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Modern Family S11E05
Part 2
Nov. 23, 2019, 10:44 a.m.
但是你说过既然乔跟德文一家出去了
But you said that since Joe was out with Devon's family
我们就要一起找点乐子
that we were going to do something fun together.
对 找乐子 喝杯威士忌
Yes, fun. Have a Scotch,
给斯黛拉穿那件变异蜘蛛装扮服
put that mutant spider costume on Stella --
好吧 我自己去找米奇跟小卡
Fine, I'll go meet Mitch and Cam by myself.
但等乔看到我给他的大惊喜时
But you're gonna miss Joe's reaction
你就看不到他的反应了
when I give him my big surprise!
一个糖果棒而已啊
It's just a candy bar!
一年半前 在一个未曝光事件中
18 months ago, in an underreported news event,
娜迦零食食品公♥司♥
NagaSnacki Food Solutions
停产了有史以来最棒的糖果棒
discontinued the greatest candy bar of all time.
老软糖
The Fudgy Duddy.
经过艰难的搜索
After an exhaustive search --
就谷歌♥了一下
One Googling.
我找到了这个尤物
...I tracked down this beauty.
现在我儿子可以体验到我们从小吃到大的
Now my son can experience the kind of quality confection
高品质糖果了
our generation grew up with.
什么我们
"Our"?
我是X一代的 可不是你们婴儿潮时代的
I am a Gen X. Don't make me a Boomer.
上周发生了一件很可怕的事情
Something horrible happened to me last weekend.
我要...
I'll just have the...
海鲜沙拉
seafood salad.
好的 您的丈夫呢
Very good. And for your husband?
不不 他是我丈夫
Oh, no, no. He's my husband.
他说的就是丈夫
That's what he said.
我一直害怕的一天终于来了
The day I have dreaded finally came --
人们开始直接判断我是杰的...
people assume that I am Jay's...
老婆
wife.
孩子们玩得开心
You kids have fun!
曼尼 你在干什么
Manny. What are you doing?
防止你的房♥子被扔鸡蛋啊
Saving your house from being egged.
你的糖果都送完了
You're all out of treats.
还好我找到了一个糖果棒送出去
Luckily I found a candy bar to give away.
糟糕
Oh, no.
我的老软糖没了
My Fudgy Duddy's gone!
不许动
Nobody move!
你好 两张《德州电锯杀人狂》的票
Hello there. Uh, two for "Texas Chainsaw Massacre."
抱歉 几周前就卖♥♥完了
Sorry, that sold out weeks ago.
要在我们的网站上更新啊 伯纳德
Which should've been updated on our website, Bernard!
不过有一部超吓人的
But we still have seats
日本电影还有票
for that super scary Japanese film.
-可以 -稍等
- Yes! - Uh, pause.
有多吓人 有多日本
How scary? How Japanese?
电影名字直接翻译过来好像是
I think the literal translation is
返老婴儿杀人案
"Make Dead with Old-Face Baby."
-请给我们两张票 -不
- Two, please. - No, um...
拜托 亲爱的 你答应我要看恐怖电影的
Come on, honey, you promised me a good scare.
肯定好看啦
This'll be fun!
-好吧 -好的
- Okay. - Okay.
不
No!
你怎么样
How you doing?
很好 我好害怕
Great. I'm so scared.
别糊弄我
Don't patronize me.
你以为我看不出来你是装的吗
You don't think I can tell when you're faking it?
"菲尔 好棒好爽啊"
"Oh, Phil, mmm. It's so good."
我知道你讨厌我的秋葵浓汤
I know you hated my gumbo.
打扰一下
Uh, excuse me.
我在里面有些煎熬
Uh, I'm having a hard time in there.
我本来是来看一部我已经看过的电影
I -- I came to see a movie I'd already seen.
我知道所有突然吓人的地方
Knew where all the jump scares were.
你能告诉我这电影里哪些地方最吓人吗
Could you tell me where the big ones are for this one?
抱歉 哥们儿 我还没看过
Sorry, dude. Haven't seen it.
我看过
I have.
天啊
Ohhhh! God.
还好
It's okay.
他在门后
He's behind the door.
他在门后
He's behind the door.
他在门
He's behind the --
你有问题吧
Something is wrong with you!
