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Modern Family S11E07

Part 4 Nov. 23, 2019, 10:44 a.m.

and got to sit next to Nicole Kidman.
他丫凭什么
Why him?!
托勒密这件事你必须看开
Ptolemy, you must get over that.
我们都围着小卡转的唯一原因是
Look, the only reason we all rallied around Cam was,
你们上次分手时
last time y'all broke up,
他崩溃了而你似乎没事
he was shattered and you seemed fine.
什么上次分手
What last time?
貌似好多年前
Apparently, years ago,
小卡假装他和我分手了
Cam invented a breakup that never really happened,
就为了估摸一下万一我们真的分手了
just so he could gauge how much support he could count on
会有多少人关心他
in the event of the real thing.
太"正常"了
Normal.
都怪我太过爱他
It's my fault for loving him too much!
不不不不
No! No! No! No!
-你能找到更好的 -别这么对自己
- You can do so much better. - ‭Don't do this to yourself.
-亲爱的 -就是说
- Honey. ‭- Yes.
你让所有人都不站在我这边
You turned everyone against me!
因为情侣分手后朋友们会选择一边
Because in a breakup, friends choose a side,
而我比你更脆弱我会更需要他们
and I'm-I'm more fragile, and I would need them more.
我只是为了紧急情况未雨绸缪
I was just preparing for an emergency.
你买♥♥地震急救包的时候我对你生气了吗
I didn't yell at you when you bought that, uh, earthquake kit.
你告诉他们我会几天不见人
You told them I disappear for days at a time.
你之所以知道这些
Which you wouldn't know about
都是因为背着我自己去了派对
had you not gone to the party behind my back.
我们之间的信任哪去了米奇尔
Where's the trust, Mitchell?
这地方看起来很适合躲避狗血剧
Looks like a good place to hide from the drama.
爸我现在很生你老婆的气
Dad, I am so mad at your wife right now.
-我得建一整幢客房♥ -不不不
- I need a guest house. - No, no, no.
她完全是在利用我的坐立不安
She-She has completely taken advantage of my restlessness
基本上让我变成了她的管家
and basically turned me into her housekeeper.
怎么做的故意做不好某件事
How? By doing something the wrong way,
知道你肯定会插手做到完美吗
knowing you'll jump in and do it the right way?
我是怎么回事为什么总刷不干净杯子
What's wrong with me? Why can't I get these clean?
门都没有
Not gonna happen.
我也有责任
I am partly to blame.
我这个人就是闲不下来
I'm not good at doing nothing.
他们指纹是怎么沾进杯子内侧的啊
How did they get fingerprints on the inside of the glass?
真是要命了
It's crazy.
我刚把公♥司♥交接给你的时候也有这情况
You know, I had a similar experience when I turned the company over to you.
我怀念的不是公♥司♥的各种事务
It wasn't the activity that I missed.
我怀念的是当老板的感觉
I missed being the boss.
是的我有同感
Oh! Yeah. I hear you there.
发号♥施令令员工闻风丧胆
Giving orders, people scared of you.
我喜爱白日喝酒但更喜爱在权力中沉醉
I like day drinking, but nothing beats being drunk with power.
是啊
Yeah.
猜猜我在公♥司♥说过多少个难笑笑话
Do you know how many unfunny jokes I told at the office?
-零个 -没错
- None? ‭- Exactly.
叩叩叩[常见笑话开头] "哈哈哈哈哈哈
Knock knock. ‭"Ha ha ha ha!
太好笑啦老板哈哈哈哈哈
Good one, boss! Ha ha ha ha!
您是怎么一直那么有哏的啊"
How do you keep coming up with them?"
没骨气的马屁精
Spineless bootlickers.
天啊我好想念他们
God, I miss them.
你是怎么熬过来的
How did you get over it?
我并没有等别人再来给我领导大位
I didn't wait around for someone to put me in charge again.
而是自己创造机会
I made my own opportunity.
老爸卖♥♥狗床吗
Dad, dog beds?
比杆子强多了
Better than poles.
是的我也是有听到事情的
Oh, yeah. I hear things.
好啦
Alright.
双胞胎现在由迪兰在照顾
Dylan is on twin duty,
所以我得确保你没有睡着
so I'm gonna make sure you don't fall asleep.
我过去十年根本如睡死了一般
I've been asleep for the last 10 years.
想象一下发现自己碰到的撞机事件并不是意外
Imagine finding out the plane crash you were in was no accident.
