牧场趣事（2016）

The Ranch S01E08

Part 1 June 24, 2021, 11:22 a.m.

好了我现在是"H-O-R" 你是"H-O" 轮到你了
All right, I got "H-O-R." You got "H-O." It's your shot.
没问题这次你要坐在车后板上
All right, for this one you gotta start seated on the tailgate...
左手射击嘻哈范儿
shoot lefty, hip-hop style,
要是射偏了就捶自个儿的蛋蛋
and punch yourself in the balls if you miss.
吼吼
Whoo-hoo!
你客气了小兄弟
You're welcome, little buddies.
没事放轻松 Annie Oakley
All right, all right. Easy, Annie Oakley.
我一点不担心
I ain't worried.
你这辈子基本没怎么赢过我
You ain't never beaten me at nothing your entire life.
是啊是啊
Yeah, yeah.
你一有压力就喘不过气来
Yeah, you always choke under pressure.
不那不是真的
Yeah, right, that ain't true.
哦是吗
Oh, yeah?
得了吧还记得夏令营迷你高尔夫那一回
Come on, summer camp? Minigolf?
你只需要
All you had to do was get
在四次内把球打进小丑的嘴巴
it through the clown's mouth in four shots.
可你磨磨唧唧的最后被迫只好先让
It took you so long that little girl's birthday
一群参加生日派对的小女孩们玩
party asked if they could play through.
话说回来现在那小女孩
Yeah, well, right now that little girl's
已经是个火♥辣♥的女大学生了
a hot college student someplace.
她欠我一次
She owes me one.
再来州立博览会上吃热狗比赛
Okay. State fair. Hot dog eating contest.
老爹不得不对你用海姆立克急救法
Dad had to give you the Heimlich.
你确实一有压力就喘不过气来
You literally choked under pressure.
开你特么的枪吧
Shoot the damn gun.
我将重操从十二岁就一直干的老本行
I'm gonna do what I've been doing since I was 12 years old.
击碎酒瓶(酗酒)
Hit the bottle.
哦
Oh!
我的天啊
Oh, my God!
要是老爹没死的话一定气炸了
If Dad ain't dead, he's gonna be pissed.
特么的搞毛啊
What the hell?
该死他还活着
Shit, he ain't dead.
是啊你没开玩笑
Yeah, you're not kidding.
顺道一说你射偏了
Oh, and by the way, you missed.
老爹真的非常抱歉 - 没错非常抱歉
Dad, we are so sorry. - Yeah, we are so sorry.
在你破口大骂之前我只希望你知道
Before you say anything, I just wanna let you know,
都是Colt的错
it was Colt's fault.
我不在乎是谁的错
I don't care whose fault it was...
Colt的错
Colt's.
你俩他妈的有什么毛病
What the hell is wrong with you two?
下次你俩再乱玩手♥枪♥
The next time you start messing around with the guns,
帮我个忙
do me a favor...
瞄准对方的脑袋
point 'em at each other.
如我所说我们真的非常抱歉
Okay, like I... like I said, we're real sorry.
我们先前工作太辛苦了
I mean, we've just been working so hard,
我们只是想缓解下压力
we were trying to blow off some steam.
我去了 - 我会负责修好这扇窗户的
And I... I went to... - I'll fix the window right away, okay?
那谁负责把电视机修好
Who's gonna fix the TV?
电视机
Tv?
老天爷你杀了我的死党
Oh, my God, you killed my best friend!
我们会凑钱再买♥♥台新的
We'll save up and buy a new one.
我们才不买♥♥新电视我们不需要
We're not gettin' a new one. We don't need it.
老爹你在开玩笑呢对吧
Okay, Dad, you're kiddin', right?
食物水住所电视机这些都是生活必需品
Food, water, shelter, TV. These are necessities of life.
我们不该总是花钱买♥♥些不需要的东西
We gotta stop spendin' money on things we don't need.
你知道今早我在冰箱里发现了什么吗
You know what I saw in the fridge this morning?
没错我把手♥机♥放在里面
Oh, well, I put my cell phone in there
这样FBI就追踪不到我了
so the FBI can't track me.
这招可是跟你学的老爹
I learned that from you, Daddy.
杏仁奶是什么鬼东西
What in the fuck is almond milk?
就是奶
It's milk.
告诉我杏仁的奶头在哪里
Show me the tit on an almond.
听着这比普通牛奶更健康更适合你
Look, it's better for you than regular milk.
更少的热量含有大量维他命E
It's got less calories and it's loaded with vitamin E.
就像椰子汁
It's like coconut water.
现在你就是在鬼扯淡
Now, you're just makin' shit up.
