牧场趣事（2016）

The Ranch S01E07

Part 1 June 24, 2021, 11:22 a.m.

见鬼
Damn it.
我靴子全脏了
Boots are all dirty.
现在我要穿什么出去
Now what am I gonna wear out?
只有一双靴子你就活该倒霉
Well, that's what you get for only having one pair.
你总得需要四双靴子 Colt
You always need four pairs of boots, Colt.
一双工作靴
One pair of working boots,
一双喝酒的时候穿两双啪啪啪的时候穿
one pair of drinking boots, two pair for knocking boots.
你需要两双啪啪啪用靴子的原因
The only reason you'd need two pair of knocking boots
只可能是你正在野战并四脚着地
is if you're doing it outside on all fours.
不是的哥们
No, man.
你需要它们的原因是当你不得不从窗户跳出去的时候
You need 'em for when you gotta jump out of the window
你会落下一双靴子
and leave a pair behind.
如果你觉得你会被抓个现行
If you think you might get caught,
为什么不把第一双靴子
why don't you just leave the first pair
放在窗户外面呢
of boots outside the window?
见鬼 Colt 你刷新了我的三观
Damn, Colt, you just changed the game.
哥们老爸今天真的特别尖酸刻薄
Man, Dad was being a real hard-ass today, huh?
一点没错
Yep.
我听他喷过人类已知的所有脏话
I heard him utter every curse word known to man,
但我从来没听过他骂人用上John Deere的名字
but I ain't never heard him take John Deere's name in vain.
他只是对老妈不肯搬进来感到非常火大
He's just pissed 'cause Mom didn't wanna move in.
上次我见他发那么大火
I haven't seen him that mad since
还是在奥巴马公开出生证明的时候呢
Obama released his birth certificate.
老爸老妈之间到底怎么样了
Wait, what the hell's the deal with Mom and Dad, man?
呃他们看上去他们相处的非常好
I... You know, they seem like they're getting along so well.
是啊这些我看的太多了
Yeah, I've seen this over and over.
老爸老妈就像是Brooks和Dunn 你明白吗
Mom and Dad are like Brooks & Dunn, you know?
他们没几年就会"重组"几次
They get back together every few years,
但每次他们在一起情况就会越来越糟
and every time they do, it just gets worse and worse.
嘿爸 - 嘿老爹
Oh, hey, Dad. - Hey, Pop.
你们篱笆修到哪里了
How far did you get with the fence?
呃我们修到了西边的小河那里
Uh, we got to the west creek.
你们两个人
Both of you,
花了一整天只修到西边的小河那里
all day, got to the west creek?
你这么说有没有可能是因为
There any chance you're saying that
你被我们的高效率震惊了
'cause you're just so impressed?
出去的时候大门关了没
Closed the gate on the way out?
关了啊
Yeah.
当然我们关了我记得很清楚因为我那时候说
Yeah, we closed it. I remember it, 'cause I said,
"今天风可真大
"It's awfully windy out,
确保把大门关的严严实实的 Rooster"
make sure that gate's closed tight, Rooster."
啊是啊没错
Oh, yeah, that's right.
我关了大门之后说
And then I closed it and I said,
"嘿 Colt 确保你上锁了"
"Hey, Colt, make sure you go lock that gate."
然后你回答我说
And then you said to me,
"拜托哥们我可是Colt Bennett
"Oh, man, I'm Colt Bennett.
哥事无巨细样样注意
I don't gotta make sure of nothing."
然后你好像说了
And then you were like,
"哥们老爸真是个混♥蛋♥ 是不是"
"Man, Dad's a real jerk, ain't he?"
对对对
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
然后我又说 "只是开玩笑啦
And then I said, "Just kidding.
老爸不仅仅是我的严父
'Cause Dad is not only my father,
他还是我最好的朋友"
he's my best friend."
老爸你放心我这就去
But, Dad, you know what, I'm gonna go
代表Colt去检查一下大门有没有关好
check on that gate on Colt's behalf.
啊不用了
Oh, no.
你们休息一下吧
You boys relax.
你们今天都挺累了
You've had a long day.
我去检查一下吧
I'll go check on it.
我回来的时候
And when I get back,
我会给你们每人做个美美的足底按♥摩♥
