摩登家庭

Modern Family S11E15

Part 1 April 14, 2020, 9:06 a.m.

第十一季第十五集
你你还醒着吗
Are -- Are you awake?
我大概两小时前睡了6分钟
I slept for six minutes two hours ago.
我得去服一片安♥眠♥药♥
I'm gonna have to take a sleeping pill,
这意味着你得负责藏好我的车钥匙
which means you're gonna have to hide my car keys,
电脑和乡村女歌♥手芮芭·麦克伊泰假发
laptop, and Reba McEntire wig.
最近几天快把人折磨疯了
It's been a crazy couple days.
昨天我发现我没得到
Uh, yesterday, I found out I didn't get
我努力追求的大学橄榄球教练工作
the college football coaching job that I had been chasing.
我我伤心欲绝
I was -- I was devastated.
就在那之前片刻
And moments before that,
我们收到曾经的领养机构打来的电♥话♥
we got a phone call from our old adoption agency
说我们有领养一个男孩的机会
with the opportunity for us to adopt a baby boy.
上帝关上一扇门
So, a door closes...
就会给你打开一扇窗但是你该去应窗吗
A window opens. But do you answer it?
没有"应窗"这个说法
You don't answer windows.
你一定开心死了吧小卡说错话了呢
Well, how fun for you. Cam made a little mistake.
我不断在脑海里列举这事的各种利弊
I keep making lists of all the pros and cons in my head.
婴儿身上的气味既算利也算弊
Uh, the -- the way a baby smells is on both.
好吧说说利项开始
Okay, alright. Pros, go.
好的有个孩子让我们爱孩子咯咯笑的声音
Okay, well, a baby to love. The sound of giggling.
一个更大的家庭
u202dYou know, a bigger family,
等我们老了就多个人来决定要不要拔管
an extra vote on whether to pull the plug on us when we get old.
我担心莉莉个性一触即发手抖就拔
I'm worried that Lily has an itchy trigger finger.
是啊再养个孩子就能帮我们搞清楚
Yeah, and another child would help us figure out
莉莉的性格有多少是我们的问题
how much of Lily's personality is our fault
有多少是她自身的问题
and what's on her.
能沉冤昭雪真的挺好的
It would be nice to be vindicated.
再想想别的利项圣诞节
Okay, other pros -- Christmases.
将孩子的小脚趾第一次伸进海水里
Dipping little toes into the ocean for the first time,
以及小宝宝穿着睡衣跑向门
the way a toddler run towards the door
嘴里喊着"爹地"的小萌样儿
in their jammies saying, "Daddy!"
你快说几个弊项敲醒我
Okay, you'd better hit me with some cons.
我简直快要排卵了
I'm practically ovulating.
好吧没有觉睡车座要改换尿布
Okay, no sleep, car seats, diapers,
感冒咳嗽什么的经常要去看医生
coughs and colds, all -- all the doctor's appointments,
-塑料玩具扔得到处都是 -到处都是
- plastic toys everywhere. - Everywhere.
我们家本来就已经太小了
Our -- Our place is already too small.
我们的卧室不够
We don't have enough bedrooms.
天啊时间紧迫
Oh, God, the clock is ticking.
我们只有半天时间就要给出答复了
We have half a day to give them an answer.
好了别胡思乱想了
Okay, you know what, no thinking.
数到三一起说要还是不要
On the count of three, say yes or no.
一二三
One, two, three...
-我不知道 -我决定不了
- I don't know. - u202dI can't decide!
外面怎么有辆雪佛兰车还有个司机在等着
Why is there a black Suburban outside with a driver?
是我们公♥司♥派来的
My company sent it.
我要负责"希洛动力"
I'm manning the Helo Dynamics booth
在加州理工学院的招聘会
for the job recruitment fair at Caltech.
瞧瞧你有巨型SUV和专职司机接驾呢
Look at you, being chauffeured in a giant SUV.
我想象你开车的样子是坐在丰田普锐斯车里哭
When I picture you driving, you're crying in a Prius.
别人给我开车我的确哭得少些
I do cry less when I'm driven.
你这身衣服也太正点了吧
And that outfit is on point.
毕竟这对我来说是衣锦还乡凯♥旋♥而归
Well, I mean, it's -- it's sort of a triumphant return for me.
我在那个大学辛辛苦苦念了四年头发冒油懒得管
I spent four years there in sweats, with greasy hair,
一心只在乎成绩
caring only about grades.
大家唯一一次注意到我
The only time anyone ever noticed me
是我在期末考试周期间焦虑到把眉毛都拔光了
was when I pulled out all my eyebrows during finals week.
现在我有份好工作住着奢华的公♥寓♥
Now I have a big job, swanky apartment,
一双鞋的价钱比我第一个笔记本电脑还要贵
shoes that cost more than my first laptop...
简直就像是部浪漫喜剧
Oh, it's like a rom-com --
你离开时是个书呆子归来时成了性感书呆子
you left a nerd and returned a hot nerd.
说到性感的人
Speaking of hot people,
或许我也应该去为我们诺普公♥司♥招些人
