牧场趣事（2016）
The Ranch
第一季
剧集 | 牧场趣事（2016） | 导航列表
牧场趣事（2016）
The Ranch S01E04
Part 1
June 24, 2021, 11:21 a.m.
你们谁看到我的羊角锤了嘛
Anybody seen my hammer?
啊 在这呢
Yep, right here.
用羊角锤起瓶盖
Using a hammer to open a twist-off.
你应该去为此申请个专利
You ought to patent that.
我去一趟你老妈的酒吧
I'm goin' to your mother's.
拿着羊角锤去吗
With a hammer?
我们是不是要上新闻了
We gonna be on the news?
你成天在这里胡说八道
When you say stupid shit like that all day,
你去睡觉的时候会沾沾自喜吗
do you go to bed proud?
没错 先生
Yes, I do, sir.
然后我在床上做点别的事情 并感到十分羞愧
Then I do something else in bed, and I feel ashamed.
嘿 老爸老妈之间到底怎么样了
Hey. What the hell's going on with Mom and Dad?
他们还是夫妻
They're still married,
但是他们不住在一起 但他们还搞在一起
but they don't live together, but they're still hooking up?
是啊 我问过老爸一次 他含糊其辞
Yeah, I asked Dad once. He just grunted.
所以我又去问老妈 她洋洋洒洒说了45分钟
So I asked Mom, she went on this, like, 45-minute speech.
我不大明白她说了些什么 可是
I couldn't understand what she was saying, but...
她确确实实用了"性♥伴♥侣♥"这词
she did use the phrase "Sexual soulmates."
嘿 你想去酒吧去看这场比赛吗
Hey, you wanna go to the bar and watch this game?
不了 我不是很感兴趣
Nah, I don't really feel like it.
你不想喝酒了吗
You don't feel like drinking?
你疱疹又犯了吗
Your herpes flaring up?
我这不喝着呢吗
I'm drinking right now.
再者说 就算有疱疹的话还是能喝酒
Plus, you can drink when you got herpes.
哈 你默认了你得过疱疹
Ha! You didn't say you don't got it.
你说完了没 - 说完了
Are you done? - Yeah, I'm done.
但是我随时随地能卷土重来
But I can come back at any time.
就像你的疱疹
Just like your herpes.
来吧哥们 我们走
Come on, man.Let's go.
什么 我刚说了我不想去
What? I... I just said I don't wanna go.
Colt 如果你不想去酒吧
Colt, if you don't wanna go to the bar,
不想看橄榄球 不再喝到断片
watch football, and get blackout drunk,
那我真的对此表示特别担心
then I am genuinely concerned about you.
我只是不想碰见Abby 好了吗
I just don't wanna run into Abby, all right?
为什么 你做什么了
Why? What'd you do?
把疱疹传染给她了吗
Give her herpes?
好吧 我得了疱疹
Yes, I have herpes.
好好享用
Enjoy.
真是作死 现在你肯定染上疱疹了
Joke's on you. Now you definitely got herpes.
那你为什么不想见她
So why don't you wanna see her?
呃 有天晚上 我们正聊着呢 然后我
Well, you know, the other night, we were hanging out. And I...
我就会错了意
thought she was giving me a signal,
我上去想亲她 但她拒绝了我
and I went in for a kiss and she shot me down.
就这样吗
That's it?
兄弟 如果就因为这样 我就要躲着每一个我想亲的姑娘
Dude, if I avoided every girl I tried to kiss,
那我就去不了银行 看不了牙医 中学也上不了了
I couldn't go to the bank, the dentist, the middle school...
别瞎想 变♥态♥ 那姑娘是个十字路口的交通协♥警♥
Relax, you pervert, it was a crossing guard.
得了吧 到底去不去
Come on, you're comin' or what?
我不去酒吧也能找到乐子
I don't have to go to the bar to have fun.
好吧 我们家里啤酒可喝完了
Well, we got no more beer left in the house.
我们走
Let's go.
好孩子
Attaboy.
哥们
Man.
交通协♥警♥
A crossing guard?
什么 你认真的吗 你想亲一个手上举着大红指示牌
What, you seriously... You tried to kiss a woman
上面还写着 "停" 的姑娘吗
who was holding a big red sign that said "Stop"?
没错 我还应该留意到那块指示牌的
Yeah. I should have read that sign, too.
她就是把疱疹传染给我的那个人
She's the one who gave me herpes.
还能用吗 - 就和新的一样好用
How's it going? - Good as new.
事实上 在它新的时候 它还是能启动的
Actually, when it was new, it turned on.
你还会好奇为什么我们两个儿子都那么喜欢自作聪明吗
And you wonder why our boys are such smart-asses.
或许我就该把它拆了再重新组装起来
Maybe I'll just take it apart and start from the ground up.
Beau 这微波炉都用了20年了 我买♥♥个新的算了
Beau, it's 20 years old. I'll just buy a new one.
那你意思是 每二十年你就会买♥♥个新的
So, you're just gonna buy a new one every 20 years?
他们本来可以把这造得能用1000年
They can build these things to last a thousand.
