牧场趣事（2016）

The Ranch S01E10

Part 2 June 24, 2021, 11:22 a.m.

你以为我不知道吗
You don't think I know that?
你接下来要告诉我什么
What are you gonna tell me next?
天是蓝的水是湿的
Sky is blue? Water's wet?
接下来你就要说"什么"
Next thing out of your mouth is gonna be "What?"
什么
What?
你就卖♥♥了吧
Look, just make the sale.
回到家把电源打开好好享受家庭生活
Go inside, turn your power on, enjoy your family.
如果这是这辈子最后一个冬天
If this is your last winter on Earth...
你真想没有电视这么干熬着吗
do you want to spend it without television?
我不会卖♥♥的替我跟Charlene问好
I'm not selling. Say hi to Charlene for me.
好吧随你便
Well, suit yourself.
你的门坏了
You know, your gate's busted.
Colt搞坏的
Colt did it.
他回家路上还把你家邮箱给弄坏了
Mmm-hmm. He also clipped your mailbox on the way in.
嘿 Ab
Hey, Ab.
嘿
Hey.
你还有时间给我修车吗
You still got time to take a look at my truck?
当然
Yeah.
那个噪音是什么样的来着
What was that noise it's making, again?
哦对对我记得
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I remember.
我只是想听你
I just wanted to hear you
那拙劣的模仿而已
do that bad impression again.
为什么你就不能模仿一个不混♥蛋♥的家伙
Why don't you do an impression of a guy who's not a jackass
把我的车修好呢
and just fixes my truck?
你最近怎么样
So, what's going on with you?
老爸决定不卖♥♥牛了
Well, Dad decided he didn't want to sell the calves.
为什么
Why?
他要观望等着更好的价格再卖♥♥
Said he wanted to hold out for better prices.
和我小时候上门卖♥♥女童子军饼干那时候
Same thing he used to say when I used to
他对我说的一模一样
bring over the Girl Scout cookies.
好吧咱们看看这皮卡什么情况吧
Well, let's take a look at that truck, huh?
好
Yeah.
看看这钻石哇哦
Look at that rock. Whoo!
我猜Kenny把在万豪赚的钱都花在这上面了
Guess that's what Kenny's Marriott money gets you, huh?
对他去杰瑞德买♥♥的
Yeah, he went to Jared.
那天晚上
You know, about the other night,
并不是我想象的那样
that wasn't how I wanted it to happen.
你是说什么
What's that?
我看着你们俩订婚
Me finding out or you getting proposed to
还是你在饼干桶餐厅里被求婚
at a Cracker Barrel?
其实那挺甜蜜的
It was actually sweet.
他们还给我们20刀餐厅商店的购物券
And they gave us 20 bucks to spend in the general store.
送了我们一大包酸面包卷
We got a big bag of those sour rolls.
棒极了
So good.
无论如何要是让你觉得尴尬了
Anyway, if it was awkward for you...
我对此抱歉
I'm sorry.
为什么会让我尴尬
Why would it be awkward?
反正我觉得怪怪的
Well, it was weird for me.
我是说我没计划要订婚
I mean, I didn't expect to get engaged
尤其是在我的前男友面前
in front of my ex-boyfriend.
尽管我确实梦想过
Although I do have this dream
要当着所有抛弃我的男人的面
that I get married to Channing Tatum
嫁给查宁塔图姆
in front of every guy who ever dumped me.
Kenny是个好男人
Kenny's a good guy.
他很聪明而且工作很好
He's smart, he's got a great job.
我敢肯定他一年能赚40万美元
I'm sure he's got one of them 400k's.
你想说的是养老金计划吧
It's 401k.
那更好了
Even better.
你们在一起挺配的
Look, you guys are great together.
我觉得你们会在盖里森过上很幸福的生活的
I think you'll have a long, happy life here in Garrison.
除非查宁塔图姆出现
Unless Channing Tatum shows up
来拍Colt Bennett的故事
to shoot the Colt Bennett story.
演Rooster会是Peter Dinklage
Peter Dinklage is gonna play Rooster.
哦嘿 Mary
Oh, hey, Mary.
摩托车不错啊
Nice hog.
嘿 Colt 你背着我女儿劈腿吗
Hey, Colt. You cheatin' on my daughter?
那样我就杀了你
'Cause I will murder you.
不不不没有这是Abby
No, no. No, no... No, no. This is, uh, Abby.
她是我前女友我们有时候会出来聚聚
