牧场趣事（2016）

The Ranch S01E01

Part 2 June 24, 2021, 11:21 a.m.

我的工作完成了
My work is done.
嘿酒保
Hey, bar tender...
麻烦给我们来两瓶冰啤酒
can we get a couple of cold ones, please?
没门 Beau
Not a chance, Beau.
连你最爱的儿子也没门吗
Not even for your favorite son?
Colt
Colt?
你好啊妈妈
Hi, Mama.
你就这么跟你妈打招呼嘛给我抱一个
Don't you "Hi, Mama" me. Give me a hug.
看你多帅气啊
You're a sight for sore eyes.
尤其是现在你剪了头发
Especially now since you cut your hair
还刮掉那可笑的山羊胡之后
and shaved off that stupid goatee.
不那胡子是季后赛的标志
Oh, no. That was a playoff beard.
你知道我这里长不出胡子
You know I can't grow here.
你准备好选拔赛了吗
You're ready for your tryout?
你知道这个消息
You knew about this?
是啊我和儿子保持联♥系♥ 你也该试一下
Yeah, I stay in touch with my son. You should try it.
你能快点把啤酒给我们上了吗
Can we just get those beers?
如果对服务有任何怨言尽管找老板说去
You have any complaints about the service, take it up with the owner.
老板貌似是我的眼中钉
The owner's kind of a pain in my ass.
这就是为什么老板最近要住在她自己的清风房♥车里
That's why the owner lives in her own Airstream now.
你明天什么时候走
What time you leaving tomorrow?
很早选拔赛在两点钟
Oh, early. Tryout's at 2:00.
大约那个时候我点的啤酒才会上
About the time I'll be getting a beer.
只要你进了球队我每周日都会开车载你
Once you're on that team, I'll make the drive every Sunday.
比赛时间不在周日
Oh, uh, the games aren't on Sunday.
周日的时间是为高中女子曲棍球队预留的
Sunday's reserved for the high school girls' lacrosse team.
哇我刚撒的那一泡尿比来一发还爽
Phew! I just had me one of them pees that's better than sex.
你懂的尿潮
You know, a pee-gasm.
可能是你不懂做♥爱♥
You know, it's possible you're not having sex right.
也可能是你不懂撒尿
Well, it's also possible you're not peeing right.
对了妈麻烦给我拿一瓶啤酒 - 没问题亲爱的
Hey, Ma, could you grab me a beer? - Sure, darlin'.
Hank 我给你五美元买♥♥这瓶啤酒
Hank, I'll give you five bucks for that beer.
成交
Done.
干杯 Maggie
Cheers, Maggie.
来吧我们去找张桌子吧
Come on. Let's grab a table.
好啊就我们两个人
Oh, yeah, good, just the two of us.
坐下来聊会儿天
Sit and talk for a while.
你要喝啤酒吗
Would you like a beer?
妈我明天还要去选拔赛呢威士忌还差不多
Ma, I got a tryout tomorrow. Make it a whiskey.
你看起来挺好的妈 - 我很好
You look good, Ma. - I'm all right.
身体倍棒酒吧的生意忙得我不可开交
I got my health, the bar keeps me pretty busy
这里到处都是醉汉如果我想随便都可以占他们便宜
and it's filled with a bunch of drunk guys I can take advantage of if I want to.
你可以从我开始下手
You can start with me.
我说的是 "如果我想" Hank
I said, "If I want to," Hank.
你和你♥爸♥处得怎么样了 - 嗯
How's it going with your dad? - Hmm.
还记得奥巴马当选时他的反应吗
Remember how he reacted when Obama got elected?
比那还要糟
It was worse than that.
问一个蠢问题
Stupid question.
你♥他♥妈♥的脚上穿的是什么
What the fuck's on your feet?
Tom Brady同款
Tom Brady wears 'em.
看起来像是Marcia Brady同款
Looks like Marcia Brady wears 'em.
好了把这个拿给你哥
All right, give this to your brother.
还有不要勾搭女服务员
And don't touch any of the waitresses.
Alicia勾搭得我
Hey, Alicia came on to me.
她没骑马把我给骑了
She saved a horse and rode a cowboy.
你是Colt Bennett吗
Aren't you Colt Bennett?
你是这的服务生吗 - 不是啊
Do you work here? - No.
那没错我就是他本人
Then yes, I am.
真难以置信我竟然在Colt Bennett的卧室里
I can't believe I'm in Colt Bennett's bedroom.
我也不相信我会在自己卧室里
I can't believe I'm here, either.
那张照片你几岁时候照的
How old were you in that picture?
呃那是我高中时候的照片
