神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S05E06

Part 4 Oct. 1, 2020, 12:20 p.m.

So, let's create a temptress
所以我们来创造一个性感女郎
that will boinkmatch with him. Yeah.
成为他的约炮配对好
What's the sexiest name? Valerie.
最性感的名字是什么 Valerie
That was fast. Do you know a Valerie?
说得真快啊你是认识一个叫Valerie的吗
No. I wish.
没我倒是希望能认识
All right, she's 19,
好的她19岁
from Daytona, and her job is "Spray tannist."
来自代托纳海滩她的工作是"喷雾美黑家"
Ugh, "Tannist." Not a real word.
呃 "美黑家" 不是个词
It's perfect. Yeah.
完美是的
Okay, she's into
好她很喜欢
spring break, bong rips, slurping shots,
春假吸大♥麻♥ 用吸管喝酒
and crop tops that say "Little cutie."
和上面写着"小美人儿"的露腰上衣
Noice. She is not into...
棒极了她不喜欢的
nerds, wearing pants, needy guys, monogamy, or feminism,
书呆子穿裤子穷♥人♥ 一夫一妻制和女权主义
and her quote is, "Whatever happened to 'Girls Gone Wild'?"
她的引语是 "<狂野女孩>里发生的一切"
This Valerie sounds like a real pill.
这个Valerie听着像是个真实的讨厌鬼
Okay. Let's see who our matches are.
好了我们来看看配对的人是谁
Here we go.
这就对了
Uh-huh.
呃呃
Gross, mm-hmm.
恶心呃
Oh, Hitchcock.
噢 Hitchcock
I mean, "Dave, age 28"?
我是说 "Dave 28岁"吗
Ugh. Come on.
呃得了吧
Oh! Gotcha.
噢找到了
There he is. All right.
就是他好的
And so begins the delicate dance.
这场精致的骗局即将展开
We begin with a simple hello.
我们先简单地说一句你好
And then we wait, so as not to seem too aggressive...
然后我们等着这样看上去就不太有攻击性了
No, he sent us a picture of his penis!
不他发了张鸡鸡照
Oh, God, he just sent 15 more.
噢我的天他又发了15张
Oh, God, it's horrible. But it's wonderful.
噢天哪太可怕了但又太美好了
We're gonna save Jean!
我们要去营救Jean了
Yes, and we're gonna get the mansion back!
没错而且我们要把豪♥宅♥夺回来了
Oh, no. Yeah, he put a little hat on it.
喔不是的他在上面戴了顶小帽子
Hey, there you are.
嘿你在这呢
You okay? Yeah, no burns.
你还好么挺好没烧伤
The doctor said I was lucky my body was so damp.
医生说幸好那时我身上超级潮湿
So why did it take so long?
那怎么检查了那么久
Well, the EMT spent loads of time on Peanut Butter.
嗯急救队员在"花生酱"身上花了很多时间
But you know what?
但是你知道吗
I don't care, because I saved that dumb horse, so I'm the hero.
我不在乎因为我救了那匹蠢马所以我才是英雄
And this time, when I get my medal,
而且这次当我领奖章的时候
my whole face will be in the picture.
我的整张脸都会出现在照片里
You haven't seen "The Post," Have you? What? No.
你还没看<邮报>的报道吧啥还没呢
Why? Somebody was walking by the fire
怎么啦有人从火场经过
and took a picture on their cell phone.
用他的手♥机♥拍了张照片
What? That's not what happened. I saved him.
啥不是这样的是我救了他
That's not how they're reporting it.
他们不是这么报道的
No, look. "Daily News" Got it right.
不看 <每日新闻>就说对了
Yeah.
没错
"Hero Cop Saves Helpless Buffoon."
"英雄警♥察♥救了无助的小丑"
Oh, no. Am I the buffoon?
哦不小丑说的是我么
Uh-oh, dropped your phone. Now we'll never know.
啊噢没拿稳你的手♥机♥ 现在我们永远都没法知道了
Wait.
等等
There was a dash cam in the car.
我们有个记录仪在车里
We have footage of what really happened!
我们有录下真正发生的事情
Brass already called. They don't want us releasing that footage.
Brass打过电♥话♥了他们不想我们披露录像
A hero horse is good PR for the department.
一匹英雄骏马对警局的公♥关♥有好处
Hey, man, uh... Peanut Butter's going on "Ellen."
嘿哥们恩 "花生酱"要上<艾伦秀>了
"Ellen"? That's my dream!
<艾伦秀> 那是我的梦想
Now he gets to dance with DJ tWitch!
现在他要去和DJ tWitch跳舞了
What's going on here?
这是干嘛呢
I'm throwing Teri-with-an-I's party with my own money.
