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Modern Family S11E12

Part 3 Feb. 29, 2020, 11:07 a.m.

Please don't die in our house.
你们有什么可在乎的
What the hell do you care?
首先假如我们以后想卖♥♥♥房♥♥子
For starters, if we ever want to sell this place,
我们必须披露这里死过人
we'll have to disclose that someone died here.
为什么上任房♥主就没披露
Why? The last owners didn't.
我说了一百万次了没闹鬼椅子是我挪的
For the millionth time, I moved that chair.
我妻子几年前去世了我无亲无故
My wife passed years ago. I don't have any other family.
我只想闭上眼睛缓缓离开人世
I just want to close my eyes and drift off.
有很多理由让你继续活下去
There are lots of reasons to want to continue to live.
我知道你想念妻子了
I know you miss your missus,
但独自生活比想象得好多了
but living alone is underrated.
例如你晚饭想吃什么就可以吃什么
For one, you can have whatever you want for dinner.
第二你想把沙发挪到哪都行
Two, you can move the couch wherever you'd like.
已经十年了
It's been 10 years.
你说沙发挪到哪能更好看
Where-where would the couch look better?
我很感谢你们这不怎么样的鼓励
I appreciate what you think passes for support.
我只是没有兴趣了
I'm just not interested.
我认为你需要更积极的人生观
I think you need a more positive outlook on life.
我们邻居赫歇尔和你年纪差不多
Our neighbor Herschel, he's about your age.
-赫歇尔·布雷弗曼 -是的
- Herschel Braverman? - u202dYeah.
-我们一起长大的 -我们很喜欢赫歇尔
- We grew up together. - We love Herschel!
我们每次去熟食店
We-we bring him a corned beef sandwich
都给他买♥♥咸牛肉三明治
every time we go to the deli.
是的你看这就是活下去的理由
Yeah, see? There's something to live for.
-是啊 -你该去和朋友重聚
- Yeah. - u202dYou should go reunite with your old friend.
-现在就去 -不如这样
- Right now. - Okay, you know what?
别这么无礼我们陪他去
Don't be rude. We'll walk him over.
他只是想赶去裤子大特卖♥♥
He's just in a hurry to get to a pants sale
特卖♥♥已经开始三十分钟了
that started 30 minutes ago.
你是啥 32吗
What are you, a 32?
是的
I am.
32岁美好年华已经随风散去
All the good stuff's already gone.
如果你们想跟上俄♥罗♥斯♥人的节奏
If you guys want to keep up with the Russians,
就必须练练
you're gonna have to train.
我去拿伏特加
I'll get the vodka!
如果我能造一个仿真女机器人
If I could build a fembot with lifelike skin,
就要造得跟她一样
it would be just like her.
你觉不觉得克莱尔怪怪的
Did you get a weird vibe from Claire?
没啊她的态度很积极很支持你
No, she seemed super positive and supportive.
就是这样才不正常
That's exactly what I mean.
公众曾误以为果珍是为美国载人航♥天♥项目开♥发♥的饮品
趁我在厨房♥ 顺便看看有没有果珍饮料
Oh, while I'm here, I'm gonna see if we have any Tang!
我不想去太空克莱尔我好害怕
I don't want to go to space, Claire! I'm terrified!
如果我把东西弄坏导致我们不能呼吸怎么办
What happens if I break something and we can't breathe?
天啊天啊我现在喘不过气了
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I can't breathe right now.
亲爱的冷静俄♥罗♥斯♥人很懂行啦
Honey, calm down! The Russians know what they're doing!
我会死在那儿的
I'm going to die up there!
告诉他你不想去就好了
Just tell him you don't want to go.
这个礼物太棒了他一定会受打击的
This is such an amazing gift, it'll crush him.
而且我会在那部纪录片里像个懦夫
Plus, I'll look like a coward in that documentary.
你说得对我们在片子里不能是那种形象
You're right, we don't want to see this on film.
我脑海中已经想把这难看的片子覆盖了
I'm taping over it already in my mind.
-你必须阻止这件事 -什么
- You've gotta shut this down. - What?!
帮帮我克莱尔你是我唯一的希望
Help me, Claire. You're my only hope.
好吧
Fine.
但如果我帮了你
But if I do this,
你就不许再跟我引用《星球大战》里的台词
you're not allowed to quote "Star Wars" to me anymore.
-我爱你 -我知道[星球大战台词]
- I love you. - u202dI know.
肯尼思
Hey...Kenneth.
