牧场趣事（2016）

The Ranch S01E01

Part 3 June 24, 2021, 11:21 a.m.

我知道怎么做
Yeah, I got it!
噢你知道那好吧开始拉吧
Oh, you got it? Well then start pulling!
话说你就从来没想过
You know, did it ever occur to you
尝试鼓励一下我而不是每次都非得对我指手画脚
to encourage me instead of riding me all the time?
如果我真对你指手画脚了那也是因为你是这个家里唯一一个
If I rode you, it was 'cause you were the only one in this family
还有点脑子和天赋的人
that had any smarts or talent.
爸我就站这呢
Standing right here, Dad.
我知道 Jameson
I'm aware of that, Jameson.
我们都作出了牺牲所以你才有机会成功
We all sacrificed so you had a chance to succeed.
但你一点都不愿意为此努力
But you weren't willing to work for it.
让我们到了如此田地
So, here we are!
我就奇怪你哪里来的自信觉得自己特牛逼
You know, where do you get off being so high and mighty
你都快付不起这里的开销了
when you can barely pay the bills around here?
谁告诉你的
Who told you that?
我连话都不能说了吗还有没有人♥权♥啊
I'm allowed to say things. I'm a person.
我要去找Heather玩了
I'm gonna go hang out with Heather.
那真的吗你财政上遇到困难了
So, is it true? You in trouble?
不是我的错是另外一个混♥蛋♥的造的孽
It's not my fault. It's that other bastard.
哪个 - 老天爷
What other bastard? - God.
这里已经一年没有好好下过一场雨了
There hasn't been a decent rain around here in over a year.
巧"父"难养无草之牛啊
It's hard to raise grass-fed cattle when there's no grass.
这不怪老天爸这是因为全球变暖
That ain't God, Dad, that's global warming.
全球变暖就是Al Gore在瞎扯淡
Global warming's a bunch of crap Al Gore made up
他就是想多推销些书给加利福尼亚的人
to sell books to Californians.
不过话说回来你关心什么呢
Besides, what do you care?
你都15年没回来过了
You haven't been around this family the last 15 years.
是啊爸你觉得我为什么要离开家还不是因为你
Yeah. Why do you think I left, Dad? Because of you.
那你现在怎么又回来了
Well, why are you here now?
啊对了我想起来了
Oh, that's right,
你没别的地方可去了
you got no place else to go!
见鬼去吧
Go to hell!
啊它没有呼吸了
Ah, it ain't breathing.
老天我得给它打点肾上腺素
Hell, I'll get the epinephrine.
我来做心肺复苏
I'll give her CPR.
没用的
That's not gonna work.
该死实在没办法了我也不想用肾上腺素
Damn, this is the last thing I need.
你这是在做无用功
You're wasting your time.
我做无用功
Wasting my time.
这有用他站起来了
Well, it worked. He's up.
我勒个去
I'll be damned.
孩子过来
Come here, buddy.
Rooster 骄傲吧我们有了个85磅重的牛孩子是个男孩
Rooster, we are the proud parents of a beautiful 85-pound boy.
太不可思议了刚出生的时候他一动不动
It was incredible. That calf was born still.
我给他做心肺复苏把他救活了过来
I gave it CPR and I brought it back to life.
哇哦 Colt
Wow, Colt.
你把手伸进牛的身体里面然后和小牛犊亲热
You had your arm up a cow and made out with a calf.
你要知道哪怕你只是骗过一只鸡
You know, you diddle a chicken,
你能进农场的名人堂了
you're in the farmer's Hall of Fame.
我得回去看看他的情况怎么样了
I'm gonna go back out and check on him,
看看他是不是会吸奶了
make sure that calf is sucking.
Colt
Colt...
干得不错
good job.
他刚刚是不是 - 没错他夸你"干得不错"
Did he just... - Yeah. He just said, "Good job."
我觉得说完他就
And then I think he felt
把自己恶心到了所以他得出去呼吸一下新鲜空气
nauseous and went outside to get some air.
我记得他上次夸我
I think the last time he told me "Good job"
还是在我刚学会走路的时候
was when I learned how to walk.
我觉得他当时说的其实是
I think his exact words were...
"老天啊终于学会了"
"Jesus, finally."
你知道怎么去惹毛他吗
You know what you should do to really mess with him?
你也出去直勾勾地注视着他的眼睛告诉他
Go outside, look him straight in the eye, and say...
"我爱你老家伙"
"I love you, big fella."
好啊你也可以告诉他你和奥巴马一样是民♥主♥党
Yeah, then you can go tell him you're a Democrat.
噢天哪
Oh, God.
这味道怎么洗也洗不掉
I don't think washing helped at all.
