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Modern Family S11E14

Part 1 Feb. 29, 2020, 11:07 a.m.

晚安三角形晚安正方形
Good night, Triangle. Good night, Square.
谢谢你们让我们看到学习有多么快乐
Thanks for showing us how fun it is to learn.
你能去拿下他们的睡衣还是我...
Do you want to get their pajamas, or should I...
接下来播出《血腥杂交7: 器官囤积者的崛起》
Next, "Blood Orgy 7: Rise of the Organ Hoarder."
天啊
Oh, my God!
为什么
Why?!
为什么
Why?!
你是丹尼尔·布恩吗
Are you Daniel Boone?
你是谁
Who's asking?
我是来参观下肯塔基州的
I just came to see Kentucky,
全国第五大烟草出产州
the fifth-largest tobacco producer
和第三大产煤州
and the third-largest coal producer in the country.
我感觉身临其境
I feel like I am there.
唯一比儿童剧院更让人痛苦的
The only thing more painful than children's theater
就是我背部的疼痛
is what's going on with my back right now.
你为何不好好服用医生开给你的药
Why can't you take the pills that the doctor gave you
这样你就能享受你儿子的精彩表演了
so that you can enjoy your son's tour de force?
我只需要伸展一下身子
I just need a little stretch.
这年头有点小毛病医生就给你开药
Doctors give you pills for everything today.
现在我们需要一位志愿者
Now we need a volunteer.
普里契特先生谢谢你的热情参与
Mr. Pritchett, thank you for your enthusiasm.
什么
What?
我们的一位小演员被他继父绑♥架♥了
One of our players has been kidnapped by his stepfather,
但是演出必须进行下去
but the show must go on.
每当一块领土成为新的州就在国旗上放颗星
Place a star on the flag every time a territory becomes a state.
说真的但是警方...
Seriously, but do the police --
来点掌声怎么样
How 'bout a round of applause?!
快点观众快要失去兴趣了
Faster, please. We're losing them.
你在哪儿呢
Where are you?
你要错过乔的《美国团结50州》演出了
You're missing Joe's tribute to the 50 nifty United States.
我在家躺在床上呢重感冒
I'm at home in bed with the worst cold.
恐怕我们全家都中招倒下了
Afraid the whole family's down.
恐怕有几棵绿植都倒下了
Might've even lost a few house plants, yeah.
好了我得休息了
Okay, well, I'm gonna get some rest now.
好的保重
Alright. Take care.
菲尔
Phil!
你跟我说你把你♥爸♥的房♥车卖♥♥掉了
You told me you sold your dad's RV!
你还跟我说你要跑5英里呢
And you told me you were running your 5-mile loop!
这条街在你3英里跑步路线上
This street is on your 3-mile course,
所以你到底是在生谁的气呢克莱尔
so who are you really mad at, Claire?
歌♥洛莉亚我们很抱歉
Gloria, we are so sorry,
但我们没办法去看小乔的演出了
but we're not gonna be able to make it to Joe's play.
不是因为罗纳多的妈妈她...
No, no, Ronaldo's mom, she had --
她做了个紧急手术
well, she had emergency surgery,
他和胡娇把他们的大丹犬放到我们家寄养了
and, uh, he and Pepper dropped off their Great Danes
事先完全没通知
to our place with no warning.
不别碰那个千万别碰花瓶
No! No, stay away from that! Not the vase!
抱歉歌♥洛莉亚我得先挂了
Sorry, Gloria. I gotta go.
你就不能用患感冒当借口吗
You couldn't just say you had a cold?
是啊亚伯拉罕·林肯
Oh, yeah, and Abe Lincoln,
他可以简单地说"87年前"
he could've said, "87 years ago,"
哈姆雷特也可以说"不如我自杀算了"
and Hamlet could've said, "Maybe I'll kill myself."
不行最后的那场收尾戏
No, it's the finishing touches
才是决定作品超凡脱俗的关键米奇尔
that separate the merely good from great, Mitchell!
亲爱的我知道你对这事很紧张...
Sweetie, I know you're really tense about this --
别别说别乱说招致霉运
No, no, no! Don't jinx it, don't jinx it!
-小卡要去那个大学当主教练... -打住打住
- Cam is up for head coach at the University of Nor-- - Bup, bup, bup!
打住打住
u202dBup, bup!
小卡有可能去中北部密苏里学院
Cam is up for head football coach
当橄榄球主教练
at the University of North Central Missouri.
那是他梦想的工作
It's his dream job,
他们今天会打电♥话♥给他告知结果
and they're supposed to call him about it today,
这让他有点疯狂
and it's making him a little crazy.
实际上...
In f-fact --
克莱尔向来都是我爸最爱的孩子
C-Claire's always Dad's favorite,
我对此真的很气愤
and I-I'm really miffed about that.
