神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S05E07

Part 4 Oct. 1, 2020, 12:21 p.m.

Thank you, all, for joining me.
谢谢你们啊全过来了
I checked into your alibis.
我已经核实过你们的不在场证明了
Or should I say...
或者说
alib-lies!
不在场骗局
Diaz, if you were changing the oil in your bike
首先Diaz 如果你当时在给你的机车加油
for your big ride up the coast, then tell me,
以免后期去海边绕圈不会中途没油那你告诉我
why is your tank only half full?
为什么你的油箱只有半满
You dipsticked my bike? That's not all I dipsticked.
你居然"插"了我的油箱我不光"插"了你的油箱
Mr. Fit, or should I call you by your real name?
健身模范或者我是不是该叫你
Mr. Fib.
扯淡模范
I find it quite odd that you were building up an appetite at the gym
我就奇怪了你是怎么在健身房♥锻炼胃口的
when your gym is closed on Thanksgiving.
你的健身房♥在感恩节明明就关门了
And, Boyle, out buying goose feet for Nickolaj?
还有 Boyle 你是为Nickolaj去买♥♥鹅掌了对吧
Nikolaj.
Ni要发重音
I found your grocery store receipt.
我找到了你杂货店的收据
No feet of any kind. But there was one purchase,
什么掌都没有但是你却买♥♥了一样东西
a beverage that pairs perfectly with pie.
与我的派可以称之为完美搭档的饮品
One gallon of milk!
一加仑牛奶
This heist took three people.
这场骗局由你们三个人所组织
Lady Dipstick, Mr. Fib, and the Milk Man.
插油小姐扯淡模范还有这个送奶工
The jig is up. Confess.
真♥相♥大白坦白从宽
Okay, I lied. Thank you.
好吧我说了谎谢谢你
Not about the pie. About my Thanksgiving.
跟你的派没关系是关于感恩节的
I'm not spending it alone. I'm spending it with my family.
我不是一个人过的我是跟家里人一起过的
We're seeing the new "Minions" Musical on Broadway.
我们要在百老汇看最新的<小黄人>音乐剧
And I wasn't putting oil in my bike.
我没有给我的机车加油
I was picking up these matching T-shirts for my whole family.
我骑车去拿给我全家订制的亲子装了
I missed my family a lot when I was in prison
我坐牢的时候很想我的家里人
and we've gotten really close again.
现在我们又亲近起来了
I was embarrassed about how pumped I am to see them.
我因为很激动想见家里人而感到很羞愧
The T-shirts were my idea.
而且亲子装还是我的想法
Okay. It was a two-man job.
好那就是两人作案
No, I didn't steal your pie either.
我真的没有偷你的派
I lied about the gym because
我骗你说我去了健身房♥是因为
I was still trying to find a Perry the Parrot for Ava.
我还在为Ava找那个玩具鹦鹉呢
I forgot it was her birthday coming up
我压根就把她生日这事儿给忘了
and by the time I realized, the dumb toy was all sold out.
等我想起来那智障玩具都售罄了
I just didn't want you guys to know
我只是不想让你们知道
what a horrible dad I really am.
我是一个糟糕的父亲
Well, now we do.
现在我们知道了
Boyle?
Boyle呢
Nikolaj is a picky eater!
Nikolaj太挑食了
I lied about his pallet.
我说他是美食家其实是骗人的
All he drinks is milk. All he eats is buttered noodles.
他现在只喝牛奶只吃黄油拌面
And perhaps my walnut pie?
那我的核桃派呢
I wish. He hates nuts.
我倒是希望呢他讨厌坚果
My son is a basic bitch.
我儿子真是个臭婊♥子♥
So none of you took my pie.
所以你们都没偷我的派
Captain, you're gonna wanna see this.
警监你过来看看
Their desks were clean,
他们的桌子都十分干净
so we expanded the search radius.
所以我们扩大了搜寻范围
Take a look.
看一下吧
My pie, and it wasn't even eaten.
我的派它都还没有被吃过
Just thrown away like common street trash.
就像街上的垃圾一样被扔到一边
Makes me sick.
真让我难受
Spend your life on the force, and it never gets easier.
当了一辈子警♥察♥ 可这种感觉永远不会让你好过
Wow, Mom, what a delightful dinner.
哇哦妈这晚饭太棒了
I mean, these have gotta be
我是说这简直是
the most joyous green beans I've ever seen.
我见过最美好的青豆了
Oh, thanks, honey.
喔谢谢宝贝
They're premade from a can. Great.
它们是加工好的罐头食品好吧
Shall we carve the turkey? Get this dinner started?
