牧场趣事（2016）

The Ranch S01E15

Part 1 June 24, 2021, 11:23 a.m.

哇哦
Ooh!
你是要去面试教堂还是参加葬礼
You got an interview, church or a funeral?
我要试着在Abby上班前拦住她
I'm trying to catch Abby before she goes to work,
邀她和我首次正式约会
ask her on our first official date.
嗯看来是个"葬礼"
Mmm. I'm gonna file that under "Funeral."
为了臀型好看我还穿了道克斯的裤子
I'm even wearing the Dockers that make my butt look good.
也没准是我的臀型显得道克斯的裤子好看
Either that or my butt makes these Dockers look good.
就像是先有鸡还是先有蛋那码子事
Kind of a chicken or egg thing. - Mmm-hmm.
前提是鸡有性感的屁♥股♥
If the chicken has a hot ass.
而且我还穿了幸运衬衫
Plus, I'm wearing my lucky shirt.
为什么是这件
Why is that your lucky shirt?
穿这衣服那天我就进了水牛城比尔队的小组训练了
Wearing this the day I made the Buffalo Bills practice squad.
第二天你就被裁了
You were cut the next day.
第二天我没穿这件衬衫
I wasn't wearing the shirt the next day.
我还穿这个出席了公共场所酗酒听证会
Also, I wore it during my public intoxication hearing.
你被判有罪
You were found guilty.
我得到了缓刑
I got probation.
这是无罪的美称
It's just a fancy word for innocent.
你干嘛呢
What are you doing?
在网上找公牛的精♥子♥
Checking out a website for bull semen.
你不该干点跟工作有关的事吗
Shouldn't you be doing something work-related?
老爸想改善畜群的基因
Dad's looking to improve the genetics of the herd,
所以我得想点办法
so I figured I'd check out other options.
过来看这就像公牛们的约炮神器
Check it out, man. It's like Tinder for bulls.
噢
Ooh!
看那头那头叫Troy的牛
Boy, look at that cowboy, Troy.
是不错可你看看这头大丹尼斯
Yeah, but you got to check out Big Dennis, huh?
该称它为超大丹尼斯才对
We should be calling him "Very Big Dennis."
可你看看Troy这个大阴囊
Yeah, but look at the scrotum on Troy.
哥们丹尼斯的阴囊有这么巨大
Dude, the scrotum on Dennis is massive, man.
想想这玩意儿能造出多少精♥子♥啊
Think about the amount of semen that thing's gonna churn out.
这就是我的电脑老弹出网页的原因吗
This why my computer has so many pop-ups?
老爸你得看看这个
Hey, Dad, you gotta check this out.
是啊没事和儿子们一起看阴囊多好玩啊
Yeah, nothing like checking out scrotums with my sons.
我们在找新的公牛精♥子♥供应商
We're looking at a new supplier for bull semen.
我会解决这事
I'll take care of that.
对你会解决如果交给我们
Right, you'll do it, because if we do it,
就只会搞砸对吗
we'll just screw it up, right?
等他死了他也会回来缠着我们
When he dies, he's gonna come back from the dead to haunt us.
只为了告诉我们没好好埋他
Just to tell us what a half-ass job we did burying him.
"这能算个坟吗"
"You call that a grave?"
从最好的公牛身上取种
That stuff costs over $200 a shot,
一次就得花二百多
from the bulls with the best genes.
我的种可不放心交给你们
I'm not gonna trust you two with my semen.
拜托老兄
Come on, man.
我没想笑结果你笑了
I wasn't gonna laugh, but then you started laughing!
我没笑 - 你先笑的
I wasn't gonna laugh... - Nah, you started laughing.
你眼角都笑出褶了
No, you had a little crinkle in the corner.
不没有
No. No.
这就是我为什么不交给你们
That's what I'm talking about.
你们连这事都说不出口怎么可能解决
You can't even talk about it, let alone do it.
嗨妈 - 老妈
Hey, Mom. - Mom?
嗨孩子们
Hey, boys.
你在这过夜了
You, uh, spend the night?
对
Yep.
你搬回来了
Uh... you moving back in?
没有我们快离婚了
No. We're getting a divorce.
这到底是不是我的幸运衬衫
I'm starting to think this ain't my lucky shirt.
Colt 你在这干什么
Colt, what are you doing here?
我昨晚没睡好
I couldn't sleep last night.
我一直在想我们说过的那些话
I was... I just kept thinking about what we talked about.