这里都变了
Wow. This place has changed.
这里以前更...
It used to be so much...
基一点
gayer.
直男直女们老是抢走我们最好的东西
Straight people always take our best stuff.
一开始 他们抢我们的早午餐 我没说什么
First, they came for our brunches, and I said nothing.
嘿 诺姆 丹妮斯
Oh, hey -- hey, Norm! Hey, Denise!
嘿 姑娘们
Hey, girlfriends!
我们...不能那样说吧
I...don't think we can say that.
确实不能
You can't. Yeah.
等等 莉莉不是在你们家开派对吗
Wait. I-I-Isn't Lily at a party at your house?
-对啊 -你们不是要在场监护吗
- Yeah. - That you're chaperoning?
本来是的 可是后来来了一帮大孩子
That was the plan, but then a bunch of older kids showed up,
所以我们觉得不会有什么事
so we figured they'd be fine.
再见 碧池们
Bye, bitches!
这可以说 我是女的
It's okay. I'm a girl.
好吧 大孩子 没有成年人
Okay, older kids, no adults.
好吧 我们现在是几级恐慌
Okay, where are we on the panic scale?
你们在这儿
There you are.
谢谢你们救了我
Thank you for saving me from a night
省得听杰说一晚上他的老软糖
of listening to Jay talk about his Fudgy Buddy.
抱歉 我们刚发现莉莉在一个无人监护的派对中
Sorry. We just found out Lily is at an unsupervised party.
你们要我查一下她的照片分享网吗
Oh, you want me to check her Insta?
莉莉 她还有上这社交媒体吗
Lily -- Lily has Insta?
你有这个的账号♥啊
You have Insta?
怎么 你觉得我老到不能用不了这网站了吗
What, you think I'm too old to have Insta?
好吧 我想听你到底经历了什么
Okay, I-I want to hear all about what you're going through,
但要先找到
right after we figure out --
-我找到她了 -好吧
- I found her! - Okay.
-看样子她玩得很开心啊 -好吧
- And looks like she's having fun. - Okay.
她旁边那个帅哥是谁
Who is this cute boy next to her?
你能转一下屏
Can you turn it ar--
那是加斯 我一直就不信任他
Okay, that's Garth. I -- I've never trusted him.
我看他九岁的时候就在买♥♥体香剂
I saw him buying deodorant when he was 9.
那是啤酒吗
Is that a beer?
-我 -别站在那里
- Okay, I'm... - Don't just stand there!
-我要给她打电♥话♥ -打电♥话♥
- I'm going to call her! - Call her!
我没想到今晚这么冷
I didn't think it was gonna be so cold tonight.
很抱歉 我可能有点不在状态
I'm sorry if I seem off.
只是最近
It's just that lately,
人们常误以为我是年纪更大的...
people have been mistaking me for a much older --
女士 请问你是迷路了吗
Excuse me, ma'am. Are you lost?
我找不到我的朋友了
I can't find my friends.
我帮你找
Let me help you.
真是个好心的年轻人
Oh, what a nice young man.
放开我啦
Get off me!
或许这根糖果棒代表着你失去的童真
Perhaps this candy bar represents your lost innocence?
它就代表美味的巧克力而已
It represents delicious chocolate.
你确定你是把它给了一个蜘蛛侠吗
You're sure you gave this to a Spider-Man?
我确定
I'm sure.
而且很难不注意到
You know, it's also hard to ignore
你找的这个物品形状像阴♥茎♥
that this object you seek has a phallic shape --
我当年为毛劝你放弃念哑剧专业
Why did I talk you out of that mime major?
蜘蛛仔 十一点钟方向
Spidey -- 11:00.
蜘蛛侠 等等
Spider-Man! Hold up!
老子才不是蜘蛛侠 是死侍好吗
I'm not Spider-Man, okay? I'm Deadpool.
是两个截然不同的角色
It's a totally different character.
听着 在我还没意识到
Look, before I realized
那糖果棒是这男人必死命运的象征时
it was a symbol of this man's mortality,
我不小心给了你
I accidentally gave you some candy bar --
不是普通的糖果棒 是老软糖
Not "some" candy bar, a Fudgy Duddy.
听着 我来告诉告诉你们
Look, you kids should know about this.
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