牧场趣事（2016）

The Ranch S02E15

Part 3 June 24, 2021, 11:38 a.m.

我也刚分手
Actually just went through a breakup myself.
为什么分手
What ended it?
你用尖东西把她
Did you accidentally set her on something sharp
戳撒气了
and she deflated?
真好笑
Yeah, that's pretty funny.
这里有项特别规定
You know, we're having a special here.
酒水免费但
Drinks are free, but it's
说尖刻的话要付5美元
five bucks every time you say something mean.
很公平
That's fair.
这是10美元
Here's ten bucks.
有没有人跟你说过
Has anyone ever told you...
你像是
you look like the in vitro baby of
理查德西蒙斯和亚特葛芬科的试管婴儿
Richard Simmons and Art Garfunkel?
两位非常成功的人士
Well, two very successful men.
那你是怎么回事
So, what happened with your guy?
我以为跟杰夫进展得很顺利
I thought things were going well with Jeff.
接着他来找我说找到了毕生的真爱
Then he shows up, he tells me he's found the love of his life.
那女的是科罗拉多雪崩冰球队的冰球女郎
She's an ice girl for the Colorado Avalanche.
她其实就是把有沟的铲子
She's basically a shovel with cleavage.
妈呀冰球女郎我有她们的日历
Oh, shit. An ice girl, huh? You know, I got their calendar.
知道她是几月女郎吗
You know what month she is?
我因为一个红发隆胸
I got dumped for a redhead with big, fake boobs
后腰纹着"敲你自己去吧"的女人被甩了
and a tramp stamp that says, "Go puck yourself."
是九月女郎
September.
听着为了钱花得值
Look, for what it's worth,
我跟九月小姐共度了几晚
I've spent a couple a nights with Miss September, and...
你比她好看多了
you're way better looking.
这是我听过的最温馨最恶心的话
That's the sweetest, most disgusting thing anyone has ever said to me.
至少你前任是因为有了别人才甩了你
Hey, at least your ex dumped you for a person.
我就不是了
Mine dumped me for nobody.
是啊这我明白
Yeah, I can see that.
是啊付5美元吧
Yeah, that'll be five bucks.
该死只有张20美元的给
Shit, I only have a 20. Here.
你很烦人胡子很逊
You're annoying, that beard sucks
而且你别再买♥♥盖璞家的童装了
and you should really stop shopping for shirts at the babyGap.
你今天过得如何
So how was your day?
那只牛终于回到妈妈身边了
Well, that calf finally took to her mama.
好极了
Oh, good.
柯尔特因为杏仁牛奶的事
And Colt was so pissed about
非常生气不跟我讲话
his almond milk, he didn't talk to me.
这是最近我最享受的一天
It was the best day I've had for a while.
我在想去参加婚礼的事
Hey, I've been thinking about that wedding.
要是邀请还有效我就跟你一起去
If your offer still stands, I'd like to join you.
这让我非常高兴
That makes me very happy.
顺便说下婚礼是夏威夷主题的
Uh, just so you know, it's Hawaiian-themed.
那对新人想让大家都穿节日衬衫
They want everyone to wear a festive shirt.
我有件新白衬衫
I've got a brand new white shirt
溅上了牛血
that got splattered with cow's blood.
柯尔特搞什么
Colt, what the fuck?
该死
Shit.
你知道雨水会把我的头发弄成什么样
You know what the rain does to my hair!
嘿两位
Hey, guys.
嗨 - 嘿
Hi. - Hey.
我是艾比
I'm Abby.
对了你们俩还没见过
That's right, you two don't know each other.
布兰达这是柯尔特的未婚妻
Brenda, this is Colt's fiancee.
嗨 - 见到你非常高兴
Hi. - It's really nice to meet you.
恭喜你们订婚
Congratulations on the engagement.
要是你们不忙柯尔特正要给我做晚饭
If you two aren't busy, Colt's making me a welcome-home dinner.
希望你们能一起吃
We'd love for you two to join us.
意大利面和橄榄球
Spaghetti and footballs.
是意大利面和肉丸子
It's like, uh, spaghetti and meatballs,
只不过肉丸子是橄榄球形的
except for the meatballs are shaped like footballs.
谢谢你能澄清
