单亲

Single Parents S01E09

Part 1 Nov. 27, 2019, 11:46 a.m.

各位今晚开家长会啦
You guys, the Parent Social's tonight!
-开玩笑的这是坏消息 -天哪
- Just kidding. That's terrible news. - Oh, God.
不不不今年很有趣
No, no, no, no, no, it's gonna be fun this year, guys.
我是你们的班主任
I'm your Room Parent.
我擅长这个道格拉斯是主办人
It's kind of my thing. Douglas is hosting.
但我真的需要你们的帮助
But I really, really need your help, guys,
因为我要发一份请♥愿♥书
'cause I'm gonna be circulating a petition
让我们班的所有家长同意
to get all of the parents in our class to agree
八年级后再给孩子买♥♥手♥机♥
not to buy our children phones until eighth grade.
-我称之为"等到八年级" -威尔
- I call it "Wait Till Eighth." - Oh, Will.
-为什么 -酷
- Why? - ‭That's cool.
说真的这很重要
Guys, seriously. This is important, okay?
苏菲玩我的手♥机♥都上瘾了
Sophie's already addicted to my phone.
下次见到她时看看她的手
Next time you see her, look at her hands.
她的拇指僵成这样了
Her thumbs are frozen like this.
-不妙 -我知道这很逊
- That's not good. - So I know that it's lame,
但我真的需要你们帮我收集签名
but I really need your help gathering signatures,
我会分发剪贴板的
and I will be handing out clipboards.
我可不在家里拿着剪贴板
I'm not holding a clipboard in my own home.
剪贴板没戏
Yeah. Clipboard's a no-go.
对不起威尔家长会就像高中
Sorry, Will. The Parent Social's like high school.
孩子们不在时
When the kids aren't around,
父母就像约翰·休斯的电影一样
the parent scene becomes a John Hughes movie.
都是小团体
It's all cliques.
不用我说失败者是谁了吧
And I don't think I have to tell you who the losers are.
-我们就是失败者 -对但没关系
- It's us. The losers are us. - Yeah, which is fine.
我从没加入过酷酷的团体
I've never been part of the cool clique --
其实啥团体都没加过
or any clique, really.
我只能在楼梯间待着
It was always just me and the stairwell.
关键是我已经习惯了
But the point is, you know, I'm used to it.
他们觉得我们奇怪是因为我们单身
Yeah. They think we're weird because we're single,
但我觉得他们是在嫉妒
but I think they're jealous.
他们也想睡在床中间
You know they want to sleep in the middle of their beds,
我可以呈大字型躺着
and I spread out like a starfish.
去死吧结婚人士
Suck it, marrieds!
不过恋爱还是挺好的
Be nice to be in love, though.
是啊真不错
‭Yeah, that would be nice.
波比你去年一点用都没有
And, Poppy, you did us no favors last year.
人们都叫她邋遢波比
They called her Sloppy Poppy.
我刚离完婚
‭Hey, I had just finalized my divorce,
还有个免费吧台我多有趣啊
and there was an open bar. I was fun.
拜托去年是我办的
Oh, please. I'm the one who threw the damn thing last year,
回报呢
and how was I repaid?
我的珍贵财物被偷了
My prize possession was stolen.
一支钢笔而已
He's talking about a pen.
那是罗纳德·里根的白宫收藏品
It was a Ronald Reagan White House collectible,
偷笔的混♥蛋♥就在那边马克·拉什
stolen -- by that bastard right over there, Mark Rush.
我们班那个可爱的爸爸
The sweet dad from our class?
他是个好人
Now, that is a kind man.
-笨蛋 -我还挺喜欢那个家伙
- Schmuck. - ‭I even like that guy.
你们好啊
Hey, guys.
非常感谢你的砂锅食谱
Thank you so much for your casserole recipe.
太客气了
You're so welcome.
记住375度 40分钟
Just remember -- 375, 40 minutes,
最后10分钟把锡纸撕了
and then peel off the foil for the final 10.
好吃得飞起
You're gonna think you died and went to heaven.
-道格拉斯 -嗯
- Hey, Douglas. - ‭Yep.
他是个怪物
He's a monster.
你们忘了马克为我工作过吗
