牧场趣事（2016）

The Ranch S02E13

Part 2 June 24, 2021, 11:38 a.m.

不杰瑞这是胡扯好吗
No, Jerry, this is bullshit, okay?
是他们让未成年小妞
They sent in a hot, underage chick
来挑逗我买♥♥酒的
to come flirt with me and buy a beer.
这是钓鱼执法 - 我明白
That is classic entrapment. - I get it.
有次我去看费西乐队的演唱会
You know, I went to this Phish concert
有个嬉皮小妞问我有没有迷幻药
and this hippie chick asked me if I had any acid.
于是我拉开腰包
So, I unzipped my fanny pack...
紧接着我就被铐起来了
and the next thing I know is that I'm handcuffed,
脸被摁在地上
face down in the mud.
说起来当你正嗨的时候
Which, you know, when you're high...
这样还挺爽的
feels amazing.
听着这事能打官司或者
Look... can we, like, fight this in court, or...
可以啊
Oh, you could, yeah.
可就算打赢了代价更大
But even if you win, it's gonna cost you even more.
该死的律师啊
Fucking lawyers, huh?
好吧那我停业
All right, fine, I'll shut down.
好的抱歉公鸡
Okay. I'm sorry, Rooster.
是啊 - 是啊
Yeah. - Yeah.
谢谢你能来杰瑞 - 别客气
Thanks, Jerry. Thanks for coming. - You bet.
搞什么汉克
I mean, what the fuck, Hank?
我在胡同里找到的
I found it in the alley.
嘿萨姆
Hey, Sam.
偷偷靠近一个在自己家地界上的人
Sneaking up on a man on his own property
被开枪打很正常
is a good way to get shot.
除非那个人是你
Unless that man is you,
会打偏将近28米
then it's a good way to get missed by 30 yards.
你来干什么博
What you doing here, Beau?
我希望我们俩能谈谈
Well, I was hoping we could talk.
我正希望自己能喝醉了不如两样一起来
Well, I was hoping to get drunk. How 'bout we do both?
柯尔特跟我说了你的状况
Colt told me about your condition.
非常遗憾
Real sorry to hear it.
我的状况
My condition?
你是说我脑子里长瘤却没法手术的事
You're talking about my inoperable brain tumor.
但说"状况"还挺可爱的
But "Condition," That's cute.
天啊我想我找到病因了
Jesus Christ. I think I found the cause.
是啊
Yeah.
现在这就是治疗办法
Well, now this is the treatment.
我看见你建了个熏肉房♥
I see you finally built yourself a smokehouse.
是啊
Yeah.
现在正在熏兔子肉
Smoking some rabbits over mesquite right now.
那么
So...
寒暄完了吗
we done with the fucking small talk?
洛基山天然气公♥司♥今天来找我了
Rocky Mountain Natural Gas came by my place today.
他们想在我家地界上铺管道
They wanna put a pipeline across my land.
一条走你家而不是我家地界的管道
A pipeline across your land and not mine.
这回答了一个很重要的问题
Well, that answers one big question.
根本不存在上帝
There is no fucking God.
为了铺这条管道
In order to put it in,
他们需要在你家地界的东南角开出条路来
they'd have to cut an access road across your southeast corner.
好吧或许上帝真的存在
Well... maybe there is a God.
你也会因此而拿到钱
There's money in it for you too.
那你就可以喝这玩意儿
Maybe then you could buy yourself a seeing eye dog
喝瞎了之后买♥♥条导盲犬
for when this shit makes you go blind.
这对我们两家都有好处
This could be a good deal for both of us.
要是我想烟雾灌肠
If I want smoke blown up my ass,
我就去把屁♥股♥放在那三十只兔子上面
I'll go spread my cheeks over those 30 rabbits in that shed.
凭什么要帮你
Why should I do you any favors?
也许因为我们是邻居
I don't know. Maybe 'cause we're neighbors.
我们是邻居
Oh, we're neighbors, huh?
这我倒是才听说
Well, that's news to me.
我觉得既然是邻居
Seems to me a neighbor would have been there
就该在1994年那场暴风雪压垮我家牲口棚时站出来帮我
when the blizzard of '94 took out my barn.
拜托那牲口棚当时已经破烂不堪了
Please, that barn was a piece of shit.
就算没被暴风雪吹垮
And if the blizzard of '94 didn't get it,
也会被1995年的小风吹垮
it would've come down in the light breeze of '95.
我困难到不得不断电时
Where in the hell were you when I got so hard up
你又在哪
