单亲

Single Parents S01E22

Part 2 Nov. 27, 2019, 11:47 a.m.

You fly in once a year,
给双胞胎带两顶头冠和签名卡片
and you bring the twins tiaras and an autographed card
也不知道是哪个小联盟的
of whatever minor league
棒球队员和你睡了...
baseball player you're sleeping with...
然后来找钱包之王
...and then you hit up King Wallet.
咱们直接说正事吧
So why don't we just cut to the chase?
我给你开张支票你就可以走了
I'll write you a check, and you can leave.
我已经不需要你的钱了
I don't need your money anymore.
-我在凯撒赢了一大笔 -凯撒皇宫吗
- I won big at Caesars. - Palace?
小凯撒
Little Caesars.
每天早上喝激浪的时候
I can't get my morning Mountain Dew
都要先去老虎机试试手
without hitting up their slot machine.
如果你不要钱为什么还要来
If you don't need money, then why are you here?
我希望你能让双胞胎
I want you to let the twins
和我在里诺过暑假
spend the summer with me in Reno.
和你
W-With you? Yeah.
没门
Okay, that's not happening.
双胞胎和我
T-The twins and I, we already
已经做好暑期计划了
have our summer planned.
我们要装一台按♥摩♥浴缸
We're building a Jacuzzi.
-姑娘们已经开始动工了 -道格拉斯
- The girls have already broken ground. - Douglas.
她们是我的外孙女
They're my grandkids.
我想她们
And I miss them.
她们都快八岁了
They're almost eight.
我亲爱的萝斯八岁那年上帝保佑
That's the year that I got my dear Rose, oh, bless her soul,
我给她买♥♥了第一双爵士舞鞋和第一副假牙
her first pair of jazz shoes and stage teeth.
-你的房♥间布置好了女士 -姑娘们
- Your room's ready, ma'am. - Girls,
你们想不想和我去里诺一起过暑假
how would you like to spend the summer with me in Reno?
有信用额度睡觉时间自选无限口香糖
I'll give you a line of credit, no bedtime, and unlimited gum.
-里诺 -里诺
- Reno! - Reno!
-里诺 -里诺
- Reno! - Reno!
-里诺 -里诺
- Reno! - Reno!
-里诺 -里诺
- Reno! - Reno!
明白了
I see.
除非所有合格的孩子都得了流感
So, barring a flu epidemic that hits all the right children,
否则我女儿就不能去太空营
my kid isn't going to space camp?
好吧
Okay.
谢谢你抽出时间克莉斯特尔
Well, thank you for your time, Crystal.
爱你
I love you.
抱歉我不知道为什么要说这个
I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from.
再见
Goodbye.
苏菲不能去太空营吗
Sophie isn't going to space camp?
什么
What?
为什么这么说
W-Why would you say that?
大W 是我
Big Dubs. It's me.
小G 我不能骗你
Oh, Little G. I can't lie to you.
我搞砸了苏菲失去了太空营名额
I messed up. Sophie lost her spot at space camp.
她会崩溃的
She's gonna be crushed.
她确实会很难过
Yes, she'll be sad.
但苏菲很明事理的
But Sophie's a reasonable gal.
如果你坦白她会理解的
She'll understand if you just tell her what happened.
爸为什么你坐在地上
Dad? Why are you on the floor
格雷厄姆还抚着你的肩膀
with Graham's hand on your shoulder?
其实吧苏菲你♥爸♥犯错了
The thing is, Soph, your father made a mistake.
他忘了寄押金非常抱歉
He forgot to mail in the deposit, and he is so sorry,
但你不能参加太空营了
but you're not going to space camp.
不我要去太空营
No, I'm going to space camp.
苏菲你好像没听明白...
Soph, I don't think you understand --
苏菲明白了
Soph understands.
苏菲非常明白
Soph understands very well.
现在你
And now you...
赶紧去
are going...
摆平
to fix it.
好的
'Kay.
看解决了
See, it worked out.
