牧场趣事（2016）

The Ranch S02E20

Part 2 June 24, 2021, 11:39 a.m.

但事已至此又能怎么办
But it is what it is, huh? What you gonna do?
我走了
All right, I'mma get outta here.
不该喷的
That was a mistake.
你没事吧
So, you all right?
我知道彼得森牧场的事肯定叫人很难受
I know this Peterson ranch thing has gotta hurt.
是啊确实
Yup, it sucks.
这样不如我们出去吃饭吧
Listen, why don't we go to dinner?
<致命捕捞>里的埃迪派艾普乐
Eddie Pineapple from the Deadliest Catch
<致命捕捞>是探索频道制♥作♥的一档纪录捕蟹的真人秀
老Eddie是捕蟹船队其中一名队员
在红龙虾餐厅签名售书
is signing his book at the Red Lobster in Durango.
我不知道也许吧
I don't know, maybe.
你真没事吗
Are you sure you're okay?
我是在等着看你会不会跟我说
Just waiting to see if you're gonna tell me.
说什么
Tell you what?
我妈说你拿下了丹佛那份工作
My mom accidentally told me you got that job in Denver.
该死
Oh, shit.
我之前正打算跟你说的时候
Colt, I was gonna tell you last night,
你♥爸♥来了
but then your dad came out,
而且你说你需要我
and then you said how much you needed me...
所以你才给我大联盟口香糖
That's why you gave me the Big League Chew.
我不要了它被玷污了不知道吗
No, I don't want it, it's tainted. No, actually, you know what?
你配不上里普肯棒球官方发♥售♥的口香糖
You don't deserve the official bubble gum of Ripken Baseball.
你为什么跟我说之前会先跟我妈说呢
Why would you tell my mom before you told me?
你当时很烦心
Colt, you got a lot goin' on.
我很难说出口"我想去丹佛"
It's kinda hard to say, "Hey, I wanna go to Denver."
太好了
Oh, well, that's great.
你已经决定了是吧
So, you just... you already made up your mind, huh?
不还没有我想去吗想去
No, I haven't. Would I like to go? Yes.
我们不能谈谈吗
But can't we talk about it?
行啊谈吧
Okay, yeah, yeah. Let's talk about it.
我先说别去丹佛该你说了
I'll go first. Abby, don't go to Denver. Okay, your turn.
现在这里没工作机会好吗
Colt, there's no jobs here, okay?
等有了我就会搬回来的
As soon as somethin' comes up, I'll move back.
想想看你没买♥♥下彼得森家的牧场
But think about it. You just lost the Peterson ranch.
家里需要两份收入
We need to be a two-income family.
这怎么操作
How's this gonna work?
我们结婚而你去丹佛
What, we're gonna get married and you're gonna go to Denver
我一个人度蜜月去大联盟名人堂吗
while I go on our honeymoon alone to the NFL Hall of Fame?
我往上挂印着我名字的球衣时
You're supposed to be there to cause a distraction
你要去分散别人注意的
while I hang up my jersey!
其实我
Actually, I...
婚礼之前我就要去丹佛了
I gotta go to Denver before we get married.
我星期一开始上班
The job starts on Monday.
什么 - 是的
What? - Yeah.
那太好了
Well, that's just fucking great.
我今天同时失去了牧场和妻子
Today, I lost my ranch and my wife.
天啊你没失去我好吗
Oh, God. You didn't lose me, okay?
我们会结婚的
We're gonna get married.
一切都会好的 - 是吗
Everything is gonna be fine. - Yeah?
你住在开车过去要六个小时的地方我们怎么筹备婚礼
And how are we gonna plan a wedding when you're six hours away?
对了有了我们在快拍上结婚
Oh, shit, I got an idea, let's get married over Snapchat!
是啊那样就可以用猫来做头像
Yeah, yeah, that way we can both have cats for heads!
抱歉我得去处理一下
Sorry, I just have to handle this.
某位议员来支持抗♥议♥铺设管道了
Apparently, some senator showed up to support the pipeline protest.
该死要怎么处理
Oh, shit. Well, how do you handle that?
一直以来都一样
Ah, it's always the same.
我们请他坐下给他看一张图表
We sit him down, pull out a chart
说明铺设管道所带来的经济利益
showing him the economic benefits of the pipeline
远超过对环境造成的有限影响
versus its limited environmental impact.
图表后面再粘一张
And then taped to the back of the chart
给他竞选用的十万美元的支票
is a check to his campaign for $100,000.
妈呀原来我爸是对的
Shit, my dad was right.
这里尽是暗箱操作对吗
The system really is rigged, huh?
你听说过罗斯威尔吗
