摩登家庭
Modern Family S11E06
Part 2
Nov. 23, 2019, 10:44 a.m.
W-Without consulting me?
你不是一直说可以接受
Well, you always said you were okay
全家搬回密苏里吗
with moving back to Missouri at some point,
把我们的小家乐变成农家乐
turning our little family into a "farmily."
你知道我很讨厌那个词
You know I hate that word.
为什么 意思清楚还很有趣啊
Why? It's descriptive and fun.
而且你知道吗 如果我得到这份工作
And you know what? Look, if I got this job,
我就会是历史上第一个公开出柜的
I would be the first openly gay college football coach
大学橄榄球教练
in history,
我以为你会支持的
and I would think you'd support that.
我也以为你会先问过我之后
And I would think that you would ask me
才举家搬迁搞农家乐
before uprooting our whole farmily --
该死 我被洗♥脑♥了
Damn it, it's in there now!
你们好呀 小可爱们
Hello, mis ninos.
谢谢你帮我们照看几小时宝宝
Thank you so much for watching the babies for a few hours.
如果你分不清谁是谁
If you have trouble telling them apart,
就脱掉他们的纸尿裤
just take off their diapers.
我在乔治的纸尿裤里面写了他的名字
I wrote George's name inside his.
我的曾孙们来了
There's my great-grandchildren.
他们能认人了吗
Do they recognize faces?
我需要给他们塞点钱
Do I need to start slipping them cash
好让他们知道谁才是老大吗
to let them know who's in charge?
外公 你不用花钱贿赂他们
Grandpa, you don't need to buy their love.
给我吧 我会把你夸上天
Buy mine, and I'll talk you up.
我们要照顾宝宝吗 我要不要取消高尔夫球
Are we babysitting? Should I cancel golf?
不不不 我知道让你跟你的朋友
No, no, no, no, I know how important it is
一起抱怨现在的年轻人
for you and your friends to complain about
跟你们那一代人
how young people today
不太一样是多么重要
are slightly different than your generation.
范·迪塞尔就是嘴里不含棒棒糖
Vin Diesel is just Telly Savalas
没什么名言的泰利·萨拉瓦斯而已
without the lollipop and a great catchphrase.
好了 你俩 我知道新手爸妈的二人时光
Okay, and you two, I know how precious alone time is
有多宝贵
for new parents,
-所以你们都走吧 -拜拜
- so everybody go. - Bye-bye!
下午玩得开心哦
Have a great afternoon!
好了 小可爱们 歌♥洛莉亚为你们
Okay, mis niños, Gloria has planned
安排好了一个刺♥激♥的下午
a very exciting afternoon for you.
你们看
Let's see.
准备好拒绝撒旦
Who is ready to reject Satan
和他的空头支票了吗
and all his empty promises?
今天 我要偷偷地给宝宝们施洗礼
Today, I'm having the babies secretly baptized,
让他们成为天主教♥徒♥ 和加入我们这个成员间
both into Catholicism and into the crazy things
互相恶搞的疯狂家庭
we do to each other in this family.
-绝对不行 -讲点道理 扎西
- Absolutely not! - Okay, be reasonable, Tashi.
今晚对我来说是个很重要的比赛
I -- Tonight's a big game for me.
我必须表现出我的权威
I -- I need to project authority,
可你这样捣乱破坏了我的权威
and your antics undermine me.
那就做好准备吧 教练
Well, buckle up, Coach,
因为我要继续搞大事情
'cause I'm taking it up a giant notch
把今天的比赛录下来放到我的大学申请里
and taping today's game for my college apps.
你肯定能进大学的啊
Okay, you're gonna get into college.
你成绩很亮眼
You have fantastic grades.
你说得可对了呢 成绩很好的亚洲小孩
Oh, you're right -- an Asian kid with great grades.
真新鲜
That's fresh.
我必须确保能被录取
I need to guarantee a spot.
扮吉祥物就让我很有特点
Mascot-ing sets me apart.
听好了 臭小鬼
Listen, you little punk.
我可以禁你的赛
I could suspend you.
你的梦想大学看到
How would your fancy colleges
这个记录会怎么想呢
like to see that on your record, huh?
想得美
Nice try,
但是根据最高法♥院♥
but, uh, my free expression
在北达科达州诉班迪托案中的裁决
is protected by the Supreme Court ruling
我的自♥由♥表达权是受到保护的
in North Dakota vs. Bandito.
你 你这个窃取中场光芒的小偷
Oh, you -- you halftime hacks.
毫无良知 毫无荣誉
No scruples, no honor.
