摩登家庭

Modern Family S11E04

Part 3 Nov. 23, 2019, 10:43 a.m.

this stunt's got Sue Liu written all over it.
苏·刘
Sue Liu.
你修完了吗
Are you done?
我十点要带客人看♥房♥♥子
I have a showing at 10:00.
你好苏·刘
Hello, Sue Liu.
菲尔
Phil.
你逢凶化吉了我真欣慰
So glad you landed on your feet.
我还是房♥产经纪
I'm still a Realtor!
我靠就没件事能如愿的
Son of a bitch. Can one thing go my way?
给你一分钱来谈谈心吧[俗语]
Penny for your thoughts?
为什么你的一分钱还不是我的
Why? It'd just be my penny anyway.
很明显你内心受伤了
Obviously you're hurt
因为妈妈最近都忽视你
because Mom's been neglecting you lately.
-我能给你个建议吗 -不要
- Can I give you a little advice? - ‭Nope.
-拜托别用冷暴♥力♥对她 -我就要用冷暴♥力♥对她
- Please don't ice her. - I'm gonna ice her.
杰你要是表现得像个死小孩一样
Jay, you're just gonna make things worse
只会让情况变得更糟
if you act like a child.
喂我就是小孩
Hey, I'm a child.
你这么说踩中我痛处伤了我的感受
That triggers me and hurts my feelings.
嬉皮私立学校教的什么反歧视娘们玩意
Damn hippie private school.
以后哪来的爷们为国家出征打仗哪找
Who's gonna fight the wars, guys? Who?
与其把妈妈推走不如给她一个回家的理由
Rather than push Mom away, give her a reason to come home.
多年来女性都痴痴在家等待丈夫归来
For years, women have been waiting at their door
手上拿着马丁尼不着寸缕
for their husbands, martini in hand,
只包着减肥用的保鲜膜
wearing nothing but Saran Wrap.
或许现在该轮到你了
Maybe it's your turn.
你可不想看到我全♥裸♥包保鲜膜的样子
You don't want to see this in Saran Wrap.
只是比喻说法拜托啦
It's a metaphor. Come on.
做些贴心的事情况一定会有所好转的
Do something sweet, and I bet the whole thing turns around.
谁更懂得如何爱我妈我还是你
Who knows better how to love my mother, me or you?
你最好找份带有看心理医生福利的工作
You better get a job with mental-health benefits
等你这恋母情节大爆发可就太晚了
before all that bubbles up.
我们的法律责任是什么
So, what is our legal liability?
问我吗
Oh, me?
你是我们的律师对吧
You're our lawyer, right?
好吧
Right.
仍不断收到信息更新不过到目前为止
Well, still getting updates, but so far,
我们知道偷♥窥♥狂是我们公♥司♥的几个工程师
we know the Peeping Toms were a couple of our engineers.
以前只在墙上挖个洞偷♥窥♥的好日子
Whatever happened to the good old days
怎么一去不复返了
when people just drilled a hole in the wall?
你就抱持这个立场吗
That's the stand you want to take?
这事能保密不外传的对吗
We can keep this contained, right?
毕竟我们的指纹都在上面
I mean, our fingerprints aren't on it.
很抱歉我要这么做激活衣柜
I'm super sorry to do this, but...activate closet.
你好呀
Hello, there.
你准备好脱♥光♥光了吗
Are you ready to get undressed?
我当初怎么就失心疯答应录这个
Why did I agree to do that?
站在镜子前转过身去
Stand at the mirror and turn around
好让我评估你的身材
so I can assess your body.
我听起来跟黄♥片♥导演没两样
I'm basically a porn director.
我们该怎么办
What do we do?
又是问我吗
Oh, me again?
老天我不知道
Um, gosh, I don't know.
哈佛大学没教这个
They don't teach you this at Harvard...
我念的学校也没教
or where I went.
老妈
Mom?
♪ ...你生日快乐 ♪
♪ ...birthday to you ♪
今天也没能让大家陪你一起唱是吧
No luck getting people to sing with you today, huh?
你还好吧
Are you okay?
你离席时看起来压力很大
You seemed stressed when you left.
-没事我很好 -糟了
- No, I'm fine. - Oh, no!
现在先别说
Not now.
装艳照的服务器被黑客入侵了
The server with the dirty pictures got hacked.
现在传到哪了都有可能情况很严峻
They could be anywhere. This is so bad.
是叫我先别说啊
Oh, me "not now"?
艳照被黑了
Hacked dirty pictures?