I had to turn my power off?
坐在我灯火通明的客厅里
Sitting in my well-lit living room,
边看<幸运轮盘>
watching Wheel of Fortune
美国智力答题电视节目
边嘲笑你
and laughing at your ass.
埃斯特尔重病时你在哪
Where were you when Estelle got sick?
玛姬离家出走时你在哪
Where were you when Maggie left?
告诉你我没在哪吧
I'll tell you where I wasn't.
我没在我的鹿站里因为你把它推倒了
I wasn't in my damn deer stand 'cause you tore it down.
看吧说来说去还是因为那个鹿站
There it is. It always comes back to that fucking deer stand.
我把它拆了是因为它建在了我家地界上
I tore it down 'cause it was on my property.
这事什么时候才能翻篇
When are you gonna get over that?
等你承认它是建在我家地界上
When you admit that it was on my property!
那你要等到终老了
You're gonna be waiting for the rest of your life for that.
那谢天谢地我活不了多久了
Well, then, thank God I ain't got much time left.
是啊我俩终于有地方意见一致了
Yeah. Finally something we can agree on.
嘿我知道奶酪不入你♥爸♥妈法眼
Oh, hey, I know your, uh, parents are snobby about cheese,
所以我弄来了橙色和黄色的
so I put out the orange and the yellow.
他们不来了
They're not coming.
什么 - 是的
What? - Yeah.
显然是我爸不肯来
Apparently, my dad refused.
他不会在我"放弃人生"时
Says he's not gonna fake being happy
还假装开心
while I "Throw my life away."
该死
Shit.
我还以为过了你♥爸♥烦我
I thought we'd moved past the phase where your dad hates me
进入到了他假装喜欢我的阶段
and moved into the phase where he pretends to like me.
我不想让他假装
I don't want him to fucking pretend,
这真是胡扯
all right? This is bullshit.
他是在保护自己的女儿
Look, he's just being protective of his daughter.
他觉得我是个大学退学
He sees me as the guy who flunked out of college,
荒废橄榄球职业搞大女孩肚子的家伙
threw away his football career, knocked up some girl.
但愿我们的孩子眼光比你好
I hope our daughter has better taste than you.
别替他说话我的眼光很好
Don't defend him, all right? And I have great taste.
看看这些靠枕
Look at these throw pillows.
你才刚碰到所谓
Ab, you're new to this whole
"我爸对我的决定感到失望"这事
"My dad being disappointed with my life decisions" thing.
知道谁的老爸烦我吗
You know who else's dad used to hate me?
你♥爸♥吗 - 对
Yours? - That's right.
但今年
But this year...
我生日时他送了我张贺卡
he got me a card on my birthday.
上面写着 "爱你老爸"
And it said, "Love, Dad."
是寄给我的
And granted, he sent it through the mail
因为他不想当面给我
'cause he didn't wanna hand it to me in person,
但这依然意义重大
but, I mean, still, that's huge.
你老爸爱你
Your dad loves you.
他会回心转意的
He'll come around.
但我老爸可不是个大度的人
Yeah, but my dad doesn't let anything go.
他到现在还叫我"放屁精"
He still calls me "Toots"
因为我小时候有一次
'cause one time, when I was three years old...
在浴缸里放了屁
I farted in the bathtub.
真好笑
That's funny.
抱歉放屁精 - 闭嘴
Oh, I'm sorry... Toots. - Stop.
听着也许不是今天
Look, it might not be today,
不是明天但最终
might not be tomorrow, but eventually,
我们会成为开心的一家人
we're gonna be one big happy family.
我们的袜子会从斗篷上垂下来
We'll have our stockings hanging from the mantle.
查克詹妮斯柯尔特和放屁精
It'll be Chuck, Janice, Colt, Toots.
嘿亲爱的
Hey, babe.
有个穿迷彩装有胡子的人给我带了冰雪皇后
Oh, a bearded man in camo bringing me Dairy Queen.
<单身汉>里的姑娘们不懂什么是浪漫
Those girls on The Bachelor do not know what romance is.
你不等我就自己看了
Wait, did you watch The Bachelor without me?
对啊我以为你不在意凯茜出局了
Yeah. I didn't think you'd mind. Casey didn't get a rose.
凯茜出局了今天真背
Casey's gone? Man, fuck this day!
你跟杰瑞谈得不顺利吗
I'm guessing your meeting with Jerry didn't go well?
不顺利