Hey, you know anything about Roswell?
嘿你怎么还带酒呢这里可是博物馆
Hey, why did you bring whiskey? We are in a museum.
我觉得你已经回答了你自己的问题
Well, I think you just answered your own question.
我的天啊
Oh, my God!
是莫斯的矿物相对硬度数值表
The Mohs scale of relative mineral hardness.
我大学寝室里就有这个
I had this poster in my dorm room.
你寝室里没什么我可是一清二楚
I bet I know what you didn't have in your dorm room.
朋友
Friends.
好好看看什么比钻石更坚硬
Hey, check out what's harder than diamond.
没什么比
Nothing's harder than...
"公鸡的鸡鸡"
"Rooster's penis."
是的
Yep.
他们总把这个擦掉所以我办了通票
They keep erasing it, so I got an annual pass
每周来修整一下
so I can get in here once a week and touch it up.
你居然是博物馆的会员
You're a member of a museum?
拿这个打赌我会输钱的
I would've lost a lot of money on that one.
岩石什么的是挺棒的
Well, you know, rocks are pretty badass.
有意思的是
Fun fact...
之前那辆旧火星探测器用来分♥析♥这块岩石
the old Mars Curiosity rover was analyzing this rock.
结果发现了长石的含量很高
Turns out... had a very high feldspar content.
地球上66%的长石被用于制♥造♥玻璃
And on Earth, 66% of feldspar is consumed in glassmaking.
好吧你这是引用维♥基♥百♥科♥上的话
Okay, you just quoted Wikipedia.
我没有 - 你有
No, I didn't. - Yes, you did.
我知道是因为那页就是我编辑的
I know because I edit that page.
有趣的是所有网状硅酸盐的页面都是我编辑的
Well, fun fact, I edit all of the tectosilicate pages.
我觉得你不懂什么才叫有意思
I don't think you know what a fun fact is.
你是为了取悦我才学这些的吗 - 哦拜托
Did you study to impress me? - Oh, please.
我连上高中时都不学习
I didn't even study to graduate high school.
你高中毕业了吗
Did you graduate high school?
这个不重要
It's not important.
或许我的确做过点研究
All right, yeah, maybe I did a little research.
以前没跟你这种类型的约会过
You know, haven't exactly dated a girl like you before.
我不确定这算不算约会
I'm not sure I'd say we're dating.
不当然不算
Yeah, no, 'course not.
我们这是在干什么 - 我不知道
What are we doin'? - I don't know.
我是说我们在一起挺开心的
I mean, we have fun
虽然我们没什么共同点
even though we don't have a lot in common.
你是个土里土气的牧场主
I mean, you're a redneck rancher
而我是个傻里傻气的地质学家
and I'm a nerdy geologist.
听着是部很特别很棒的黄♥片♥啊
That sounds like a very specific and awesome porn.
看到没
See,
一般要是有人这么说我会赏他一记耳光的
normally if someone said that to me, I would slap them.
嘿我就没生气
Hey, I'm not mad at that.
我怎么会不烦你呢
Why do I not hate you?
这个
Well, you know...
25%在于魅力 85%在于胡子
25% charm, 85% beard.
这加起来是110%了
That is 110%.
公鸡就是总能多出来那10%
That's what the Rooster always gives.
我为你骄傲
I'm proud of you, Beau.
你今天看了心脏科医生
You went into a cardiologist's office today,
而且你今天只骂了那个泊车员
and the only person you swore at was a parking attendant.
停车费居然要12美元
$12 to park a car?
咱俩结婚时我穿的礼服也没那么贵
The suit I wore to our wedding cost less than $12.
想吃什么就点什么你应得的
You should order anything you want. You deserve it.
我想吃牛排
Well, I want a steak.
可既然要做血管造影
But when they tell you you're gonna have an angiogram in the morning,
有些事就要重新考虑
you start to rethink a few things.
想吃什么赶紧点
Well, if anything, this is the time to do it.
之后做造影都会清干净的
They're gonna go in there and clean everything out.
就像在洗地毯前往上面洒面包屑
Sort of like spilling crumbs on the carpet before you vacuum.
去它的
Fuck it.
要一块两磅的肋眼牛排
Thirty-two ounce ribeye.
那个心脏科医生的工作要对得起他那份工资
That heart doctor's gonna earn his paycheck.
你听见了吗
You hear that?
是康威特维提的歌♥
Conway Twitty.
记得1974年咱俩去看他演出吗
Remember when we saw him at Red Rocks in '74?
他刚一上台就开始下雨
Yeah, it started raining right after he went on.