摩登家庭
Modern Family S11E16
Part 4
April 14, 2020, 9:06 a.m.
Grandpa Phil, huh?
我是也不介意以后学老人在健身房♥裸身刮毛啦
Guess I could get used to shaving naked at the gym.
最难受的部分是 孩子们以后不需要我们了
The hardest part is, our kids aren't gonna need us anymore.
虽然这也表示我们教育他们很成功
And it does means we raised them right.
往好的方面想
On the bright side,
他们其中一个还吸了客厅的地毯
one of them actually vacuumed the living room rug,
看起来跟... 全新的一样
and... looks brand new.
- 快帮我 -别理她 我比较需要你们
- Guys, help! - Don't listen to her! I need you more!
我在派对上打翻了饮料 然后道格...
I spilled my drink at the party, and Doug came...
我们办了一个派对 有个养蛇的男的来了
We had a huge party, and a snake guy came,
滑倒崴了脚
and slipped and hurt his ankle,
蛇偷下了蛋 然后蛇蛋意外地...
and the snake laid eggs, and it accidentally
他说要告我们 除非我...
and now he's gonna sue us unless I...
-混进了复活节彩蛋里 -闭嘴
- got mixed in with the Easter eggs... - Shut up!
妈 我知道你跟我说过别买♥♥贵的太阳眼镜
Mom, I know you told me not to buy expensive sunglasses
因为我肯定会搞丢 但是我...
because I'd only lose them, but then I...
在你头上呢
They're on your head.
那就好
Oh. Cool.
你找到了吗
Hey! You find it?
没 但是我刚才意识到
No, but I just realized
为什么人家把骰子丢了两个1叫"蛇蛋"了
why they call rolling two ones with dice "Snake eggs."
那是叫"蛇眼"
That's snake eyes.
是吗 那我刚才意识到了什么鬼啊
Oh. Then what did I realize?
别担心 我来搞定
Don't worry. I got this.
你为什么要穿兔子装
What's with the bunny suit?
我需要有个不让人起疑的理由出来院子啊
Well, I needed a plausible reason to be out in the yard.
-这是你家啊 -其实是我喜欢这变装服啦
- It's your house. - Okay, I-I like the costume.
我找到一个啦
I found one!
-糟糕 -我来
- Oh, no! - On it!
我从没看过那么多漂亮的彩蛋呢
I've never seen so many pretty ones.
妈妈
Mama!
复活节兔兔偷了我的桶子
The Easter Bunny stole my basket!
那是因为我是复活节大盗啊
T-That's because I'm the Easter Bandit.
你过去这年有点不乖
You were a little bad last year.
我知道啦
I know.
我有五个啦
I have five now!
五个彩蛋吗
Five eggs?!
那恭喜你啊
Well, congratulations!
你可以用这五颗蛋
You get to trade these five eggs
换这一个...
for one...
太阳能小径灯
solar path light!
这颗蛋在动
This egg's moving!
稍等 稍等 稍等
Wait, wait, wait!
等等等等等
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
那是颗魔法蛋
That is a magic egg.
闭上你的眼睛许个愿
Close your eyes and make a wish.
好了
Okay.
-我的蛋呢 -消失了 我得走啦
- Where's my egg? - Disappeared. Gotta go!
那能不能至少跟你合照一张呢
Uh, can I at least get a picture with you?
爷爷
Grandpa!
快速拍一张
One very quick pic.
抱歉 不小心手指挡住镜头了
Uhp! Got my own finger. Sorry.
拍到我自己了 怎么会这样
Well, that's me. How'd I do that?
好了
Here we go.
等等 有电♥话♥打来了
Wait. I'm getting a call.
我有认识在特拉华州的人吗
Who do I know in Delaware?
让它转语♥音♥信箱吧 吉姆
Let it go to voicemail, Jim!
好的
Okay.
别扭来扭去了 复活节兔子
Stop squirming, Easter Bunny!
一
And one...
三
Three!
-拍好了 -祝大家今年愉快
- Got it. - Have a good year, everybody!
要乖一点 尤其是你
Be good! Especially you!
到底有什么急事 艾丽克斯
What is the big emergency, Alex?
我正在用吸尘器给自己做假吻痕
I was using my Shop-Vac to give myself a hickey
要在游戏之夜跟兄弟们炫耀呢
to show the guys at game night.
你好啊 道格
Hello, Doug.
