单亲

Single Parents S01E02

Part 1 Nov. 27, 2019, 11:45 a.m.

好了这是本周的任务表格
Okay, here's the grid for the week.
山顶小学
周四罗里在老年之家表演
Thursday, Rory's performing at an old-folks home.
人家没要求但是他坚持
They don't ask, but he keeps going.
谁能接他
Can anyone pick up?
行我带雷厄姆看完过敏去接他
Yeah, I'll get him after Graham's allergy appointment.
你知道自己会对鸟类过敏吗
Did you know you could be allergic to birds?
所有鸟
Like all of them?
明天四点以后我真的需要
So, I really wanted to get a smoothie tomorrow
一杯奶昔
sometime after 4:00,
到时谁能看着杰克吗
if anyone could hold Jack then?
我可能没明白这个表格
Yeah, I might not understand the grid.
道格拉斯你负责孩子们的
Douglas, you have the kids
周六过夜派对
for Saturday night sleepover.
不要想着甩手不管
And no wriggling out of it.
我们不想再听你那些愚蠢的工作借口
We're sick of your stupid work excuses.
我是医生
I'm a doctor.
如果我不接电♥话♥ 会出人命的
If I don't pick up my phone, people die.
你是皮肤科医生
You're a dermatologist.
如果你不接电♥话♥
If you don't pick up your phone,
病人可以去商店买♥♥支乳膏
people go to the store and buy a cream.
周六过夜派对任务很重
Look, Saturday night sleepover's a lot,
但你能搞定的
but you can hack it.
我每周六晚上都一个样
I spend every Saturday night the same way --
两杯威士忌坐在桑拿房♥里
I have two glasses of scotch and I sit in my sauna
直到头晕眼花不省人事
until I'm lightheaded enough to pass out.
如果你们想让五个孩子目睹我这一切
Now, if you want five kids to watch me do that
然后他们礼貌地自行上♥床♥
and then they could politely put themselves to bed,
那没问题
be my guest.
-行谢谢 -太好了
- Yeah, thank you. - Great.
怎么样啊表格小组
What's up, Grid Squad?
我看到周二有我
I see I'm on the board for Tuesday.
我不会让你们失望的
I will not let you down.
放轻松这是照顾小孩的任务
Relax, it's a babysitting grid,
不是《兄弟连》
not "Band of Brothers."
当然了不过我能表示下自从参与此事
Okay, sure, but can I just say how much fun
我和你们所有人都相处得很开心吗
I've had with all of you since I got on this thing.
太多单独相处的时光
So many great one-on-one hangs.
米基的篮球传奇游戏
I mean, Miggy, epic game of basketball
用我的洗衣篮
with my laundry hamper.
嗯我像沙克·奥尼尔一样破了你妨碍
Yeah. I broke your hamper like Shaq. Unh!
很值得
So worth it.
波比教会我用性♥爱♥水晶
Poppy here is teaching me about sex crystals.
我会说现在我身上就有一枚
I will say I have one on my body right now.
位置保密因为相当不舒服
Won't say where, 'cause it's incredibly uncomfortable.
说明奏效了
That means it's working.
不过道格拉斯咱俩还没有
But, Douglas, you and I have yet
单独相处过呢
to have our one-on-one hang time.
嗯表格关系并非友谊
Yeah, well, see, the grid isn't about friendship.
是公事
It's business.
还是牵扯点友谊的
It's a little bit about friendship.
道格拉斯不需要朋友
Dude, Douglas doesn't want friends.
看看他一把老骨头了
I mean, look at him. He's old as hell.
我为什么要认识你
Why do I know you?
好了这样如何
All right, how about this --
咱俩现在就去找家牛排餐厅
you and I go find a steakhouse right now,
共享我们初次的牛肋排
share our first prime rib.
三分熟不要配菜
Rare. No sides.
-看着我朗斯 -我叫威尔
- Look at me, Lance. - It's Will.
现在是大早上八点半好吗
It's 8:30 in the morning, all right?
我才不要和你分牛排
I'm not sharing a steak with you.
你说得对主意很烂
Yeah, you're right. Silly idea.
不过换成百吉饼怎么样
But...what if it were bagels?
什么都比不上一个美味的粗裸麦面包
Nothing like a good pumpernickel.
算了你是对的不怎么样
Yeah, no, you're right, it's a bad idea.
忽略吧
