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Modern Family S11E12

Part 1 Feb. 29, 2020, 11:07 a.m.

问个问题我需要雇一个助理
Question. I need to hire an assistant.
你觉得雇第二符合资格的
Do you think it would be unethical
是不是违反职业道德啊
to hire the second most qualified candidate?
最符合资格的有什么问题吗
What's wrong with the most qualified?
从斯坦福大学工程系毕业后
And after graduating Stanford engineering,
我拿到了著名的罗德奖学金
I was offered a Rhodes Scholarship.
你有什么问题要问我吗
Do you have any questions for me?
我一定要忍♥住在他面前痴笑才行
I definitely have to carve out some extra time for giggling.
你不能歧视那个可怜的家伙
You can't discriminate against the poor guy
长得性感帅气就活该被歧视吗
just because he's a smoke show.
我这一辈子都在跟"性感羞辱"作斗争
I've been battling hot-shaming my entire life.
求你别说"帅哥美女的命也很重要"
Please don't say "hot lives matter."
外公怎么了
Grandpa. What's up?
把这东西还给你妈
Returning this to your mom.
这个帅小伙是谁
Who's the beefcake?
我需要雇个助理
I need to hire an assistant,
这位先生目前是排在第一位的
and this gentleman is currently the frontrunner.
他是像普通人一样领工资
Does he get a normal paycheck,
还是你要把现金塞进他的丁字裤里像脱衣舞男那样
or are you just gonna stuff ones down his G-string?
我的确惧怕大众戴有色眼镜来看待这事
I do have some trepidation about the optics.
你是应该惧怕现在是敏感时期
Well, you should. These are sensitive times.
先入为主的认知可能决定了一切
Perception is everything.
我才不在意这些乱七八糟的
I didn't care about any of that crap.
我没有足够的工作量分配给我的助理玛格丽特
I don't have enough work for my assistant, Margaret.
她都跟了我40年了
Been with me 40 years.
我总不能直接把她丢弃
I can't just put her out to pasture
就像处理年迈孱弱的老马一样
like some worn-out plow horse.
那个小老太太该得到一点尊重
The old broad deserves a little respect.
无意冒犯外公但我需要的是一个
No offense, Grandpa, but I need someone
能冲锋陷阵的千里马
who can hit the ground running.
玛格丽特更像是撞到人
Margaret's more someone who would hit a pedestrian
都意识不到的糊涂马
and not even realize it.
就算她不是女强人克丽斯蒂·布林克利
Just because she's no Christie Brinkley,
顺便说下她还比玛格丽特大一岁呢
who, by the way, is a year older than Margaret,
并不意味着我们就该把她丢到垃圾堆里
doesn't mean we throw her on the scrap heap.
那她必须明天就上班
Well, she'd have to start tomorrow.
她能接受周六工作吗
Is she okay working on a Saturday?
这就是雇佣一个
That's the advantage of hiring somebody
早上6点就精力充沛的人的好处
with a few miles on her by 6:00 A.M.,
她那个时间点已经吃了两个水煮蛋
she will have had two soft-boiled eggs
元气十足地准备大干一场了
and be raring to go.
小卡快点我们走吧
Cam, come on, let's go.
不行稍等一会儿我得弄完这个
No, hold on just a second. I need to finish this.
求你告诉我你不是又在搞写信请♥愿♥的事
Please tell me this isn't another letter-writing campaign.
他们不会将我们的街道重新命名的
They're not going to rename our street.
如果改成"玫琳凯大街"
Okay, Mary Kay Place would be
那将是对美国国宝很有趣的致敬
a very fun tribute to an American treasure,
但可惜不是这次不是为了那个事
but, no, that's not what this is.
小卡快点我想快点走
Cam, come on. I want to go.
商店半小时后就开门了
The store opens in a half-hour, okay?
你知道我总是趁这促销买♥♥够一年穿的裤子
You know I get all my pants for the entire year at this sale,
32英寸是大众尺码很多人抢
and 32 is a very, very common pant size.
你要是有哪一天
It'd be great if we could go a day
不提你32英寸的腰围就好了
without you mentioning your 32-inch waist size.
不行这事很紧急
No, this is urgent.
卡普兰先生砍掉了我在教职工演出会上的
Senor Kaplan cut my "Wind Beneath My Wings" number
《翅膀下的风》独唱曲目说是时长问题
at the faculty follies "for time."
所以我要向国税局举报他
So I'm turning him in to the IRS
早餐吃的墨西哥卷饼都算作可扣除税款
for deducting his breakfast burritos.
你把生命都浪费在对付这些死对头上了
You're wasting your life with these rivalries.
我有个同事每次都吃掉我的花生酱
There is a guy at work who always eats my peanut butter,
但我每次都算了因为人生苦短
but I just let it go because life's too short
他个头也很短或许那些花生酱
and so is he, and maybe the peanut butter
就是他缺爱的人生里那人间真情的替代品
is just his creamy substitute for human affection.
