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Modern Family S11E15
Part 2
April 14, 2020, 9:06 a.m.
Okay, look, it's almost time.
拜托 别弄出任何噪音
Just please, nobody make any noise,
任何人都不准进那间办公室
nobody go in that office.
我现在做好了完全的准备
I have all my ducks in a row.
我先上楼换个衣服就好
I'm just gonna run upstairs and change my shirt.
好吧 但是小心点
Oh, okay, but be careful.
我知道自己在干什么 我没问题的
I know what I'm doing, I have got this.
要命了 老天爷啊
Oh, boy! Oh, God!
我的腿卡在里面了
My leg is stuck!
谁快想想办法啊
Somebody do something!
我很擅长取下卡住的戒指
I'm really good at getting rings off.
你想让我给你大腿涂黄油做润滑吗
Do you want me to butter your thighs?
迪伦 有时我喜欢把话先在心里过一遍
Hey, Dylan, sometimes I like to play things out
看没有歧义再说出口
in my head first, if that's helpful.
亲爱的 我们想和你说个事
Hey, honey, uh, we need to talk to you about something.
宝贝 这是件大事
Sweetie, this is something pretty big,
我希望你做好心理准备
and I -- I want you to brace yourself.
领养机构联♥系♥了我们...
The adoption agency called --
我死也不回去
I'm not going back!
你知道软弱有特权的孩子在岘港会有什么下场吗
Do you know what happens to soft, entitled kids in Da Nang?
不不不 不是的
No, no, no, no, no, no! No, no.
不是的
N-No. No.
有一个男婴...
There's a baby boy --
我觉得你们应该收养他
I think you should do it.
-真的吗 你这么轻易就同意了 -什么
- Really? Just -- Just like that? - u202dWhat?
只要我去朋友家过夜时能让你们不再来看 什么都行
Whatever stops you dropping by my sleepovers.
你们对我过度关注了
You guys are way too focused on me.
再说 有个弟弟会很欢乐的
Plus, I think it'd be fun to have a baby brother.
虽然...
u202dAlthough...
虽然什么
Although what?
你们现在养娃不会太老了吗
Aren't you guys kind of old to be having a baby?
我马上要进入夜夜笙歌♥的青少年时期
I'm getting into the juicy part of my teen years.
万一你们死了 我可不想接手带娃
I don't want to have to take over for you.
我们也没那么老好吗
Okay, we are not that old.
你们都50高寿了
You're like 50.
什么鬼 当然没有
Oh, my God! No!
小爸才44岁 我48岁
Daddy's 44, and I'm 48.
你们知道等宝宝上高三时
You do realize when the baby's a senior in high school,
你们就是拿养老金的长者了吧
you guys will be senior citizens?
我们才不是长...
We will not be senior c--
-小卡 -66
- Cam. - u202dSixty-six.
到时我66岁
I'll be sixty-six.
我就是61岁
And I'll be sixty-one.
是62啦
Well, sixty-two.
没到六月生日不算啦
Not until June!
没用啊 我的腿还紧紧卡在里面
It's not working! My leg is really stuck in there!
也许该再考虑下我的提议了
It might be time to return to my idea.
我绝不会砍掉我的腿
I'm not cutting my leg off.
想想装上一条机械腿后 你会跑得多快啊
Think about how fast you would run with a robot leg.
卢克 你妈妈怎么可能装一条机械腿
Luke, your mom's not getting a robot leg!
她应该装两条 不然她跑起来只会绕圈
She'd need two, or she'd just run in circles.
好了 我们该看看楼梯下面
Come on, let's check under the stairs.
没错 拜托了 快点
Yes, please, and hurry!
这房♥子怎么回事
What the hell's the matter with this house?
怎么会坏掉两级楼梯
How could two steps be broken?
天啊 湿气好重 我头发都要变卷了
My God, the humidity. My hair's gonna frizz out.
所以我从来不给别人看我在越南的照片
That's why I never show any pictures from 'Nam.
糟了 我把给菇木装的加湿器
Oh, no, I totally forgot about the humidifier
忘得一干二净了
for my mushroom log.
它需要阴暗和潮湿环境
It needed darkness and moisture.
一定是腐蚀了木头
It must have rotted the wood.
老婆 你真的卡得死死的
Wow, honey, you're really wedged in here tight.
是啊 没在开玩笑的
Yeah, no kidding.
你为什么不能像个正常人一样
Why can't you buy your mushrooms at a store,
直接从商店买♥♥蘑菇
like a normal person?