这又是在为小丑的事不爽吗
Is this a clown thing again?
我们小丑一根
We clowns have more humanity
精灵古怪的超大号♥小指头
in one of our whimsically oversized pinkies,
也比穿着臭烘烘连身公仔服的你要有人性
more than you do in your entire stinky costume.
你个油头粉面的精英主义者
You powder-faced elitists,
戴着你的红鼻子瞧不起所有人
looking down your red noses at everybody!
你清醒一点吧
Wipe the pie out of your eyes.
革命就要开始了
The revolution is coming!
-我们非得在周六做吗 -抱歉
- Do we really need to do this on a Saturday? - I'm sorry.
尼克本来应该在
Nick was supposed to sign these
他去斐济之前签好的
before he left for Fiji...
而且大家都得领工资了
...and people need to get paid.
我们可不都住这种豪♥宅♥
We don't all live in mansions.
这算什么豪♥宅♥ 玛格丽特
This is hardly a mansion, Margaret.
我们为什么要给个萨满法师开这么大的支票
Whoa, why are we writing a huge check to a shaman?
尼克根据萨满预言招实习生
Oh, Nick took the interns on a vision quest.
至少女实习生是这样
Well, the female ones.
真恶心
Gross.
大家好 斯库特[滑板车]到了
Hey, guys. Scooter's here.
太好了
Great.
等不及要听听这个绝佳的点子了
Can't wait to hear this amazing idea.
等等 等等
Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on.
还记得我们说要立场一致
Can we just remember we're on the same team
绝不能让卢克退学吗
and Luke can't drop out of school?
所以别让我当坏人啊
So please don't make me the bad guy.
亲爱的 他们都还是孩子
Honey, they're kids.
我不想打击他们的志气
I don't want to crush their spirit.
他们只是
They're just --
他们只是想寻求一点指引
They're just looking for a little guidance.
那我们就指引他们回到大学里
Oh, we're gonna guide them right back into college.
玛格丽特 稍等我几分钟
Margaret, this is gonna take a few minutes.
我们去客厅 你可以在这等会儿吗
Do you mind hanging here while we're in the living room?
我就在这间客厅等着好了
I'll just wait here in this other living room.
老天 暴殄空间啊
My God, the waste.
爸妈 这位是斯库特·李维尔
Mom, Dad, this is Scooter Rivael.
-菲尔 克莱尔 幸会 -你好
- Phil, Claire, nice to meet you. - Hi.
卢克对你们二位赞誉有加
Luke said such wonderful things.
等等 你就是斯库特吗
Wait. Um, you're -- you're Scooter?
我本以为会是更年轻一点的人
I-I was expecting someone younger,
穿滚轮鞋 背双肩书包之类的
maybe wearing Heelys and a backpack.
我真名叫斯考特
Uh, well, my real name's Scott,
不过在我和卢克相遇的俱乐部里
but Luke and I met at the club
大家都叫我斯库特
where everyone calls me Scooter.
或更难听的名字
Or worse.
我们来听听你们的发财大计吧
So, let's hear this big idea, huh?
好 像我们排练的那样说
Okay. Well, just like we rehearsed it.
你可以的 兄弟
You got this, buddy.
还记得之前我白天吃夜间服用的药
Remember when I took nighttime medicine in the daytime
结果摔下楼梯了吗
and fell down the stairs?
还用问吗
Yeah. Remember?
是我把你脱臼的十根手指一根根扳回去
I bent all your fingers back into their sockets.
之后我不得不去看了三种科目的医生
Well, I had to go to three different doctors,
每个医生都叫我填写同样的表格
and every one of them made me fill out the same forms.
隆重介绍 医疗填表器
Introducing FormFiller Med,
这是个安全加密的手♥机♥应用
a secure encrypted mobile app
只需用手♥机♥轻碰一下 你的医疗和保险信息
that transfers your medical and insurance info
就能转发到你医生的办公室
to your doctor's office with a tap of your phone.
不用再反复填写同样的无聊表格
No more filling out the same boring forms over and over again.
我给俱乐部几个老家伙说了这个点子
I ran the idea by a couple old guys at the club,
-他们都很喜欢 -对 而且我们当时还没醉
- and they loved it. - Yeah, and we weren't even drunk yet.
酗酒每天导致数百万人丧命 并不好笑
Alcoholism kills millions of people a day.
我知道你们在想什么
I know what you're thinking --
医生会支持吗
Will doctors go for this?
我们调查了两百多位医生和医务人员
We polled over 200 doctors and medical personnel,
93%的人说很乐意付我们月费
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