Uh, that was high school.
我大概17岁
So, uh, 17?
你真的太性感了
You were really hot.
那还用说
Duh.
你戴的是全国总冠军戒指吗
Is that your national championship ring?
没错我99年代表佛罗里达州立大学拿的冠军
Yep. Florida State. '99.
哇 1999年
Wow. 1999.
我才6岁
I was six.
呃 99年你6岁
Oh, '99...
所以说你是93年出生的
So that'd make you born in '93.
啊那你虚岁24
Carry the one. And that would make you 24?
我才22岁 - 22岁更好
I'm 22. - Even better.
我就要和全国总冠军队伍的四分卫上♥床♥了
I'm about to have sex with a national championship quarterback.
呃其实我是替补四分卫的替补
Uh, the backup to the backup quarterback.
现在这么坦诚是不是不大好
You know, now seems like a bad time to be honest.
等等替补你可是最最优秀的
Wait. Backup? But you were the best ever.
是吧教练从第一天起就没怎么拿正眼瞧过我
Yeah, the coach had it out for me from day one.
为什么 - 因为我第三天才去训练
Why? - 'Cause I didn't show up till day three.
然后第四天我睡了他女儿可
And I slept with his daughter on day four. But...
Colt
Colt.
她已经22岁了
She's 22!
你好 Bennett先生
Hi, Mr. Bennett.
爸这是Heather
Dad, this is Heather.
我认识Heather 你妈还好吗
I know Heather. How's your mom?
她挺好的她让我向你问好
She's good. She says, "Hey."
你妈是个很好的女人
She's a fine woman.
虽然有点胖
Top-notch bowler.
穿上你的衣服我需要你搭把手
Put your clothes on, I need a hand.
啥你认真的吗
Wha... seriously?
一头奶牛羊水破了她在急切地呼唤你去帮帮她
One of the cow's water just broke and she's calling your name.
我们走吧还有 Heather
Let's go. Heather...
见到你很高兴
good seeing you.
告诉你妈Beau也向她问好
Tell your mom Beau says "Hey" Back.
抱歉
Sorry.
啊其实那是我的UGG
Oh, actually, those are my Uggs.
她怎么样了 - 她难产了
How's she doin'? - It's a breech.
啊真该死
Oh, damn it.
好吧 Colt 到这边来把你手臂洗一下
All right, Colt. Get over here and wash your arm.
啥
What?
为啥是我去把小牛从她体内拉出来
Why do I got to put my arm in her?
为啥不是Rooster去
Why can't Rooster do it?
因为他不擅长做这个
Because he's not good at it.
我当然擅长做这个
Of course I'm good at it.
上次你手表都落在里面了
Last time, you lost your watch in there.
有什么关系我手表可是防水的
Who cares? It's waterproof.
过来 Colt 赶紧的 - 我来了
Come on, Colt. Hustle it up. - I'm coming.
老天等等为什么你就不能拴好小牛我只用拉拉绳子就好了呢
God, wait, why can't you hook her up and I'll just pull the rope?
你懂的乐趣就在于
You know, that's the beauty
当有人求你给他个地方住
of having somebody beggin' for a place to stay.
你又没办法问他收房♥租的时候
You can't ask 'em to pay rent,
你可以让他直接用手帮牛接生
but you can ask 'em to stick their arm up a cow's address.
所以来吧
So, come on.
好吧 Carla
All right, Carla.
姑娘我们开始吧你会没事的
Here we go, girl. You're gonna be fine.
你用不着告诉她你多爱她
You don't have to make love to her,
只要把小牛犊拉出来
just get the calf out of
养大之后好宰了
there so we can raise it and slaughter it.
唔差点忘了这里面有多暖
Ew! Forgot how warm it is.
好了我抓住她的腿了 - 不错
All right, I got her legs. - Good.
腿的下面就是脚哦
Feet will be right at the end of those.
谢谢你啊我知道我在干嘛
Thank you, I know what I'm doing.
老天我看上去像个白♥痴♥吗
God, do I look like an idiot?
你整条手深陷在牛身体里
Well, you're shoulder-deep
而且你的脚也深陷在她拉的屎里所以说
in a cow and ankle-deep in her shit, so...
我擦我的UGG
Man, my Uggs.
嘿如果你摸到我落在里面的表帮我拿出来成吗
Hey, if you feel a Timex up in there, grab it for me, huh?
你知道不虽然你看不到我的手
You know what? You can't see it,
但是我的中指已经向你高高竖起
but I'm flippin' you the bird right now.
好了每只脚绑一圈
All right, one loop for each foot.