是啊你身上会一直留有余味
Yeah, that smell never really goes away.
我的建议是
You know, my advice is
当你要把手臂伸进家畜身体的时候
when it comes to putting body parts into livestock,
每次要用同一只手
you always wanna use the same arm.
这只手用来给牛接生帮马解决便秘问题
This one... is for pregnant cows and constipated horses.
而这只用来拿东西吃吹口哨还有和别人握手
This one for eatin', whistlin' and shakin' hands.
如果我不喜欢那个人我就会用回这只手
Unless I don't like the guy, and then I use this one.
好吧今晚我本来打算"搞定"的可不是牛
Yeah, that was not the vagina I thought I'd be in tonight.
不过话说回来今天还是不错的
You know, all in all, it was a good day.
只是小住一段时间的话就算是监狱也挺有意思的
Even prison's fun when you're just visitin'.
你能拿起电♥话♥跟人聊天
You get to talk on that phone.
你旁边的女人把胸部抵在玻璃上
Lady next to you puts her boobies up against the glass.
如果你在这里过得那么不如意为什么不一走了之呢
If it's so bad here, why don't you just leave?
你是在开玩笑吧
You're kidding, right?
你走了之后我不能也一走了之吧
After you left, that wasn't much of an option.
老爸需要有人帮他一起管理农场
Dad needed someone here to help him run the ranch.
所以你觉得你被困在这里了
So you felt like you were stuck?
好吧你肯定觉得我
Well, you must think I'm...
被惯坏了自私自利不负责任懦夫草包
Spoiled? Selfish? Irresponsible? Kind of a wuss?
好吧我原来打算说自私的但是
Okay. I was gonna say "Selfish" But...
自以为是冥顽不灵彻头彻尾酒鬼一个
Conceited? Stubborn? Full-blown alcoholic?
不过
But...
你可是橄榄球运动员啊你得拼搏追梦
you were a hell of a football player. And you had to go.
我为你感到骄傲
I was proud of you.
你可是我宝贝弟弟啊哥们
You're my little brother, amigo.
谢啦
Thank you.
我也为你感到骄傲啊哥
You know, I'm proud of you, too.
是吗我哪儿让你骄傲了
Yeah? For what?
好吧我其实没想到
You know, I really didn't
你还会追问下去
think there was gonna be a follow-up question.
好吧我去帮老爸看看Carla怎么样了
All right. Well, I'm gonna go outside and help Dad with Carla.
还是你想去帮他
Unless, of course, you want to?
啊不不还是你去吧
Oh, no. You do it.
我暂时还不能和她有眼神接触
I can't make eye contact with her for a while.
老妈
Mom?
啊早啊 Colt
Oh, hey, Colt.
喔哦喔哦喔哦喔哦喔哦喔哦等等
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
你怎么在这儿
What are you doing here?
和你老爸睡了
Your father.
等等等等等等等等等等等等
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
你和老爸还是
You and Dad still...
每次我看到你老爸我们都会闹得不可开交
Every time I see your father, we fight.
每次闹着闹着就闹到床上去了
And every time we fight, we end up f...
好吧好吧
All right! All right!
我了解了
I got it.
如果能让你好受一点的话我们其实没有面对面
Oh, if it helps, we weren't facing each other.
不这个一点用都没有
No, that does not help at all!
你想来点咖啡吗 - 好吧
Do you want some coffee? - Sure.
啊老天这味道
Oh, man. Whoa!
你在闻什么啊
What are you doing?
啊 Carla 昨天晚上臀位难产了
Oh, Carla had a breech birth last night.
所以我不得不把手伸到她的
So I had to stick my arm up her...
明白了
Got it.
如果这个能让你好受一点的话我们也没有面对面
If it helps, we weren't facing each other.
真机智
That's cute.
用水和肥皂洗不掉这味道的
Soap and water won't do it.
你需要一些塔巴斯科辣酱番茄汁一根芹菜还有一些伏特加
Need some Tabasco, tomato juice, a stalk of celery and vodka.
这不就是血腥玛丽吗
That's a bloody Mary.
没错啊你连喝四杯
Right, you have four of those,
你就不会管你手臂闻起来怎么样了
you won't care how your arm smells.
你选拔赛准备的怎么样了
You ready for your tryout?
啊还行吧我有点紧张
Yeah, I think so. I'm a little nervous.
觉得紧张挺好的说明你还是很在意结果的
Well, that's good, right? It means you still care.
不如我给你做个通心粉吧你以前在比赛之前很喜欢吃的
How about I make you that pre-game pasta you used to like?
谢了老妈我不是小孩子了
Thanks, Mom, I'm not a kid anymore.