单亲

Single Parents S01E19

Part 2 Nov. 27, 2019, 11:47 a.m.

And it will be mine.
米基闭嘴这很重要
Miggy, shut up. This is important.
我需要一个成年人替我拍这顶贝雷帽
I need an adult to bid on this beret for me.
这个东西为什么
That thing? Why?
天啊老爷爷
Geez, Grandpa.
因为就像莫尼卡·莱温斯基
Because, like Monica Lewinsky,
韩星歌♥手崔珉豪杰克·尼科尔森饰演的小丑
K-pop singer Min-ho, and Jack Nicholson as the Joker,
我有风格你没有
I have style. You don't.
我采用早期风格你没有
I adopt early. You don't.
我引领潮流而你
I lead, and you...
毫无品味
have no taste.
如果你要这么刻薄那算了
If you're gonna be mean about it, forget it.
你妈可以帮你拍
Your mom can bid on it.
求你了
Please?
好吧
Fine.
女孩们跟着我
Follow me, girls.
乔斯林的爸爸在拍卖♥♥一件"陶瓷"
Jocelyn's dad is auctioning one of his "Ceramics,"
我有点儿想法
and I have thoughts.
租金看着没问题
Okay, rent looks good.
这个选项是什么
What is this tab labeled?
那是我的方便税不能动
That's my convenience tax. I can't touch that.
什么是方便税
What's a convenience tax?
为了让我生活更方便而多花的"税"
It's money I spend to make my life a little easier.
我忙着逗格雷厄姆
I -- I'm too busy juggling Graham
还有我的全职工作我的所有兴趣爱好
and my full-time job and all my hobbies,
就像呼吸睡觉喝水一样重要
like breathing and sleeping and drinking water,
所以有时候我会为一些必需品多花点钱
so sometimes I pay a little more for certain necessities.
哪些必需品食物吗
What kind of necessity? Like food?
外卖♥♥
Delivery, yep.
很多外卖♥♥ 一些快递
Lots of food delivery, some expedited shipping.
也许我会把车停在禁停区
Maybe I'll park in a red zone here or there or here again.
但是相信我这都是非常非常必要的
But trust me, it's all very, very necessary.
在加油站花八块买♥♥一夸脱的牛奶是必须的吗
Is it necessary to pay $8 for a quart of gas station milk?
如果我只要汽油和牛奶我就不用跑两个地方
If all I need is gas and milk, I'm not making two stops.
但不只是牛奶
Yeah, but it's just not milk.
你在加油站买♥♥厕纸电池
You're paying gas station prices for toilet paper, batteries...
调味汁
salsa?
如果杂货店开始卖♥♥汽油了
Hey, when the grocery store starts selling gas,
我就会去那里买♥♥调味汁
they'll start seeing my salsa dollars again.
我受够了
O-Okay, I can't take this anymore.
我要教你如何将"方便税"
I'm gonna show you how to turn your "Convenience tax"
变为冰球护具
into hockey pads.
但我要掌管你的生活
But I'm gonna have to take over your life.
好吧你的生活都归你
Fine. My life is all yours.
但我必须警告你
But I must warn you --
我的生活中有一个人会让你非常头疼
there's this guy in my life that's gonna be a real pain in your ass.
他叫道格拉斯
His name is Douglas.
你尽力了
You worked hard for that one.
我会让你享受生活的
I'm gonna let you enjoy it.
跑了两圈
All right, did two laps --
逆时针一圈顺时针一圈
a counterclockwise and a clockwise.
我不想让一条大腿太粗壮
I just don't want to overdevelop one thigh.
希望那对称的大腿已经准备好
Well, I hope those symmetrical thighs are ready
和忠实粉丝共进午饭了
to sit down and have lunch with an adoring fan,
因为拍你的人很多
because you are getting a lot of bids.
是吗
Really? I am?
那就好
Oh, that's such a relief.
有多少人拍我了
Okay, so, how much am I going for?
上百还是上千男女比例多少
Three figures? Four? What's the gender breakdown?
算了
You know what?
我不想知道
I don't want to know.
