牧场趣事（2016）

The Ranch S02E19

Part 1 June 24, 2021, 11:39 a.m.

嘿老妈 - 嘿玛姬
Hey, Mom. - Hey, Maggie.
嘿艾比你♥爸♥没事吧
Hey, Abby. Is your father okay?
现在没事了
Yeah, yeah. No, he had some,
之前他气短胸闷
uh, shortness of breath and chest pain
但现在好些了
but he's doing a lot better now.
挺有意思的
You know, it's funny.
老爸总说我跟柯尔特会害他心跳加速
Dad always says that me and Colt raise his heart rate.
刚才进病房♥时从心跳仪上看还真是
It was actually pretty cool to see it on the screen when we walked in.
柯尔特呢
Where's Colt?
他陪在本奈特先生身边
Oh, he's back with Mr. Bennett.
公鸡调戏护士害我们被赶了出来
Rooster got us kicked out for flirtin' with the nurse.
那不是调戏
I wasn't flirtin'.
你说 "姑娘你肯定是缝线
You said, "Girl, you must be stitches,
因为几天后我想带你出去(拆线)"
'cause I wanna take you out in a couple days."
你们还应付得来吧
You guys doing all right with this?
应该可以我在重填老爸的入院单
I mean, I guess. I'm just redoing Dad's paperwork.
瞧 "社会关系"那栏写着"没有"
Check it out. Under "Social," he wrote "Nope."
"紧急联♥系♥人"那栏写着"我的枪"
And under "Emergency Contact," he wrote "My gun."
"过敏史"那栏写着
Under "Any Allergies," he wrote,
"对愚蠢的问题过敏"
"Yeah, to stupid fucking questions."
本奈特先生你怎么样了
Mr. Bennett, how are you doing?
嘿老爸看到你在皱眉
Hey, Dad. Well, I can see that you're frowning there,
所以我想没什么事了
so I assume everything is gonna be okay.
我叫你谁都别告诉的
I told you not to tell anyone.
是啊干吗要让家人知道
Yeah, why would you want your family to know?
医生怎么说的
What did they say?
说我没事应该出院回家
They said I'm fine and I should go on home.
不对医生说你得去大章克申看心脏科医生
No, they said you need to see a cardiologist in Grand Junction.
你的心电图结果不正常
That your EKG is irregular.
天啊博
Jesus, Beau.
我哪儿都不去我要回家
I'm not going anywhere. I'm going home.
老爸医生说
Dad, the doctor said
你的一条动脉里可能有栓塞
there's a good chance you got a block in one of your arteries.
可能要动手术
You might have to have surgery.
本奈特先生这可不能掉以轻心
Mr. Bennett, that's not something you want to ignore.
好吧看来这个也不用管了
Okay, well, I guess we're gonna ignore that too.
别这样老爸
Come on, Dad.
别担心他车钥匙在我这儿
Don't worry. I got the keys to his truck.
该死他趁着抱我时把钥匙拿走了
Oh, shit. He took them from me when he hugged me.
我就知道那一抱有猫腻
I knew that hug wasn't real.
你疯了吗
Are you insane?
我只是有点胸闷气短而已
I had a little chest pain and a shortness of breath.
我吃鸡蛋加辣酱也会这样
Same thing happens when I put Tabasco on my eggs.
知道你还在鸡蛋上加了什么吗
You know what else you put on your eggs?
半条黄油和一块奶酪
Half a stick of butter and a block of cheese.
所以你才会发心脏病
It's probably why you had a heart attack!
那叫突发心衰
They called it a cardiac episode.
那只是委婉的说法好吗
Yeah. That's just a nice way of saying it, Dad. All right?
我们也是出于同样原因
It's, like, the same reason we call
说裱框店的吉姆和唐是"室友"
Jim and Don down at the framing store "Roommates."
我叔叔皮特在开拖拉机
Yeah, my Uncle Pete was healthy,
突发心脏病前一直挺健康的
until he had his heart attack driving his tractor.
他有处栓塞人称"寡妇制♥造♥者"
You know, he had a blockage they call the "Widow-maker."
他头还没撞到车笛就死了
He was dead before his head hit the horn.
要是在卡♥通♥片里有人开拖拉机撞进牲口棚
You know, in cartoons, when they drive through the barn
墙上都会留下人形的窟窿对吧
and then there's a hole in the shape of the character?
没那回事他的葬礼上都没让来客见着尸体
Well, that didn't happen. It was a closed casket.
老爸别这样
Dad... come on.
这样太傻了吧
Well, this is stupid, all right?
这次你运气好
You walked away from this one,
但下次可能就没这么幸运了
but the next one, you might not be so lucky.
就去医院看看吧
Let's... let's just go to the hospital.
去医院才会死人
Hospitals are where you go to die.
詹姆斯科布切阑尾
When James Cobb went in for his appendix,
结果昏迷了两年
he ended up in a two-year coma.
想象一下你们俩每天来给我读报
Imagine that. You boys coming in to read to me every day...
