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Modern Family S02E15

Part 1 Dec. 3, 2019, 1:08 p.m.

这不公平你说了让我去的
It's so unfair. You told me I could go.
我说的是
I told you you could go if you
你历史课要拿到"良"才能去可你没拿到
got a B on your History exam, which you didn't.
我有学习功能障碍
I have a learning disability.
课文的字母像是会跑会跳
The letters jump around on the page
而且还颠三倒四的
and appear backwards.
宝贝咱去给医生检查过六七次了
Honey, we had you tested like six times.
相信我我也宁可你真有阅读障碍
Trust me, I was praying for dyslexia.
我的天啊你就不能让我过得开心点吗
Oh, my God, why can't you ever let me have any fun?!
老爸太恶心了
Ew. Ew. Dad, gross.
你的手都是起司味
Your hand smells like cheese!
我不想把餐刀弄脏嘛坐下
I didn't want to dirty a knife. Sit.
咱都知道每次迪蒂姥姥来的时候
Now, we all know when Nana Dede comes to visit,
-你们的妈都会有点... -抽风吗
- your mom can get a little... - Psycho?
-恐怖吗 -像发酒疯吗
- Scary. - Drunk?
都有
All true.
所以我要你们都拿出最棒最乖的一面
Therefore, I need you guys to be on your best behavior.
别担心我一向如此
Don't worry. I'll keep to myself.
我还得练习我的大提琴独奏会曲目呢
I have to practice for my cello recital.
随便你吧
Ohh, fine.
这样吧只要能让你远离你♥妈♥的♥"雷区"
You know what? If it keeps you out of your mom's hair, yes,
就做吧
do that.
卢克如果你妈要抓狂了
Luke, if your mom starts to lose it,
你一定要加倍卖♥♥萌努力让她恢复正常
I need you to lighten the mood by being extra cute.
包我身上我准备好了几招呢
No problem. I've got some stuff prepared.
马麻伦家好口渴哦
"Hey, mom, I'm firsty".
不错吧可爱不
Heh? Adorable, right?
还...还行吧
Yeah, that's... that's good.
别担心我穿上睡衣装可爱的效果就棒了
Don't worry. It works better in my jammies.
小卡莫妮卡这周末来不了莉莉的生日会了
Cam, Monica can't come to Lily's birthday party this weekend.
她妈妈要来芝加哥[双关演音乐剧"芝加哥"]
Her mom's gonna be in Chicago.
太棒了她要演啥
Oh, that's fantastic! What part is she playing?
芝加哥地名
The city of Chicago.
好吧假设现在有枪指着你要你选
Okay. Gun to your head...
你说哪双比较好
which pair should I wear?
拿枪逼我选啊
Oh. Gun to my head.
我选直接毙了我吧
I'd say, pull the trigger.
你这是啥意思
What's that supposed to mean?
不准演费兹波
No Fizbo.
可是为什么不行嘛
Okay, w-why?!
小卡莉莉的生日会焦点应该是莉莉
C-Cam, the center of attention at Lily's party should be Lily,
而不是想要众人关爱的小丑费兹波
not Fizbo the needy clown.
不好意思没听清你说谁想要众人关爱
I'm sorry. Excuse me. "Needy"?
"他们为虾米不笑呢米奇尔"
"Why aren't they laughing, Mitchell?
"为虾米我从嘴里拉出一条手绢来
"Why aren't they clapping
"他们也不鼓掌呢"
when I'm pulling the handkerchief out of my mouth?"
那是条十英尺长的手绢
It's 10 feet long
而且最后一节还绑了四角裤
with boxer shorts at the end.
完全没有理由不鼓掌
It works on so many levels.
好吧但是
Yeah. Well, also,
这毕竟是"小公主"主题生日会所以...
it's a princess theme party, so...
你根本没把派对主题放在眼里吧
I guess you just don't respect party themes.
你居然说这种话
You did not just say that.
对不起这...这说的是有点过分
I'm sorry. That was... That was crossing a line.
非常过分
Yes, it was.
所以呢费兹波能不能"来"生日会嘛
So? Can Fizbo come to the party?
不没戏
No! No!
你是莉莉的爸爸以好爸爸的身份出席就行了
You are Lily's dad. Just be there as her dad.
你是说我现在不是个好爸爸吗
Are you implying I'm not being a good dad now?
你说是就是呗...[双关"如果鞋子合脚"]
Well, if the shoe fits...
