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Modern Family S11E08

Part 1 Feb. 29, 2020, 11:06 a.m.

亲爱的你在干什么
Honey, what are you doing?
我看了一个超赞的有关念力的视频
I just saw this incredible telekinesis video.
我在努力让一片培根浮在空中
I'm trying to make a piece of bacon levitate.
话说你不需要工作吗
Don't you have to, I don't know, work?
你是说我永远不可能成功吗
Are you saying it'll never happen?
就没有更委婉美好的说法吗
Is there perhaps a more colorful way of saying that?
我知道你是想让我说
I know you're trying to get me to say
"等猪飞起来也就成了"
"It'll happen when pigs fly."
这也算吧
That counts.
什么
What?
天啊
Oh, my gosh!
早上好地球同胞们
Good morning, Earth mates.
早上好法...
Morning, Farr--
我的下背部疼死了
Oh, my lower back is killing me.
有谁看到我的治愈水晶了吗
Has anyone seen my healing crystal?
那可能是我们唯一没见到的你的"东西"了
That may be the only thing of yours we haven't seen.
迪兰的妈妈法拉过来看宝宝
Dylan's mom, Farrah, came to see the babies,
然后她发现她的四角关系
and then she found out that her polyamorous quad
被降格成了三角关系
was downgraded to a triad.
现在我们摊上她甩不掉了
Now we're stuck with her.
四角啊浮想联翩你能想象吗
Polyamory. Can you imagine?
不能
No.
她必须赶紧滚
She needs to go.
法拉法拉
Farrah! Farrah!
法拉
u202dFarrah!
你非得在这里干这个吗
Do you have to do that right here?
很抱歉
Oh, I am so sorry.
我没意识到你希望
I didn't realize you wanted it
菲律宾一直洪水泛滥呢
to keep flooding in the Philippines.
我不希望菲律宾一直洪水泛滥克莱尔
I don't want it to keep flooding in the Philippines, Claire.
-没事我换个房♥间 -好极了
- It's okay. I'll just go in the other room. - u202dGreat.
是杰瑞我不能接
It's Jerry. I can't.
他肯定会唠叨45分钟说他有多想念妈妈
It's gonna be 45 minutes about how much he misses Mom
然后透露过多关于他们性生活的私密内容
and then some overshare about their sex life.
克莱尔他是家人
Claire, he's family.
杰瑞
Jerry.
你还好吗
How are you?
是啊
Yeah.
不我懂我们也很想她
No, I know. We miss her, too.
宝宝们都很好
The babies are great.
是啊不断地在探索这个世界
Yeah, constantly exploring,
总是把手指伸进各种地方
always sticking their fingers in everything.
天啊那可真是...
Oh, whoa, yeah, what a --
真是关于我已故岳母的有趣画面
what a fun image of my late mother-in-law.
真的吗
Really?
我看看我们到时候在不在
Let me just -- Let me just check to see if we're gonna be around.
杰瑞要沿着蝴蝶迁徙路线去墨西哥
Jerry is following the butterfly migration to Mexico
他想明天过来跟我们打个招呼
and wants to stop by tomorrow to say hi.
不可能赶快编个借口
No way. Make up an excuse.
我很不擅长撒谎
I'm a terrible liar.
那可糟了
Tough.
家里绝对不能再多个嬉皮怪人了
The last thing we need around here is another hippie kook.
这一天终于来了我变成跟我爸一样的人了
Oh, it finally happened. I'm my father.
天啊你在这儿啊
Oh, my goddesses, there you are.
克莱尔你愿意
Oh, Claire, would you be comfortable
用这个在我的屁♥股♥上方来回擦几次吗
rubbing this just above my buttocks
我要唱一曲西♥藏♥疼痛赞歌♥
while I offer up a Tibetan pain chant?
那听上去不像我会做的事
Doesn't sound like me.
但我或许认识个人能帮到你
But I might know someone who could help you out.
说实话杰瑞那个...
Honestly, Jerry, it's that, uh...
克莱尔和我最近很不顺
Claire and I have -- have hit a rough patch.
她已经吃了...好几罐生奶油了
She's been huffing... cans of whipped cream.
我是说...
I mean...
快搭救我
Help me.
我们的床下
Underneath our bed
简直就像吃馅饼大赛的后台
looks like backstage at a pie-eating contest.
