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Modern Family S02E17

Part 2 Dec. 3, 2019, 1:08 p.m.

那是我老妈杰
That's my mother, Jay.
准备好了吗
You ready?
这么好的天我们为什么一定要那样做
It's such a beautiful day. Why do we have to do this?
因为这事办好了
Because when this thing is behind us,
就完事儿了我们就没有后顾之忧了
It's done and we never have to think about it again.
来吧
Come on.
我上周六去了个葬礼我就开始考虑
I went to a funeral last Saturday, and it got me thinking
我和歌♥洛莉亚死后的要葬在哪里
about where Gloria and I were gonna end up after we die.
可不是这一周过得可真太有意思了
Yeah, it's been a fun week.
我不喜欢虎头蛇尾
I don't like loose ends.
所以我打了几个电♥话♥
So I made a few calls.
发现在有人在城里最好的墓地
I found these people selling a couple of primo plots
出♥售♥几块风♥水♥宝♥地♥
in the best cemetery in town.
并不是说我就快入土了
Not that I'm gonna go there anytime soon.
别那么肯定
Don't be so sure...
看看他平时吃的那些培根
with all the bacon that he eats.
行了我吃降胆固醇的药
Well, got to give my cholesterol pills
总要有点用处吧
something to do.
我不管他们是怎么促销的
Mm. I don't care how much they promote it,
甘蓝是配菜
kale is a garnish.
无法独挑大梁的
It's not ready to anchor a meal.
看看这个
Look at this.
天啊是我们在越南机场
Oh, my god! Lily's little hat
给莉莉买♥♥的小帽子
that we bought her at the airport in Vietnam.
还记得她戴着有多可爱吗
Remember how cute she looked in that?
还记得我还曾经戴着它走来走去
Remember how I used to wear it
表现出好像我有个巨大的脑袋吗
and walk around and act like I had a giant head?
你是实力派
Mm-hmm. That was good acting.
你在干什么
So, what are you doing?
我在将领养莉莉的过程
I'm putting together a little scrapbook
做成剪贴簿
of how Lily became ours.
她的领养证明
You know, her adoption certificate,
他们家那个村的几张照片
some pictures of her from her village --
全部开诚布公这样她就不用觉得羞耻了
All out in the open, so she has nothing to be ashamed of.
你还想着这事儿呢
You leaving that on all day?
我还要写本小故事书
You know, and I'm also gonna write a little storybook --
我可以给她当睡前故事讲
you know, something I can read her at bedtime.
就叫"两只猴子和一只熊猫"
It's called "Two monkeys and a panda."
她是亚洲人所以她是熊猫
She's the panda because she's Asian.
-我们是猴子是因为 -我只会画猴子
- And we're monkeys because... - I can draw monkeys.
我觉得这是个绝妙的计划
Okay, well, I think this is a great project,
我相信你一定会完成的
and I believe you are gonna finish it.
-天啊 -怎么了
- Oh, my god. - What?
莉莉的领养证明
Lily's adoption certificate.
-上面写的是莉莉·塔克·普里契特 -对
- Her name is "Lily Tucker Pritchett." - Right.
而不是"塔克-普里契特" 应该是这个才对
Not "Tucker-Pritchett" like it's supposed to be.
名"莉莉" 中间名"塔克"
First name -- "Lily." Middle name -- "Tucker."
姓"普里契特"
Last name -- "Pritchett."
那肯定不对啊
Well, that can't be right.
这可是法律文件
This is a legal document!
她冠的是你的姓
She only has your last name.
而我的姓就只是她的中间名
M-m-my name is just a middle name!
冷静别难过
Stay calm. Don't get upset.
没有人会知道别人的中间名的
Nobody knows anyone's middle name!
-快问快答我的中间名是什么 -斯考特
- Quick -- what's my middle name? - Scott.
你当然知道我的啦我们可是一对
Of course you know mine. We're a couple!
这明显是弄错了
Okay, look, t-this is obviously a mistake.
但表格是你填的
But you're the one who filled out this paperwork.
你不会犯像这样的错误的
You don't make mistakes like this.
一般都是你来改正像这样的错误
You correct mistakes like this.
你是故意的
You did this on purpose.
什么
What?
你把我的名字藏起来
You buried my name,
你的姓就可以独霸鳌头
so your name could have top billing.
