牧场趣事（2016）

The Ranch S02E14

Part 3 June 24, 2021, 11:38 a.m.

你不用走啊我正打算看<单身汉>
Oh, well. You don't gotta. I was gonna throw on The Bachelor.
我前女友让我看上了瘾
Yeah, my ex got me hooked.
布拉德要跟金姆和萨沙一对二约会
Brad's got a two-on-one date with, uh, Kim and Sasha,
那俩女的都看对方不顺眼
and those chicks fuckin' hate each other.
你是说真的吗
Are... are you serious?
我是表面认真
I'm, like, you know... low-key serious.
我其实不爱看电视 - 是啊
I don't really, like, watch TV. - Yeah.
不我是说
No. Duh. I mean...
在我的笔记本电脑里对
on my laptop. Yeah.
不我刚刚是说来嘲讽的
No, I just got that thing here, uh, ironically.
那你周五想干点什么吗
So, you wanna do something on Friday?
我打算跟朋友们聚聚
I'm supposed to hang out with my friends.
好极了带他们来这儿
Cool. Yeah, just bring 'em on over here.
那太好了
That'd be perf.
也许我们可以去你的湖边小屋
Maybe we can go to your lake house?
是啊那本来是挺好的
Yeah, man, that would be perf.
我想你还没听说烧了场大火
Guess you didn't hear, though. Massive fire.
很不幸
Yeah, sucks.
把我简介里写的东西差不多都烧没了
Pretty much burned up everything in my profile.
真的吗
Really?
真的
Oh, yeah, yeah.
房♥子兰博基尼
The house, Lamborghini...
养的那几只老虎也没能幸免
Shit. Fuckin' tigers barely got out, you know?
把目标想成是你讨厌的东西
Imagine your target is something you hate.
金正恩
Kim Jong Un.
弗拉基米尔管他中间名是啥普♥京♥
Vladimir, whatever his fuckin' middle name is, Putin.
百威柠檬
Bud Light Lime.
好吧小心点
All right, be careful.
枪就像我的孩子一直都上着膛
Guns are like my kids. Always assume they're loaded.
至少你的孩子们不是致命武器
Well, at least your kids aren't lethal weapons.
他俩可是要了我的命
Well, they're fuckin' killing me.
放松
Just relax.
瞄准目标
Settle on the target.
瞄准目标慢慢地别扣扳机
Squeeze real slow. Don't pull it.
行了让我开枪就是了
Yeah, yeah. Just let me blow some shit up.
好棒
Yes!
行了
All right, that's it.
我再也不当民♥主♥党了
I'm no longer a Democrat.
你有多少子弹
How much ammo do you have?
这个问题的答案会让人不快
I've learned answering that question makes people uncomfortable.
我有话要说
Hey, I've got something to talk about.
如果是说我拿着这枪有多帅气
Well, if it's how good I look with this gun,
你就不用说了
you don't have to tell me.
我朋友乔安妮回来了
My friend Joanne's back in town.
我们明晚要一起吃晚饭
We're gonna have dinner tomorrow night.
好的
Okay.
好
Ah, yes!
看平价发廊的那帮混♥蛋♥
Let's see those Supercuts assholes
还敢从我店里抢客人
steal a customer from me now.
我只是想告诉你乔安妮的事
I just wanted to tell you about Joanne
免得你从别人那儿知道心生误会
so you didn't hear from somebody else, get the wrong idea.
有什么好误会的
Well, what idea would that be?
之前我跟乔安妮约会过几次
Well... Joanne and I spent some time together a little while back.
你是想说我不是
Are you trying to tell me that I'm not
你的第一个女人
the first woman that you spent time with?
因为我知道你俩儿子是怎么来的
'Cause I do know how those kids of yours came to be.
我跟乔安妮并没发展到那一步
It never got that serious with Joanne.
而且我还把你的事告诉了她
Besides, I told her about you.
你是我所认识的最可敬的人
Beau, you're the most honorable person I know.
要是你说没什么好担心的
If you say there's nothing to worry about,
那我就不会担心
then I'm not worried.
我说这话可不是因为我手里拿着枪
And I'm not just saying this 'cause I'm holding this gun.
非常感激你能理解
I appreciate your understanding.
嘿你还有更大的枪吗
Hey, you got any bigger guns?
这个问题的答案会令人不快
I've learned that the answer to that question makes people uncomfortable.
好吧别着急下定论好吗
Okay, keep an open mind. Right?
我知道现在看起来没什么
I know it doesn't look like much now,
但你得发挥想象力
