牧场趣事（2016）

The Ranch S02E14

Part 1 June 24, 2021, 11:38 a.m.

嘿看我把谁忽悠来了
Hey, look who I drug out.
天呀
Oh, shit.
都过了7点了也不是你生日
And it's after 7:00. It's not even your birthday.
今天不是你生日吧
Wait, it's not your birthday, is it?
不是他生日
It's not his birthday.
是吧
Is it?
如果是
If it was my birthday,
我会跟两个儿子一起过吗
do you think I'd be spending it with my sons?
你是要给我们上啤酒
Hey, are you gonna get us a couple beers,
还是要我在点评网再留个差评
or am I gonna have to leave another angry Yelp review?
好啊请出示身份证
Yeah, sure. Need to see your ID, please.
什么 - 不能再被勒令停业了
What? - Dude, can't get shut down again.
我可是你弟弟 - 是啊你肯定会这么说
I'm your brother. - Yeah, that's what you would say.
还有你看起来像未成年女孩麻烦出示身份证
Plus, you look kind of like a young girl. ID, please.
好好看仔细我的中间名
All right. Pay attention to my middle name.
你是器官捐赠人
You're an organ donor?
某个可怜的家伙要用你的脑子
Shit. Some poor asshole's gotta get stuck with your brain?
老爸能看下你的身份证吗
Hey, Dad. Can I see your ID?
去你的
Fuck you.
两瓶啤酒就来
Two beers. Coming up.
六块钱
All right. That'll be six bucks.
六块钱啤酒钱
Six bucks for beer?
过去35年你欠我的食宿费就五万了
You owe me 50 grand for room and board for the last 35 years.
拜托才六块钱你就抱怨
Come on, Dad. You're complaining about six bucks?
你就要因为天然气管道变得有钱了
You're about to have all that pipeline money coming through.
那得等签了合同之后
Not till we sign the papers.
工程师珍下星期来镇上
Engineer Jen is coming back to town next week,
到时候我们会再详细谈谈
so we can talk some more about it.
她来的时候告诉我
Really? Well, you let me know when that is, all right?
我一直很想知道
I've always wanted to know what it's like,
睡个大学毕业生是什么感觉
hooking up with a college graduate.
有一次我跟一个医生搞上了
I mean, there was that one time I hooked up with that doctor.
那是万圣节的服装
That was a Halloween costume.
要这么说我还搞过独角兽后半身呢
By that logic, I hooked up with the back half of a unicorn.
还有你现在跟玛丽在一起
Besides, you're with Mary.
没有那已经是过去时了
Nope. Not no more.
怎么了她跟别人在一起了
What happened? She meet anyone else?
不得不甩了她公鸡要展翅高飞了
Had to cut her loose. Time for this Rooster to fly.
迪亚戈要挣脱锁链了
Time for this Django to be unchained.
你没事吧
You doing all right?
当然没事公鸡恢复单身了
Of course I'm doing all right. Rooster's back on the market.
我今天注册了好几个相亲网站
Today I signed up for Tinder, Bumble and Farmers Only.
看看我的简介照片我
Check out my profile pic. Me...
在湖边没穿上衣
...shirtless at the lake,
就在那些有钱人把我从那艘大船上扔下去之前
right before them rich guys threw me off that big boat.
你好粉♥嫩♥ 就像小猪崽
Your skin's so pink, you look like a little piglet.
我觉得像马屁♥股♥
Yeah, looks like a horse's ass to me.
抱歉我来晚了 - 嘿
Hey. I'm sorry I'm late. - Hey.
老师们开会没完没了的
Oh, teachers' meeting at school took forever.
显然老师们
Apparently, our
选下一个会怀孕的学生是谁
office pool picking which student's gonna get pregnant next
是桩"待发生的法律官司"
is a "Lawsuit waitin' to happen."
纯粹是瞎扯就因为我今年选了凯莉米勒
It's bullshit, too, 'cause I had Kelly Miller this year,
而且她爸刚进了监狱她就铁定会是下一个
and her dad just went to jail. She was a lock.
上啤酒 - 好的
Beer? - Yeah.
要听个搞笑的吗
You guys wanna hear a juicy rumor?
好啊说吧
Oh, yes. Please.
是公鸡自己在家烫头的事吗
Is it that Rooster gives himself perms at home?
那可不是笑话
'Cause that ain't a rumor.
不是但这个不错
No, but that is awesome.
我这头发是上帝的恩赐
God gave me this hair.
第七天他就安息了
And on the seventh day, he rested.
诺伍德高中要关了
Yeah, well, they're shutting down Norwood High.
