牧场趣事（2016）

The Ranch S02E15

Part 1 June 24, 2021, 11:38 a.m.

你的车在冒烟
Your truck's smoking.
你也是
So are you.
我以为你戒烟了抽烟会害你得癌症的
I thought you quit. You know that shit'll give you cancer.
是啊我那时以为自己还有工作
Yeah, well, I thought I had a job.
最后一天上班结束我正式失业了
I'm officially unemployed as of the last day of school.
真的
You serious?
很遗憾亲爱的
I'm sorry, babe.
而且教师休息室里的甜甜圈
And to top it off, the doughnuts
是不含麦麸的
in the teachers' lounge were gluten-free.
都怪亚当斯太太麸质过敏
Fucking Mrs. Adams and her celiac disease.
他们配不上你
Well, them assholes don't deserve you.
但反正都被开除了
On the plus side, they can't fire you twice,
所以偷点什么
so start stealing shit.
我已经动手了
I'm already on it.
谁想看健康教育视频<你和你的身体>
Who wants to watch the health video Your Body and You?
太棒了我喜欢看
Hell yeah, I love that thing.
我喜欢那个孩子看着那里说
My favorite part's where the kid looks down and he goes,
"这些毛发都是哪儿来的"
"Where did all the hair come from?"
嘿杜兰戈有所学校或许正在招老师
Hey, there's a school in Durango. Might be looking for someone.
有个老师因为跟学生上♥床♥
I saw in the news the teacher got fired
被开除了
for sleeping with a student.
谢天谢地我上学时这事不是违法的
Thank God that wasn't illegal when I was in school.
是违法的只不过你上十年级时已经18岁了
Uh, it was. You were just 18 in the tenth grade.
有大概 30个老师
There's, like, 30 other teachers
在加里森找工作
in Garrison looking for a job.
这不公平我教的是
It's not fair. At least I teach
严肃的科目
something people give a shit about!
不像音乐或是美术
Unlike music or art.
油漏得到处都是
Yeah, you got oil leaking all over the place.
需要新汽缸垫了
You need a new head gasket.
算到我买♥♥不起的东西里就是了
Perfect. Just add it to the shit I can't afford.
房♥租医疗保险我们的婚礼
Like paying rent, buying health insurance, our wedding.
给学校20美元
Anonymously sending 20 bucks to the school
因为偷了这张DVD我于心不安
'cause I feel so guilty about stealing this DVD.
我能把车修好 - 不是车的事柯尔特
I can fix the truck. - It's not about the truck, Colt.
是但这是我可以帮你分担的
Yeah, but it's one thing I can take off your plate.
不会有事的好吗
Look, it's gonna be all right. Okay?
就像当初我被波特兰森林龙队裁掉时一样
It's like the time I got cut from the Portland Forest Dragons.
无意冒犯但把我的工作
Okay, Colt, no offense, but it's not gonna make me feel better
跟你失败的球员生涯相提并论并不会让我好起来
when you compare my job to your failed fucking football career.
好吧
Okay.
有人每次去波特兰的冰雪皇后
Well, someone gets a free small Blizzard
都有免费暴风雪吃
every time he visits the DQ in that town,
所以这也算是失败吧
so I guess I failed.
我就是挺沮丧的抱歉
I'm just frustrated. I'm sorry.
是啊别担心我们会把这个修好的
Yeah, don't worry. We'll fix this.
还有那个
And that.
它好像得了乳♥房♥♥水肿
Yeah, looks like she's got a caked udder.
难怪它的乳♥房♥♥胀这么大
That's why her teats are so engorged.
"大♥乳♥房♥"
"Engorged teats."
出去
Get out.
嘿我得跟你谈谈
Hey, I gotta talk to you about something.
出去
Get out.
艾比失业了
Abby's losing her job.
要关的是加里森不是诺伍德
Turns out they're closing down Garrison, not Norwood.
学校怎么关
How in the hell do you close a school?
就是说啊
That's right.
她要怎么办
What's she gonna do?
我们正在想办法
We're figuring it out.
我在想为了让她省点钱
I was thinking, for her to save some money...
让她搬来一起住怎么样
how'd you feel about her moving into the house?
艾比想怎么样都行
Whatever Abby wants.
她就快是一家人了
I mean, she's family. Almost.
要是不被你搞砸了的话
