牧场趣事（2016）
The Ranch
第一季
剧集 | 牧场趣事（2016） | 导航列表
牧场趣事（2016）
The Ranch S01E06
Part 2
June 24, 2021, 11:22 a.m.
哦 你喜欢吗
Oh, is that a good thing?
哦 我的天
Oh, my God!
哦 天啊 Heather - 不 真着火了
Oh, my God, Heather! - No, there's a fire!
什么 哇哦
What? Whoa!
该死
Oh, shit!
继续扑灭它
Keep going.
噢
Oh!
给你 Colt
Here, Colt!
谢谢 谢谢
Oh. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
那么
So...
我们刚刚做到哪儿了
where were we?
这里到底发生了什么
What the hell happened here?
说起来 额 Heather是个房♥车的
Well, as it turns out, uh, Heather here is a bit of a trailer...
狂热爱好者
enthusiast.
我就告诉她
And when I told her that
你有一辆 她就特别兴奋
you had an Airstream, she got real excited.
所以我就把她带过来给看
So I brought her out here to show her and...
我们过来的时候 她说"我闻到烟味"
as we're approaching the trailer, she says, "I smell smoke."
我闻到有人说屁话
I smell bullshit.
你应该闻到的是英雄
What you smell is a hero.
我可是一头冲进这个铝制炼狱里
'Cause I ran headlong into this aluminum inferno of death.
然后呢 Colt
And then what happened, Colt?
你们两个脱♥光♥了衣服 之后
You two took off your clothes and you...
把衣服扔进火里
you threw them into the fire?
真的很抱歉 Bennett太太
I'm really sorry, Mrs. Bennett.
没关系 亲爱的 你没事就好
Ah, it's all right, sweetie. As long as you're okay.
是呀 这才是大事
Yeah, that's the important thing.
我不仅救了你的家 还救了一大活人
I mean, I not only saved your home, I saved an actual human life.
又开始说屁话了
There's that bullshit again.
本可能出更大的事呢
Could be worse.
不用一周就能修好损坏
Shouldn't take more than a week to repair the damage
清理掉烟味了
and air it out from the smoke.
我应该可以去我朋友Barb家住一阵
I suppose I could stay with my friend, Barb.
尽管她有一只烦人的腊肠狗叫Dusty
Although she has that annoying wiener dog
它一直强♥奸♥我的腿
Dusty that keeps humping my leg.
"这说明它喜欢你"
"It means he likes you."
这其实说明你没有训练你的蠢狗 Barb
It means you didn't train your damn dog, Barb.
你就回家住吧 妈
You should just stay at the house, Ma.
我可不觉得这是好主意
I don't think that's a good idea.
为什么 反正你也常在家带着 对不对 爸
Why? I mean, you're there all the time, anyway. Right, Dad?
对 说的有道理
Yeah, I suppose that makes sense.
反正你在家有备用牙刷
You already got a spare toothbrush there,
还有衣服和一套♥弄♥指甲的工具
some clothes and that little kit you do your nails with.
哦 那工具其实是我的
Oh, uh, actually, that's mine.
但是你也可以用啊
But you're welcome to use it.
你确定你要和我妹妹约会吗
You sure you wanna date my sister?
所以你什么意见 Beau
So what do you think, Beau?
回家住好吗
Stay at the house?
就这么定吧
I think it's settled.
家里成员又能均衡了
We'll have even numbers again.
两男两女
Two boys, two girls.
你疯了吧
You are insane.
Johnnie Walker 苏格兰威士忌品牌
Jack Daniels 美国威士忌 二者同位列于世界十大名酒
尊尼获加不可能赢杰克丹尼的
There's no way Johnnie Walker kicks Jack Daniels' ass.
为什么不能
Why not?
因为尊尼获加逊毙了
'Cause Johnnie Walker's a weak-ass bitch.
带个高帽 逐个手杖 成天走来走去
Walking around with that top hat and cane.
拜托 老兄 他是苏格兰来的
Please, man. He's from Scotland.
苏格兰人可能打仗了
Them boys know how to fight.
你看过<勇敢的心>吗
You ever seen Braveheart?
你可不想惹毛梅尔吉布森
You don't mess with Mel Gibson.
犹太人尤其要小心
Especially if you're Jewish.
嘿 你知道哪种比这两种酒厉害吗
Hey, you know who'd kick both their asses?
金快活
Jose Cuervo.
是啊 每次碰到它 我就醉得一塌糊涂
Yeah, every time I mess with him, he kicks my ass.
Rooster 我需要和你弟弟谈谈
Rooster, I need to talk to your brother.
很好 那我就去厨房♥呆着 假装什么都听不到
Sweet. I'll be in the kitchen, pretending not to listen.
好吧 是因为你拖拉机保险杠上贴的"希拉里"贴纸吗
Okay, is this about the "Hillary" Bumper sticker on your tractor?
