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Modern Family S02E13

Part 4 Dec. 3, 2019, 1:08 p.m.

Okay, I'm just gonna say it.
我们的爸妈太不负责任了
Our parents are totally irresponsible.
我不是说我们撞见
And I'm not just talking about us walking in
他们刚才上演的那变♥态♥一幕的事
on their...little freak show earlier.
算了吧
Just let it go.
这怎么行我们活着已经很幸运了
No. We're lucky to be alive.
他们有多少次让卢克在冬天
How often do they let Luke go -- go to school
穿短裤去上学
in shorts in the winter?
在我体重还没到六十磅的时候
And they let me ride in the front seat
他们就让我坐汽车前座
before I was 60 pounds.
还有我们很小的时候
And they never shut the gate
他们从来不关顶楼的门
at the top of the stairs when we were babies.
你记得你摔地上碰了多少次头吗
Do you know how many times you fell on your head?
记得吗
Do you?
记不得
No.
我们明白你的意思他们这样确实不太好
We get it -- it was bad.
但是我
But, you know, I --
我觉得
I guess...
总比一天到晚都吵架的家长好吧
it's better than having parents who fight all the time.
也许吧
Maybe.
我朋友杰克布的父母离婚了
My friend Jacob's parents are getting divorced.
他必须搬出现在的房♥子
He has to move out of his house.
他们上个礼拜才告诉他
They told him last week.
真惨
That sucks.
他很快就会习惯了
He'll get used to it.
我有一半的朋友父母都离婚了
Half of my friends' parents are divorced.
我朋友也是
Mine too.
这世界太疯狂了
It's insane.
这么说来爸妈依然嘿♥咻♥ 这是件好事
So it's a good thing mom and dad still do sex.
总比老妈忘了关火炉好
Better than mom leaving the stove on,
她这个月已经忘了两次了
which she's done twice this month.
我才发现事情还没到达
I just realized we haven't even gotten
最糟糕的情况
to the worst part of it yet.
最糟糕的情况是什么
Which is?
他们可能会跟我们谈这件事
They're gonna want to talk about it.
也有可能不会
Well, maybe not.
你开玩笑吧
Are you kidding?
他们的家长以前啥都没跟他们谈过
Their parents never talked about anything,
所以他们现在什么都要跟我们谈
so they want to talk about everything.
也对就为了改喝脱脂牛奶这件事
Yeah, they called a family meeting
他们还特别召开了一次家庭会议
when we switched to 1% milk.
我不知道那几个孩子去哪了
I don't know where those kids are.
还有什么比在卧室门上
What is more important
装一把好用的锁更重要的呢
than putting a working lock on a bedroom door?
你还好意思跟我讲大道理
You are one to talk.
你什么意思
What is that supposed to mean?
你不记得
You don't remember
我那次撞见你和老妈干那事了么
when I walked in on you and mom that time?
歌♥洛莉亚我们可以走了吗
Gloria, can we please go now?!
你还是少在这扮清高了老爹
So why don't you just get off your high horse, dad.
至少我在试图解决问题
At least I am trying to handle this
总比你俩当时的态度要端正
better than the two of you did.
我们当时怎么解决的
What did we do?
你兑了一杯鸡尾酒然后就回屋了
You made gimlets and went back to your room.
那你说我们应该怎么办
What were we supposed to do?
你你你们可以跟我谈谈啊
You -- you -- you could have talked to me.
你可以关心一下我是否还好
You could have made sure that I was okay.
你想让我跟你谈吗
Want to talk about it?
好吧我们谈
Yes. Fine.
你妈和我当时在看《哈特对哈特》
Your mother and I were watching
那一集里面有成人镜头
a particularly racy episode of "Hart to Hart".
斯蒂芬妮·鲍尔斯要当卧底扮演应♥召♥女郎
Stefanie Powers had to go undercover as a call girl.
-够了老爸 -还没说完呢
- Mnh-mnh. Dad. - Hang on.
如果你知道我很爱高筒靴
This whole story makes more sense
那么你就不会觉得那件事很诡异了
if you know I got a thing for thigh-high boots.