I'll give each of you a nice foot massage.
我知道他在开玩笑
I know he's kidding...
但我敢打赌他那强劲的双手能够化腐朽为神奇
but I bet them strong hands could work wonders.
你去哪儿
Where are you goin'?
去帮老爸
Go help Dad.
你可能会想
You might wanna leave
在谷仓外面多留一双靴子
an extra pair of boots outside the barn.
好吧我也来帮忙
Yeah, I'll come help.
你们这些兔崽子
Son of a bitch!
我十五年没被骂了
I've missed 15 years,
再错过一晚也没什么
I can miss one more night.
嘿 Hank 老妈 - Colt
Hey, Hank. Mom. - Colt.
嘿
Hey.
你在呃在房♥车里住的怎么样
How's, uh, life in the Airstream?
噢还不错啊
Oh, it's good.
只不过自从我听说了你和Heather在那里做的事情
Though, ever since I heard what you and Heather did in there,
我再也没办法在餐桌上吃东西了
I haven't been able to eat off my kitchen table.
如果是这个原因的话
If that's the case,
你在这吧台边也会吃不下东西的
you might not want to eat off this bar.
我认真的你还好吗
Seriously though, you doing okay?
当然我挺好的
Yeah, I'm good.
我更担心你老爸
I'm more concerned about your father.
他过得还好吗
How's he holding up?
今天他告诉我我咖啡烧的很烂
Today he told me I make terrible coffee...
还和我说我完全不知道怎么捆干草
told me I can't bale hay for shit...
然后他发了整整一小时飙来抱怨
then he went on a one-hour rant about how
它们不像之前那样有那么多灰了
they don't make dirt like they used to.
如果是我和你老爸之间的问题让你过得不顺心了
Look, I'm sorry if what's going on with your father and I
我真的很抱歉
has made life harder for you.
嘿我也没资格说你
Hey, who am I to be mad?
你回到家搞得一团糟然后离开
You came home, stirred shit up, and left.
这完完全全
That's a move right out
是教科书般的Colt Bennett行事风格
of the Colt Bennett Playbook.
嘿 Colt - 呃嘿 Ab
Hey, Colt. - Mmm. Hey, Ab.
你好 Bennett夫人
Hey, Mrs. Bennett.
你好啊亲爱的
Hey, darlin'.
我给你的房♥车带了点东西
I got you a little something for your trailer.
庆祝你再次入住之喜
Kind of a re-housewarming gift.
噢
Oh.
真的吗
Really?
我觉得那把火已经够"喜庆"的了
I think I warmed it up pretty good with that fire.
我明白了开这个玩笑还为时尚早对不起
I got it, it's too soon. I'm sorry.
这小东西难道不贴心吗
Well, isn't that sweet.
又尖又利
And it's sharp and spiky.
我想我会把它放在餐桌上
I think I'll put it on my kitchen table.
你就是喜欢礼物是不是
You just love gifts, don't you?
你什么意思
What're you talking about?
你送我老妈再次入住的礼物
You give my mom a housewarming gift,
你让我送Heather礼物
you tell me to get Heather a gift,
这给我带来了最棒的礼物
which gifted me the greatest gift of all...
一个女朋友
a girlfriend.
啊你真是可爱
Aw, that's cute.
你从初中接她放学的时候
You guys gonna hold hands
有没有和她手牵手啊
when you pick her up from junior high?
我不会和初中生约会的
I ain't dating someone from junior high.
她在开玩笑 Hank
She's kidding, Hank.
我不会对你指手画脚的
I'm not here to judge.
我告诉你我们之间相处的越来越好
I'm telling you, things were going great.
现在她在我手♥机♥通讯录里的名字是"Heather"
Now she's in my phone as "Heather"
还有两个爱心表情
with two heart emojis.
之前我存的是"某Hannah"
She used to be in my phone as "Hannah?"
Colt 你上次
Colt, when is the last time
真真正正谈一段恋爱是什么时候的事了
you were in a real relationship?
啊我和你说
Oh, you know what,
我上一段认真的感情
I was in a serious relationship
是和一个叫Jessie的女孩子在一起
with this girl named Jessie.
噢 - 在我们的一周年纪念日上
Oh. - And on our first anniversary,
她老公抓了我们个现行
her husband walked in on us.
早知道应该在窗外放一双靴子的
Should have left a pair of boots outside the window.
什么
What?