巴兹·奥尔德林是第二个踏上月球的宇航员
我刚才在那儿和巴兹[扫兴]·奥尔德林聊过了
I was just talking to Buzz-kill Aldrin over here --
克莱尔我希望你不要介意
Claire, I-I hope you don't mind terribly,
但我刚才瞄了一下你的简历
but I was just taking a peek at your resume.
非常厉害
It is very impressive.
你工作已经有着落了吗
Have you landed anywhere?
目前还没有
Uh, not yet, no.
-说到着落[降落] 很可惜 -真的吗
- You know, speaking of landings, unfortunately -- - Wow, really?
我们应该谈谈一个很有趣的工作机会
Well, we should talk about a really interesting job opportunity
正好我们公♥司♥有个空缺
that just opened up at my company.
那太好了
I would love that.
我一直在找一个敢于抓住机会的候选人
I'm looking for a bold candidate who loves to take chances.
不你正看着的
No, you are looking at a bold candidate
就是一个敢于抓住机会的候选人
who loves to take chances.
我知道但克莱尔还是
I know, but, still, um, Claire has --
克莱尔有一些担忧
Claire has some concerns.
如果我为你工作我还能跟你拥抱吗
If I'm working for you, do I still get hugs?
不能这个季节不能
No, not in this climate. u202dOh.
我只能跟你来个女人式握手
Best I can offer is a wo-man shake!
什么
Ha! What?
什么
Whoa! u202dWhat?
-你学得真快 -我是怎么做到的
- Wow, you are a quick study. - How am I doing this?!
记住把它放进碎纸机不是传真机
Remember, shred this, don't fax it.
嗨亲爱的
Hey, honey. u202d
-嗨杰 -外公
- Hi, Jay. - u202dGrandpa.
给我倒杯咖啡玛格丽特
Cup of coffee, Margaret?
外公你来这有事吗
Grandpa, what are you doing here?
今天在曼尼的独角戏上发生了一件惨不忍♥睹的事
A terrible thing happened today at Manny's one-man show --
他给了我一张票
he got me a ticket. u202d
没事我就是路过看看玛格丽特做得有多好
No, I just stopped in to see how Margaret's working out.
根本不好
She's not.
虽然我很享受她用夏布利酒
As much as I enjoyed her pairing the glass of Chablis
配给我准备的惊喜鸡尾酒虾
with my surprise shrimp cocktail,
但这不是我需要的助理技能
that's not a skill I need in an assistant.
你必须把她炒了
You have to fire her.
不行她为我工作了一辈子
I can't. She worked for me her whole life.
她曾睡在人行道上给我买♥♥南茜·辛纳特拉的票
She slept on the sidewalk to get me Nancy Sinatra tickets.
好吧我来说
Fine. I'll do it.
玛格丽特能请你过来一下吗
Margaret, could you come in here, please?
这是我今天不忍♥看到的第二件事
This is the second thing today I can't watch.
能做的我都做了
I did everything I could for you.
她是个冷血的人
She's a cold one.
怎么了
What's going on here?
我被开除了吗
Am I fired?
恐怕是的
I'm afraid so.
感谢老天
Oh, thank God!
我已经想退休好几年了
I've been wanting to retire for years now,
但我不想让杰失望
but I could never let Jay down.
我只想睡觉照顾我的大♥麻♥花♥园♥
I just want to sleep, tend my cannabis garden,
从此再也不工作
and never work again.
玛格丽特我想让你来我狗床生意做事
Margaret, I want you back at Dog Beds.
你说了算杰
Oh, whatever you say, Jay.
明天见
See you tomorrow.
不行
No!
外公玛格丽特想退休了
Grandpa, Margaret wants to retire.
我想要什么不重要杰的需要才重要
It's not what I want. It's what Jay needs.
你们两个是怎么回事
Ugh, what is wrong with you two?
你不需要助理
You don't need an assistant,
她也不想再工作了
and she doesn't want to work anymore.
是真的吗你真的不想干了吗
Is this true? Do you really want to hang it up?
我的确想做点别的事情
There are some things I wouldn't mind trying.
那你应该去做啊我自己能行
Well, then you should do it. I'll manage.
不过的确是会感觉有点奇怪
It's going to be weird, though.
毕竟你是我此生携手最久的人
I mean, you're the longest relationship I've ever had.
经历过四任丈夫三次心脏病发作
Four husbands, three heart attacks,
数不清的情人
countless lovers,
你却一直在我身边陪伴我
and you stood by me through it all.
我爱你杰
I love you, Jay.
我也爱你玛格丽特
I love you, too, Margaret.
这一路很精彩
It's been a great run.
而且我们还有米奇尔呢
And we'll always have Mitchell.
什么
What?!
她在闹你呢