牧场趣事（2016）

The Ranch S01E15

Part 3 June 24, 2021, 11:23 a.m.

好吧这次就先算半小时的钱
All right, I'm just gonna bill this as a half hour,
我们之后再聊
and I will talk to you later.
不不 Jerry 留下我们必须解决这个事
No, no, Jerry, stay. We have to get through this.
如果他不走那我就走了之后见
If he's not gonna leave, then I am. I'll see you.
成
Yeah.
所以呢呃
So, uh...
哪个当了医生 Colt还是Rooster
Which one is the doctor? Uh, Colt or Rooster?
Rooster当了 Rooster医生
Rooster. Dr. Rooster.
你知道达克斯裤子最棒的是什么吗防污
You know the best thing about these Dockers? Stain guard.
你随便撒什么在上面
You can spill pretty much anything on 'em,
都只会立马滑下去呼
it just wicks right off. Whoosh.
哦真的么 - 当然
No shit. - Yeah.
老兄
Dude!
现在你有啤酒蛋了
Now, you got beer nuts.
嗨你们好 - 哦吼你来了
Hey, guys. - Oh-ho! There he is.
嘿 Colt也在这
Hey, and Colt's here.
他又开始喝酒了还尿湿了他的裤子
And he's drinking again, and he's pissed his pants.
这真的太赞了
This is awesome.
怎么了
What's going on?
男人之夜
Guys' night.
今晚 - 哦
Tonight? - Oh!
我是不是忘了给你说了
Did I forget to mention that
就在我问你今晚有空么
when I asked you if you had anything to do tonight
而你说很闲的时候
and you said no?
绝对没有 - 哦
Definitely did not. - Huh!
男人之夜今晚不醉不归
Guys' night! Let's get weird.
不醉不归 - 吼吼
Oh, let's get weird. - Whoo-hoo!
当然了让我们喝到醉吧
Yeah, yeah. Let's get weird.
你个傻♥逼♥
Joke's on you.
教会我老二喝啤酒
Taught my dick how to drink beer.
好了兄弟们
All right, boys.
我们来玩个小游戏叫"我脑中的橡皮擦"
We're gonna play a little game called "Eraser."
呃怎么玩儿
Uh, how does it work?
干一杯
Take a shot.
好啊
Okay.
好的谁甩了你 - 呃 Abby
All right, now, who dumped you? - Ugh! Abby.
再喝一杯
Take another shot.
好吧 - 现在呢谁甩了你
All right. - Now, who dumped you?
Abby - 喝
Abby. - Drink.
哦兄弟们
Oh, guys.
这方法是不是最健康的我不知道
I don't know if this is the healthiest way to process this,
但我确实开心多了
but I'm having a lot of fun.
你看这就是你被甩的时候应该做的
Look, man, this is what you gotta do when you get dumped.
不过是我猜的你懂
Or so I assume, you know,
Rooster永远不会被甩
the Rooster's actually never been dumped.
瞎几把扯
Bullshit.
你被一打妹子甩过
You've been dumped by a lot of girls.
没一个我记得的
None that I remember.
谢谢了橡皮擦
Thank you, Eraser.
行那Suzy Gardner呢
All right, what about Suzy Gardner?
哦谁是Suzy Gardner
Oh! Who's Suzy Gardner?
哦 Suzy Gardner 兄弟
Oh. Suzy Gardner, man.
她是在农展会上和我分手的小妞
She's a chick who broke up with me at the county fair.
给你一句忠告如果你想背着女朋友劈腿
Tell you one thing, if you're gonna cheat on your girlfriend,
千万别在奇乐屋
don't do it in a fun house.
她会通过大概72面不同的镜子看见
She saw it in, like, 72 different mirrors.
我也被妹子甩过一次
I got dumped by a girl once,
我去了一家酒吧
I went to the bar,
实在醉惨了酒保不得不送我回家
got so drunk the bartender had to take me home.
然后她"照顾"了我一晚
She stayed the night.
那真是太棒了我今晚也想试一次
That's awesome. I want to do that tonight.
好啊可以啊不过别在这
Yeah, okay. Maybe not here.
这儿的酒保是我们老妈
The bartender's our mom.
好吧 - 所以你想干些什么 Kenny
Yeah. - So, what do you want to do, Kenny?
脱衣舞娘
Strip club?
印度赌场靶场
Indian casino? Gun range?
或者在靶场找一个印度脱衣舞娘
Oh, Indian stripper in a gun range?
哦我可不确定
Oh, I don't know about that.
好吧那在靶场找一个印第安脱衣舞娘
