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- Pops. - Pops.
不知道我会不会变成奶爸身材
Wonder if I'll get dad bod.
话说奶爸身材是什么样的
What is dad bod anyway?
是虚胖 还是...
Is that skinny fat, or is that, like, uh,
梨形身材 还是... 谁知道呢
pear shape, or... who knows anymore?
算了 这不重要了 我可以接受
Anyway, it doesn't matter. I'm down with dad bod.
老天 我最近一直在想很多
Man, I've been thinking a lot
有关当爸爸的那些事 你能理解吧
about this whole fatherhood thing, you know?
比如 我想给我的 我们的孩子们的东西
You know, like, things I want for my kids-- our kids--
而且 我真的希望他们能一起长大
and, uh, I really want 'em to all grow up together,
就像一个大团队 你知道吧
like one big crew, you know?
一起露营 一起度假
Camp together, go on vacations together.
这也许完全是幻想
This may be a total fantasy,
但是 马里布有块地
but, um, there's this property in Malibu
我一直在网上追踪调查
that I've-I've sort of been Internet stalking.
我本来想买♥♥下来 然后
I was thinking about buying it now, and then,
然后未来 我也不知道...
later on down the road-- I don't know--
为我们建一个大院之类的
build a... a compound for us or something.
我觉得马里布不适合我
Yeah, I don't think Malibu is my scene.
-不适合吗 -不适合
- No? - No.
也许你是对的
Yeah, you're probably right.
孩子们长大了可能沉迷冲浪
You know, the kids'll end up surfing
或者很可能会变成瘾君子 然后...
and probably become stoners and then...
管他的 那都是以后的事了
Anyway, that's all for later.
我只是... 喜欢去想这些事
You know, I just... I like thinking about that kind of stuff.
但我说够了
But enough about me.
我说得够多了 你怎么样
Enough-enough rambling. What about you?
你最近怎么样 你... 工作怎么样
How are things with you? How's, uh... how's work?
寿司到了
Sushi's here!
-太好了 我们吃饭吧 -好的
- Great. Let's eat. - Okay.
请
There you go.
好了
There you go.
贝丝妮小姐 你今晚真是超越自我了
Miss Bethany, you have certainly outdone yourself this evening.
没什么
Oh, it's nothing.
纯手工磨香料也不是很花时间
It didn't take too long to grind the spices by hand.
然后 我就是熨了下餐巾纸
And then after that, I just ironed the napkins
还拿出了结婚用的瓷器 没什么大不了的
and broke out the wedding china, so it was no biggie.
大家今天过得怎么样
So, how was everybody's day?
苔丝
Tess?
跟昨天和前天一样
Same as yesterday and the day before that
因为我们一直都待在家里
because we're here all the time.
那你呢 马利克
What about you, Malik?
你可没一直待在这里
You're not here all the time.
就... 还是老样子
You know, same ol' same ol'.
各种生活琐事
Life and stuff.
我想分享一件事
I have something to share.
我新种的罗勒似乎在门廊上长得不错
My new basil plant seems to be thriving on the porch.
一定是因为酸碱度控制得很好很稳定
Must be keeping those pH levels nice and steady.
要不就是因为我新换的土
Or maybe it's the new soil I picked up.
关键在于要用带颗粒的土壤
You know, the key is granular aggregates.
姑娘们 吃饭时可不能玩手♥机♥
Hey, little mamas, there's no phones at the dinner table.
在我的学校 孩子们上课或有其它要事时
At my school, the children had to leave their phones
必须把手♥机♥放在储物柜里
in their lockers during class and other important events.
是啊 所以我制定了新的手♥机♥政策
Yup, that's why I have a new phone policy.
把手♥机♥放进来
Phones in.
-可是 妈妈... -放进来
- But, Mom... - In.
你也一样 老样子先生
You, too, Mr. Same Ol' Same Ol'.
好的
Okay.
可我是议员
But I'm a councilman.
万一有紧急情况呢
What if there's an emergency?
那就让城市自生自灭吧
I'll just let the city burn.
你喜欢雪茄吗
You like cigars?
娜塔莎在楼下带四个孩子
Well, Natasha has all four kids down back there.
尼克吐到了我耳朵里
Nick spit up in my ear.
像游泳进了水 不过是婴儿的呕吐物
I have swimmer's ear, but with baby vomit.
能说出这话的都是真妈妈
Wow, spoken like a true mom.
真不敢相信我们都当妈了
I can't believe we're both moms.
是啊 虽然这样说有点尴尬
I know. This is gonna sound awkward,
但谢谢你跟我哥上♥床♥
but thank you for sleeping with my brother.