-跑圈去 -好主意
- Lap. - ?That's a good idea.
根本没人拍他
He hasn't gotten a single bid.
如果把主题换成
What if we change it to
和KZOP的威尔·库珀远足午饭
"Lunch and Hike with KZOP's Will Cooper,
他还会保养你的车
Who Will Also Hand Detail Your Car"?
或者改成"午饭...?"
Or "Lunch and a dot, dot, dot, question mark"
暗示午饭只是一个开始
Kind of implying that it starts with lunch,
但之后就没准了
but where it goes from there is unwritten.
你这是在说我爸
You're talking about my father.
对不起有的时候
Sorry. It's just really easy
真的很容易忘记你只是个小孩
to forget that you're a child sometimes.
我知道了
I know.
我来拍他
I'll just bid on him.
不行这是同情标
No! That's a pity bid!
我们需要真正愿意的人来拍他
We need a real person to win this thing.
-最后报价 -天我脑子一片空白
- Final bids, please. Final bids. - Oh, God, I'm blanking!
我想不出除我以外还愿意的人
I can't think of a single real person who isn't me.
我该找谁
Who should I put down?
一个吃午饭
Someone who eats lunch
而且能装成KZOP威尔·库珀的粉丝
and can act like a fan of KZOP's Will Cooper.
我又不认识演员
I don't know any actors! ?
其实
Actually...
等一下
wait a minute.
比斯奇思博士我给你准备了一个角色
Dr. Biscuits, have I got a role for you.
洗耳恭听
I'm listening.
比斯奇思博士表演课老师
对不起班克斯女士我不会演粉丝
I'm sorry, Ms. Banks. I won't play a fan.
拜托比斯奇思博士
Oh, please, Dr. Biscuits. I --
我会演一个忠实粉丝
I will play a superfan!
多谢感激不尽
Thank you. Thank you so much.
他女儿在这上学
Now, his daughter goes to school here,
你们可能已经见过面了
so you've probably already met.
不过我觉得你可以说
But I was thinking that you could say --
我自己琢磨故事背景吧谢谢
I will work out my own backstory, thank you.
不好意思
Okay. Sorry.
你只要知道他的名字叫
Well, I guess all you need to know is that his name is --
我自己去调查谢谢
I will do my own research, thank you.
好吧
Okay.
如果需要我做什么
Well, is there anything you need from me at all or --
我需要一件他最近穿过的衣服
I need an item of his clothing, recently worn.
或者一张照片
Or a photograph.
我手♥机♥上有张他的照片
I got a photo of him on my phone.
请打印出来
Please, print it out.
把照片放进一个没有标记的牛皮信封
Place it in an unmarked manilla envelope
然后放在汽车的挡风玻璃上
on the windscreen of the car
车牌号♥如下
bearing this bumper-plate number
一周后放
in precisely one week from today.
外面就有一台打印机
There's a printer outside,
我直接把照片塞你门缝吧
so I'll just slide it under your door.
非常感谢
Thank you so much.
好吧
Very well!
我在医学院的时候
You know, when I was in med school,
一直很自豪
I always prided myself
自己可以像穷♥人♥一样精打细算
on being as fiscally anal as I was poor.
他们以前叫我"护士的电子表格"
They used to call me "Nurse Spreadsheets."
对了我的预算
Right, my budget thing.
有一瞬间我忘了你来干什么了
For a second there, I totally forgot why you were here.
喝咖啡吗
You want some coffee?
好的
I'd love coffee.
太好了
Great.
我们不是喝咖啡吗
Thought we wanted coffee.
是啊
We do.
但咖啡要去店里买♥♥
Yeah, coffee comes from the coffee place.
是啊
Yes, it does.
一天三次一杯六块
Three times a day, at $6 a pop.
施教时间到了
Oh, hello, teachable moment.
不行
No. No!
我不能没有咖啡店
I need my coffee place.
从家里到学校
It's on the way from here to school
学校到班上
and on the way from school to work