好了吗能走了吗快走吧
Okay? Can we go? Could we please go?
-可以了 -真是谢谢你了
- Yes. - u202dThank you.
天啊
Oh, my gosh.
我... 请问有什么事吗
I'm s-- Uh... C-Can we help you?
我叫莫里·克拉格
Name's Murray Clark.
我是在这房♥子里长大的
I grew up in this house.
你好我叫卡梅隆这是我丈夫米奇尔
Hi. Well, my name is Cameron. This is my husband, Mitchell.
那可真够搞笑的
Well, that's funny.
好吧我们要出门了
Okay. Uh, so, we were just about to leave.
我所有的裤子都得在...
See, I get all my pants --
我去参战后就没见过这房♥子了
I haven't seen this house since I went off to war.
你是想进来
Oh, and you'd like to come in
看一眼曾经居住的房♥子吗
and take a look around a little bit?
不不是那样的
No, nothing like that.
我是来死的
I just came here to die.
-什么 -你说什么
- Uh, excuse me? - I'm sorry?
没什么好悲伤的我死得很快的
Oh, it's nothing sad. I'll just be a minute.
话说能先给我一杯果汁喝吗
Actually, could I get a juice first?
当然可以
Oh, of course.
-有何不可呢 -好的
- Why not? - u202dSure, yeah.
-你在干什么 -当一个热情好客的主人啊
- What are you doing? - Being a gracious host.
招待一个想死在这里的陌生人吗
To a stranger who wants to die here?
拜托米奇尔不会发生任何事的
Oh, come on, Mitchell, nothing's going to happen.
他这样只是在哭求帮助而已
It's just a cry for help.
那行如果我买♥♥不到一条修身版的法国蓝斜纹棉布裤
Okay, if I can't get a pair of slim-cut chinos in French Blue,
会死在这里的人将是你
you're gonna die here.
-马文米尔顿 -不他叫莫里
- Marvin? Milton? - No, it's Murray.
莫里莫里莫里
Murray? Murray! u202dMurray!
天啊他是真死了吗
Oh, my God. Did he actually die?
冷静我是获得认证的急救员
Calm down! I'm -- I'm first aid certified!
莫里
Murray?
莫里
Murray!!
你的急救知识是谁叫的死囚病房♥的保姆吗
Who taught you first aid, a nanny on death row?
-快醒醒 -该死的
- Wake up! - u202dDamn it!
我乘坐经济舱大老远从佛罗里达州飞来
I flew coach all the way from Florida
就为了死在这房♥子里结果被你们毁了
to die in this house, and you ruined it!
天啊真是太疯狂了
Oh, my God. That's insane.
你都知道你要死了还坐经济舱
You knew you were going to die and you flew coach?
你在干什么
What are you doing?
我在把简历修改得漂亮点
Oh, I'm trying to spruce up my resume.
找工作简直快要烦死我了
This job hunt is killing me.
我很遗憾妈
I'm sorry, Mom,
但如果那些公♥司♥都不够明智不肯雇你
but if those companies aren't smart enough to hire you,
那你也不会想跟他们共事的
you don't want to work with them anyway.
以前艾丽克斯找不到男人我就是这么劝她的
That's what I used to tell Alex about boys.
别拿到第一个邀约就答应
Just don't jump at the first offer.
以前我也是这么叮嘱你不要轻易上男人的钩的
That's what I used to tell you about boys.
他来了他来了
He's here! He's here!!
今天我们曾经的邻居如今的科技大亨
Today, our old neighbor- turned-tech-titan,
出场于第3季第9集
肯尼斯要造访我们家
Kenneth, is coming to visit.
他说他为我准备了一个大惊喜
And he says he has a "big surprise" for me.
我不知道富豪是不是有时间旅行的门路
I don't know if the super rich have access to time travel,
但如果他们有的话我要回90年代
but if they do, I'm going back to the '90s.
去买♥♥一堆亚马逊的股票吗
Ooh, to buy a whole bunch of Amazon stock?
不是
No!
我会叫费莉希蒂不要剪头发
I'm going to tell Felicity not to cut her hair.
出自经典爱情剧《费莉希蒂》
女主剪了头发后收视率暴跌很快被砍
太好了
Okay. u202d
-海莉快来群抱 -不我就免了吧
- Haley, get in here! u202d- Nah, I'm good.
你不加入我们是不会放开彼此的
We're not letting go of each other until you get in here.
海莉快来群抱
Haley, get in the hug!
这感觉太爽了
Oh, this feels so good!
当然了但是比拥抱更爽的是...
Sure, but who needs hugs when you can...
-男人式握手 -男人式握手
- Man-shake! - u202dMan-shake!
你最好给他们点空间完成这个仪式
You're gonna want to give them some space for this.
搞摄像机来是要干什么啊