Forget about it.
单亲
第一季第二集
好了过夜派对需要打包的差不多了
Okay, we are almost packed for the sleepover.
我给你准备了睡袋睡衣
I've got your sleeping bag, PJs,
还有几个开场白以免冷场
and some conversation starters, in case there's a lull.
皮克斯
"Pixar",
冰激凌浇头
"Ice-cream toppings",
安妮·海瑟薇是时候东山再起了
"Anne Hathaway -- is it time for a comeback?"
爸我不需要这些
Dad, I don't need these.
我是和朋友们一起
I'm hanging with my friends.
有道理苏菲我为你骄傲
You're right. Soph, I'm so proud of you.
才两个星期你就找到小伙伴了
A couple weeks in, you've already found your crew.
今晚我不在你没问题吧
You okay without me tonight?
开玩笑呢我有一堆事要做
Are you kidding? I got a ton of irons in the fire.
保龄球馆酒吧赛马场
Bowling alley, bars, horse track.
你只是罗列了几个场所
You're just naming places.
正确
Correct.
说不好我挺期待有个男人之夜的
I don't know, I was kind of itching for a guys' night.
都很久没有过了
I haven't had one in such a long time.
道格拉斯会来
Douglas'll come around.
是吧我们俩都有女儿
Right?! I mean, we're dudes with daughters.
应该成为朋友
We should be friends.
我就是找不到方式
I just can't find my way in there.
他就像是个七英尺高的情绪堡垒
He's like this 7-foot-tall emotional fortress
没有扶手和立足点让我攀登
with no handholds or footholds for me to climb.
我只能静候窗子打开然后
I just gotta wait for my window to open and...
拿着翻盖
Hold...the flippin'...
电♥话♥
phone.
不要什么情况
Oh, no. What's happening?
过夜派对就是那扇窗
The sleepover... is...my window.
爸你干吗这样说话
Dad, why are you talking like that?
你想啊苏菲
Think about it, Soph.
他独自一人受到限制
He's alone. He's confined.
他需要帮助带孩子
He needs help with the kids.
看我们一起想办法
Look at us, putting our heads together!
这事别拉上我
I don't want my name on this!
不敢相信过夜派对我还得工作
I can't believe I have to work on a sleepover night.
我发誓自己开公♥司♥
I swear, running your own business
就好像又有一个孩子
is like having another child.
嗯不过至少你的酒吧
Yeah, well, at least your wine bar
不会在你洗澡时坐在马桶上
doesn't sit on the toilet while you take a shower.
我希望今晚咱俩谁能有所收获
Well, I hope one of us is getting some tonight.
你还见工作中认识的那男人吗
You still seeing that guy from work?
欧文
Uh, Owen?
嗯他很不错
Yeah. He's great.
我们一起共事很愉快
We work really well together.
别忘了再过差不多十分钟
Oh, don't forget, we're singing "Happy Birthday"
-我给亚当唱生日歌♥ -我还没签卡片
- to Adam in like 10 minutes. - Oh, I didn't sign the card.
我帮你签了
I signed it for you.
很遗憾没有下文
Too bad it can't go anywhere,
因为我们的约会也就持续了90分钟
because our dates only ever last 90 minutes
然后格雷厄姆来电♥话♥说想家
and then Graham calls, all homesick,
需要我去接他
needing me to pick him up.
这时间足够我们在沙发上来一发
That's just enough time for sex on the couch
再看一集罪案实例纪录片《光滑的天井》
and one episode of that true-crime doc, "Slick Patio."
天呐我只看了三集
Oh, my God, I'm only three episodes in,
但要我说是那个弱智儿子干的
but I'm telling you, that slow son did it.
-不是吧 -等下只在沙发上做吗
- No kidding. ‭- Wait, only sex on the couch?
对我们从没坚持到床上过
Yeah. We've never made it to the bed.
但是这通常不应该是在床上吗
But the bed is where it all happens.
接吻搂抱解释你身上奇怪的伤疤
The kissing, the cuddling, the explaining your weird scars.
如果我的小孩准备好在外过夜
Yeah, well, I would be doing all that
我就能来全套了
if my kid were sleepover ready.
所以这都是因为格雷厄姆吗
So, this is all about Graham?
你好安吉
Oh, hey, Angie!
好波比我要借用下你的搅拌器