牧场趣事（2016）

The Ranch S02E16

Part 2 June 24, 2021, 11:38 a.m.

我去了我爸的办公室
You know, I went to my dad's office,
他让我去代理商那儿上班
he offered me a job at the dealership.
你想去吗
Is it something you wanna do?
我想当老师
Well, what I wanna do is be a teacher.
但去代理商那儿上班收入稳定
But it would be a steady income,
可以帮我们筹办婚礼
and it could help pay for the wedding.
能缓解点压力
It would relieve some of this stress.
还有我穿约翰迪尔公♥司♥的绿制♥服♥特别好看
Plus, I look fucking great in John Deere green.
好吧那这事怎么办
Okay. So, like, how would this work?
学校那边还要几个月才结束
There's still a couple months left in the school year, right?
我其实不知道
I mean, I honestly don't know
因为我一直都上暑期班
'cause I was always in summer school.
我不知道
Well... I don't know.
我想去干几个周末试试
I thought I'd try it out for a couple weekends,
如果喜欢我就从夏天开始上班
and if I like it, then I'd start in the summer.
等到了秋天我要么升了经理
By fall, I'll either be a manager
要么被麦秆压捆机压断了胳膊
or lose my arm in a hay baler.
不管哪样都有可观的医疗保险
Either way, I'll have great medical.
那你的意见呢
So, what do you think?
首先我觉得你身上有个钩子还挺性感的
First of all, I think you'd look hot with a hook.
但知道吗如果你是真心想去
But, you know what? If this is something you wanna do,
我百分百地支持你
I'm a 100% behind you.
告诉你一件事
I tell you one thing.
要是我去那儿买♥♥东西看见你
If I came in there to buy somethin', I saw you there?
我就不管不顾往死里花钱
I'd spend a lot more than I could afford
好取悦你
just to impress you.
我才明白美国的问题出在哪儿
Holy shit, I think I just figured out what's wrong with America.
嘿弟弟
Hey, bro.
猜猜昨晚谁跟工程师珍上♥床♥了
Guess who hooked up with Engineer Jen last night?
去你的
Fuck you.
老弟我说真的
Dude, I am serious.
我们俩走的莱昂纳尔·里奇风
We did it Lionel Richie-style.
整晚都是
All night long.
行
Okay.
我跟丹妮卡·帕特里克
Well, I hooked up with, uh, Danica Patrick
在她的狗爹车引擎盖上做过所以
on the hood of her GoDaddy car, so...
不蠢货我没在开玩笑 - 对我也没有
No, dummy. I'm not kidding. - Yeah, neither am I.
你是随便说说的吧我可不是
Wait, are you kidding? 'Cause I'm really not kidding.
我说的是真的 - 我也是
Oh, I'm telling the truth. - So am I.
你睡了工程师珍
Okay, so you hooked up with Engineer Jen,
我睡了纳斯卡车手丹妮卡·帕特里克
and I hooked up with NASCAR driver Danica Patrick.
你这么说我就又不信你了
See, when you say it like that, I go back to not believing you.
嘿我们得把这些比基尼海报拿下来
Hey, we have to take down these bikini posters.
什么开什么玩笑老妈
What, are you kidding, Mom?
那可是穿着星条旗比基尼的美女
That's a beautiful woman wearing a stars and stripes bikini.
那不是海报是美国
That's not a poster, that's America!
把它拿下来就是对国旗的不敬
You take that down, you're desecrating the flag.
可以肯定她把它做成丁字裤时就已经是对国旗不敬了
Pretty sure she desecrated it when she made it into a thong.
妮基你觉得这张海报怎么样
Nikki, what do you think of this?
我会宣誓效忠她的屁♥股♥
I'd pledge allegiance to that ass.
我就是为了她把自己的胸罩给烧了
This is who I burned my bra for.
你把烟掉自己胸上了
Did... did you drop a cigarette down your top?
我也干过这事
Cause I've done that before.
有人因为外表就红了
It's sad how some people make it through this world
真是悲哀
just on their looks.
我之前在翻那些书
Hey, I was going through the books and,
发现了这个提示贴
well, I found this reminder,
"给金发红胸罩笑声烦人的打电♥话♥"
"Call Blonde Hair, Red Bra, Annoying Laugh."
对了我把笑声烦人的那个给忘了
Oh, yeah! I forgot about Annoying Laugh.
她挺火♥辣♥的
Oh, man. She was hot.
但笑起来真够烦人的
Fuckin' annoying laugh, though.
这张纸巾上还写着
Yeah, well, it also says on this napkin
沃尔特·汉森给你修了洗碗机你欠他185美元
that you owe Walt Hansen $185 for fixing the dishwasher.