如果是因为这个的话 这其实是Rooster的主意
'Cause if it is, that was Rooster's idea.
不要在没问过我之前
Don't offer up my house to anybody
提议让任何人住进我的房♥子
without asking me first.
好吧
Okay.
呃 可那不是别人 那是老妈
Uh, well, it wasn't anybody, it was Mom.
尤其是你老妈
Especially your mother.
如果我想她搬来住 我自己会先问她的
If I'da wanted her here, I'd have asked her myself.
说的一点不错 Colt你这白♥痴♥
That's right, Colt. You idiot.
听着 我 我觉得这没有什么大不了的
Listen, I... I didn't think it was a big deal,
尤其是你们现在相处的特别不错
especially since you guys are getting along so good.
我们的确相处的不错 这也是我想维持现状的原因
We are and that's why I don't wanna change anything.
好吧 对不起 我搞砸了
All right. Well, I'm sorry, I screwed up.
他不是真心的 老爸 好好修理修理他
He didn't mean it. Kick his ass, Daddy.
嘿 Colt - 你好啊 妈
Hey, Colt. - Hi, Mom.
呃
Uh...
你来了老爸超级兴奋 我先进屋了
Dad's real excited you're here. I'm gonna step on inside.
你确定要这样吗
Are you sure about this?
不 你确定吗
Nope. Are you?
我也不
No.
那好吧 进来吧
All right, then. Come on in.
欢迎回到由Rooster Bennett主持的
And welcome back to Cook-a-doodle-do
公鸡喔喔叫节目
with your host Rooster Bennett.
下一个问题来自家住阿♥拉♥珀霍的Tim
Our next question comes from Tim in Arapahoe.
"亲爱的Rooster 你是怎么把鸡蛋
"Dear Rooster, how do you get
炒得松软又嫩滑呢
your scrambled eggs so light and fluffy?
附言 你的大胡子真是酷毙了"
P.S. Your beard is super kick-ass."
好吧 谢谢你Tim 是这么一回事
Well, thank you, Tim. And here's the deal.
做炒蛋
Making scrambled eggs
就像和一个美丽的女人做♥爱♥
is like making love to a beautiful woman.
你需要绅士一点 你需要慢慢来
You wanna be gentle, you wanna take your time,
你需要持续的久一点 不过最重要的是
you wanna make it last, but most importantly...
你得用上整整一吨♥的黄油
you wanna use a shit-ton of butter.
嘿
Hey.
所以这就是为什么 你房♥间里有一桶人造黄油的原因吗
So that's why there's a tub of margarine in your room.
你♥他♥妈♥为什么一个人自言自语
Why the hell are you talking to yourself?
你一直以来出门在外 老爸也沉默寡言
Well, you were gone for a long time and Dad doesn't talk.
不适应 就得闷死
Got to adapt or die.
噢 老爸老妈呢
Oh, where is Mom and Dad?
哥们 我不知道 我又没有一直监视他们
I don't know, man. I'm not keeping track.
我只是炒个蛋 做做我的节目
I'm just making eggs and doing my show.
噢 看你聪明我用不着多说
Oh. Word to the wise,
下周的主题是 "国境之南"
next week is my south-of-the-border episode,
"你好 西班牙腊肠"
"Hello, Chorizo."
我问你个事
Let me ask you something.
我应该帮Heather准备个生日礼物吗
Should I get a birthday gift for Heather?
你♥他♥妈♥为什么要做这个
Why the hell would you do that?
她又不是你女朋友 你只是和她滚了床单
She's not your girlfriend. You're just having sex with her.
这就像 我会给孕妇Linda买♥♥新生儿礼物吗
It's like, did I get a baby shower gift for Pregnant Linda?
当然不会 哥们 孩子又不是我的
Of course not, man. It's not my kid.
我只是和她来了几发
I'm just having sex with her.
一遇到这种事情 我就有个应对机制
When it comes to stuff like this... I have a system.
现在让你闭嘴已经太迟了 对吗
It's too late to stop you, isn't it?
我会在感恩节一结束
I like to break up
就和姑娘分手
with a girl right after Thanksgiving.
你懂的 这样我就没有送礼物的困扰了
You know, avoid all that holiday gift trouble.
然后 过完圣诞节
Then, the day after Christmas,
我会勾搭上某个被混♥蛋♥男朋友甩了的姑娘
I pick up some girl whose asshole boyfriend dumped her
这样我又不用送她礼物
to avoid getting her a gift.
最最难搞的一部分就是 是在情人节之前抽身
Now, tricky part is... is getting out before Valentine's Day.
所以我要做的就是 在超级碗派对上挑起争端
So what I like to do is start a fight at the Super Bowl party.
比如说一些
You know, something like...
"嘿 你姐姐隆了胸吗"
"Hey, your sister get some new titties?"
牧场趣事（2016）
The Ranch
剧集 | 牧场趣事（2016） | 导航列表