但他们不会这么做
But they won't.
就是因为有你这种傻人
'Cause of suckers like you.
是啊 要么这就是国际厨具垄断组织的阴谋
Yeah, it's either the Global Kitchen Appliance Cartel,
要么其实就是因为我喝高了 想用微波炉把平底锅加热了
or the fact that I got high and tried to microwave a frying pan.
这是给你的
These are for you.
从我院子里摘的蔬菜
Veggies straight from my garden.
这是因为我没修好你的微波炉所以给我的惩罚吗
This my punishment for not fixing your microwave?
拜托 你应该照顾好你自己的身体
Come on, you're supposed to take care of yourself.
啊 那好啊
Oh, great.
所以我应该笑话那俩小子去吃牛排
So the boys are gonna get to have steak, but the joke's on them.
因为我要吃一根这美味的
'Cause I get to have one of these delicious...
芜菁
turnips.
有什么问题吗
What's wrong?
你真的这么沮丧吗 不就是吃点蔬菜吗
Are you really this upset about having to eat some vegetables?
还有 你拿着的是萝卜
Also, you're holding a radish.
嘿 你今晚 想换个花样吗
Hey, you wanna do something different tonight?
上一次你这么说 你让我去吃了外国菜
Last time you said that to me, you made me try some exotic food.
我们去了一家墨西哥餐厅
We went to a Mexican restaurant.
你吃了个玉米卷饼
You had an enchilada.
没有 我只是在想
No, I was just thinking,
我们可以好好利用上次晚上 我抽到的万怡酒店免费入住机会
you know, we could use that night I won at the Marriott.
宾馆是给商人和妓♥女♥去的
Hotels are for businessmen and prostitutes.
那好啊 我们可以玩角色扮演 你想扮成什么都可以
Well, we can role play whatever you want.
怎么样 上一次你随心所欲地做点事情是多久之前了
Come on, when was the last time you did something spontaneous?
就前几天 我去饲料店结账的时候
Just the other day, checking out at the feed store,
我买♥♥了口香糖
I bought some gum.
就随手一拿
Didn't care for it.
我是认真的 你的生活只有工作 你该好好休息一下
I'm serious. All you do is work. You deserve a break.
我没带换洗的衣服 - 不需要
I don't have a change of clothes. - Don't need one.
宾馆在30英里外呢 - 我来开车
It's 30 miles away. - I'll drive.
明天早上六点半兽医要来牧场
Vet's coming to the ranch at 6:30 in the morning.
我六点就把你送回去
I can have you home by 6:00.
我是非去不可了吧 - 我去拿件毛衣
I'm going, aren't I? - I'll get a sweater.
见鬼去吧
Fuck you.
你再像刚才那样像个小女生一样尖叫
Well, I'm not gonna put you on the back of my bike again
我就不让你坐我摩托车的后座了
if you're gonna scream like a little girl.
我没尖叫 - 拜托
I was not screaming. - Please.
"伙计 快停下 这一点都不好玩
"Dude, stop. It's not funny.
伙计 慢一点 这一点都不好玩"
Dude, slow down. It's not funny."
但真的特别好玩
But it was funny.
我那时候都要从后面滑下去了
I was sliding off the back
因为我在尽力不让我的鸡鸡碰到你的屁♥股♥
'cause I was trying to keep my dick from touching your butt.
嘿 孩子们
Hey, boys.
怎么了 Hank
What's up, Hank?
他们是Maggie的儿子 他们喝酒不要钱
These are Maggie's sons. They drink for free.
他们要三瓶啤酒
They'll have three beers.
看 Abby在那儿
Well, there's Abby.
啊 天哪
Ah, man.
我知道我得和她说些什么 但我不想
I know I gotta talk to her, but I don't wanna...
多谢
Thanks.
那是因为你还在意她
That's 'cause you care
你为你的所做作为感到愧疚
about her and you feel bad about what you did.
关键在于 你得真心诚意的对她实话实说
Key is, speak from the heart and tell her the truth.
这很难 但是她会欣赏你的诚实的
It'll be tough, but she'll respect your honesty.
你♥他♥妈♥从哪学来的这些话
Where the hell did that come from?
我虽然总是在混日子 但是骨子里 我是一个好人
Well, I mess around a lot, but deep down I'm a good guy.
现在 如果你不介意的话
Now, if you'll excuse me...
我要去告诉那个姑娘
I'm gonna go tell this chick
哥下面足足10英寸 帅气又多金
I got a ten-inch dong and live in a mansion.
好吧 Hank 祝我好运吧
All right, Hank. Wish me luck.
你说什么 Colt 你想点个汉堡 不要洋葱是吗
What's that, Colt? You want a burger, no onions?
嘿 Abby
Hey, Abby.
你想怎么样 Colt
What do you want, Colt?
如果我说 想要吻你 能不能缓解一下这紧张气氛
Would it break the tension if I said a kiss?
听着 我
Look. Listen, I'm...
牧场趣事（2016）
The Ranch
剧集 | 牧场趣事（2016） | 导航列表