She's my ex-girlfriend. We hang out sometimes.
那听起来更糟了是不
That does not sound better, does it?
嗯哼
Mmm-mmm.
你好我是Mary 很高兴认识你
Hi, I'm Mary. Nice to meet you.
实际上我们以前见过
Actually, we've met.
我当过Heather的历史老师
I was Heather's history teacher.
没错她学的怎么样
Oh, yeah! How'd she do?
至少她不是我教的最差的学生
Well, she wasn't my worst student.
那就行
I'll take it.
该死看看那辆骚气的哈雷摩托
Oh, damn! Look at that Harley.
正想着你能不能再炫酷一点呢
I did not think you could get any more awesome.
如果你能说出三个丹佛野马队员的名字
Hey, if you can name three Denver Broncos,
我就娶你
I'll marry you.
Peyton Manning和CJ Anderson
Peyton Manning, CJ Anderson,
Emmanuel Sanders还有Demaryius Thomas
Emmanuel Sanders, Demaryius Thomas.
人家幸福的快晕过去了
Whoo! I'm gonna pass out.
Rooster 我们能进去吗
Rooster, can we, uh, go inside?
我举双手赞成
You know we can.
对了 Abby 恭喜你订婚了
Oh, Abby, by the way... congrats on that engagement.
我带Colt女朋友的妈妈参加婚礼可以吗
Is it cool if I bring Colt's girlfriend's mom to your wedding?
额可以
Uh, okay.
我有名字你知道的对吧
I have a name, you know?
我知道很抱歉
Yeah, I know. Sorry about that.
只是我这么称呼你 Colt会气得"屎"上加"屎"
It just pisses off Colt a shit-ton more when I do it this way.
所以你收到我短♥信♥了吗
So what's up? Did you get my text?
我的艳照签收了没
My sexy pics come through?
是的 Rooster 我收到你蛋蛋的照片了
Yes, Rooster, I got the picture of your balls.
谢天谢地
Thank God.
我还以为发给手♥机♥上另一个Mary了
I thought I sent it to the other Mary in my phone.
奥尔谷圣心学校的Mary修女
Sister Mary from Immaculate Heart.
够了我们得立法三章
Okay, we need to set a few ground rules here.
第一章就是别给我发你该死的蛋蛋照
Number one being, don't send me pictures of your fucking balls.
是啊众人皆发丁丁照
Yeah, everyone sends dick pics.
唯独Rooster发蛋蛋照
The Rooster sends ball pics.
因为这风趣与性感并存
'Cause it's funny and sexy.
不呃这是愚蠢与恶心并存
No, uh-uh. It's stupid and disgusting.
各抒己见嘛
Agree to disagree.
听着如果你有兴趣并且有能力
Listen, if you think you're interested in and capable
发展一场成熟的恋爱关系
of being in an adult relationship...
我有 - 我猜也是
I do. - Then... Okay.
你说的一本正经但却发蛋蛋的照片给我
You say that, but you texted me a picture of your balls.
确实
I did.
所以你有没有发现
Yeah. Do you... do you see how those
这两件事的矛盾之处
two things might not go together?
并没有
I don't.
不我开玩笑的但我想说
No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. But, you know, I mean...
你现在是要求我改变自我可是
You're asking me to change who I am, you know? It's like...
你和Rooster(公鸡)约会接吻就只能用"喙"
you date the Rooster, you get the beak.
"喙"我可以接受我只是不想要蛋蛋
I'm fine with the beak. I just don't want the balls.
好好想想吧
You think about it.
如果你决定谈一场真正的恋爱
If you decide you want to give this a real shot,
就打电♥话♥给我
you give me a call.
等等你这就走了吗 - 我要上晚班
Wait, you're leaving? - I got the dinner shift.
你大老远来就是为了谈心
You just came over here to talk?
看见没那才是成年人的行为
See, that's what... that's what adults do.
好吧在你走之前你能
All right, well, before you leave, can you, uh...
再说几个野马队员的名字吗
name off a couple more Broncos?
Von Miller
Von Miller...
Brandon McManu
Brandon McManus.
我的天呐你连踢球手都知道
Oh, my God. You know the kicker!
*与其送我玫瑰不如给我大♥麻♥*
*Give me weed instead of roses*
*少拿什么红酒换成威士忌吧*
*Bring me whiskey instead of wine*