是啊这个就不用管了
Oh, yeah, you can forget about that.
沃尔特生日那天我送了他两桶扎啤
No, I gave Walt two kegs for his birthday party.
他说就当付了钱了
He called it even.
真的我赚到了
Really, I came out ahead because, you know,
因为我去了他的生日派对喝了至少200美元的啤酒
I went to that party and drank at least 200 bucks worth of beer.
你至少跟他要收据了吧
Did you at least get a receipt?
我拍了他给扎啤桶打♥压♥的照片看起来就像在手♥淫♥
I got a picture of him pumping the keg like he's jerkin off.
嘿布兰达
Hey, Brenda.
嘿博
Hey, Beau.
你怎么来了
Wow, what... what you doing here?
你没事吧 - 我没事
You all right? - Yeah, I'm fine.
你确定
You sure?
我习惯应付眼泪了柯尔特可是我带大的
I'm used to dealing with tears. I raised Colt.
怎么了
What's wrong?
今天是吉姆的忌日
It's the anniversary of Jim's death.
我知道他已经死了好几年了但感觉就像是昨天的事
I know it's been years, but it just feels like yesterday.
当然了很遗憾
'Course. I'm sorry.
没关系我今天一天都这样
It's all right, but I have been like this all day.
给安布尔·马丁烫头给金姆·邓巴挑染时我一直在哭
I cried through Amber Martin's perm and Kim Dunbar's highlights,
有个小男孩第一次来剪头发
a little boy's first haircut.
但他也在哭所以我们俩哭到一块儿了
But he was crying, too, so we got through that one together.
可以理解
Well, that's understandable.
我把以前跟你说的话再说一遍
I'll tell you the same thing I told you back then.
难过是正常的
It's all right to be sad.
想念吉姆是正常的
It's okay to miss Jim.
他那些野马队的比赛门票呢
And what'd he do with his Broncos tickets?
谢谢你安慰我
Oh, thank you for cheering me up.
有你在我真幸运
Mmm. I'm lucky to have you.
你来有什么事
What brings you by?
对了
Oh, right.
我是来跟你说
Well, I stopped by to talk to you about...
给柯尔特买♥♥洗发水
getting some shampoo for Colt.
用得这么快
Wow, so soon?
天哪他会傻乎乎地洗头洗好几次
Good grief, is he one of those idiots that actually rinse and repeats?
给这是他现在用的
Here you go. This is what he uses.
18美元里面都是什么啊
$18? What the hell is in this?
牛油果油柠檬草和乳蓟
Shea butter, lemongrass and milk thistle.
我买♥♥狗用洗发精就行了
I think I'll just pick up some dog shampoo.
那些是什么
What's all that?
我回了趟家拿信
Oh, I just stopped by my house and picked up some mail.
那些是账单吗
Are those bills?
你都不住那里了不用付那些账单
You don't live there anymore, you ain't gotta pay those.
我真怕有天要查你的信用记录
I'm terrified of the day when we have to check your credit score.
行了卖♥♥台拖拉机给我
All right, sell me a tractor.
没心情跟你闹
No, Colt. I'm not in the mood.
什么我不是柯尔特是泰德 - 老天
What? No. I'm not Colt, I'm Ted. - Oh, God.
泰德买♥♥拖拉机的客人
Ted... Tractor Buyer.
看吧所以我们才不在床上玩角色扮演
You see? This is why we don't role play in bed.
上周你还是泰德爱爱
Last week you were Ted Sex Haver.
就像
It's like...
我的天哪
Oh, my God.
怎么了 - 是学生寄来的卡片
What? - Oh, it's just a card from my students.
学生们知道了他们要换学校
They found out that they're changing schools,
而我以后不教他们了
I'm not going with them.
"亲爱的菲利普斯小姐我会想念你的"
"Dear Miss Phillips, I'm gonna miss you."
"菲利普斯小姐你让历史课变得有趣"
"Miss Phillips, you made history fun."
"菲利普斯小姐我明年还要上这门课"
"Miss Phillips, I have to take this class again next year.
"看不到你的胸太没劲了"
"It's gonna suck not getting to look at your boobs."
什么
What the fuck?
是卢卡斯他喜欢求关注
It's just Lucas. He's looking for attention.
那他如愿了
Yeah, well, he got it!
"菲利普斯小姐我非常喜欢你"
"Miss Phillips, I love you so much."
"要是我妈生病时没有你支持我"
"If you weren't there for me when my mom got sick... "
"我不知道自己会做什么"
"I don't know what I would have done."
"是你激励了我"
"You're an inspiration to me."
我没觉得是激励
Yeah, well, I don't feel like an inspiration.
我感觉很失败
I feel like a fucking failure.