摩登家庭
Modern Family S02E03
Part 4
Dec. 3, 2019, 1:07 p.m.
And I hit that with a bent club.
你不担心会惹上麻烦吗
So you're not worried about getting in trouble?
不害怕上帝会找你茬吗
You know, with god?
我想他有比这更重要的事要操心
Oh, I think he's got bigger things on his plate.
那你也不担心会下地狱吗
So you're not worried about hell?
告诉你点小秘密 孩子
Let me let you in on a little secret, kid.
世上根本没有地狱
There is no hell.
真的吗
Seriously?
没有地狱吗
No hell?
真♥他♥妈♥太棒了
That's fantastic!
那所有的人都会去天堂喽
So everyone just goes to heaven?
对 这个话题到此为止
Yep. End of story.
连坏人也能去天堂吗
Even bad people?
对 他们 他们坏人
Yeah, they're -- they're --
分配到了别的地方 懂吗
they're in another section, see?
上帝都安排好了的
They got this thing figured out.
现在我能打了球了吧
Can I hit this?
该死
Damn it.
你让我分心了
You distracted me.
我什么也没说啊
I didn't say anything!
我能听到你内心的想法
I could hear you thinking.
我正在想你说的那个
I'm thinking about this heaven of yours
到处都是坏人的天堂
that's full of bad people.
不全是坏人 只有很少的一拨人
Not full. The tiniest fraction.
他们都被关起来了
They're walled in.
万一他们越狱怎么办
What if they break out?
有一个火焰湖包围他们呢
They're surrounded by a lake of fire.
天堂里竟然还有火焰湖
They are fiery lakes in heaven?
那简直就跟地狱一样了
This is turning into hell.
谁说不是呢
Tell me about it.
你在干嘛
What are you doing?!
你都告诉佩珀打碎了很多碟子
Well, you promised Pepper broken dishes,
所以...
so...
我要打碎这个
I'm breaking this.
不 不要打碎我的青蛙奖杯
No! Not my frog!
我知道你觉得这很不入眼
I know you think it's tacky,
[美国青少年团体组织 4H分别是Head Heart Hands Health]
但是 这是我第一次参加4-H夏令营
but I happened to have won this at my first 4-H summer camp
在吆喝比赛里偶然得的
in a hollerin' contest.
如果你撒谎撒的好点
Well, we wouldn't have to break anything
我们就不用打破这么多东西了
if you were a better liar.
如果你是想让我感到愧疚
If you're trying to make me feel bad
因为我撒谎撒的没你好
about not being as good a liar as you --
你要干嘛
What are you doing?
你还说衣帽架砸到窗户上了 忘啦
A hat rack fell through the window, remember?
1...2...3
One...Two...Three!
米奇尔 停
Mitchell, wait!
我...我做不到 我退出
I-I-I can't do this. I quit.
撒这些谎 你可能觉得没什么
You might be comfortable with all this lying,
可我觉得很不舒服
but I'm not.
拜托 你别这么装B好吧
Oh, please. Where was all this conscience
那次我可是靠撒谎才把咱俩弄进头等舱的
when I got us into the first-class lounge at the airport
而你却忙着跟安吉拉·兰斯伯里唠嗑
and you chewed Angela Lansbury's ear off.
你知道你是哪种人吗
You know what you are?
你就像是暴徒的老婆
You're like a mob wife.
你看不起自己老公 鄙视他做事的方法
You look down at me and my ways,
但是你却屁颠屁颠地
but you're happy to wear the mink coat
乐于坐享其成
that fell off the back of the truck!
你竟敢这么说我
How dare you?
不用说了 我知道
I know. I know.
真的震得很严重
It really hit us bad.
不是
No.
我只是一直都很惊讶 这个地方是有多小啊
I'm just always surprised how small this place is.
佩珀 你没必要离开派对
Pepper, you didn't have to leave your party
特意来看我们
to come check on us.
顺便说一下 戏服真不错
Great costume, by the way.
这不是我的戏服
This isn't my costume.
这才不是我的工作服 干苦力时穿的
I just threw this on to help you clean up.
