摩登家庭
Modern Family S03E05
Part 4
Dec. 3, 2019, 11:18 a.m.
- Growth spurt. - What's wrong with her?
-我给她下药了 -菲尔
- I drugged her. - Phil!
我不小心给她吃了夜间服用的过敏药
I accidentally gave her the nighttime allergy medicine.
好吧 先一桩桩的来
Mm. All right, one thing at a time.
海莉 你打算如何把钱还给你朋友
Haley, how are you going to repay your friends?
我不知道
I don't know.
我知道 你带上几个弟兄去找他
I know. You go there with a couple of guys--
她会把钱拿回来的 那小鬼是谁
She's gotta get the money back. Who is this kid?
是我同学表哥的朋友 他住在加迪纳
A guy at school's cousin's friend. He lives in Gardena.
知道他的老巢在哪儿还不简单 报♥警♥就是了
Well, if you know where he lives, just call the police.
不能报♥警♥ 咱家现在不能有丑闻
No cops. We can't afford a scandal right now.
克莱尔要竞选镇议员呢
Claire's running for town council.
那是之前
That was before,
我以为你能照顾好孩子们
when I thought you could take care of the children.
我就一小会儿没盯着孩子
I take my eye off the ball for one minute,
他们就一个倒地不起 一个变熊猫眼
and I've got one in a coma, one with a black eye,
还有一个在组织犯罪团伙
and one running a crime ring.
说句公道话 海莉的"小犯罪团伙"
Well, to be fair, Haley started her crime ring
早在你盯着的时候就已经开始形成了
when your eye was still on the ball.
那可不是犯罪团伙
It's not a crime ring.
我就是想拿回我那九百元
I just gotta get my hands on that $900.
我知道黑♥手♥党♥一般怎么解决这事儿
I know how the mafia would handle this.
孩子说得对 我最讨厌那些小混混
The kid is right. I'm sick of these smart-ass punks
出尔反尔 乱了道上规矩
who keep changing the rules
目中无人 自以为凌驾一切
and think they can get away with anything they want.
我要去会会那家伙
I'm gonna pay this guy a visit.
海莉 把他地址发给我
Haley, text me his address.
-我和你一起去 -我也去
- I'm going with you. - Me, too.
不不 谁也不能去
Oh, no. No. Nobody's going anywhere.
咱又不是治安队的
Okay, we're not vigilantes.
带上枪
Shotgun!
不 别抄家伙啊
No! No weapons!
按我老家的传统
In my country, it is tradition
当男人出门寻仇时
when the men are out seeking vengeance,
女人们就在家喝酒
The women--they stay home, and they drink.
有时我觉得你纯粹是胡编乱造的
Sometimes I think you just make this stuff up.
-你到底要不要来一瓶 -乐意至极
- Do you want a drink or not? - Oh, yeah.
到底是怎么回事
So what happened?
你本来要去竞选 现在又不干了吗
You were running for office, and now you're not?
我不太想谈这个
Mm. I don't really want to talk about that.
我就知道 我受够不被人需要的感觉了
I know. I am sick and tired of no one needing my help.
你得告诉我出什么岔子了
You are going to tell me what is wrong,
而我会告诉你怎么解决
and I'm gonna give you the right answer,
因为我是万事通
because I have all of them.
说 你怎么又不去竞选了
So why are you not running for office?
因为我的家人缺了我不行
Because my family needs me too much.
你刚也看到我们家的各种乱子了
You saw what just happened.
你怎么又不去竞选了
Why are you not running for office?
这招对我可没用
That doesn't work on me.
你怎么又不去竞选
Why are you not running for office?!
因为 我不想输
Because I don't want to lose!
我靠
I--pfft!
我已经18年没在外工作了
I haven't done anything outside of my house in 18 years.
我不想我♥干♥的第一件事就一败涂地
I don't want the first thing I do to be a complete failure.
好吧
Okay.
我要给你讲个小女孩的故事
I'm gonna tell you a story about a little girl
她去参加一次选美
who entered a beauty pageant...
尽管她非常非常害怕失败
even though she was very, very scared that she was going to lose.
让我猜猜 你赢了
Let me guess. You won.
我当然赢了
Of course I won,
但我说的是我表妹玛丽亚·肯奇塔
But I was talking about my cousin Maria Conchita.
她鼻子大得像巨嘴鸟
She had a nose like a toucan.
非得把身体塞进比基尼里
She stuffed her body in this bikini.
最后 她光荣牺牲了
And at the end, she finished dead last.
这故事的启迪作用在哪儿
How is that a good story?