太恶心了你害我失去了性趣
Oh, gross! Gross. You are ruining sex for me,
还毁了我对靴子的爱
and boots.
用得还顺手吧
Working okay for you?
对对
Oh, yes.
我在给在哥伦比亚的兄弟发邮件
I was sending an e-mail to my brother in Colombia.
我在给他介绍克莱尔
Um, I was telling him about Claire.
我发现我还真是太不了解她了
You know, I realize there's so much I don't know about her.
像是她最喜欢哪个单词
Like, for example, what is her favorite word?
或是她第一只宠物的名字
Or what was her first pet's name?
歌♥洛莉亚我不是傻子
Gloria, I'm not an idiot.
你是想知道克莱尔的密♥码♥吗
Are you trying to get Claire's password?
好吧没错
Okay, fine.
我错给她发了一些东西
I sent her something by mistake.
所以我要赶在克莱尔看到之前
I need to get into Claire's e-mail
进她的邮箱里把它删掉
to erase it before she sees it.
在我看到什么之前
Before I see what?
你好呀克莱尔
Hola, Claire.
你好歌♥洛莉亚
Hi, Gloria.
在我看到什么之前
Before I see what?
这太难启齿了
It's so embarrassing.
是这样的我跟杰
You see, Jay and I --
是歌♥洛莉亚的裸照
It's a naked picture of Gloria.
没错
Yes.
裸照
Naked.
我本来是想发给杰的
I was gonna send it to Jay.
我在照片里是全♥裸♥的正面全♥裸♥
You see everything. The whole body.
-我得坐会儿 -好吧
- I need to sit. - Okay.
老爸
Wow, dad.
你刚才还教育我要
So, you just got done giving me a lecture
锁好自己的卧室门
on the importance of locking my bedroom door
可其实你跑我家来是为了拿回
while in my house to retrieve naked pictures
你妻子不小心发给我的裸照的
that your wife accidentally sent me.
我也是刚意识到这件事有多讽刺
The irony is just occurring to me.
你干吗
What are you doing?
我要删了它
What I'm doing...is deleting it.
干得好
Good for you.
我们去拉斯维加斯吧
Let's go to Vegas!
再见
Ciao!
帮我们个忙别再照相了
Do us a favor -- no pictures.
歌♥洛莉亚等一下
Oh, Gloria, listen.
我们得找个时间谈谈糕饼义卖♥♥的事
We do need to talk about the bake sale at some point.
我有一些担忧
I have some concerns.
-意料之中 -是啊 -走咯
- Of course you do. - Yes. - All right!
我们现在怎么办
What do we do now?
好吧我很担心
Okay, I'm really afraid
我是想错了
of reading this situation the wrong way,
但是我有百分之八十的把握觉得你在勾引我
but I'm 80% sure you're coming on to me.
好吧只剩百分之四十了
Okay, now...40%.
米切尔我们得做出决定了
Mitchell, we need to make a decision.
那个计划很完美
It was the perfect plan.
把地毯转一下她好几年都不会发现那块污渍
Turn the rug, and she wouldn't find the stain for years.
但是我们做不到
But we couldn't do it.
我们太诚实了
We're too honest.
生活中总会遇到那种能反映出你真实人格的时刻
There are certain moments in life that define you,
而这就是其中之一
and this is one of those moments.
实在抱歉我这么久才回来
Oh, guys, I'm so sorry that took so long.
天啊这是怎么回事呀
Oh, my god. What happened here?
这是杰克逊弄的
Jackson did it.
他抢了莉莉的草莓汁就开始喝
He grabbed Lily's strawberry juice and started drinking it.
什么
What?
我们还没反应过来他就已经把它弄洒了
Before we could stop him, it was all over everything.
-天啊天啊 -我们真是一对烂人呀
- Oh, my god. Oh, my god! - We are horrible people.
我只是跟着你说而已
I'm only following your lead.
是啊还不忘在旁边添油加醋
Yeah, so close that you stepped on the back of my shoe.
-过来杰克逊对草莓过敏 -什么
- Come here. Jackson's allergic to strawberries. - What?
他的喉咙会堵住