摩登家庭
Modern Family S11E03
Part 1
Nov. 23, 2019, 10:43 a.m.
没有一个人在
No one is around.
又是这样
Again.
是我多心了 还是大家最近都在躲着我们
Is it just me or people have been avoiding us lately?
我懂的 养双胞胎太艰辛了
I get it, twins are a ton of work.
但海莉和迪兰非常经常叫我们帮忙
But Haley and Dylan ask us to help out a lot.
或许我们只是因为缺觉而变得神志恍惚了
Maybe we're both just loopy from sleep deprivation.
我都不记得我泡了这杯茶
I don't even remember making this cup of tea.
没事 我跟他们一起去慢跑吧
It's fine, I'll just jog with them.
你跑步别把自己逼得太狠
Don't push yourself too hard on that run.
拜托 你知道你在跟谁说话吗
Please. You know who you're talking to?
为什么大家总是问我这个问题
Why does everyone always ask me that?
好险啊
That was close.
-他们走了吗 -是的
- Are they gone? - Yes.
好了 谁想来当我的魔术助手
Okay, who'd like to help me with a magic trick?
艾丽克斯 好极了
Alex. Great.
你拿着这只鸽子
Now, uh, take this dove --
别激怒它
Try not to rile her up.
它将在我的裤子里待上近一个小时呢
She's about to spend the better part of an hour in my pants.
到目前为止 我们遇到的租客普遍都比较糟心
Until now, we haven't had the best of luck with renters.
你在申请表上说 你是个喜欢猫的人...
So, when you said you were a cat person on your application...
那 只是我手表的反光而已
Oh, oh, that's -- that's just my watch.
但后来布拉德和保罗搬来了 那简直就像
But then Brad and Paul moved in, and it was like
自动送上门的完美夫夫朋友
the perfect friend couple showed up at our front door.
在那个"猫女"之后 你还不想再出租了
And you wanted to stop renting completely after the cat lady.
我无法忍♥受她每次洗澡时发出的嚎叫
I just -- I couldn't listen to her scream every time she took a bath.
我简直不敢相信我们竟然有这么多共同点
I can't believe how much we have in common.
女儿同龄 你们也都玩橄榄球
Daughters the same age, you both played football.
我的一个前队友现在是洛杉矶闪电队的教练
You know, an ex-teammate of mine is a coach for the Chargers.
他可以让我们上球场
He can get us right on the field.
不过你在选择站位时一定要小心了
You just have to watch where you stand,
因为你可能会处于外接手的下面
'cause you could end up under a wide receiver.
好了 别再推销了 我同意了
Okay, stop selling! I'm in!
他们甚至预付了六个月的租金
They even pre-paid for six months.
那意味着他们会一直住到圣诞节
That means they'll be here till Christmas.
我们可以邀请他们一起玩秘密圣诞老人的游戏
We can include them in our Secret Santa!
可以逃过收莉莉礼物也挺不错的
Oh, it would be nice not to get Lily again.
杜克[约翰·韦恩]
The Duke...
变成了尤克[里里]
becomes a uke...
再变成卢克
becomes a Luke.
爸 这太神奇了
Dad, that was amazing!
神奇的是 我竟然认为这种垃圾小把戏
Amazing that I think a hacky parlor trick
有资格出现在南加房♥宴上
is gonna cut it at SCARB.
你没听错 艾丽克斯 南加房♥宴
You heard me right, Alex -- SCARB!
南加州地区房♥地♥产♥经纪人盛宴
The Southern California Area Realtors' Banquet
对南加州地区的房♥地♥产♥经纪人来说
is the biggest event of the year
是年度最盛大的活动
for Southern California Area Realtors.
其他一些活动 比如南加协宴
The other events -- SCARL,
南加联宴 南加会宴 南加群宴...
SCARD, SCARP, SCARG, SCARF --
也挺好的 但南加房♥宴 才是业内的顶级盛会
t-they're fine, but SCARB, it's -- it's the show.
我在去年的南加房♥宴上表演了
I performed at last year's SCARB,
我表现得挺好的
and -- and I did well.
好过头了
Too well.
谢谢大家
Thank you.
等等 还有人要说谢谢吗
Wait, was there someone else who wanted to say thank you?
没错
Oh, that's right.
蓬蓬也想说声谢谢
Puff wanted to say thank you.
非常感谢 谢谢
Thank you so much. Thank you.
难以置信
Unbelievable!
你在水下憋了9分钟
When you were underwater for nine minutes,
我都想亲自砸缸救人了
I almost broke the glass myself!
你明年一定要接着来表演
You have got to come back next year.
我想我可以
Well, I guess I could, uh...
在你身后 支持你这话
...get behind you on that.
我都不知道我是怎么做到的
I don't know how I did that.