因为她直面恐惧 没被恐惧吓死
Because she faced her fears, and it didn't kill her.
她是两周后被一辆公交车撞死的
What killed her two weeks later was a bus.
有没有搞错啊你
Are you serious?
她那鼻子太大了挡视线 没看见车碾过来
Yes, because she couldn't see anything coming with that big nose.
我的竞争对手赢过6次选举
This guy has won six elections.
我真是力不从心
I am way out of my league.
听着 我不了解你那竞争对手
Look, I don't know anything about this guy,
但我知道你是个女强人
But I know that you're a tough lady,
姐姐我从小就是在女强人家吓大的
and I come from a family of tough ladies.
我必须承认 有时你的霸气绝对吓到我
And I have to say, sometimes you scare me a little bit.
所以我坚信你必胜
And I know that you're strong enough to win
就算输了也会一笑而过
And definitely strong enough to be okay if you lose.
我有吓到你
I scare you?
那还用说
Are you kidding me?
今年感恩节要在老娘家过[上季剧情]
I want thanksgiving at my house!
为何人人都觉得我说话就是那样的
Why does everybody think I talk like that?
就是这儿了
This is it.
等等 别急 我们有作战计划吗
W-w-wait. No, no. Come on. Do we have a plan?
貌似没计划好吧
It doesn't seem like we have a plan.
哥有计划 那小兔崽子要是不还钱
Yeah, I got a plan. Either he gives us the money,
[原指一个双人歌♥唱组合]
就让他尝尝哥的哼哼哈嘿双截棍
Or he gets a private performance from England Dan and John Ford Coley.
你那算毛的好计划啊 那乐队本身就烂死了
That's not a good plan. That's not even a good band.
你要是只想唧唧歪歪 还是在车里等着吧
If all you're gonna do is criticize, just wait by the car.
好吧
Okay, fine.
等我去探监你们吧
I'll see you in jail.
你俩可得花一大笔保释金
It's gonna be a big adjustment for two of you.
-什么事 -你是皮特吗
-Yeah? -You peter?
有何贵干
What do you want?
你认识海莉·邓菲吗 你欠她900块
You know haley dunphy? You owe her $900.
-我们是来收钱的 -明白吗
-We're here to collect. -You dig?
我给她打了N次电♥话♥了
I tried to call that girl, like, ten times,
但她语♥音♥信箱总是满的
But her voice mail was always... Full.
确实挺像海莉的风格啊
That does sound like Haley.
那你打算怎么挽救啊
So how are you gonna make this right?
你们就是想要钱嘛 没问题
You guys want the money, right? That's fine.
我也不想多费唇舌 等一下
I don't need any hassle. Hold on.
我这就去取钱
I'll just... grab it.
轻松搞定
That was easy.
他倒是挺识趣 没敢动手
He's lucky he didn't put up a fight.
否则哥让他尝尝无影脚 倚天剑 加屠龙刀
I would've treated him to a reunion of Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young!
[原指另一个歌♥唱组合]
-那小子跑了 -抓住他
-We got a runner! -Runner!
站住 站住
Stop! Stop!
站住
Stop!
别跑 别跑
No. No. No.
别跑
No.
我抓住他了
I got him!
-天哪 你做到了 -别那么惊讶
-Oh, my god. You did! -Don't be so surprised.
快帮我 他要"金蝉脱裤"啦
Help! He's slipping out of his skinny jeans.
裤子好可爱哦 我也想要
These are cute. I totally have these.
要回钱了
There you go!
你要回钱了 谢谢外公
Oh, you got it back! Thank you!
别谢我 谢你米奇尔舅舅
Hey, don't thank me. Thank your uncle Mitchell.
他才是擒贼英雄
He's the one who tackled the guy.
-我染上了光荣的草绿色 -好吧 我只能说
-I got grass stains. -Well, I will tell you one thing.
我受到了深刻的教育
I have learned my lesson.
让我的家人和朋友失望
Disappointing my family and friends
是对我最大的惩罚
is punishment enough.
装得挺像 你还是得禁闭两周
Nice try. You're grounded for two weeks.
来吧 我们有个大新闻
Okay, we have big news.
克莱尔最终决定参选镇长
Claire has decided to run for mayor after all.
谢谢 实际上只是镇议员而已
Thank you, but it's town council.
无所谓职位 反正你也赢不了
It doesn't matter. You're not going to win anyways.
但她肯定会一笑而过的 看到了吗
But she's going to be okay. You see?
我能帮助他人
I help the people.
为什么不让我助你们爷俩一臂之力呢
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