我们不该花钱买♥♥这种垃圾
We have got to stop spending money on crap like this
尤其是在正勒紧裤带经营牧场的艰难时期
when we're trying to keep this ranch afloat.
每年不是都有些资金紧张吗
Okay. Isn't it always a little bit tight
在我们把牛运去卖♥♥给超♥市♥之前
right before we take the calves to market?
今年不同于往昔
This year's different.
这是野兽的天性
That's the nature of the beast.
我们的账单翻了一番
Our bills have doubled.
家里多了个白吃白喝的人
We got an extra person living in the house.
所以食物加倍水电费加倍
That means extra food, extra utilities...
坚果汁也加倍
extra nut juice.
Colt 你都听见了滚吧
Colt, you heard the man. Get out.
等等
But wait...
那我离家出走15年给你省下来的水电费
What about the 15 years when I didn't use any utilities
要怎么算呢
'cause I deserted the family?
你不用谢了
You're welcome.
除此之外我们还意外收到一份
On top of that, we got a surprise
电力公♥司♥寄来的评估
assessment from the power co-op
和一封政♥府♥寄来的满怀关爱的提高财产税的信
and a love letter from the state raising our property taxes.
你知道那些税款都用来干嘛吗造太空飞船
You know what they use those taxes for? Space ships.
去火星挖掘
To go diggin' around on Mars.
NASA 你想要红土吗
Hey, NASA, you want red dirt?
让你的飞船降落在我后院包你管够
Land in my backyard and have at it.
老爹也许我们可以卖♥♥掉 - 别说了
Well, Dad, maybe we can sell... - Stop.
我深思熟虑很久
I've been giving this a lot of thought
也想不出有什么其他的办法
and I don't see any other way around it.
我们必须申请贷款才能熬过这段日子
We're gonna have to ask for a loan to ride this out.
我们要申请贷款
We gotta get a loan?
这比我想象的要严重的多
Man, this is more serious than I thought.
老爹痛恨银行
Dad hates banks.
他总说他唯一需要的银行
He always said the only bank he ever needed
就他在床垫下面
was under his mattress.
告诉我这事他也是够蠢的
Pretty stupid thing to tell me,
因为我唯一需要的银行也在他床垫下面
because the only bank I ever needed was under his mattress.
您一定是Bennett先生
Oh, uh, you must be Mr. Bennett.
我是Bill Jensen 您最近过得如何
Uh, I'm Bill Jensen. How are you?
不咋地 Jensen先生
Not great, Mr. Jensen,
不然我就不会来你这了
otherwise I wouldn't be here.
当然最近一段时间许多牧场主都手头吃紧
Well, 'course, uh, times are very tough for a lot of ranchers.
我充分理解哦哦不好意思
I can certainly understand... Oh, oh, excuse me...
不好意思您贵姓
excuse me, uh, what's your name?
你好我叫Rooster
Oh, hey, I'm the Rooster.
很高兴认识您 Rooster先生
Okay, uh, nice to meet you, Mr... Rooster.
您能呃
Uh, could you, uh,
能请您别碰我桌上的东西吗
please not touch anything on my desk?
好的没问题抱歉了
Oh, yeah, sure, sorry about that.
那是你妻子 - 那是我的女儿
That's your wife? - Uh, that's my daughter.
你好啊
Ooh. Hello.
她真是个大美人
She is very beautiful.
关于我女儿有些有趣的事
Uh, well, here are some fun facts about her.
她是毕业生代表足球队队长
She is the class valedictorian, uh, captain of the soccer team,
她芳龄十七最重要的是她爸爸有五把枪
she is 17 and her dad owns five firearms.
这是标准贷款申请表
So, uh, here is the standard loan application.
非常简单
It's, uh, it's fairly simple.
老子才不会告诉你社会保障卡♥号♥♥码
I'm not giving you my Social Security number.
好吧估计没我想的那么简单
Okay, so maybe it won't be that simple.
所以
So...
Colt Bennett
Colt Bennett.
人怕出名猪怕壮
Guilty as charged.
你想让我在什么上面签名
You want me to sign something for you?
橄榄球上还是照片上
A football or a photo?
我从没在男人的胸上签过名
Uh, never signed a man's chest before,
但要是能让贷款申请通过
but if it helps get the loan approved,
我不介意牺牲下
well, I'll give it a go.
不是事实上我们以前见过面
No, uh, actually we've, uh, we've met before.