Thanks for clarifying.
博的意思是愿意一起吃晚饭
What Beau means to say is yes,
我们很高兴能跟你们一起
we would be delighted to join you.
但除非让我帮忙
But only if I get to help.
嘿什么东西富含蛋白质而且会起死回生
Hey, what's high in protein and comes back from the dead?
我知道你干过什么
I know what you did.
那是博的主意
Well, it was Beau's idea.
她看起来人很好
She seems nice.
是啊
Yeah, she is.
其实我真的非常高兴
Actually, I'm really happy.
但别告诉任何人我这么说了
Although, don't tell anyone I said that.
我要保住名声
I have a reputation to keep.
我会替你保守秘密的
Your secret is safe with me.
非常感谢
I just want you to know that I appreciate you
你让我住在这里本奈特先生
letting me stay here, Mr. Bennett.
只要你需要住多久都行
Whatever you need for as long as you need.
但如果你以为我会让你叫我博那可就错了
But if you expect me to ask you to call me Beau, you're wrong.
我才知道你还有个名字
I didn't even know you had a first name till just now.
我把肉掉地上了我们去吃温蒂吧
I dropped the meat. We're going to Wendy's.
好了各位要关门了
All right, you guys, time to say goodbye.
什么你可没说 "最后招待"
What? You never said, "Last call."
我知道自己的权利
I know my rights.
行了汉克我们回家吧
Come on, Hank. Let's go home,
抽点大♥麻♥ 看微波灭虫器
smoke some dope and watch the bug zapper.
我确实喜欢看虫子被烧死
I do love to watch 'em burn.
谢谢你今晚陪我聊天
Thanks for talking to me tonight.
没我想的那么讨厌
I didn't hate it as much as I thought I would.
妈呀似曾相识
Oh, shit. Deja vu.
第一个跟我上♥床♥的姑娘也说过这话
First girl I ever had sex with said the same thing.
你把自己形容得很屌♥
You know, you portray yourself as this badass,
但其实你是个好人
but you're really a nice guy.
太对了
Damn right.
我就是加里森的瑞恩高斯林
I'm like the Ryan Gosling of Garrison.
你等会儿干什么
What are you doing after this?
打烊回家
Ah, you know, close up, head home.
有时候我会去牧场
Sometimes I swing by the ranch and...
把工具搞乱
leave out some tools,
好让柯尔特早晨被训
so that Colt gets blamed for it in the morning.
想去别的地方再喝点吗
Do you wanna get another drink somewhere?
这里是镇上唯一的酒吧
I mean, you know, it's kinda the only bar in town.
但我朋友沙吉家门廊上有冰箱
Although, my boy Shaggy's got a fridge on his porch.
我们可以去那儿喝
We can swing by there and have a drink.
他会想法子卖♥♥烟花给你
He'll probably try and sell you some fireworks if you're into that, but...
其实我想的是
Actually, I was thinking
我酒店房♥间里有个迷你酒吧
there's a mini bar in my hotel room.
妈呀
Oh, shit.
龙舌兰没了
Uh, there's no tequila
杰夫跟我分手时
because I chugged that
都被我喝光了
when, uh, Jeff broke up with me.
伏特加和三角巧克力也没了
Also, no vodka or Toblerone.
好吧话说清楚
Okay, uh, just to be clear,
你是说想离开这儿去你的酒店
you are saying you wanna get out of here, go to your hotel and
滚床单对吗
hook up, yeah?
我想你的技巧比第一次时好了吧
Well, I'm assuming you got better at it since the first time.
这么说吧
Oh, yeah. I mean,
如果做♥爱♥是奥林匹克运动那我就是
if sex was an Olympic sport, I'd be, like,
侯赛因博尔特
Usain Bolt.
因为你是最快的
Because you'd be the fastest at it?
不因为我是最棒的
No, 'cause I'd be the best at it.
我会慢慢来的
I'd be slow.
或者说正常速度
Or, you know, like, normal speed.
最佳速度
Like, the best speed.
听着我那方面非常棒
Look, I'm fucking great at sex, all right?
等一下
Wait, uh, hold on a second.
哦不是吧你
Oh, no. Did you just...
什么不是我要打烊
What? No! No! I gotta close up the fucking bar.
哦
Oh.