没能去你的派对...
Well, about your party...
别心怀愧疚了啦
Oh, don't worry about canceling.
至少你们还有个理由
At least you have an excuse.
不像史蒂文和斯蒂芬
Unlike Steven and Stefan.
他们说他们感冒了
They said they had the flu.
但刚才我还看见他们骑情侣车出去了
Meantime, I just saw them out riding their bicycle.
佩珀 他们太不厚道了
Oh, Pepper, that is horrible.
我去给你弄杯鸡尾酒
I-I'm gonna make you a cocktail.
亲爱的 不用这么麻烦
Oh, honey. Don't go to any trouble.
给我弄杯葡萄干酒就行
I'll just have a Kir Royale.
我是说 我的天啊
I mean, my god,
如果他们不想来我的派对
if they didn't want to come to my party,
直接说嘛
just say it.
我是个大人了 我能扛得住
I'm a big boy. I can take it.
既然你提起来了 佩珀...
Well, since you brought it up, Pepper...
其实我们也不想去你的派对
We didn't want to come to your party, either.
什么
What?
你知道我们是爱你的
Well, you know we love you,
但是这么多年以来 真的成了一种负担
but they've just gotten to be so much work over the years, and...
我们没有黑醋栗甜酒了
we're all out of cassis.
我受不了了
I can't bear it!
我去给你弄杯贝利尼
I will make you a Bellini.
大家都放我鸽子
Everybody canceled on me!
现在你们两个也这样
And now you two!
15年来
For 15 years,
我散尽钱财 心力交瘁
I have killed myself setting a community standard
做出各种新奇主题的早午餐
with my fanciful themed brunches
给大家制♥造♥一个和谐的社区氛围
mounted at great personal expense.
很明显 我一直都是个傻帽儿
Well, clearly, I've been a fool.
佩珀 没人喜欢你的早午餐
No one likes your brunches, Pepper.
没人待见你
No one likes you.
你会孤独终老
You're gonna die alone!
在棕榈泉外的西班牙复古风中驾鹤西去
In a quaint Spanish revival outside of Palm Springs...
[皆为美国旅游度假胜地]
或者奎因塔
Or La Quinta.
我做了回恶人
Yeah. I told him.
恩 看出来了
Yeah. Yeah, I puzzled that out.
我就是不太明白天堂里坏人待的地方
I just don't understand this bad section of heaven.
要是他们把你送错了地方怎么办
What if they send you to the wrong place?
有时候资料会填错
They make mistakes with paperwork sometimes.
去年我就被错误安排在女性生理健康课上
I was put in a girls' health class last year
结果看到了非常可怕滴教育片
and had to watch a very disturbing movie.
淡定
Calm down.
整个上午 别再想什么
Instead of thinking all morning
天堂应该是什么样儿的啊
about what heaven's gonna look like,
不应该是什么样儿的啊 谁该在哪里啊
what it's not gonna look like, who's where.
如果天堂真的存在的话
If there even is a heaven.
我们为什么不专心享受
Why don't we just concentrate
我们眼前 又美丽又悠闲的一天呢
on this beautiful, carefree day that's in front of us?
我宁愿想想你刚才说的那些
I'd rather concentrate on something you just said.
难道天堂真的不存在吗
There might not even be a heaven?
我不知道
I don't know!
可是今天早晨你看起来自信满满
You seemed pretty sure of yourself this morning.
那人死了以后会怎么样呢
So what happens after you die?
一切都是浮云吗
There's just nothing?
听着 我就说了一件小事
Look, you're focusing too much
你却揪着不放到现在
on one little thing that I said.
那些都只是我的直觉好吗
It was just a hunch, okay?
直觉
A hunch?
我没去教堂 就因为你的直觉
I'm skipping church based on a hunch?!
好了 不要吓我 孩子
All right, don't freak out on me here, kid.
你无♥耻♥地玩弄了人家幼小的灵魂...
You're playing pretty fast and loose with my soul.
听着 我要你忘了
Listen. I want you to forget everything
我说的一切 好吗
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