随时乐意
Anytime.
感谢你邀请我们来
And thank you for inviting us.
-是吧 -这太棒了
- Yes. - This is awesome.
小凯 天啊
Kev, oh, my goodness.
我感觉你买♥♥的食物都够一整个军队吃了
But I think that you bought enough for, like, an army.
是啊 我觉得我们都应该犒劳下自己
Yeah, I figured we all deserve a treat.
真的非常感谢 这真不错
Well, really, thank you. It's so nice.
-是啊 谢谢你 -拜托
- Yeah, thank you. - Oh, come on.
我永远愿意为你们做任何事情
Anything for you guys, always.
-来个祝酒词吗 -好啊
- Let's have a toast? - Yes.
致我们新一代的首次聚会
To the first get-together of a new generation.
愿他们有一日也能像我对你们这样
May they one day care about each other
彼此珍惜 彼此在乎
the way that I do for each of you.
糟了 我溢乳了
Crap. I'm leaking.
别笑我
Uh, don't judge me.
龙凤胎一晚上都很安静啊
Wow, so, the twins have been really quiet all night.
是啊 归功于智能婴儿床
Yeah, it's the SNOO.
真是神器 不过你们也知道
It's a miracle machine. But you guys know.
-你们也有一张 -没有 我们租过一张给杰克
- You have one. - Uh, no. We rented the one for Jack,
但我们这次不打算用了
but, uh, we're not gonna do it this time.
-是啊 我们打算用传统的方法 -真的吗
- Yeah, we're just gonna go old-fashioned. - Really?
我会用腿摇海莉
You know, I-I rock Hailey with my foot.
什么 你们没有智能婴儿床
What? You don't have a SNOO?
你们得买♥♥一张 我现在就给你们买♥♥
You got to get a SNOO. I'll get you a SNOO right now.
-小凯 没关系的 -不不不
- Kev, it's all right. - No, no, no.
很简单 两秒钟的事 两秒钟就好
It's easy. It's two seconds. It's two seconds.
再说 我还没给海莉准备出生礼物
Besides, I didn't get Hailey a baby gift yet.
我们不需要
We don't need one.
而且你们生活压力已经够大了
And your lives are stressful enough as it is.
这点东西不算什么
Okay, it's the least I can do.
等我马上下个单
Just get this real quick.
你告诉他了吗
Did you tell him?
是啊 你当然说了
Yeah, of course you did,
因为你们兄妹间无话不谈
'cause you guys tell each other everything.
-跟我说什么 -原来是这么回事啊
- Tell me what? - And that's what this is all about.
-托比 -怪不得会有寿司大餐
- Toby. - That's why the big sushi spread
免费的智能婴儿床 还有马里布的大院
and the free SNOO and the compound in Malibu.
别担心 小凯 我会找到新工作的
Don't worry, Kev. I'll find another job.
你失业了
You lost your job?
是啊 不过没事的
Yeah, but it's okay,
因为他马上就会有很好的工作了
'cause he's about to get a really great job offer.
他参加了一场面试 我们觉得挺有戏的
He had an interview that we feel really good about.
-好的 -其实没戏了
- Okay. - Actually, we don't.
我没通过面试 刚接到通知
I di... I didn't get it. I found out I didn't get it.
而且现在就业状况也非常糟糕
Um, and the job market is really terrible right now.
这条隧♥道♥的尽头似乎没什么光
There doesn't seem to be much light at the end of this tunnel,
所以我打算尽可能放开了吃
so I think I'm just gonna fill myself
用昂贵的寿司填满自己
with as much of this expensive sushi as possible
毕竟以后可能要过上艰苦日子了
until it's army rations for us from here on out.
去他的裙子
Screw the dress.
现在全国人♥民♥都穿运动装
The entire country's in sweatpants.
我错过什么了
What'd I miss?
最后一只虾吃吗
Last shrimp?
如果我再吃一口 我就得解开腰带了
If I have one more bite, I'm gonna have to undo my belt,
我觉得我们还没熟到那种程度
and I don't know you two well enough.
没想到皮尔森还挺有个性
Who knew Pearson had a personality?
在今晚之前 我们还以为你只是个
Until tonight, we thought you were all
满脸胡子满嘴客套的家伙
facial hair and flannels.
-玩信♥用♥卡♥轮盘赌吗 -那是什么
- Credit card roulette? - What's that?
每个人把信♥用♥卡♥放上来
We each put in a credit card.
服务生选到哪一张 就由那个人来买♥♥单
Whichever one the waitress picks, that guy pays the bill.
是啊 不过杰克不必参加
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