我却没法叫你们俩闭嘴
me not being able to tell you to shut the fuck up.
好了别这么说行吗
Come on, Dad. Don't talk like that, all right?
你还能喊我俩闭嘴好多年呢
You're going to be able to tell us to shut the fuck up for years to come.
我要睡了
I'm gonna go to bed.
要是我醒来时你们还在
If you all are still here when I wake up,
我就知道自己没上天堂
I'll know I didn't die and go to Heaven.
老爸拜托这可不好笑
Dad. Dad, come on. This ain't funny.
老爸你一定要去看心脏科医生
Dad, you gotta go see the cardiologist!
该死
Fuck!
你老爸能活这么久简直就是奇迹
You know, it's a miracle your father's lasted this long
这么吃牛排喝酒
after all the steak, the whiskey,
盐当菜一样吃
and his insistence that salt is a vegetable.
而且最近某人还害他没少上火
Yeah, plus, certain people have been giving him a lot of stress lately.
"某人"是说谁呢
What do you mean, "Certain people"?
某人背着他去抗♥议♥管道
Someone decided to go behind his back and protest the pipeline...
还来家里跟他吵架
then came over here and picked a fight with him
然后他就心脏病发了
right before he had a heart attack.
行了柯尔特别说了
All right. You know what, Colt? That's enough.
老妈要你那支打人用的勺吗
Mom, you want me to grab your hittin' spoon?
你是说是我害他心脏病发的
Are you saying that I caused his heart attack?
我所做的一切都是为了这个家
'Cause everything I've ever done is in the best interest of this family
但知道你是怎么看的倒也不错
but it's good to know how you really feel.
想知道我到底怎么想吗
Wanna know how I really feel?
你好几年都没管过老爸了
You haven't cared about Dad for years.
你先是离家出走又跟老爸离了婚
First you moved out, then you divorced him,
接着跟某个搞音乐的私奔了还当着老爸的面炫耀
then you ran off with some musician and threw that in his face.
每次跟老爸谈事你都惹他生气
Every time you talk to him, you upset him,
这次居然害得他发了心脏病
and this time you gave him a fuckin' heart attack!
你说真的
Are you serious?
我倒觉得是你想找人撒气
Look, I get that you are trying to find someone to blame,
但你太过头了
but you are way out of line.
是吗 - 柯尔特别说了行吗
Am I? - All right, Colt. Shut up, all right?
听着
Look...
我们应该想办法帮老爸治病对吗
the only thing we should be doing here is looking how to help Dad. All right?
你想帮老爸告诉你
Yeah, you wanna know how to help Dad? I'll tell you how...
医生说老爸的饮食要更健康一些
Now, the doctor said Dad's gotta eat better,
戒酒不能上火好吗
gotta quit drinking, cut down on stress, okay?
我现在就开始
So I'm gonna start by helping right now.
知道我要干什么吗
You know what I'm gonna do?
把所有这些酒
Take all these whiskey bottles right here...
拿到我的小木屋去
I'm gonna bring 'em on down to my cabin.
为了帮老爸
You know, to help Dad.
公鸡说得对
Rooster's right.
他是个酒鬼但他说得对
He's an alcoholic, but he's right.
照顾好你们老爸再见柯尔特
Take care of your father. Goodbye, Colt.
我的意思是我
I mean, I just...
总禁不住去想老爸当时倒地的情景
Look, I can't get the image of Dad going down out of my head.
公鸡就跟树倒下一样
Rooster, it was like a tree falling.
要是我当时没在呢
Like, what if I wasn't with him?
要是我没这么帅呢
What if I wasn't so handsome?
这些事是没有答案的
These things are unanswerable.
他不会有事的要往好处想
Look, man, he's gonna be fine, all right? We just gotta stay positive.
怎么才能让他去医院呢
How are we gonna get him to go to the hospital?
可以趁他睡着时开车把他拉去
Well, we can drive him while he's asleep,
把病房♥布置得跟他的卧室一模一样
and then we could decorate the hospital room to look like his bedroom.
不行
Nah. No, then
他会把医生当成是私闯民宅的开枪打他们
he'll end up just shooting the cardiologist for trespassing.
可以跟他说扫描仪另一边有腰肉牛排
We could tell him there's a porterhouse at the other end of that CAT scan tube.
慢着
Wait a second.
我才想到要买♥♥彼得森家的牧场
I just realized. If we're trying to get the Peterson ranch,
就要在周五前让老爸签名
we gotta get Dad to sign all those papers by Friday.
是啊
Yeah...
我知道我们会让他签的
I know, we will.
要确保周五时他还活着
We just gotta make sure he's still alive on Friday.