天啊又在说这破事啊
Oh, boy. This again, huh?
好了继续说
Okay. No, go on.
-我准备好了 -我的老天
- I'm ready. u202d- Oh, my God!
-亲爱的你好美看看她 -小宝贝
- Honey, you look gorgeous! Look at her. - Ah, sweetie!
我能根据我的初次约会给你点建议吗
Now, may I give you a piece of advice from my first date?
别说你有多想要孩子
Don't say how much you want to have kids,
别哭你的妆会花掉的
and don't cry, because your makeup will run.
我更担心我的约会对象看到你们俩会夺路而逃
I'm more worried about my date running when he sees you two there.
你们不会注意到我们的存在好吗
You'll barely even notice us, okay?
做你真实的自我就好你很风趣幽默的
Just be yourself. You are -- You're so funny.
你可以跟他说那个有趣的故事
Okay, tell that funny story
就是一个老醉汉亲吻驴子的那个
of the old drunk guy who was kissing the donkey.
干嘛扯我家你的家人就很完美吗
Oh, because your family's perfect?
好了天啊来了来了
Okay. Oh, my God! That's it!
工作那边打来的
That's the job!
我的手♥机♥在哪儿我的手♥机♥在哪儿
Where's my phone?! Where's my phone?!
这简直是最糟糕的事...
This is the worst thing that could be happ--
好吧只是我的冥想程序而已
Okay, it's just my mediation app.
好了你得控制下你男人
Okay, you need to control your man.
如果他今晚收到的是坏消息
If he gets bad news tonight
然后在兰迪面前崩溃了
and melts down in front of Randy,
我就可以跟与他吻别这件事"吻别"了
I can kiss "kssing him goodbye" goodbye.
没事的有我在呢我们走吧
Okay, no, I gotcha, I gotcha. Come on, let's go.
我理解我们都会对我们父母的东西
I understand we all get attached to things
有深深的依恋感不舍得处理掉
that belonged to our parents.
不是这原因
That's not it.
我这么做是为了让你跟我享受一些冒险旅程
I'm doing this so you and I can have some adventures.
难道你看不到当我们驾车驶过金门大桥时
Can't you see yourself making lists and folding shirts
你在列清单叠衣服的画面吗
while we drive across the Golden Gate Bridge?
我们永远不会用上这车的
We're never gonna use this thing.
耗油太狠找个停车的地方要一小时
It guzzles gas, and it takes an hour to park.
那就停在这里吧
Well, then leave it here.
你多年来一直想要一间客房♥啊
You've always wanted a guest house.
我不要餐桌上还有安全带的客房♥
Not one with seat belts at the dining table.
没得商量迪兰
No discussion, Dylan.
我们要带他们去看婴儿心理医生
We're taking them to see a baby psychiatrist.
你还是在纠结那部疯电影吗
Are you still talking about that crazy movie?
孩子的纯洁心灵被毁了
Well, it messed them up!
我们带他们去了公园
We took them to the park.
玩秋千他们觉得无聊
Swing set -- bored.
看萌萌小松鼠他们打鼾
Cute squirrels -- snore.
然后有个老太太在遛狗
Then an old lady walking her poodle
绊了一跤被拖着从玫瑰花丛里穿过
trips and gets dragged through a rosebush,
这两个孩子竟然笑出声
and these two burst out laughing
就像两个玩挠痒痒大战的神经病
like two stoners in a tickle fight.
你们肯定只是反应过度啦
I'm sure you're both overreacting
所有新手爸妈都会这样
the way all new parents do.
不妈妈我们要把小孩养坏了
No, Mom, we're screwing this up.
我们最少也需要寻求些帮助
At the very least, we need help,
比如互惠生[一对]保姆之类的
like -- like an au pair or something.
那是两个保姆的意思对吗
That's two nannies, right?
-正确 -好
- Correct. - u202dOkay.
你们看他们对那只蝴蝶多温柔呀
Look at how gentle they're being with that butterfly.
看见没你们只是瞎操心...
See? You two were worrying for no--
-他们把蝴蝶撕碎了 -天啊
u202d- They're tearing it apart. u202dOhh! - Oh God!
这样好不好我们把孩子们交给亲家母
What do you say we leave the babies with Farrah
我们几个大人出去边吃晚饭边商量这事
and the grown-ups go out and talk about this over dinner?
好主意
Great idea.
可是有四个人耶
Oh! Four people, though.
普通轿车坐不下呢
Try fitting that in a regular car.
等一下
Wait a minute.
要是我们开那辆房♥... 你逗我呢吗
What if we took the R-- you kidding me?!
提醒我买♥♥些车轮锁啊
Remind me to buy some wheel blocks!
天啊莉莉需要我帮她一把
Oh, God. Lily needs my help.