神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S05E17

Part 2 Oct. 1, 2020, 12:23 p.m.

what if this is a Mongkut situation?
要是这回也是Monkut事件怎么办
Oh no, that pen pal service is shut down.
不会的那个笔友服务已经关停了
This is your sister. It's gonna be great.
这次是你妹妹会很顺利的
You just have to relax and be yourself.
你只要放松自然表现就可以了
But what if myself isn't good enough, you know?
但要是我不够好呢那怎么办
What if I'm the Mongkut?
万一我才是Mongkut呢
Jake Right. You're right.
Jake 你说的对
It's gonna be great. Just got to stay positive.
会很顺利的我得往好处想
We're gonna see each other from across the room,
我们隔空就能看到彼此
we'll lock eyes, I'll say "noice,"
我们目光交会我说 "诶哟不错哦"
she'll say "toit," and then six months later,
她说"好顶赞" 就这样过六个月
we'll be on "The Amazing Race" together.
我们就能一起参加<极速前进>了
Jake?
Jake
Ka--oh, no.
你来了Ka 不要啊
It's me, Kate. Give me a hug.
我是Kate啊来抱一个
Stand down, ma'am. Back off, dude!
女士请你后退帮帮忙好吧朋友
That's my brother! Oh, no.
这是我哥哥坏了
It's a Mongkut situation.
我们遭遇了Mongkut事件
So, this is awkward,
说起来很尴尬
but we should probably address the elephant in the room.
但我们可能得谈一下这件事
Right.
没错儿
Are we doing table apps or solo apps?
我们是要甜品套餐还是单点甜品吧
Uh, table apps and lots of them.
呃套餐吧而且要多点一些
If it is fried, it must be tried. Johnny Cochran.
"如果是油炸的就必须一试(审判)" Johnny Cochran说的
I remember when he said that.
这个他讲过我记得诶
Jake. Right.
讲正事Jake 对对对
So, what I actually meant was,
其实吧我想说的是
we should probably talk about the whole
我们也许应该说一下
handcuffs at the airport thing.
在机场戴手铐的这件事
I know. I'm so sorry.
我知道我很抱歉
That was a really bad first impression.
那真的是一个很糟糕的第一印象
It's just, I was on the plane
那只是我在飞机上
and started to get really nervous
然后开始觉得非常紧张
about meeting you for the first time.
因为我就要第一次见你了
I was nervous to meet you too.
我也如此
My butt got hella sweaty.
我屁♥股♥已经一片汗了
I told Amy. You can ask her. Please don't.
我和Amy说了不信你问她请别问
So I went to the bathroom and started vaping to calm down.
所以我就去了洗手间开始抽电子烟想要冷静下来
Then this weird-ass lady comes up to me, and I'm like,
然后一个怪人小姐就过来找我了我就这样
bitch, you're trying to tell me your kid doesn't like the smell
臭婊♥子♥ 你是要告诉我你的孩子不喜欢
of cotton candy?
棉花糖口味吗
Right, but the only thing I don't get
好吧不过我唯一不明白的就是
is why they would handcuff you for vaping.
为什么他们因为你抽电子烟就要把你铐起来
Because they're the worst!
因为他们最坏了
Yeah, Amy, 'cause they're the worst.
没错 Amy 因为他们最坏了
Also, I slapped a stewardess,
并且我扇了空姐一巴掌
real hard.
非常重
With my fist.
还用的是我的拳头
Oh.
哦
So they were not the worst.
所以他们不是最坏的
Oh, my God, are you mad at me?
哦我的天呐你对我生气了吗
Oh, no, I messed this up. I am so sorry, Jake.
哦不我把这个弄得一团糟我很抱歉 Jake
I really wanted this trip to go well
我真的希望这次旅行能有一个好结果
and was looking forward to finally having a brother for the first time.
并且我第一次期望终于能多一个哥哥了
You know what, I'm just-- I think I'm just gonna leave.
你知道吗我就我想我还是走了吧
No, don't leave, okay?
不别走好吗
It's fine. I get it.
我没事我理解的
It's so crazy that we're finally meeting each other.
我们能最终遇见对方这事已经很出人意料了
So just forget about the plane. That's ancient history.
所以就忘了飞机的那回事吧那已经是远古的历史了
Really? Yes.
真的吗没错
This trip was about us getting to know each other,
这场旅行是关于让我们更加了解对方的
so let's do that. Okay.
所以就让我们这么做吧好的
What's your favorite scene in "Die Hard"?
你最喜欢<虎胆龙威>中的哪一幕
Die what?
虎啥
It's okay. It's okay.
没事的没事的
Um, when was the last time you saw your dad?