我在用我自己的钱来办结尾是I的Teri的派对
I didn't know her favorite kind of ice cream,
我不知道她最喜欢的冰激凌口味
so I printed a photo of her
所以我把她的照片打印出来了
and showed it to all the ice cream places within 30 blocks.
然后让附近30个街区所有的店家都看过了
Nobody recognized her, so I got every flavor... 200 pints.
没人认出来她所以我把所有味道都买♥♥了 200品脱
This is the greatest day of my life.
这是我人生中最棒的一天
Have you considered this Teri-with-an-I
你有没有想过或许这个结尾是I的Teri
might not be an ice cream person? I did think that.
可能不怎么喜欢冰淇淋我想过这个
That's why there's a taco bar coming. Yes.
所以这马上还会有个卷饼摊没错
Plus barbecue. Yes.
还有烧烤没错
Plus a popcorn guy. Yes.
还有负责爆米花的人没错
Plus vegan options. Why?
还有素食选项为啥
Sergeant, you've become unhinged.
警长你已经疯了
There's always gonna be people in this world who don't like you.
这世界上总是会有人不喜欢你的
That's a fact of life.
这是人生的必然
I hear you, sir.
我明白长官
But I hate the feeling of people being mad at me.
但是我讨厌别人生我气的感觉
So what?
那又怎样
I was voted least friendly in high school,
我在高中的时候被选为最不友好同学
and here I am, a police captain.
然后现在我在这是个警监
Do you know what Mr. Popularity
你知道人气先生
Vincent Mondale is doing these days?
Vincent Mondale现在在干嘛吗
He's a sociologist, for God's sake.
他是个社会学家我的天啊
Sociologist, Terry.
社会学家 Terry
I'm sorry, but I gotta do this.
对不起但是我还是要做这个
Okay, but just know...
行吧但是记住
if you go through with this party,
如果你坚持办这个派对
I will like you less.
我会不喜欢你一些
Hello, Vulture. Got a minute?
嗨秃鹫有时间吗
Doesn't matter. We don't care.
无所谓我们不在乎
Let me guess. You guys are here
我猜猜你们俩来这
to cry about the wedding venue that I stole from you
是来哭诉那个我从你们那儿偷走的婚礼场地的
fair and square, right? No.
合情合理对么不
Actually, we wanna talk to you about some other things.
实际上我们想和你聊些其他事
Like spring break, slurping shots,
比如春假啦用吸管喝酒啦
and hating pants.
还有讨厌穿裤子啦
Wait a second, why does that sound familiar?
等等为什么听起来这么熟悉
I don't know. Maybe you should ask... Valerie.
不知道也许你该问问 Valerie
Yeah, that's right. We catfished you.
没错就是这样我们色♥诱♥诈骗了你呢
You're Valerie?
你们是Valerie
Ah, I can't believe I actually
啊我真不敢相信我真的
wasted my sweet dong snaps on you bozos.
在你们两个蠢货身上浪费了我超赞的鸡♥巴♥照片
All right, here's how this is gonna go.
好了这件事接下来会是这样的
You are gonna break up with Jean,
你会和Jean分手
because we all know you're just marrying her for her money.
因为我们都知道你和她结婚就是为了她的钱
You're gonna do it nicely and respectfully,
你会友善绅士的和她提分手
and you're gonna make a generous donation to her charity.
然后捐一笔慷慨的善款给她的基金
Nice touch, Ames.
补充的好 Ames
You guys got it all wrong.
你们搞错了
I don't care that she's rich.
我不在乎她有多富
Look, I love her.
听着我爱她
I just got spooked.
我就是鬼迷心窍了
You put a vulture into a cage, and...
你把一只秃鹫放进笼子里然后
It freaks out.
它吓坏了
Actually, vultures do very well in captivity
实际上秃鹫在监禁情况下表现的超级好
and they mate for life. Research burn.
而且它们会为了生存结伴研究的力量
All right, look.
好吧你看
I'm deleting the app from my phone as we speak, okay?
我现在马上就把应用从手♥机♥中删掉好吗
Come on. Jean's over 30.
行了吧 Jean都三十多了
No amount of money in the entire world
这世界上有多少钱都不能
could make me marry a woman that old.
让我和这么老的女人结婚
But love can. And will.
但是爱可以还有意愿
You have two options.
你有两个选择
Either you break up with her...
要么你和她分手
Or we send her the penis pics...
要么我们把那些鸡♥巴♥照片发给她
even the one next to the... I'm guessing, a mini soda can?
甚至连那张在我猜是迷你易拉罐旁边的也一起
Nah, it was regular size. Really?
不那是正常大小的易拉罐真的吗
Oh, Jean's here. So what's it gonna be?
喔 Jean来了所以会怎么样呢