只要摆平就行了
All you have to do is fix it.
我只是觉得
Listen, about Reno. I just don't think
女孩们最好别去里诺
it's best for the girls to go.
让我猜猜一切都是你说了算吗
Let me guess -- you got this all handled on your own?
不我们挺好的
No, we do alright.
我们有一个系统
We have a system --
我爱她们害怕她们都挺好的
I love them, I fear them, it works.
还记得萝斯死后你留的语♥音♥吗
Remember the voicemails that you left after Rose died?
我存了几个
I stitched a few of 'em together.
芭芭拉有人在浴缸里大便了
Barbara, one of 'em pooped in the tub!
我不会打扫的你知道吗
I-I won't clean it! You know what?
我要把房♥子卖♥♥了
I'm just gonna sell the house.
芭芭拉艾玛刚刚吃了一只鸟
Barbara, Emma just ate a bird!
芭芭拉艾米在挥锤子
Barbara, Amy's swinging a hammer!
后面更可悲
They get more pathetic from there.
她们长大后怎么办
And what happens when they get older?
你知道你会面对什么吗月经
You know what's headed your way? Periods.
我应该能应付
I-I think I can probably manage.
她们去药店
So, they go to the drug store
跟药剂师说明情况
and they introduce themselves to the pharmacist
药剂师把她们领去
and he directs 'em to the...
-卫生巾货架然后 -不笨蛋
- sanitary napkin aisle, and there's a -- - No, dummy.
你自己也说了
You said it yourself.
她们需要一个女人
They need a woman.
听听
Here. Listen.
我不行了把孩子带走吧
I can't do this. Take these kids.
我不适合
I'm not built for this.
拜托
Please.
你得为女儿着想
You got to think about what's best for your girls.
你转过去
Now, you might want to turn away
我要解胸罩了
'cause I'm gonna let the hogs out.
等等等等不不
Wait. W-Wait. Wait. No, no.
兰斯·巴斯太空营
总部
别担心我们直接去找他们吓他们一跳
Don't worry. Showing up in person's gonna set us apart.
伟大的韦恩·格雷茨基说过
It's like Wayne Gretzky, The Great One, said --
如果不射门就肯定进不了
"You miss a hundred percent of the shots you don't take."
韦恩·格雷茨基
Ah, Wayne Gretzky.
杀手小丑
The Killer Clown.
那是韦恩·盖西
That's Wayne Gacy.
你妈都让你看什么啊
What is your mom letting you watch?
这些人都想进去吧
I think all these people are trying to get in.
他们都比我们先到
And they all got here before us.
好吧好吧
Cool. Cool, cool.
好吧
Cool.
感谢收看
Thanks for watching.
起飞前还有最后一件事
One last thing before I blast off --
兰斯·巴斯太空营的押金截止日期是
deposits for Lance Bass Space Camp are due --
3月1日
By, by, by March 1st
三二一
Three, two, one.
起飞
Blastoff!
你们饿了吗吃饼干吗
You guys hungry? Want any Goldfish?
小苏格雷厄姆
Soph? Graham?
在这呢《海滩之子我的海滩婚礼没有海滩》
There it is -- "Son of a Beach, My Beach Wedding Has No Beach."
不知道这书为啥算宣扬女权主义
I'm not sure how this book is feminist.
所以我们把它摆这么高
That's why we keep it up here.
-给 -谢谢
- Here. - Thank you. Appreciate it.
你能帮我策划这次婚礼真是太好了
It's really nice of you to help me plan this wedding.
你心里肯定不舒服毕竟你是
I know it can't be easy considering you're...
单身拜托
Single? Oh, please.
罗恩不要觉得
Ron, don't paint a picture like
我是个孤独的老太婆
I'm some lonely crone
没有任何行动
who's not getting any action.
我也在猎艳好吗
I am out there, okay?
我晚上经常有艳遇的
I am having nighttime encounters.
太真实了
That sounds real.
这是真的我会上街