maybe I should go and recruit for NERP.
出于法律原因
For legal reasons,
我们需要科学方面的人才来为产品背书
we need a science-y person to endorse product.
毕竟我们这群大学没毕业的人
Considering we're all a bunch of people who didn't graduate college,
卖♥♥的很多产品可是广被你们内服外用呢
we sell a lot of products that go inside of you.
得了吧不是这么个操作法
Yeah, no, it doesn't really work that way.
首先你必须获得邀请
A, you have to be invited,
其次稍微自重点的科学家
and B, no self-respecting scientist
都不可能为你们公♥司♥售卖♥♥的智商税产品站台
is going to endorse the nonsense your company is pushing.
瞎说什么呢我们出品的含铜牙膏
Excuse me, but our copper-infused toothpaste
位列食品药品管理局的重点"监督"产品前十呢
is on the FDA's top ten items to watch, so...
菲尔你能过来一下吗
Phil! Phil, can you come in here?
我为视频面试准备了一小段演讲展示
I've worked up a little presentation for my Skype interview,
我希望听听你的意见反馈
and I would love to get your feedback.
好啊来吧
Yes, please!
我的魔术表演你一直都很捧场
You've been such a cheerleader for me with all my magic shows
包括南加房♥宴我也很乐意支持你
and SCARB dinners, I'd love to be yours.
来吧
Hit it.
我必须这就打住你
I'm gonna stop you right there.
我已经好几个月没工作了
I've been out of work for a few months,
我变得有点惴惴不安
and I've gotten kinda antsy.
为排遣焦虑我试过打扫卫生整理物品
To channel my anxiety, I have cleaned, I have organized.
或许有点强迫症的程度
Perhaps a bit obsessively.
甚至去看了医生
Doctors were consulted.
就一个心理治疗师而已甚至不是真正的医生
One -- a therapist, so not even a real doctor.
但很快就停药了
But meds were quickly dismissed.
我们不想要性♥欲♥方面的副作用
We didn't want the sexual side effects.
总之呢
Anyway...
我打算将我的焦虑转变成事业
I am going to channel my anxiety into a career.
我即将面试我的梦想工作
I am interviewing for my dream job --
我最爱的整理连锁店"收纳良品"的高级副总裁
Senior VP of my favorite organizing chain store, organize 'Em!
我太激动了我可能会拥有一份整理...
I'm so excited, I could have an organaz--
你不至于堕落到这地步
You're better than that.
所以在整个面试过程中
So, throughout the call,
我会一直提到这个整理系统
I'm gonna be referring to this organizational system
这是我用"收纳良品"的产品制♥作♥的
that I created using the Organize 'Em products.
-聪明 -是啊瞧好了
- Smart. - u202dYeah. Watch.
贝克曼女士这观点可真有趣
Oh, Ms. Beckman, what an interesting point.
我应该记下来
I should jot that down.
那是什么鬼声音
What the hell is that?
天啊什么
Oh, my God. What?
对了我忘了告诉你你♥爸♥过来给我帮忙
Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you, your dad came over to help me.
我打算把楼梯修好
I gotta fix that step.
它裂开了
It splintered.
我早上没踩稳结果就脑袋着地了
I wiped out this morning and landed on my head.
好吧但我得面试啊
Yeah, but my call.
我们必须赶紧修好否则有人会受伤的
We gotta take care of that before someone gets hurt.
已经有人受伤了
Someone did.
万一是海莉抱着孩子摔了怎么办或者迪兰
I mean, what if it was Haley with the babies? Or Dylan?
-或者... -或者我我都摔吐了
- Or...? - u202dOr me. I threw up.
我的天昨天歌♥洛莉亚还是穿着高跟鞋来的
Holy Moses. Gloria was here yesterday in heels.
她也可能会摔得很惨的
That could've been ugly.
我昏昏欲睡
I'm sleepy.
小子你得挪开不然你会把别人绊倒的
Buddy, you gotta move. Someone's gonna trip over you.
各位你们不能现在干这事明白吗
Hey, guys, we can't do this right now, okay?
我1:23时有个面试
I've got -- I've got an interview at 1:23.
这时间定得好具体
Well, that's specific.
不对奥黛丽·贝克曼来说不算什么
No, not for Audrey Beckman.
她的整个人生安排都精确到秒
Her whole life is scheduled down to the second.
她简直是强迫症人群的神
She's a god to OCD people.
不然你以为我什么要买♥♥那个保险杠贴纸
Why do you think I've got that bumper sticker
上面写着"像贝克曼一样井井有条"
that says "Straighten It Like Beckman"?
我现在能下来了吗
Can I come down now?
如果宝宝们醒来时我没准备好奶瓶
If I don't have the babies' bottles when they wake up,
他们就会发脾气
they're mean.
你还没遇到"可怕的两岁期"呢
You're not even in the terrible twos yet.
那是什么时候开始啊
Oh, when do those start?
好了就快到时间点了