妈妈来了
Oh. The mother.
艾丽克斯不会跟你去游戏之夜了
Look, Alex isn't coming to game night.
她也不会再帮你做肋排 帮你洗衣服
She's also not cooking you ribs, doing your laundry,
以及帮你得到线上工商管理学硕士学位
or getting you an online M.B.A.
其实这件事我可能会完成它
Actually, I might finish that.
-我觉得我们会上院长嘉许名单呢 -嘘
- I really think we could make the Dean's List. - Tch!
我们有过约定
Well, we had a deal,
所以如果她不遵守约定
so if she's not gonna keep up her end,
那我就只能去告她了
I guess I'll just have to sue.
不不不 道格
Oh, no, no, no, Doug.
我觉得这件事情呢
I think that we can work that out
我们现在就能在这里摆平
right here, right now.
你觉得...
What do you think...
这个数如何
of this number?
后面如果多一个0的话我会满意许多
I'd like it a lot better with another zero on the end.
好吧
Oh. Okay.
我怪我自己
Well... I blame myself.
你 你试图灌输给孩子
You... You try to instill
要有责任心 而结果...
a sense of responsibility in your children, and...
很明显我很失败
obviously, I failed.
我真是一点都没什么好意外的
I don't know why I'm surprised.
这就是我的人生吧
It's the story of my life.
婚姻无爱 找不到工作 现在又...
Loveless marriage, no job, and now...
不知为何 我居然敢自以为
Some reason, I thought that being a mother
当母亲是我唯一做得还行的事
would be the one thing I got right.
能请你高抬贵手 等起码周三再去兑现吗
Could you at least wait till Wednesday to cash this?
不能
No.
你悲惨的人生我很遗憾
Sorry about your miserable life.
我相信你能振作起来的
I have faith that you'll get it together.
-哎哟 -妈妈
- Ohh! - Oh, Mom!
我的手腕
Oh! Oh, my wrist!
-我的手腕啊 -天啊
- My wrist! - Oh, my God.
骨折了 他推的我
It's broken! He pushed me!
-我才没有呢 -有 你就有 我看到了
- No, I didn't! - Yes! You did! I saw it.
你虐待老人
That's elder abuse.
你惹错阿嬷了
You messed with the wrong Gamma.
简单来说 道格跟我决定互不赊欠
Long story short, Doug and I decided to call it even.
而多亏有我 没有孩子被蛇咬
And, thanks to me, not one child got bit.
你真的要留下这玩意吗
Are you really gonna keep that thing?
不能有人跟我说话时不问我的蛇吗
Do we always have to talk about my snake?
这太快了
Okay, this is too soon.
她应该再过两周才生啊
She wasn't supposed to give birth for two more weeks.
就是说嘛 不是我想批评女人
Yeah, and, you know, not to be critical of women,
但是再憋一阵子才生能有多难呢
but how hard is it just to hold it in?
我可是试过喝了超大杯咖啡
You know, I had that giant coffee
然后憋着看完曼尼的独角戏《万尼亚舅舅》
and sat through Manny's one-man "Uncle Vanya."
我们... 我们还没弄好婴儿防护措施
We... We... We still haven't baby-proofed.
我们没... 没有换尿布台
We don't... We don't have a changing table.
我也还没开始画
I haven't even started
宝宝婴儿床上方的天花板壁画呢
painting the mural above the baby's crib yet.
看来早生这事也还是有一点好处的
Okay, so I guess there are some positives.
爸爸们
Guys!
莉莉 抱歉 我忘了你在后座
Lily, I'm so sorry. I forgot you're back there.
每次你说话 感觉都像是有鬼跳出来了
And every time you speak, it's like a... a ghost popping out.
后座没有幼童安全椅
There's no carseat back here.
莉莉 你不需要幼童安全椅了
Okay, Lily, you don't need a carseat.
亲爱的 别闹了 别什么事都扯到你身上
Honey, not everything is about you! Come on!
是给宝宝坐
For the baby!
我天 我的天啊
Oh. Oh, my G... Oh, my God!
它被收起来了 在搬家车上
It's packed away. It's... It's in the moving truck.
好 但能... 能请你快点吗
Okay, but can... can you hurry?
抱歉我来晚了
Sorry I was late.
有个烟鬼[警♥察♥]摆了一个补熊夹[测速]
A smokey set up a bear trap,
以下都是卡车司机行话
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