老妈这是什么情况
Mom, what is going on?
别回答她身上可能装了窃听器
Uh, don't answer that. She could be wearing a wire.
不她只是穿了不贴合的胸罩
Oh, no. It's just a bad bra.
惨了
Oh, my God.
我们衣柜的照片
The pictures from our closets
传遍了俄♥罗♥斯♥黄网
are all over a Russian porn site.
完蛋了我妈可不知道我有纹身
Oh, geez. My mother doesn't know I have a tattoo.
我就知道我不该到大公♥司♥上班
I knew I shouldn't have taken a corporate job!
我为毛不留在家里照顾孩子呢
Why didn't I stay home with my babies?!
雇你真是错误的决定
Yeah, you were a bad hire.
这样吧
Okay, come on.
不如告诉莉莉
Why don't we just tell Lily
我们其中一人不舒服赶紧离开吧
one of us isn't feeling well and leave?
不行
We can't.
我们刚刚才说完得爱自己松垮丑陋的身体
We just took a giant stand about loving our hideous bodies.
爸爸小爸快来泳池玩
Dads! Get in the pool!
天啊她一叫大家都看我们了
Oh, my God. She's making people look at us.
好等会就来
Okay, yeah, maybe in a sec!
我们得躲着她
Okay, we have to hide from her.
你得承认这事的讽刺意味令人回味无穷
You have to admit, the irony of this is delicious.
你看看我们这德性
Yeah, well, look at us.
显然我们觉得任何食物都令人回味无穷
Apparently we think everything is delicious.
我对我们如此羞耻感到很羞耻
I'm ashamed of how ashamed we are.
哪个成年男人会像我们
I mean, what other grown men
被虚荣心吞噬
would be so consumed by their own vanity?
快把门关上
Ah! Close the door!
他们能闻到腐烂的味道
They can smell the decay!
只是米奇和小卡啦
It's just Mitch and Cam.
我们担心进来的是那些精致帅小伙
We were afraid you were one of the beautiful boys.
拜托我才被吓个半死[毛多]呢
Please, I've never felt so hairy.
你先拿号♥排队吧
Well, get in line.
本女王只有一把修毛器
This queen only has one trimmer.
这派对有多可怕啊
How horrible is this party?
我是个手臂细如麻杆的瘦弱小娘受
I'm a skinny little girl with twig arms.
大家都在背后议论我
It's all anyone's talking about.
我对蔬菜沙拉旁的某个小屁孩说
I told some twink by the crudites
我刚做完肾移植浮肿了
that I was swollen from a kidney transplant.
那你就有借口了把椭圆机让给我
Well, then you have an excuse. Let me on that elliptical.
我上次感觉自己这么"白"
I haven't felt this white
一部讲关于黑人与白人之间友谊的电影
还是被《绿皮书》感动的时候
since I loved the movie "Green Book."
好了快帮我美黑
Alright, bronzer me.
不准你抠门
And I don't want you to be stingy.
每一寸都要喷到每一寸
I want it everywhere. Everywhere.
我挂上新广♥告♥牌
I replaced the sign
把斯黛拉的定位追踪器装在背面
and attached Stella's GPS tracker to the back,
然后回家找杰
and then I headed home to Jay.
你好
Hello?
亲爱的收到我的短♥信♥了吗
Hey, honey. You get my text?
收到了茄子和桃子的表情
I did. An eggplant and a peach emoji.
是我想的那个意思吗[性暗示]
Does that mean what I think it means?
当然我订了干酪茄子和桃子酥饼
You bet. I ordered eggplant Parmesan and peach cobbler.
美味我再过几分钟就到家
Yum. I'll be home in a few minutes.
-怎么了 -没怎么
- What? - ‭Eh, nothing.
我轮胎瘪了
I have a flat tire.
我打电♥话♥叫AA来修
I'm gonna call A.A. To get it fixed.
不三个A才是补胎的汽车协会
No, Triple-A fixes tires.
两个A是戒酒的邪教
A.A. Is that alcoholic cult,
会让你的朋友都变得很无趣
makes your friends no fun anymore.
我去给你补胎
I'll come fix the tire.
不用不用不用我自己来
No, no, no, no, no. I'll do it.
你又要去工作对不对
This is another work thing, isn't it?
我没信♥号♥♥了我进隧♥道♥了
I am losing you! I am in a tunnel!
哪来的隧♥道♥
There's no tunnels!
真不敢相信我还打算为你身穿保鲜膜
I can't believe I even considered that for you!