绝望的主妇

Desperate Housewives S04E04

Part 3 Oct. 9, 2021, 7:23 p.m.

我的秃头显然让他很不来电
Apparently,my bald head is a big turnoff for him.
-那你干嘛把假发摘下来? -因为戴着痒
Why'd you take your wig off? it was itchy.
这可就不聪明了
Okay,not smart.
加布我是他老婆
Gaby,i am his wife.
他应该爱我这个人
He's supposed to love me--
不是我的身体是我的灵魂
Not my body,me... my--my soul.
为什么他就不能跟我的灵魂做♥爱♥呢?
Why can't he make love to my soul?
有意思
Interesting.
问你个问题你哪次去酒吧
Question--when was the last time you were in the bar
会听到男人跟他朋友说这样的话
And heard a guy turn to his friend and say,
"快看那个女孩的灵魂?"
"hey,check out the soul on that girl"?
你什么意思?
What are you saying?
我意思是说男人都是看外表的
I'm saying men are visual.
我可有一整柜衣服呢
Hell,i have a whole closet full of costumes.
你得拿出点东西取悦汤姆
You need to give tom something to look at,
来点热辣的比如...
Something spicy,like...
加布我不是红发女郎
Gaby,i'm not a redhead.
但你可以变成是
But you could be,
这就是我要说得第二点
Which brings me to my second point--
男人喜欢新鲜
Men like variety.
今晚你是红发女郎
Tonight you're a redhead.
明晚你是...
Tomorrow... you are...
海格尔性感的挤奶工
Helga,the sexy milkmaid.
或者
Or...
昂贝尔孤单的叛逆女孩
Amber,the lonely runaway.
或者
Or...
杰弗一同工作的好伙伴
Jeff,the friendly guy from work.
干嘛? 我可不知道汤姆的想法
What? I don't know what tom is into.
克劳德你知道我最讨厌你说"嗯"了
Claude,you know I don't like it when you "hmm."
伊迪你什么时候有这个的?
Edie... how long have you had this?
有什么?
Had what?
我什么都没有啊
I don't have anything.
我只是大老远地来做例行检查
I'm just here for my 5,000-mile checkup.
你知道这么多年来
Well,you know that bullet
你一直想要避免被命中的那东西吗?
You've managed to dodge all these years?
哪种?
Which one?
淋病? 湿疣?
The clap? the herp?
梅毒?!
The syph?!
阴蝨?
Crabs?
放松我会给所有床单被子消毒
Relax. I'll boil all the sheets and towels,
然后我们得使用这种特制淋浴露
And then we'll use this special shampoo,
三天之内
And in three days,
隐私部分的嘉年华就会卷铺盖走人了(指病好了)
The crotch carnival packs up and leaves town.
天哪你怎么得上的?
Oh,man. how did this happen?
不要这样看着我怎么得的我知道的一清二楚
Don't give me that look. I know exactly how I got 'em.
我用过波特儿用过的皮革床
I used the tanning bed right after mimsy porter,
那个老太婆
That skank.
闻起来像烧焦的甘草
Ew,it smells like burnt licorice.
进浴室来
Well,come in the bathroom,
我来告诉你怎么用这个
And I'll show you how to use this.
我想我自己能弄清楚
I think I can figure that out.
好的一方面是我们现在关系稳定
You know,the good news is we're in a committed relationship.
否则我们还得丢脸地去通知
Otherwise,we'd have to make that call of shame
每个上过床的人
To everyone we've been with.
你们以前就听我说过
...you've heard me make before,
但是有一些事是我觉得非常非常重要的
But something I feel very,very strongly about.
对我来说这是个简单的等式
For me, it's a very simple formula.
发展带来更多的税收
More development leads to an increased tax base,
而这正是政♥府♥为全国孩子们建立学校的经济基础
Which helps build schools for our children.
孩子们的需求正...
Around the country,the needs of children are being...
你来这做什么?
What are you doing here?
我得和你谈谈
I need to talk to you.
有什么不能在电♥话♥里说?
Can't you just call me?
这些你是不会想在电♥话♥里听到的
This is not something that you wanna hear on the phone.
...这不是随波逐流
...and not follow this trend.
我们只是要将教育放在第一位
And we will put education where it belongs--
你哪儿得来的?
At the top of the list. ew! how did you get those?
你认为呢? 伊迪