我才不要听你指责我
Okay, no, I am not gonnsit here and listen
做了这么过分的事情
to you accuse me of something so horrible!
现在全都说得通了
It makes so much sense now --
为什么所有法律文件你都想填
Why you wanted to fill out all these legal forms.
我是个律师
Okay, well, I'm a lawyer!
所以我填写所有法律文件
I fill out all the legal forms,
从你签了一个12年的健身会员开始就这样了
ever since you signed up for a 12-year gym membership!
会员时间越长省的就越多
The more you spend, the more you save!
我所有的女同事都没时间去用那张温泉券
All the women I work with are too busy to use the certificate.
所以我给温泉那边打了电♥话♥
So I called the spa
希望他们能延长那张券的有效期
and asked them to extend the expiration date.
但他们拒绝了
But they said no.
真的要这样么
Really?
他们可真是打错算盘了
Here's something they didn't count on.
你和菲尔·邓菲过不去你就要吃不了兜着走
You mess with Phil Dunphy, the claws come out.
你的手很好看
You have very nice hands.
像女人的手一样柔软
Soft like lady's.
谢谢你金听你这么说我很高兴
Thank you, Kim. I appreciate that.
我妻子就好像从未注意过
My wife never seems to notice.
就这里了嗒哒
This is it! Ta-da!
嗒哒什么
What is ta-da?
我就是说就在这里了嗒哒
I'm just saying this is it. Ta-da.
"嗒哒"一般是当你按动了开关
"Ta-da" is when you do a flip
或者魔术师把个美女一切两半时说的
or where the magician cuts the pretty lady in half,
而不是当你给别人展示
not when you show someone
你想把他们的尸体塞进一个什么地方时说的话
where you want to shove their dead body.
我才不和你争论"嗒哒"的正确用法
I'm not gonna argue the proper use of "Ta-da."
就在这里了
This is it.
你认真的么在这么一堆柜子里面吗
Seriously? In the file cabinet?
这叫教堂墓穴
It's called a crypt.
你怎么会不懂其中的妙处
And how are you not getting how great this is?
我们身处在豪情似海中的古堡中
We're four down from Bugsy siegel.
不我才不要葬在有墙壁的地方
No. I'm not going into any wall.
我会长眠于地下
I'm going in the ground.
对不起我才不要
Sorry, not me.
我才不要死后
There's enough to not like about death
还要和泥土和虫子相伴
without adding dirt and worms.
那会让我心里一阵阵发毛
The whole thing gives me the willies.
你死了就应该被埋在地下
You die, you go to the ground.
这是自然法则尘归尘土归土
Is natural. You go back to the earth.
在这里你就是一袋骨头
Here, you're just a mushy bag of bones
永远都在腐烂
rotting away for all eternity!
请您节哀
Sorry for your loss.
我们能赶紧从这出去了吗
Can we get the hell out of here?
我该和那个人怎么说
What am I supposed to tell the guy?
告诉他们我们才不希望在死后
Tell them we don't want our bodies
待在这样上帝无法找到我们的小抽屉里
inside these drawers where god cannot find us!
这和咱家的抽屉可不一样
These are not like our drawers at home.
人们可以在这些抽屉里面找到东西
People can find things in these.
我想弄个刘海
I'm thinking of getting bangs.
你绝对应该弄一个
Ooh, you totally should.
你要是有刘海肯定很美
You would be so cute with bangs.
-你的脸型很适合留刘海我就没有
- You have the face for it. I don't.
应该是我老婆
Oh, there's my better half.
金介意帮我接一下吗
Kim, would you mind?
亲爱的你在哪里
Hey, honey. Where are you?
我在去唐尼的路上
Oh, I'm on my way to Downey.
你知道吗
Oh, uh, did you know
卡伦和理查德·卡朋特夫妇是在唐尼长大的吗
Karen and richard carpenter grew up in Downey?
你说这事有意义吗菲尔
What random and not-helpful fact, Phil.
对不起我今天过得不太顺
I'm sorry. I'm -- I'm having kind of a rough day.
我过得也不是很顺利
Yeah, I'm kind of having a rough day myself.
菲尔你得帮我做晚饭了
Look, Phil, I need you to take care of dinner for me.
怎么了
What's wrong?
艾莉克斯弄破了海莉的线衫
Oh, Alex ripped Haley's favorite sweater,
现在我就奔波在商店之间
and now I'm driving around from store to store,