要跟加里森合并
They're gonna merge with Garrison.
明年的学生数量就翻倍了
We're gonna have double the students next year.
真是遗憾
That's a real shame.
这两所学校之间有很多恩怨呢
There's a lot of history between our schools.
很多人要丢工作了
Yeah, a lot of people are gonna lose their jobs.
他们是诺伍德的老师
I mean, they're Norwood teachers,
所以活该
so they can suck it!
但还是很遗憾
But it is still sad.
失去宿敌的感觉好奇怪
Weird. Losing our arch enemy.
就像柯尔特不会算数了
It's like... Colt losing math.
是啊现在谁是我们的对手
Yeah, who's gonna be our rival now?
我们以前有个对手的
We used to have one rival.
减少一个对手就没有对手了
You subtract one rival, that equals zero rivals.
打脸吧
In your face!
行了我走了
All right, I'm out of here.
跟你们一起喝酒就像
Hanging with you guys is like
看微软全国广播公♥司♥的节目
watching MSNBC.
隔几年我就换到那个频道看看
Every few years, I'll click over to it,
好提醒自己有多讨厌它
just to remind myself how much I hate it.
不是说你亲爱的
Not you, sweetheart.
等等本奈特先生你走之前
Wait, Mr. Bennett, before you leave...
你告诉他们了吗 - 我在等你来
Colt, did you tell 'em yet? - No, I was waiting for you.
我和艾比有事要宣布
All right. Abby and I got some news.
你们6月28号♥那天有什么安排
What are you guys doing on June 28th?
让我查查看我的日历
Well, let me check my calendar.
干牧活
Ranching.
那你选最漂亮的小母牛当你的女伴
Well, you pick your prettiest heifer and make her your plus-one,
因为那天我们俩要举♥行♥婚礼
'cause that's the day we're getting married.
带母牛参加婚礼哈这事我♥干♥过
Oh. Bring a heifer to a wedding, huh? I've been there.
恭喜你们那天就快到了
Congratulations. That's right around the corner.
我想应该赶在艾比清醒过来反悔之前赶紧把婚结了
Yeah, figured I ought to do it soon before Abby came to her senses.
6月28号♥
June 28th?
约翰艾尔韦那天生日 - 可不是嘛
That's John Elway's birthday... - Fuck, yeah, it is!
什么所以你才挑那天的
What? Is that... Is that why you picked that date?
太对了
Fuck, yeah, it is!
乔安妮
Joanne.
嘿博 - 嘿
Hey, Beau. - Hey.
你什么时候从菲尼克斯回来的 - 昨晚
When'd you get back from Phoenix? - Just last night.
谢天谢地那里太压抑了
And thank God. That city's depressing.
好多老年人就坐着等死
Just a lot of old people sitting around, waiting to die.
菲尼克斯啊 - 对
Phoenix, huh? - Yeah.
听着正适合我
Sounds all right to me.
坐吧 - 谢谢
Well, sit. - Thank you.
你女儿怎么样了
How's your daughter doing?
好多了谢谢你两个儿子呢
Much better, thanks. How are your boys?
更差了
Much worse.
抱歉我没能跟你保持联♥系♥
Sorry I've been so bad about keeping in touch.
但过去几个月陪着我女儿真忙坏了
But these last few months with my daughter have been so crazy.
律师戒毒监狱照顾外孙女
The lawyers, the rehab, jail, taking care of my granddaughter...
不用道歉
There's no need to apologize.
我很想留下来聊聊
And, look, I'd... I'd love to stay and chat,
但我得去老乡村店上班了
but I gotta get to the Cracker Barrel.
我已经请病假请了72个班了
I called in sick for my last 72 shifts.
我想店里已经开始怀疑了
I think they're starting to get suspicious.
没事的
That's no problem.
我有天晚上去那儿了
I was there the other night.
要是你碰到那个叫查德的大学生
If you run into a college fella named Chad,
跟他说我还在等我点的那杯冰茶
tell him I'm still waiting for my iced tea.
我们找时间好好叙叙旧
So, we gotta find a time to catch up.
好的
Yeah.
你想来老乡村店吗我5点下班
You wanna come over to the Cracker Barrel? I get off at 5:00.
我们可以坐查德负责的那区不给他小费
We can sit in Chad's section and stiff him.
其实我今晚有约
Actually, I'm going out tonight.
博本奈特有约
Beau Bennett going out.
我不在这段时间你变风趣了
You got funnier since I've been gone.
不是我现在有约会对象了
No, I've been seeing someone.
真的吗
Really?