公园与游憩（2009）

Parks and Recreation S04E03

Part 3 Jan. 27, 2024, 11:47 a.m.

So, Joan, how is married life treating you?
你丈夫依然知道他是世界上最幸运的男人吗
Your husband still know he's the luckiest man in the world?
Santino和我要离婚了
Santino and I are divorcing.
哦
Oh.
其实挺让人释怀的
It's actually quite liberating.
我是个具有强烈性♥欲♥的女人
I'm a woman with a strong sexual appetite.
我就像是只关在笼子里的孔雀
I'm like a caged peacock,
渴求着双腿间能吹来新风
yearning for the wind on her haunches.
这个比喻太激烈了
That's a powerful metaphor.
或许我们能搞定这个读书会贴纸的事情
Maybe we can get that book club sticker in order,
然后我们能试着打开那个孔雀笼子
and we can work on unlockin' that peacock cage.
情况已经变了 Tom
Things have changed, Tom.
别保证什么你做不到的事情
Don't make any promises you can't keep.
我再喝一杯
I'll have another drink,
右边的这位可爱的焦糖猛♥男♥也是
and so will this adorable hunk of caramel to my right.
干了 Tom
Drink up, Tom.
我要去给鼻子补点粉...
I'm gonna go powder my nose...
还有其他事情
Amongst other things.
你知道我的意思
If you know what I mean.
糟糕
Crap.
她是准备给她的阴♥道♥补粉吗
Is she gonna powder her vagina?
你得帮帮我了哥们 - 为啥
You gotta help me, man. - Why?
看起来还是普通含量的恶心嘛
Seems to be going the usual amount of gross.
不现在完全不一样了
No, this is way different.
她已经没在结婚了
She's not married anymore.
她喝了差不多五瓶酒
She had, like, five bottles of alcohol,
她还叫我"焦糖"
she's callin' me "caramel."
你得在这个情况上泼点冷水啊
You've gotta throw some cold water on this situation.
开始聊一些宅男的东西
Start talkin' about nerd stuff.
你知道的宅男文化现在已经是主流了
You know, nerd culture is mainstream now.
所以你用贬损的方式使用"宅男"这个词的话
So when you use the word "nerd" derogatorily,
意味着你才是处于时代思潮之外的那个人
means you're the one that's out of the zeitgeist.
是的这太完美了就像这样
Yes, that's perfect. Just like that.
要表现得极其无聊
Be incredibly boring.
好吧我有了一点点进展
Well, I've made a little progress.
我跟April到四秒钟了
I'm up to four seconds with April.
嘿 April
Hey, April.
我要找点新音乐听听
I was looking to get some new music,
我在想你能不能推荐点东西
and I was wondering if you could recommend anything.
上网
The Internet.
我真喜欢你的发型
I really like your haircut.
你-你在哪做的啊 - 监狱
Where'd w-where'd you get it? - Prison.
你妹妹怎么样了
How's your sister doin'?
她长疱疹了
She has the shingles.
你在《欲望都市》里最喜欢的角色是谁
Who's your favorite character on Sex and the City?
《家有阿福》里的猪脸外星人
Alf
Alf.
然后...和Ron是九秒钟
And... Nine seconds with Ron.
你被困在一座荒岛上了
You're stranded on a desert island.
你要带去的唯一一样东西会是什么
What is the one thing that you bring with you?
沉默
Silence.
我们做了个快速调查
We did a flash poll.
68%的Pawnee人现在相信你在出生地上撒了谎
68% of Pawneeans now believe you're lying about where you were born.
诚实对选民们是很重要的
Honesty is important to voters.
13%觉得我眼神疯狂吗
13% think I'm crazy-eyed?
什么为什么啊
What? Why?
无所谓我现在就能结束这些
Whatever, I can end this now.
这是我的出生证
Here's my birth certificate.
嗯哼
Mm-hmm.
嗯这上面只写着"Wamapoke郡"
Well, this just says "Wamapoke County."
是啊那是Pawnee所在的郡啊
Yeah. That's the county Pawnee is in.
嗯不行这个做不到
Well, no. This won't do it.
你看你已经为此赌上你的名声了
See, you staked your reputation on this.
所以你需要做的是去Eagleton的郡档案室
So you need to go down to the county records office in Eagleton
拿到长的原版的出生证明