but you just have to use your imagination.
我们会在这里的爱心桌边互喂蛋糕
We'll be feeding each other cake at the sweetheart table over here.
公鸡会在那边撩伴娘未果
And Rooster will be unsuccessfully hitting on bridesmaids over there.
还有那边和那边
And over there. And over there.
汉克你怎么来这儿了
Hank? What are you doing here?
怎么了我有权去别家酒吧
What? I can go other places.
看啊汉克在这儿有家的感觉
Look, Hank's here. Feels like home.
是啊
Yeah.
说不上来我
I don't know, I... I was just...
之前想象的比这里更宽敞
picturing something bigger, you know?
更特别
Something a little more unique.
我们是不会在塔拉迪加赛道办婚礼的
We are not getting married at Talladega Speedway.
这种态度当然不可能了
Not with that attitude.
我没少做研究
Look, I have done a lot of research, all right?
下一个更大的地方是大章克申历史博物馆
And the next bigger place is Grand Junction History Museum.
我可不想你第一次去博物馆
I'm not having the first time you go to a museum
就是我们结婚那天
be at our wedding.
这地方不行
It's just... this place ain't gonna work.
我家亲戚很多
I mean, I got a big family.
还有很多朋友那天还是某人的生日
And lots of friends. It's also somebody's birthday.
约翰艾尔韦是不会来我们的婚礼的
John Elway is not coming to our wedding.
这种态度当然不可能
Not with that attitude.
柯尔特听着场地越大花销就越大
Colt, look. Bigger means more expensive.
这只是我们人生中的一天
And it's just one day of our life.
不如把钱省下来买♥♥更重要的东西
Why don't we save that money for something more important,
比如房♥子或是彼得森家的牧场
like a house, or... the Peterson Ranch.
或是几辆摩托艇
Or a couple of sweet-ass Jet Skis.
摩托艇要去登记
They're gonna be on the registry.
有了登记信息约翰艾尔韦就会出席了
John Elway can do with that information what he will.
我只是
I just...
我觉得不该在这儿办
I don't know, it's just... It doesn't feel like the place.
甚至都没地方给乐队
There ain't even room for a band.
我们不请乐队请DJ
No, we're not doing a band, we're getting a DJ.
DJ吗 - 嗯
A DJ? - Yeah.
你担心钱的事可你还想花钱请一个
Okay, you're worried about money, but you wanna pay some guy
只要按iPod上播放键的人
to press play on an iPod?
你不想请DJ
Okay, you don't want a DJ?
那就请你表弟的乐队
We'll hire your cousin's band
等他们用勺子和洗衣板演奏林纳史金纳时
and we can have our first dance while they play Lynyrd Skynyrd
我们就可以跳第一支舞了
on the spoons and a washboard.
不管我们请不请他们
Okay. Well, whether we hire 'em or not,
他们都要在婚礼上演奏
they're gonna play at the wedding.
我就没权做主了吗
Do I not get to make any decisions here?
抱歉
Look, I'm sorry.
是你要在今年夏天就办婚礼的
You're the one who wants to get married this summer.
这就需要把这些筹备好
And having most of this figured out is a way to do that.
我不想要肯尼的婚礼
Well, I don't want Kenny's fucking wedding.
不是肯尼的婚礼是我想要的东西
It's not Kenny's wedding. It's just stuff I know I want.
那我想要的呢
Well, what about what I want?
你有很多东西可以选
You can choose a lot of things.
那燕尾服呢
Like, what about the tuxedos?
迷彩色的
Oh. Uh, camo.
不那太荒诞了 - 才不呢
No, that is ridiculous! - No!
荒诞的是在汉克的备胎酒吧办婚礼
What's ridiculous is getting married in Hank's backup bar!
喷我的决定容易
You know, it's really easy to shit on all of my decisions,
但你也拿不出更好的提议
but I don't see you coming up with anything better.
是你不让
You won't let me come up with anything!
我不希望自己的婚礼搞得像是
Because I don't want my wedding to look like
<鸭子王朝>
a fuckin' episode of Duck Dynasty!
我从来就没看懂那个连续剧
I never got that show.
这太棒了
This is great.
是啊你的朋友们都挺酷的
Yeah, yeah. Your friends are cool.
对他们都是贱♥人♥ 我爱他们
Yeah, they're all bitches. I love them.