神探可伦坡（1971）

Columbo S10E12

Part 13 July 18, 2023, 8:40 a.m.

- 一个人就能操作烤箱？
- 是的。
- A whole body can fit into one of those?
- A human being is mostly water.
- 整个身体可以装进其中一个？
- 人主要是水。
A man of your size
would probably burn down to about 5lbs.
像你这样体型的人
可能会燃烧到大约 5 磅。
哦，我忘了点什么。
Oh, I forgot something.
是的，Dan Riley，呃...
Dan Riley 仪式。
Yes, the Dan Riley, uh...
the Dan Riley ceremony.
These are his dancing shoes.
They'll be buried with him.
这些是他的舞鞋。
他们会和他一起埋葬。
- Would you care to see?
- Yes, I would, sir. Yeah.
- 你想看吗？
- 是的，我愿意，先生。是的。
- 一切都会在那个烤箱里燃烧？
- 当然，也有例外。
- Everything would burn in that oven?
- Of course, there are exceptions.
You can't cremate pacemakers,
for instance. They're made of titanium.
你不能火化心脏起搏器，
例如。它们由钛制成。
- Mr Houston, he didn't have one, did he?
- No.
- 休斯顿先生，他没有，对吧？
- 没有。
That's much better, Gerald.
好多了，杰拉德
You and Hugo can go now, but do
check everything before the service.
你和 Hugo 现在可以走了，但是
在服务之前检查所有内容。
- It shall be done, sir.
- Thank you. Hugo.
- 应该完成，先生。
- 谢谢。雨果。
现在，服务结束后，这些东西会在
棺材关闭前放入棺材中。
Now, after the service, these are placed
in the casket before the casket is closed.
Sir, in case you were wondering, Miss
Chandler, she didn't wear a pacemaker.
- I wasn't wondering.
- Yeah, but she did have one of these.
- 我没想到。
- 是的，但她确实有其中之一。
This is a... a pager.
这是一个...寻呼机。
她有这个模型，先生。哦，她
到处都带着这个，可能在她的口袋里，
She had this model, sir. Oh, she carried
this everywhere, probably in her pocket,
当她收到
来自计算机的电子邮件消息时，这会告诉她。
and this would tell her when she received
email messages from the computer.
在她失踪的那天，
她收到信息，哦，让我们看看...
And on the day she disappeared,
she received messages, oh, let's see...
11:13 和 11:57，
11:13 and 11:57,
but then, at 12:32...
但随后，在 12:32...
the pager cut off.
寻呼机中断。
- No more signals. Kaput.
- What do you think caused that?
- 没有更多信♥号♥♥。Kaput.
- 你认为是什么原因造成的？
噢噢！啊！
这是一个紧迫的问题，先生。
Oh-ho! Ah!
That is a burning question, sir.
- 我想她已经死了。
- 真的吗？
- I think she was dead.
- Really?
是的。我想她是在
就在休斯顿服务中心被杀的。
Yeah. I think she was killed
right here at the Houston service.
- What would the killer do with the body?
- He would get rid of it. He'd cremate it.
- 凶手会如何处理尸体？
- 他会处理掉它。他会火化它。
那天只有 Chuck Houston 的
火化。我做到了。
There was only Chuck Houston's
cremation that day. I did it.
Yes, so the killer would have
had to have switched the bodies...
是的，所以凶手
必须调换尸体...
switched Chuck Houston
with Miss Chandler.
将 Chuck Houston
换成了 Chandler 小姐。
我明白了。所以，如果他换了两个身体，
那就可以解释传呼机为什么会失效。
I see. So if he had switched the bodies,
that would explain the pager going kaput.
是的，先生。它会。
Yes, sir. It would.
我明白了。好吧，因为那天只有
一个火葬而我做了，
I see. Well, since there was only
one cremation that day and I performed it,
这会让我
成为凶手。
that would make me
the murderer.
告诉我，
你有尸体吗？
Do tell me,
do you have any bodies?
No, sir, I don't.
不，先生，我不知道。
So if you don't have any bodies,
you can't prove there was a switch.
所以如果你没有任何身体，
你就不能证明有一个开关。
- 不，先生，我不能。
- 没有尸体，没有箱子。
- No, sir, I can't.
- No bodies, no case.
Mm-hm. I suppose so.
嗯。我想是这样。
这是棘手的事情
关于紧迫的问题...
That's the tricky thing
about burning questions...
一旦它们被烧毁，
once they're burned,
它们只是灰烬。骨灰！
they're just ashes. Ashes!
你走了吗？
Have you gone?
That's a nice display, ma'am.
展示效果不错，女士。
我的管家做的。
My housekeeper made that.
If I'd done it,
they'd all be cockeyed, like me.
如果我做到了，
他们都会像我一样胡闹。
- Nice place you got here.
- Just a little ol' ranch house. 800 acres.
- 不错的地方。
- 只是一个小牧场。800英亩。
Chuck 只是为了他的马而渴望它，
就像我渴望我的波旁威士忌一样。
Chuck just craved it for his horses,
like I crave my bourbon.
Oh, my God!
天哪！
Are you all right, ma'am?
你还好吗，女士？
我是精神病患者，中尉。
我应该像查克一样获得灾难援助。
I'm psychotic, Lieutenant.
I should get disaster aid, like Chuck.
可怜的宝贝，他在战争中
受了很多次伤。
Poor darling, he was wounded
so many times in the war.
Oh, you should've seen his x-rays.
They were grisly.
哦，你应该看过他的 X 光片。
它们太可怕了。
He only mounted one,
the one on the wall.
他只安装了一个，
墙上的那个。
The one that made him limp
till the day he died.
那个让他跛行
直到他死的那一天。
你想知道
为什么我会这样？
You wanna know
why I'm like this?
Because when you called
and said you'd be here in an hour,
因为当你打电♥话♥
并说你会在一个小时内到达时，
我只需要自己喝几杯
鸡尾酒，因为我知道你为什么来这里。
I just had to help myself to a few
cocktails because I know why you're here.
I just wanted
to ask you a few questions.
我只是想
问你几个问题。
好的。
All right.
我承认。我承认！
I confess. I confess!
我把自己
交给法庭摆布。我做到了！
I throw myself
on the mercy of the court. I did it!
做了什么，女士？
Did what, ma'am?
I threw Chuck's ashes over the sign -
the Hollywood sign.
我把查克的骨灰撒在了标志上——
好莱坞标志。
Oh, well, that's against the law, ma'am,
and that's not...
哦，好吧，那是违法的，女士，
那不是...
很好。
good.
Oh. I only did it
because I thought he'd like it.
哦。我只是这样做
因为我认为他会喜欢它。
- Am I gonna do time?
- You told me the best confession ever.
- 我会抽空吗？
- 你告诉我有史以来最好的告白。
我做到了？
你要逮捕我吗？
I did?
Are you gonna arrest me?
我要逮捕你，女士，
就像以前没有人被捕过一样。
I'm going to arrest you, ma'am,
like no one has ever been arrested before.
He was a great artist,
ladies and gentlemen.
他是一位伟大的艺术家，
女士们先生们。
And now a special tribute
现在特别致敬
that I know
Dan would appreciate.
我知道
丹会很感激。
(# "Tea for Two" instrumental
begins to play)
Beautiful.
美丽。
Just beautiful.
真漂亮。
Thank you.
谢谢。
- 但我不是来这里做礼拜的，先生。
- 真遗憾。