去年一整年
For the last year,
我去加州任何房♥产经纪人酒吧 就没花钱买♥♥过酒
I haven't paid for a drink in any Realtor bar in California.
我从未见识过那种奉承
I've never known that kind of adulation.
如果我今晚演砸了 这一切就都没了
If I blow it tonight, it all goes away.
我就成了又一个走进中介酒吧的流浪汉
I'm just another bum walking into Brokers
要自己掏钱买♥♥"长托管冰茶"
paying for my own Long Escrow Iced Tea!
爸 我现在很有希望拿到太空总署的这份工作
Dad, I'm on the short list for this NASA job.
我需要填好这些表
I just need to finish these forms,
但我发誓 你刚刚的表演真的很棒
but I -- I swear to you, it really was great.
抱歉
I'm sorry.
我可是个很难取悦的观众
And I am a tough audience.
我是个科学家
I'm a scientist.
我可不会被简单的误导欺骗
It's not like I'm fooled by simple misdirection.
我跟珍妮丝说我21岁了
I told Janice I'm 21.
我很确定 如果让她发现
I'm pretty sure she'd break up with me
我还没到法定年龄 肯定会跟我分手
if she found out I wasn't even legal yet.
然后她问我能不能为今晚的晚餐买♥♥瓶红酒
Then she asked if I'd buy wine for dinner tonight.
能把手指移开吗
Mind moving your thumb...
亚历桑德拉
Alexandra?
原来二姐的名字全名是这样啊
That's what that's short for?
你愿意带他们去公园 真是太好了
So sweet of you to take them to the park.
不过记得一定要找阴凉处
Just make sure they're someplace shady.
我会的
Will do.
你靠售卖♥♥家族祖传辣酱发家致富
It's amazing how well you've been doing
发展得这么好 真是太棒了
selling Aunt Miranda's hot sauce.
我都懒得跟你提
I don't want to tell you
我试图在这边卖♥♥那个辣酱亏了多少钱
how much money I have lost trying to sell it over here.
我倒是不介意知道一下具体亏损数额...
I wouldn't mind having an exact figure --
我简直不敢相信你们已经订婚了
I can't believe that you guys are already engaged!
你们是在哪里认识的
Where did you guys meet?
在我卖♥♥画的那条街上
On the street where I sell my artwork.
有一天 她让我给她画像
One day, she let me paint her.
她成了我的灵感女神
She became my muse.
我真是太为你开心了 桑娅
I am so happy for you, Sonia.
你终于找到你值得拥有的真爱了
Finally, you found the love that you deserve.
我很高兴看到你这么支持桑娅...
It's great seeing you being supportive of Sonia for --
她是个白♥痴♥
She's an idiot.
那男的明显是个傍大款的
He's obviously a gold digger,
我要向她证明这点
and I'm going to prove it to her.
你怎么知道他是个傍大款的
How do you know he's a gold digger?
他是个穷困潦倒的画家 她是个富婆
He's a starving artist, she has money.
你真觉得像他那么年轻又好看的人
Do you really think that someone young and beautiful like that
会爱上一个年纪大很多的有钱人吗
is gonna fall in love with a rich, older person?
永远没可能的
Never happens.
我听出我这话里的意思了 我们之间没事
I hear what I'm saying, and we're fine.
等谢丽尔·麦克雷进来时
When Sheryl McCray comes in,
用这张卡给她的咖啡买♥♥单
pay for her coffee with this.
谢丽尔·麦克雷 强大房♥地♥产♥开♥发♥商
Sheryl McCray, Powerhouse real-estate developer.
我多年来一直希望他们把衣柜业务交给我们来做
I've been trying to land her closet business for years,
但无论如何就是约不上她
but it's impossible to get a meeting.
但是 这篇文章写了
This article, though,
她每周六早上十点买♥♥拿铁的地点
says where she buys a latte every Saturday at 10:00.
今天 我要给她买♥♥杯拿铁
Today, I'm gonna buy that latte, we'll get to talking,
然后我们就开始聊天 不知不觉
and before you know it,
她就会"拿铁"衣柜的订单到我手里
she'll be buying a latte closets.
谢丽尔·麦克雷吗
Sheryl McCray?
马修·康 来自康氏橱柜
Matthew Kang, Kang Cabinets.
能给我两分钟的时间坐下来...
Would you have just two minutes to, uh, sit dow--
你有没有搞错
Are you serious?
我不会和你这种
I'm not gonna do business with someone
居然打断我单独和我孩子
who interrupts me in a coffee shop
以及孩子的保姆在咖啡店
while I'm trying to enjoy a few precious moments
享受美好时光的人做生意
of alone time with my child. And her nanny.
我觉得她尿湿了
I think she's wet.
计划有变吗 土豪
Change of plans, big spender?
真的吗 紧急情况吗
Ohh! Really? An emergency?
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