事了
once I sprinkle a little Dr. Rhon-dust on them.
听着我不需要知道香肠是怎么做出来的
O-Okay, listen. I don't have to know how the sausage is made.
让她们和好如初就行
Just make them one kid again.
我现在要去肤莱美
Now, I'm on my way to the Dermys,
折磨我的同事们
where I will be roasting my peers
直到我被弦乐四重奏打断
until a string quartet cuts me off.
等我回来时我希望已经解决了
When I get back, I want this fixed.
我们现在处于可以信赖的空间
We are now in a trustful space.
我们聆听彼此我们不用交谈
We listen to each other. We don't talk over each other.
我们不用语言交流
We're communicating without words,
正如人类在发明语言前做的那样好吗
which is what humans used to do before we invented language, okay?
不要中断眼神的交流
Now, don't break eye contact,
想一想你们在子♥宫♥时多么亲密无间
but think about the closeness you shared inside the womb.
我当时就该吃了你
I should've eaten you when I had the chance!
要吃也是我吃了你
I would've eaten you!
姑娘们姑娘们
Ladies, ladies!
好了好了
Okay, okay.
天啊
Oh, boy.
即使我只比你大三分钟
And even though I'm three minutes older than you,
我也珍惜你为我的妹妹和伙伴
I value you as a sister and a peer.
谢谢你
Thank you!
请允许我和你一起完成这个赞美圆圈
And now, allow me to complete the compliment circle.
你们花了半小时就是在做这个吗
This is what you guys were making for half an hour?
我讨厌这个
I hate this.
我比你更讨厌
I hate this more than you do.
你们俩根本没在尝试和好
You know, you guys aren't even really giving it a chance.
-闭嘴 -闭嘴
- Shut up. - Shut up.
把她们装在一件衣服里
Putting them in the same shirt?
这好像没用
This feels like a reach.
我在尝试好吗
I'm riffing, okay?
不过看啊至少她们在和对方说话了
But look, at least ‭they're talking to each other.
离我远点普通人
Get away from me, Average!
够了
That's it!
我要分手
I want a divorce!
没有我的话你出不去
You can't make it out there without me.
我才是有头脑的那个
I'm the brains.
重要的是她们是一起把衣服撕烂的
What's important is they did that together.
行吧
Yeah.
依照安吉所说和我一起玩
So, according to Angie, hanging out with me
就像是不戴耳机踩椭圆机[健身器材]
is like being on an elliptical with no headphones.
椭圆机
Ah, the elliptical.
我喜欢叫它"双槽老虎机"
I like to call that one "The Double Slot Machine".
米基你觉得我会让人压力山大吗
Miggy, do you think I'm a lot?
什么当然不会你
What? No. No way. You're, like --
等等从哪方面来说
Ooh, wait. In what context?
因为如果是说和你聊天相处的话
Because in terms of talking with you and being with you,
-确实压力山大 -你错了我放松得不得了
- you're kind of a lot. - You are way off. I am chill as hell.
我是一家植物园的会员
I have a membership to a botanical garden.
-那很放松 -没错
- Oh, that is chill. - Exactly.
实际上我要去安吉的亲子聚会
In fact, I'm gonna stop by Angie's playdate
让她看看我可以多放松
to show her just how chill I can be.
罗里你留在这
Rory, you stay here.
什么为什么我要错过精彩好戏
What? Why should I have to miss the drama
还要和米基待在这里
and be stuck here with Miggy?
哥们你可以和我一起去公园
Dude, you can come with me to the park,
我们可以给杰克寻觅朋友
and we can cruise for friends for Jack.
有对父子不知道
There's a father and son out there
自己马上要交好运了
about to get wiped, and they don't even know!
这肯定是场灾难
That's gonna end in disaster.
所以你知道我非去不可
So you know I'm in.
你还好吗爸爸
You okay, Dad?
我只是觉得精疲力竭
Yeah, I just feel depleted.
你吃维生素B12了吗
Did you take your B12?
当然
Of course.
我知道我们好像没帮上忙
You know, I know it might feel like we're not helping,
但我觉得我们有
but I think we are.
我没听见她们争斗了
I don't hear any fighting.
你们还在这吗
You guys are still here?
我们没事了
We're done.
艾玛走了
Emma left.
天啊争夺场面很难看
Man, it was ugly.
但最后小屋归我了
But in the end, I got the shed.
那她呢
What did she get?
等下艾玛去哪呢
Wait, where did Emma go?
比弗利山庄
当心
Watch out!
靠左边点
On your left!
销♥售♥代表
Representative.
销♥售♥代表
Rep-- Representative.
诺拉你把咖啡机的插头拔了吗
Hey, Nora? Did you unplug my coffee maker?
是的我的笔记本只有百分之十五的电了
Yeah, my laptop was at 15%,
你把所有的插头都给占了
and you're kinda hogging all the outlets.
销♥售♥代表
Representative.
你穿的是我的拖鞋吗
Are those my slippers?
是啊我的脚很冰所以...
Oh, yeah. My feet were really cold, so...
还有那个人是谁
And who's that guy?
兰尼我的会计
That's Lenny, my accountant.
你好
Oh, hi. Yes.
我想兑换我的奖励里程
I would like to redeem my miles.
我去开门
I'll get it.
肯定是找你的
I'm sure it's for you.
你好安吉拉还好吗我根本不在意
Hello, Angela. What's good? I don't even care.
谢天谢地你来了
Thank God you're here.
这个亲自聚会发生了奇怪的转折
This playdate just took a really weird turn,
我需要跟你聊聊
and I need to talk about it.
抱歉我来这不是掺和你的任何事
Oh, sorry. I'm not here to get into anything.
我只是过来安静地在你的桌子上付下账单