好吧
Okay.
我说过我要证明你对我有多重要
I told you I was gonna prove to you how much you mean to me.
非得在早上六点半
6:30 in the morning?
早上六点半中午下午三点
6:30, noon, 3:00.
竭尽全力
Whatever it takes.
我们不能三点开始吗
We couldn't have started at 3:00?
不能不能等
Nope, this couldn't wait.
你看到的是全新的Colt
You're looking at the new Colt.
一个最终能争取到你的Colt
The Colt that's gonna win you over.
给你你最爱的花
Got you... your favorite flowers.
天哪百合我对百合过敏
Oh, my God, those are lilies. I'm allergic to lilies.
我知道为什么我对百合有印象了
I knew I remembered lilies for a reason.
那就这样吧好嘞
Just... You know what? Okay.
走你
There we go.
现在开始才是全新的Colt
All right, that new Colt starts now.
这么做很贴心谢谢你
That was a very sweet gesture. Thank you.
Abby
Abby...
你是我生命中最美好的部分
you're the best thing in my life.
我知道我没法在一天内就说服你
And I know I'm not gonna win you over in a day,
但我会每天尝试
but I'm gonna try...
直到成功为止
every day until I do.
你说的一切意义重大
Means a lot that you said that.
既然如此 - 等等 Colt 停
Being the case... - Wait. Colt, hold on.
放松如果是求婚的话
Whoa, relax, if I was proposing,
我们会在塔拉迪加穿着奢华的礼服
we'd be in a luxury suite at Talladega.
Abby Gail Phillips
Abby Gail Phillips...
你愿意跟我约会吗
will you go out with me?
等等你以为我的中间名是"Gail"
Wait. Do you think my middle name is "Gail"?
对你妈生气时就这么喊你
Yeah, that's what your Mom called you when she was mad at you.
"Abby Gail 给我进来"
"Abby Gail, get in here."
我的名字是Abigail
My name's Abigail.
正如我说 "Abby Gail"
That's what I said. Abby Gail.
不对就一个词 Abigail
No. It's one word. Abigail.
哈
Huh!
这
That's...
好吧全新的Colt从现在开始
Well, the new Colt starts now.
我很乐意跟你约会
I would love to go on a date with you.
太他妈棒了
Fuck yeah!
但我得走了我要迟到了
But I gotta get going. I'm gonna be late for school.
好吧好吧你去吧
All right. All right, you get going.
准备好享受好东西吧
Get yourself ready for something classy.
希望你喜欢龙虾红龙虾
I hope you like lobster. Red Lobster.
我对甲壳类动物过敏
Allergic to shellfish.
全新的Colt从澳美客牛排馆开始
The new Colt starts at the Outback Steakhouse.
你们还好吗
So, how you boys doing?
老爸不让我们买♥♥精♥子♥
Dad won't let us buy semen.
哇哦我该怎么说
Wow. Where to begin?
公牛精♥子♥ 妈
Bull semen, Ma.
我们想负责今年的畜群受精
We wanna be in charge of inseminating the herd this year,
老爸像个混♥蛋♥一样干预这事
and Dad's being an asshole about it.
不只是给牛授精
It ain't just inseminating the cows.
有一天我们遇见Ed Bishop
We... we run into Ed Bishop the other day...
谈论我们跟诺曼山做交易
and we were talking about doing a deal with Neumann Hill.
爸爸甚至都不听我们的意见
Dad won't even listen to our opinion.
我们提出用太阳能电池板时他也这么干
It's the same thing he was doing when we brought up solar panels.
我们谈到扩大畜群时也是
Same thing when we talked about expanding the herd.
总是这样 - 我们说想在门廊安一个
Same thing. - Same thing when we talked about
扎啤机时也是这样 - 总是这样
doing a kegerator on the porch. - Same thing.
先打住
Well, hang in there.
我用了四十年才知道怎么和他相处
It took me 40 years to figure out how to get along with him.
你快要离婚了
You're getting a divorce.
对就该这么跟他过
Yeah. That's how you get along with him.
你究竟是怎么跟他过日子的
How you getting along with that, anyway?
好吧
All right.
想要打开他的心门很难
It's tough to close that door,
但我相信总有一扇窗会开启
but I'm sure another one will open.
敲敲
Knock, knock.
啊糟糕
Ah, shit.
是Kenny
It's Kenny.