你不孤单
Well, you're not alone.
杰也对我做过这类的事情
Jay did something very similar to me
我跟米奇尔刚在一起时也发生过
when Mitchell and I first got together.
他"意外"开车碰撞到我
He "accidentally" bumped me with his car --
真的车可不是遥控玩具
a real car, not a -- not a toy.
我挺伤痕累累的
I was pretty bruised up.
我... 我一开始还以为
I just -- I just assumed it was because
他是见不得儿子找了个男人
he didn't want his son with a boyfriend,
但其实是他觉得米奇尔可以找到更好的
but he thought Mitchell could do better.
我当时真是有点震惊
It was a-a bit of a shock.
但是当我后来也成为人父后
But then, once I became a father,
我意识到了自己也有多护犊子
I realized how protective you can be over your kid.
莉莉的足球队上有个小男孩总闹她
There was a little boy on Lily's soccer team always teasing her,
所以在赛季末派对时
so at the end-of-the-season party,
我貌似意外地把他的脸
I may have nudged him face-first
摁进了一个新做好的炸蛋糕
into a freshly fried funnel cake.
我不得不承认的确是有可能
It is possible that I have more in common
我跟杰这样的爸爸有很多共同之处
with dads like Jay than I would like to admit.
邓先生抱歉我吃掉了最后一个华夫饼
Sorry I ate the last waffle, Mr. D.
我最近特别饿
I've been so hungry lately.
不知道是不是代表我跟海莉又怀了
I wonder if that means we're pregnant again.
哎呀糟糕
‭Oh, shoot!
糟糕
Shoot!
糟糕糟糕糟糕
Shoot, shoot, shoot.
恭喜你艾丽克斯
Congratulations, Alex.
一群快饿死的兔子也不愿意吃这胡萝卜
A warren of starving rabbits wouldn't eat these carrots.
我开始考虑我们是不是只应该保持肉体关系了
I'm starting to wonder if our relationship should just be sexual.
好了尼尔说实话...
Okay, Neil, honestly --
两位爱侣这些事之后再说
Hey, hey, hey, you lovebirds! Time for that later.
我们还有大餐要准备呢
We got a meal to finish.
谁快打给联邦应急管理局这蛋白酥就是场灾难
Can somebody call FEMA? This meringue is a disaster.
我只是照你说的做了
I just did what you told me.
是吗我有叫你没打发蛋白吗
Oh, really? I told you to underbeat the egg whites?
我真的觉得...
I really think --
我觉得你就是这样
I think. You do.
尼尔你帮完艾丽克斯了吗
Oh, Neil. Are you done with Alex?
我磨杏仁这一步碰到了一点问题
'Cause I'm having trouble slivering these almonds.
与我合体
Be one with me.
杰
Hey, Jay, um...
我今天好像反应过度了
I think I overreacted earlier.
我想跟你道歉
I want to apologize.
算了啦
Forget it.
我如果说实话或许某种程度上
If I'm being honest, maybe on some level...
我真是故意用飞机去撞你的
I really did want to hit you with that plane.
抱歉啊菲尔
I'm sorry, Phil.
谢谢
Thank you.
或许我... 现在也能理解
Maybe I, uh, understand better
爸爸会想要保护女儿的心情
why a father might want to protect a daughter.
或是保护儿子
Or a son.
在我认可小卡前我也狠狠撞过他一次
I banged Cam up pretty good before I gave him the nod.
他一直都没发现是故意的
He never figured it out.
我也有这种冲动我承认我也有罪
I get the impulse. I'm -- I'm guilty of it myself.
但排解愤怒应该有比伤害他人
But there's got to be a better way of handling anger
更好的办法吧
than hurting someone, right?
太恶心了吧
Disgusting!
如果这是史上第一次感恩节
If this was the first Thanksgiving,
那你这肉汁就是这个国家
your gravy would be the worst thing
对原住民做过最坏的事情了吧
this country has done to Native Americans!
兄弟
Hey, buddy.
怎么了
Yeah?
绝非有意的意外啊
What a senseless accident.
搞屁啊
What the hell?!
又不是什么大不了的事情
It's not the end of the world.
厨师不需要嗅觉啦
Chefs don't need to smell things.
你们这帮人神经病啊我要走了
You people are crazy. I'm getting out of here.
真是个绝佳的好主意啊
What a splendid idea.
享受这被毁蛋奶酥吧
Enjoy the souffle.
你最好了