嗯你最后见你的父亲是什么时候了
I mean, I've only ever met him like nine times.
我的意思是我好像就见过他九次
Ten if you count the time
十次才对如果算上那一次
he sent his co-pilot Steve to hang out with me,
他派他的副驾驶Steve来和我会面的话
'cause he was too hungover.
因为他那时实在是宿醉未醒
I remember Steve. He taught me how to shave.
我记得Steve 他教我怎么修面
He taught me how to shave. Where?
他也教我怎么修毛哪里的毛
Steve was the best. Freakin' Steve.
Steve最好了超赞的Steve
Jeffords, what are you still doing here?
Jeffords 你还在这里做什么呢
You're clearly injured. Go home.
你很显然是受伤了回家吧
I'm totally fine. Here. I can prove it.
我很好看我能证明我没事
I'm fine. See?
我很好看到了吗
You can't have thought that went well for you.
你不会觉得自己装得瞒天过海吧
It's okay, Sarge. Just admit you can't handle yoga.
没事的警长就承认你不能做不来瑜伽吧
I can handle it fine.
我可以做好它的
I'm just a little sore from my real workouts.
我只是因为我的货真价实的健身而感到有些疼痛而已
With weights. Now, I've got work to do.
加负重的那种现在我还有一些工作要做
Oops.
哎哟
Dropped my phone. You know what?
手♥机♥掉了你知道吗
My contract is up.
我的手♥机♥合约套餐已经到期了
It's time for an upgrade anyway.
是时候该升级一部新手♥机♥了
Scully? Huh?
Scully 嗯
Where's your secret nap room?
你的秘密休憩小屋在哪里
I don't know what you're talking about.
我不知道你在说什么
Help me! Please!
帮帮我求你了
Couch. Space heater.
沙发小型取暖器
We soundproof for maximum privacy.
为了最大化的保证隐私我们还做了隔音
And there's sodas and candy in the mini fridge.
然后在小冰箱里还有汽水和糖果
This room's a little small. We had a big nap room,
这房♥间有一点小我们本来有一个大的午睡房♥
and you gave it to Gina to pump breast milk in, remember?!
然后你把它给了Gina去挤母乳了还记得吗
Sorry, Scully.
抱歉 Scully
You tell anyone about this place,
你要是和任何人说起这个地方
I will burn your life to the ground.
我会让你死无葬身之地
Oh, and there's a spray if you fart.
哦如果你放屁了这里还有空气清新剂
Okay, that is nothing.
好的那没什么
The one parent-teacher conference my dad went to,
我爸爸唯一一个去过的家长教师联络会上
he had sex with my teacher on top of the diorama I made
他在我为了感恩节画的透景画上
of the first Thanksgiving.
和我的老师做♥爱♥了
Oh, no, he ruined all your hard work.
哦不他毁了你所有的辛苦工作
Oh, not really, it was just a bunch of Smurfs on a plate.
呃也不是这样那只是画在盘子上的一堆蓝精灵
Oh. He came to visit once,
哦他有一次来看我
and hooked up with my mom's entire book club.
然后勾搭了我妈妈的整个读书俱乐部
She can't see a copy of "A Prayer For Owen Meany"
她每次看<为欧文·米尼祈祷>
without fully weeping.
看着看着就要泣不成声
I don't know what that is.
我不知道那是什么
But enough about our dad.
不过说够了我们的父亲
What's going on in your life? Honestly,
你过得如何说实话
it's been a tough year.
这是艰难的一年
I lost my job,
我失去了工作
love of my life Kurt just broke up with me.
一生挚爱Kurt也和我分了手
Oh, hey, Amy has seven brothers.
哦嘿 Amy有七个兄弟
Maybe you could date one of them.
也许你可以和他们中的某个人约个会
Oh, snap. I'm down to clown.
哦太巧了我连小丑都行
Which one has the best body?
哪一个有最好的身材
Uhhh... Tony.
呃 Tony
Right? It's very clearly Tony.
没错吧显然是Tony
I don't know why she hesitated.
我不知道她为什么会犹豫
Tony got bod. Tony it is.
Tony身材可好了那就是Tony了
Anyway, that's my boring life in Dallas.
总之这就是我在达拉斯的无趣生活
But I'm here now, and I want to see the real New York.
但我现在在这里了我想看看这真实的纽约
Let's like--
我们就
Walk across the Brooklyn Bridge?
漫步走过布鲁克林桥吗
Get tanked at the Times Square Olive Garden.
在时代广场的橄榄园餐厅喝个烂醉
And get our pictures taken with a human statue.
然后我们再和一个人体雕像合个影
Right. The real New York.
没错这真实的纽约