and get the original, long-form certificate.
哦天啊别让我去Eagleton啊
Oh, God. Don't make me go to Eagleton.
Eagleton就是有钱势利混♥蛋♥的地方
Eagleton is the land of rich, snobby jerks.
我书里有整整一章说的都是这个
There's a whole chapter about it in my book.
我可以再写一本关于Eagleton以及它有多蠢的书
I could write a second book about Eagleton and how stupid it is.
书名就叫《Eagleton: 有钱势利混♥蛋♥之地》
And I'd call it Eagleton: The land of rich, snobby jerks.
你好啊欢迎来到Wamapoke郡档案室
Hello... and welcome to the Wamapoke County Records Office,
就在这美丽的Eagleton
here in beautiful Eagleton.
我的名字是Alexis Pratchett
My name is Alexis Pratchett.
省省吧 Alexis
Take it down a notch, Alexis.
我需要一份我出生证明的复印件
I need a copy of my birth certificate.
哦我很抱歉
Ooh, I'm sorry.
需要三到八周才能拿到出生证明
It takes three to eight weeks to receive a birth certificate.
真的吗
Really?
嗨我是Chris
Hi, I'm Chris.
我想问问你能不能给我开个绿灯呢
I was wondering if you might make an exception for me?
哦我很抱歉不行
Oh, I'm sorry. No.
哇那一般都有用的啊
Wow. That usually works.
哦天啊我讨厌这个蠢镇
Oh, God. I hate this stupid town
还有这里所有的愚蠢糟糕的人类
with all its stupid, terrible people.
我需要那个出生证明
I need that birth certificate.
Leslie 在这等着
Leslie, wait here.
Bert Macklin来执行任务
Bert Macklin is on the case.
Andy-- - 不
Andy-- - No.
别担心我能做到
Don't worry. I can do this.
相信我
Believe in me!
那个坏掉了
That's broken.
等等
Hold on.
Leslie 快点说
Leslie. Real quick.
呃把你的姓拼一下
Uh, spell your last name for me.
*我们为男孩们欢呼吧* 嗷
♪ Let's hear it for the boys ♪ Whoo!
哇那真是又长又大声啊
Wow. That was as long as it was loud.
把我带回家吧小饺子
Take me home, dumpling.
到睡觉觉的时间了
It's beddy time.
啊嘿 Ben
Ah. Hey, Ben.
你喜欢《星际迷航》
You like Star Trek.
聊一点点那个吧
Talk about that for a little bit.
他们要拍一部续集了...
They're making a sequel...
我假设还是同样的平行时间线
I'm assuming with the same alternate timeline.
但如果J.J.Abrams和公♥司♥希望我们相信
But if J.J. Abrams and company expect us to believe that it's Spock
是Spock和Uhura擦出浪漫火花而不是Kirk...
with the romantic tension with Uhura and not Kirk...
那我们得说留言板都会发疯的
Well, let's just say, the message boards are goin' nuts.
我想把你俩都带回家然后[哔--]让你们弯下腰
I wanna take you both home and [bleep] bend you over
然后就同时[哔-------------] 嗷
and just [bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep]. at the same time. Whoo!
我要走了
I'm leaving.
等等等等等等
Wait, wait, wait.
我们得把她送回家
We gotta get her home.
Tom 我知道你的事业要失败了
Tom, I know your business is failing,
但这真的不值得啊
but this just isn't worth it.
已经无关事业了哥们
It's not about the business anymore, man.
她-她就是场灾难啊
Sh-she's a disaster.
我们要保证她安全到家
We gotta make sure she gets home safe.
什么鬼啊
What the hell?
好吧我们把她抬上♥床♥
Okay, let's get her on the bed.
好的一 - 哦我的天
Okay. One. - Oh, my God.
二
Two.
三
Three.
随便你怎么说Joan
Say what you will about Joan,
但她真的知道怎么装饰卧室
but she knows how to decorate a bedroom.
哇 - 哦我的天
Wow. - Oh, my God.
我到底在哪啊
Where the hell am I?
我只是想试试这些床单有多软等我一秒钟
I just wanna see how soft these sheets are. One second.
Tom 别来吧我们走
Tom, no. Come on. Let's go.
啊
Ah!
Joan 我们在床边留了杯水和阿司匹林
Joan, we left you some water and aspirin by the bed!
拜
Bye!
搞到了
Got it!