-邀请他过来 -什么
- Invite him here. - What?
尽快把他弄过来快点
Just get him here as fast as you can. Come on.
实际上杰瑞一切都好
Uh, actually, Jerry, everything's fine.
克莱尔刚刚同意寻求医生的帮助了
Claire just agreed to seek help.
明天见
See you tomorrow.
刚刚是怎么回事
What the hell was that?
杰瑞很寂寞法拉也很寂寞
Jerry's lonely, Farrah's lonely,
他们都来烦我们
they both glom onto us.
我们给他们牵线搭桥他们就可以烦彼此了
We set them up, they'll glom onto each other,
让他用"鼓棒"慢慢敲她的"鼓"吧
and then she can bang his drum.
我美丽的天才
My beautiful genius.
抱歉等一下
Oop, sorry. Hold on.
现在只差帮你也找个奇葩搭伙了
u202dNow I just have to find someone to set you up with.
要把好东西拿来招待客人了吗
Oh, breaking out the good stuff, huh?
你知道吗
Well, you know what?
我们终于跟一对拉拉情侣成为密友了
We're finally close friends with a lesbian couple,
我希望她们能感到被我们珍惜
and -- and I -- I want them to feel as special to us
就好像她们是真正的同性恋一样
as if they were real gays.
小卡她们跟我们一样是同性恋
Cam, they're just as gay as we are.
稍等马上就好
Okay, hold on. One moment.
-好了 -跟我差不多没你这么基
- Bink! - u202dOkay, well, as I am.
好了
Okay. u202d
-嗨 -天啊
- Hi. - Oh, my gosh.
你们真是超有爱的一家
You guys are such a cute family.
天啊那张照片
Oh, gosh, that picture.
那是在一个游乐场拍的
That was taken at an amusement park.
那并非真正的大脚怪
That's not the real Bigfoot.
"真正的大脚怪"
"Real Bigfoot,"
-天啊你真是太搞笑了 -好吧那行
- Oh, my God. You're so funny. - Yeah. Sure. Okay.
就当"他是在开玩笑"吧
Let's go with "He was making a joke."
话说说到家庭...
So, you guys, speaking of families...
我们也想组建个家庭
We're thinking of starting one of our own.
-太棒了 -恭喜
- Amazing. - Congratulations.
你们打算怎么做有什么计划
Oh, how are you gonna do it? What's the plan?
实际上我们正想找你们取取"经"呢
Actually, we wanted to ask you something about that.
每个基佬人生中的某一刻
Eh, there comes a point in every gay man's life
都会遇到拉拉妇妇向他寻求精♥子♥
when a lesbian couple asks him for his sperm.
-除非你是米奇和我 -是啊
- Unless you're Mitchell and me. u202d- Yeah.
我们所有的朋友们都被人找过
All of our friends have been asked,
而我们却被残忍♥地无视了
while we have been cruelly overlooked.
心好痛
It's painful.
那就像未被选中去玩踢球
It's like not getting picked to play kickball.
我倒是从没遇到过这种情况
Well, that never happened to me.
我曾是踢球队的队长
I was my kickball team's captain.
不过那是在大球星伤了腿不得不被安乐死后
Well, only after our star broke his leg and had to be put down.
-它是... -一头驴子
- He was a -- - u202dA mule.
早猜到了
From a mile away.
来吧想问什么都行
Go ahead. Ask us anything.
你知道我们对你们的评价很高
Well, you know we think the world of you guys.
-是吗 -我们对你们也一样
- Yes? - u202dAnd we, you.
首先
First of all,
如果我们不领养你们会对我们有看法吗
would you judge us if we didn't adopt?
那很自私吗
Is that selfish?
-不会 -当然不会
- Um, no. - u202dNo.
真让人松了一口气
Oh, that's such a relief.
接下来的一步
Now, the next step
就是找一个...
is finding someone who can --
捐精的人
Donate?
没错
Yes.
我们不希望跟对方有经济上或别的牵扯
You know, we don't want anyone involved financially or otherwise,
所以我们打算去找精♥子♥银行
so we were just thinking of going to the sperm bank.
那是个好的选择
That's a good option,
但一定要确保门卫很帅
but make sure the janitors are handsome,
因为他们有进入任何地方的钥匙
because, you know, they have the keys to everything.