How do you think? edie.
你还和伊迪睡?
You are still sleeping with edie?
你不还和维克托一起?
Well,you're still sleeping with victor,aren't you?
如果我不和他一起睡他肯定会发觉不对劲
Yeah,if I didn't,he would think something is going on.
你有什么借口?
What is your excuse for doing it with edie?
她想要而且我是个男人
She wants to, and I'm a guy.
正经点行吗
Ow! this is serious,okay?
如果维克托醒来发现裤子里开了"动物园"(阴蝨)
If victor wakes up with a zoo in his pants,
那我们就完蛋了
There's gonna be hell to pay.
不用你来告诉我如果他发现我们的事
You don't have to tell me. if he finds out about us,
-我才是那个会被处理掉的 -别慌好吗
I'm the one that's gonna wind up in a landfill. okay,just don't panic,okay?
我们去找点药膏或者油膏
We're gonna get the salve or the ointment
不管是什么只要能搞定我们就没事了
Or whatever it is you put down there,and we're gonna be fine.
-完了 -没错
We'r're screwed. yeah.
汤姆? 孩子们都睡着了
Tom? the kids are asleep.
你能不能快点上♥床♥来?
Are you coming to bed anytime soon?
好的我又在回忆
Yeah,i just gotta pick a new running back
我在足球队的那段美好的日子
For my fantasy football team.
那可太糟了
That's too bad.
我想了一个很妙的计划
I had a little fantasy thing planned of my own.
勒奈特...
Whoa. lynette...
现在这里没有勒奈特
Lynette's not here right now.
我是布兰迪放荡的啦啦队长
I'm brandy, the slutty cheerleader.
一切都很浪漫加布
This is all very romantic, gaby,
但是我还有四个建筑预案要看
But I still have four building proposals to read
必须在明早前看完
Before tomorrow.
现在是加布"护士"为您服务
That's nurse gaby to you.
加布护士?
Nurse gaby?
我病了吗
Am I sick?
医生说你需要休息
Well,the doctor says you need to relax,
而我知道怎么让你放松下来
And i know just how to relax you.
这闻起来像是甘香
It smells like licorice.
它混合了36种香精油
It's a blend of 36 essential oils,
茴芹根和茴香
Anise root and fennel.
你喜欢这味道吗
Do you like it?
怎么有点药物的味道
It smells a little medicine-y.
那是茴香
That's the fennel.
有一点刺疼
It's stinging a little.
那正代表紧张...
That's the tension...
正慢慢离开你的身体里
Leaving your body.
真的很痛
It's really stinging.
三到五分钟之后
And we can rinse it off...
就可以把它洗掉了
In three to five minutes.
但是在这之前...
But before we do that...
那是什么玩意儿?
What the hell is that?
对于一个正享受火♥辣♥护士按♥摩♥的人来说
You know,for a guy getting rubbed down by a hot nurse,
-你的问题太多了 -不好意思
You ask a lot of questions. sorry.
别这样弗兰克叔叔
Oh,come on,uncle frank.
如果你不能帮我和这些人交朋友
What's the point of having a gay uncle
要你这个同性恋叔叔干什么?
If you're not gonna help me make friends with these guys?
妈妈说全家都知道你的事情
Uh,mom said that the whole family knew.
好我得挂了爱你
Um,okay. gotta go. love you.
-怎么回事? -我看到拉斐尔在街上瞎跑
What's going on? oh,i found raphael wandering in the street.
我本想把它送回去但是鲍勃和李都不在家
I went to take him back, but bob and lee aren't home,
所以我只好先带它回来
So I'm just gonna give him a little treat
-一会再把它送回到他们的院子里 -等一下
And put him back in their yard. bup,bup,bup! wait a second.
什么? 把它留给我
What? leave him with me.
我正想方设法赢得他们的好感
I need to score some points with those guys,
做救狗英雄正好可以
And being a dog-rescuing hero could be just the ticket.
所以你打算让它待在这直到他们回来?
So what,you're just gonna keep him here until they come back?
-也许更久一点 -多久?
Uh-huh. maybe a little longer. how long?
长到让他们担心
Well,long enough for them to worry.
他们越担心我就越像一个英雄明白?
You know,the more they worry, the more I'm a hero. get it?