Did you forget that Mark worked for me?
我指导他教会了他一切
I mentored him. I taught him everything he knew.
然后他偷了我一半的病人
And then he stole half my patients
自己开了家诊所
and started his own practice?
现在他是学校里最受欢迎的人
And now he's the most popular guy in the school
他竟敢偷我的笔
and he thinks he can steal my pen?
你怎么知道是马克
How do you know it was Mark?
你不能指责一个无辜的人
You can't just accuse an innocent man.
我能因为我不像你你是个好人
Yes, I can, because I'm not as good a person as you.
我认识你以来
You haven't done a single thing wrong
你没做过错事
the whole time I've known you.
每次看到停车标牌都会停车
You -- You stop completely at stop signs.
还会退还额外的零钱
You give back extra change.
你就像长发的达♥赖♥喇♥嘛♥
You're like the Dalai Lama with longer hair.
谢谢
Thanks.
我知道你们怎么才会帮我
All right, I know what it's gonna take
在请♥愿♥书上收集签名了
to get your help with the petition.
带孩子说吧
Babysitting. Hit me.
没错我要周六晚上
Bingo. I need Saturday night.
-我要周二 -六月
- I want Tuesday. - June.
整个六月
The month of June.
这样吧做个交易
You know what, actually? Let's make a deal.
周六晚上到周日早晨
Saturday nights into Sunday mornings
周四说不定也会
And a Thursday sneak attack whenever we feel like it.
厉害了
She's good.
好吧
All right.
-棒 -棒
- Yes! - Yes!
我好喜欢趁火打劫啊
Oh, God, I love exploiting a person in need.
单亲
第一季第九集
视觉辅具到位了
Okay, visual aids are in place,
我的特邀发言人正在路上
and my special guest speaker is on the way.
相信我
Trust me.
我请的人贼牛逼
The person I am bringing is going to blow your minds.
-德万呗 -肯定是德万
- It's Dewan. - Obviously Dewan.
你睡的儿科医生嘛
The pediatrician you're sleeping with.
是的
Yes, okay.
道格拉斯没想到
Douglas, I can't believe
你会再同意举办一次这破派对
you agreed to host this wack-ass party again.
我自有理由
Oh, I have my reasons.
今晚重大计划正在酝酿中
Big plans are afoot this evening.
有点可疑
Well, that's not shady.
八点以前
All right, until 8:00,
你和父母们在你的区域寒暄
you will mingle with parents in your zone.
背面有张地图
There's a map on the back
以及谈话要点
as well as talking points.
安吉你的卡掉了
Angie, your card's already on the ground!
我手没劲
I have a weak grip.
有人过一会儿想扮成手♥机♥吗
Is anybody interested in wearing a cellphone costume later?
超透气商业品质租赁
Super breathable, commercial quality rental...
我们都知道是谁威尔
We all know who's wearing the costume, Will.
是我的尺寸我超激动
Yeah, and it is my size. I'm pretty psyched about it.
伙计们出动吧
Okay, gang. Let's fan out.
不
Oh, no.
给我换个区
Put me in a different zone.
这个团体最垃圾
I have the worst clique.
这里没有团体这里是小山顶
We don't have cliques. This is Hilltop.
你这个可爱的笨蛋
Oh, you sweet, dumb man.
看看周围
Look around.
这里有嬉皮士
You got the hippies...
运动员
the jocks...
有权有势的夫妇
the power couples...
自封的浪荡公子哥
the wannabe swingers --
别去这种人家里喝深夜酒
don't go to their house for a nightcap.
但最恐怖的
But the scariest
还是班级领潮人
are the class trendsetters --
杰姬莫莉和莱克斯
Jackie, Molly, and Lex.
我称她们为
I call them...
我们三姐妹
the We'vers.
我们发现你还没为糕饼义卖♥♥活动选菜品
We've noticed you haven't picked a dish for the bake sale yet.
我们给你发了三遍报名助手
We've sent you the SignUpGenius three times.
我们非常失望
We've been very disappointed.
杰姬觉得自己很风光因为她老公
Jackie thinks she's so cool because her husband