Fine. A "Native American" Stripper in a gun range?
不用了我想好要干嘛了
No, I know what I want to do.
完全疯狂的不合法的
It's crazy. Illegal.
而且我们应该一辈子都忘不了
And something we'll remember forever.
听起来是我的菜
I like the way this sounds.
我想潜进去高中 - 然后呢
I wanna go to the high school. - Yeah?
闯进Abby的教室
Break into Abby's classroom...
然后偷回我奶奶的
and steal back my grandmother's
<宝贝时光>的收藏雕像
Precious Moments collectible figurine.
要不我们把妈妈给了他吧
Maybe we should just let him fuck Mom.
真冷啊
Chilly night.
是啊
Yeah.
少说点话还能更保暖
Let's conserve our body heat by not talking.
我没想和你吵
I don't wanna fight.
对你只是想夺走我的牧场
No, you just want to take my ranch away from me.
明明不是这样的
That's not true.
我只是觉得已经到让Colt和Rooster
I just think it's time that Colt and Rooster...
在牧场承担更大责任的时候了
play a bigger role around here.
你知道么前几天 Colt起晚了
You know, the other day, Colt was sleeping in late.
我就去叫他起床
I went up to wake him up.
他正在敷黄瓜面膜
He was wearing a cucumber facial mask.
还说干燥的冬风刮得他的皮肤也变干了
Said his skin dries out in the harsh winter air.
这就是我每天要面对的
That's what I'm dealing with here.
我没说他们是约翰·韦恩那样的硬汉
I'm not saying they're John Wayne.
但他们努力工作
But they work hard...
而且他们对牧场每一寸土地的热爱并不比我们少
and they love this ranch every bit as much as we do.
而且
And, by the way,
约翰·韦恩当演员的时候也得每天化妆啊
John Wayne wore makeup every day of his professional life.
只有一种可能约翰·韦恩的脸上会有黄瓜
The only way John Wayne had cucumber on his face
那就是他狠狠揍了一碗沙拉
is if he was punching a salad.
我们儿子还跟小孩子一样
The boys act like children.
好吧如果是那样也是因为你把他们变成那样
Well, if they do, it's because you made them that way.
不不不这个锅我可不背
No, no, no, don't lay that pile of shit at my boots.
没人逼着他们每天在外喝一夜的酒
Nobody forces them to stay out all night drinking,
还要花上一天去逼逼
and then spend all day talking about it.
"知道我们昨晚喝了多少酒么
"Remember how much we drank last night?
实在是太猛了
It was badass.
哈哈哈"
Ha-ha-ha."
你知道么你从不让他们做任何事
You know, you hardly let them do anything.
一旦你让他们做了你就会告诉他们都做错了
And when you do, you just tell them they did it wrong.
因为他们做的就是错的
That's because they do it wrong.
这样他们怎么学得会呢
How else are they gonna learn?
孩子在必要时才长大
Kids grow up when they have to.
比如你♥爸♥去世时你突然成熟一样
Like you did when your dad died.
那确实
Damn right.
他去世的时候我手足无措
And when he died, I had no idea what to do.
我只能自己去想明白
I just figured it out.
但不一定非得那样
But it doesn't have to be that way.
你不用以死来让他们体会那种挣扎
You don't have to die and make them struggle like that.
教教他们吧
Teach them.
是啊
Yeah...
我还是直接挂了好
I think I'll just die.
你知道么你总说什么传统啊
You know, you talk so much about tradition
什么多希望这个牧场能在家族中传承下去啊
and how badly you want this ranch to stay in the family.
可是你又不愿意
And yet, you're not willing
做一丁点事去实现它
to do the one thing that will make that happen.
哦相信我 Maggie
Oh, believe me, Maggie,
我要是死了
when I'm gone...
我多希望当我向下看
I'd love nothing more than to look down
能看到他们把这个牧场经营地有声有色
and see them running this place the right way,
但是我可不会抱太大希望
but I'm not gonna hold my breath.
真美好啊 Beau
How sweet, Beau...