我们能切火鸡了吗开始吃晚饭
I'm an excellent carver. Allow me.
我是切火鸡的好手让我来吧
I think I can carve the turkey.
我觉得我能切好火鸡
After all, it is my house
毕竟这是我的家
and sitting right here in front of me.
火鸡也摆在我的面前
We have two turkeys.
我们有两只火鸡啊
You can both carve one.
你们俩都能切
Yes, thank goodness for the second turkey,
是啊多亏了这第二个火鸡
a very normal thing to have brought.
一个能带来的最正常的东西
This is actually very good because now everybody could see
这实际上太好了因为所有人都能见识到
who cuts the turkey better. You're on.
谁切得更好说定了
Wow. Really mature.
哇哦真成熟
You're just saying that because you know my dad's gonna win.
你就是这么说因为你知道我爸会赢
As if.
才不是呢
Hey, Roger,You like jokes. Here's one.
嘿 Roger 你喜欢听笑话这有一个
I'd hate to be a passenger on one of your flights
我一定不愿意坐你的航♥班♥
if you fly as slow as you cut a turkey.
如果你开飞机也像你切火鸡一样慢的话
Riddle me this, Victor.
试试这个谜语 Victor
Who sucks at carving turkey,
谁不光火鸡切得烂
thinks their rum is good when it's bad?
还觉得自己难喝的朗姆酒可棒了
You. Up top, Jake.
就是你来拍一个 Jake
Joyous.
真开心啊
Uh, Camila, did you put your stuffing in my ceramic?
呃 Camila 你是把填料放我的陶器里面了吗
I thought it was a bowl. It's art.
我以为那是个碗那是艺术品
What does that mean? What did she say?
那什么意思她说的什么
She said it was a bowl.
她说那是个碗
Bet you didn't know I understood Spanish.
猜你们都不知道我懂西班牙语吧
Very impressive. You learn that from one of your mistresses?
可真厉害从你其中一个情妇那学到的吧
Yeah. As a matter of fact, I did.
事实上确实就是这样啊
Sounds like someone's jealous.
听起来有人好像不太爽啊
I bet you never even had sex.
我猜你从来都没做过爱
Oh, I've had sex.
喔我做过爱
And I'm actually pretty good. Camila?
实际上我还特别强呢对不对Camila
The best.
最强了
What is happening right now?
这是发生了什么
Roger's really good at sex too.
Roger做♥爱♥也很强
Ha, ha, I'm so grossed out.
哈哈我恶心得要吐了
You know what?
你知道吗
I'm sick of you looking down your nose at us.
我真受不了你用鼻孔看扁人
I know the Peralta's aren't perfect,
我知道Peralta一家不是最完美的
but we don't look down on other people.
但是我们从来没有瞧不起人
I mean, you come into our home and you act like we're idiots.
你们来我家里还表现得像我们家人都是傻子一样
Well, we're not idiots. In fact...
我们可不是傻子事实上
I just cut my thumb off. What?
我把大拇指切掉了啥
I just cut my thumb off.
我把大拇指切掉了
Oh, my God!
我的天哪
I think it's... It's bad.
我觉得这很这很糟糕
Excuse me, my father cut his thumb off.
不好意思我爸把大拇指切掉了
We need help right now.
我们现在就需要帮助
Do you have the thumb?
你们还留着拇指呢吗
Yeah, I got it right here.
是的我把它放这了
It's in a plastic baggy.
在一个塑料包包里
It's not just sitting on the ice cream.
没就插在冰淇淋上面
Okay, just fill out these forms.
好的先填好表格
Someone will be with you in a bit.
一会儿就有人来管你们了
I think this might be it for me, little man.
我觉得我挺不过去了儿子
There's something you gotta know, Jake.
有些事你得知道 Jake
You have three halfsisters. What?
你有三个同父异母的姐妹啥
One in Atlanta, one in Newark,
一个在亚特兰大一个在纽瓦克
one in Dallas Fort Worth. All the hubs.
还有一个在达拉斯沃斯堡都是中心城市
Okay, we have to get him help right now.
好了我们得马上找人帮帮他
He can't die. I've gotta hear more about this.
他不能死我得多听听这些事
It's a holiday, we're understaffed,
现在是假期我们人手不够
we'll get to your father eventually.
我们会排到你♥爸♥爸的
He needs help now!
他现在就需要帮助
You know who this man is? Captain Roger Peralta.
你知道他是谁吗他是Roger Peralta机长
He taught Sully Sullenberger how to fly.
是他教会萨利机长怎么开飞机的
It's just that we're understaffed.
我们就是人手不够
No excuses. You're going to take this man to the OR right now
没有借口你现在就要带着这个人去手术室