不合脚它们都大得吓人
They don't. They're comically large.
老妈
Hey, mom.
爸爸和姥姥停好车了
Dad and nana just pulled in.
克莱尔乖乖
Claire bear!
我的小宝贝儿
Ohh. Oh, my sweet girl!
天啊我都忘了你都长这么大了
Gosh, I forget that you're all grown up.
我总觉得你还是个12岁小姑娘似的
You know, in my mind, you're still 12.
看看咱俩...两个小老太啦
Well, look at us... just two old ladies.
我们回来啦
We're home!
回来就好
Oh, good.
我们给莉莉买♥♥了非常棒的生日礼物哦
And we bought Lily a beautiful birthday gift.
我本来一直争取买♥♥羊毛毯的
Yeah. I was pushing for a cashmere throw.
杰我买♥♥了本有声读物
Look, Jay. It's a talking storybook.
咱们可以把声音录进去
We record ourselves reading it,
这样到了晚上
and then at night,
莉莉就能听着咱们的声音入睡了
Lily can hear our voices before she goes to sleep.
糟透了
Terrible idea.
就说还是羊绒永恒
Unlike the timelessness of cashmere.
别再叨叨羊绒了
Enough with the cashmere!
这礼物哪里糟了嘛
Why is it a terrible idea?
你不记得答录机事件了吗
Don't you remember the answering-machine message?
你好这里是杰...
Hi, you've reached Jay...
和歌♥洛莉亚的家
And Gloria.
请在这之后留下讯息... "嗒"
Please leave a message after the...
你没说"哔"
You didn't say "beep".
如果我说了"哔"字
If I say "beep",
别人可能以为这就是那声"哔"
then the people will think it's the beep.
不会他们知道该等到真正的"哔"声后的
No, I think they're gonna know to wait for the actual beep.
-我不觉得他们会知道 -听我的就对了
- I don't think they'll know. - Just trust me.
那好吧
Okay, fine.
-你好这里是杰... -和歌♥洛莉亚的家
- Hi, you've reached Jay... - And Gloria.
请在"哔"声后留言
Please leave a message after the beeeeeep!
你闹啥呢
What was that?
你跟我讲要"哔"
You told me to make the beep.
我不是让你模仿"哔"声
No, I didn't tell you to make the beep.
我是让你说哔字
I told you to say the word "beep."
如果我说了哔字
If I say the word,
会让人以为那是真的"哔"声嘛
then people think it's the beep.
-那不是真的"哔"声 -那干嘛还要说那哔字
- It's not the beep! - Then why even say it?!
对了
So, anyways,
你肯定猜不到我在机场碰到谁了
you'll never guess who I saw at the airport.
谁啊
Mm. Who's that?
罗比·苏利文
Robbie Sullivan.
罗比...跟我同一个高中的罗比·苏利文吗
Robbie... my Robbie Sullivan from high school?
天啊我有...好几年没见过他了
God, I haven't seen him in...years.
应该是"几十年"了
Decades, really.
我一直挺喜欢他的
I always liked him.
而且我还记得
And as I recall,
你们俩老是对对方毛手毛脚的
the two of you couldn't keep your hands off each other.
真的呀老妈
Oh, really, mom?
当然是...假的
That's...not true.
是真的你日记里写的
It is true. I read it in your diary.
你偷看我日记
You read my diary!
好吧
Well...Yeah.
我我是读过
I-I read it
我这不想看看你嗑没嗑药嘛
because I wanted to see if you were on drugs.
这是爱的管教克莱尔
It's called parenting, Claire.
-那老妈查德怎么样 -伙计
- So, mom, what's going on with Chad... - Okay, buddy.
看来你得提前上前线了
we're gonna need you on the front lines sooner than expected.
准备好卖♥♥萌了没
Are you ready to be cute?
-废话 -上吧
- Please. - Go get 'em.
妈咪伦家的小肚肚咕噜咕噜的呢
Hi, mommy. My tummy's growling.
伦家想吃通心粉粉嘛
Can I have some pas-ghetti?
宝贝你弄痛我了
Sweetie, you're hurting me.
还有今晚去洗个澡吧你头发闻起来像起司
And take a shower tonight. Your hair smells like cheese.
我来开门
I'll get it.
我要一个巨大号♥棒棒糖
Okay, I need a giant lollipop,
现在就要
and I need it now.
我的宝贝妞来了
Oh, there's my girl!
天啊
Oh, my God.