店里买♥♥的蘑菇
Store-bought mushrooms?
你这婴儿潮一代和我这代之间真的有代沟
You really don't get my generation, Boomer.
也许这样能让你顿悟
Maybe this'll enlighten you.
张嘴
Open up.
把你的脏手拿开
Get your hand away from my --
张嘴啦
Open up!
真特么好吃
That's damn good.
我为什么总是拒绝尝试新事物
Why do I always default to "No"?
歌♥洛莉亚是对的吗 我该尝试修身牛仔裤吗
Is Gloria right? Should I try slim-cut jeans?
下面是怎么回事啊
Guys! What's going on down there?!
你的脚卡在两条水管之间
Your foot's stuck between two copper pipes.
我们得把水管锯开
We're gonna have to cut it.
可能需要一些时间
It might take a while.
我等不了
I don't have a while!
真不敢相信 我要错过面试了
I can't believe this. I'm going to miss my interview.
这可是我的梦想工作啊
And this was my dream job!
我本来能收纳好整个世界
I was gonna get to organize the whole world.
现在一切都只能保持混乱的原状
And now everything is gonna stay so messy.
你不能重新约个时间吗
Can't you just reschedule it?
不行 菲尔 那我会像个不靠谱的鸽王
No! Phil, I'd look like a flake!
这可是收纳公♥司♥
This is an organizational company,
不像你们房♥产界那么懒散随意
not the loosey-goosey world of real estate,
你们都只会说"中午十二点到三点见
where everything's "See you noon to three,
我会带曲奇来"
and I'll bring the cookies"!
抱歉 我拿你撒气了
Sorry. I'm lashing out.
没关系 狮子不会因为绵羊的看法
No, it's okay. The lion doesn't lose sleep
而辗转失眠
over the opinions of sheep.
宝贝 你就在那里接电♥话♥呗
Honey, just take the call from there.
我在楼梯上接电♥话♥看起来会多荒唐啊
How ridiculous would I look taking a call on stairs?
再说 我需要那些架子 因为我已经精心
Plus, I need my shelves, 'cause I had this whole thing
摆好了各种产品还有...
worked out with the products and --
你不需要搞这些噱头
You don't need gimmicks!
你曾是普利契特衣柜的牛逼CEO
You were the C.E.O. for Pritchett's freakin' Closets.
你知道有多少人能说这句话吗
You know how many people can say that?
只有我和你
Me and you!
还有玛格丽特 我每五年
And Margaret every five years,
去做结肠镜检查时 都交给她代班
when I went under for my colonoscopy.
好吧 把电♥话♥给我
Fine. Give me my phone.
我就在这里搞砸我的面试
I'll bomb the interview from right here.
她失去自信了 她需要那些架子
She's lost her confidence. She needs those shelves.
其实 如果她去不了办公室
You know what, if she can't get to the office,
我们可以把办公室搬到她旁边
we can bring the office to her.
你在盯着看
You're staring.
我头发炸毛了 对不对
I'm frizzing, aren't I?
我必须承认 走进那校园
I've got to admit, walking onto that campus...
那么多人注视着我 崇拜我
All those eyes on me, the adoration...
感觉很好 感觉这是对的
It felt good. It felt right.
感觉我得到的这些待遇都是应得的
Like I had earned everything that was coming my way.
你烂透了
You suck!
不 就是你
No! You!
什么
What?
希洛动力超邪恶
Helo Dynamics is evil!
你说什么 我们帮助别人
Excuse me? We help people.
是啊 帮那些法♥西♥斯♥分子 独♥裁♥者 寡头
Yeah! People like fascists, dictators, oligarchs.
你在说什么啊
What are you talking about?
我们不过是制♥造♥能检测
We make things like facial scanners
遗传病倾向的面部扫描仪
that detect predisposition to genetic diseases.
残暴♥政♥♥府♥就用这个来
Which oppressive governments use
识别持♥不♥同♥政♥见♥者
to identify political dissidents.
但这也能用在视频聊天里
Well, I mean, it's also used on video chats
把你自己变成独角兽啊
to turn yourself into a unicorn.
还有比这更好玩的吗
Name one thing more fun!
穿着你的名牌高跟鞋滚出去 见钱眼开的垃圾
Why don't you walk your fancy shoes outta here, you sellout?!
为什么有个穿凉鞋还配袜子的土逼
Why is someone wearing socks and sandals
在辱骂你绝美的高跟鞋
yelling at your fabulous shoes?
-见利忘义 -我不知道
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