Assuming you don't fuck it up.
谢谢
Thank you.
我保证这不会影响到你
I promise it won't affect you at all.
规矩就照当初我养那只仓鼠时的来
It'll be the same rules as when I got that hamster.
你不用给她弄东西吃
You don't have to feed her,
你不用跟在她后头打扫卫生
you don't have to clean up after her,
我会仔细给她的身边吸尘的
and I'll be real careful when I'm vacuumin' around her.
嘿男人们 - 嘿
Hey, boys. - Hey.
打扰你们了吗
Oh, am I interrupting?
是的非常感谢
Yeah, you are, and thank you so much.
嘿布兰达 - 嘿柯尔特
Hey, Brenda. - Hey, Colt.
我得让你看看我新买♥♥的东西
I could not wait to show you my new purchase.
既然你教会了我如何用枪
Since you taught me how to shoot,
我就自己买♥♥了一把
I wanted to get one of my own.
是粉色的
It's pink.
依然是把枪
It's still a gun.
我知道我有点矛盾
I know. I'm conflicted.
我觉得挺可爱的
I think it's cute.
要是芭比想杀肯就会用这把枪
It's, like, what Barbie would use if she was gonna murder Ken.
哦
Oh!
猜猜谁是肯?
Guess who's Ken?
听着我还想问你点事
Listen, I, uh... I also wanted to stop by to ask you something.
几星期后我要去特柳瑞德参加婚礼
I gotta go to a wedding in Telluride in a couple of weeks,
我知道你不喜欢见陌生人和旅行
and I know that you hate people, and traveling,
差不多所有事你都不喜欢但你想跟我一起去吗
and, well, just about everything, but would you like to join me?
我对婚礼不大感冒
Uh, I'm not a big fan of weddings.
那天会有包培根的牛排
There'll be bacon-wrapped steak.
再说一次我有点矛盾
Once again, I'm conflicted.
不如你考虑看看
All right, well, why don't you just think about it?
那我们明晚还要去吃晚餐吗
So, we still gonna go out for dinner tomorrow night?
还是我们自己打猎吃
Or we just gonna hunt it down ourselves?
我以前没说过这话但
You know, I've never said this before... but
我觉得你对枪的喜欢有点过了
I think you might like guns too much.
去查理餐厅如何
How about Charlie's?
我觉得查理本人
Oh, Beau, I don't think that Charlie
也没你去他家餐厅的次数多
eats at Charlie's as much as you do.
其实查理去年过世了
Actually, Charlie passed away last year.
葬礼办得很好
Had a beautiful service.
尸体是火化的
They cremated him.
五分熟
Medium-rare.
我们可以去老乡村店吗
Well, we could go to the Cracker Barrel?
坐乔安妮的服务区
We can sit in Joanne's section.
我想可以
Yeah, I suppose we could do that.
只是
It's just that...
说实话她服务得不怎么样
Honestly, she's a really shitty waitress.
不如在这儿吃 - 那太好了
Why don't we just eat here? - That'd be great.
行了 - 谢谢
All right. - Thanks.
要是你想拿枪射东西
And if you're looking for something to shoot...
柯尔特刚买♥♥了些杏仁牛奶
Colt just bought a couple of gallons of almond milk.
太好了是放在冰箱里吗
Great, are they in the fridge?
我说的不是开枪射牛奶
I'm not talking about shooting the almond milk.
好吧回见
Alright. See you...
感觉太棒了
Uh, man, that feels good.
就像是蛋蛋到了佛罗里达
Oh, it's like Florida for my balls.
你好啊珍工程师
What's up, Engineer Jen?
还有对你问题的回答是是的我是一个人
And yes, to answer your question, I am alone.
回答你的问题没门就算那能治愈癌症
To answer your question, no way. Not even if it cured cancer.
我是来告诉你
So, I just came over to let you know
我们要在这一区做勘探
we're gonna be doing some surveying in the area.
所以请别开枪打我的工人们
So, please don't shoot any of my workers.
我为什么
Why would you think
要开枪打你的工人
I would shoot one of your workers?
到处都有警示写着
There are literally signs all over that say,
"闯入者将遭枪击"
"Trespassers will be shot on sight."
是啊那些是我老爸的
Oh, yeah, those are my dad's.
他其实就是叫唤得凶
He's a little more bark than bite.
我其实不必说这个
I've never actually had to say this,